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(First grade)
Rui looked around the playground, and saw that some of his classmates had built some sort of secret base. He wanted to be part of it, so he walked up to them.
“Can I hang out with you guys?” Rui asked his classmates, who looked at him with expressions of disgust.
“Eek, it’s Kamishiro! Everybody, run!”
“Huh—?”
“Yeah, we don’t want your nerd disease, Kamishiro!”
“Yeah, you’re disgusting, Rui!” They all ran away.
“…”
He felt a sharp pain in his chest.
…
(Fourth grade)
Rui desperately ran after his friends, who kept switching lunch tables whenever he showed up.
“Wait!” He cried, as they ran from one table to another once more. “Why are you running to that other table?”
No response.
He decided that he suddenly needed to use the restroom, and while he was there, one of his friends walked in with a sad expression.
“Sorry, Kamishiro, we really are. But we all agreed that it’s more peaceful without you.” With that, his “friend” left the room.
It’s more peaceful without you.
The words played over and over again like a broken record in Rui’s head, and he ran into a stall, slamming the door. Then, he bawled his eyes out.
He felt a sharp pain in his chest.
…
(Sixth grade)
Rui walked along the fitness track during PE, realizing that he had fallen behind his friends. He started to walk faster, trying to reach them. For some reason, they only seemed to get further away.
‘Are they avoiding me?’ Rui suddenly thought. To test his theory, he began running towards them. One of his friends turned his head, and made accidental eye contact with Rui, and both of Rui’s friends started running further.
They were avoiding him. Why were people always running away from him?
Suddenly, Rui felt like he couldn’t breathe, he was out of energy. He took deep breaths, told himself to suck it up, and walked the rest of the track without looking away from the ground.
He felt a sharp pain in his chest.
…
(Summer, post-eighth grade)
Rui slammed his fist down on the ground, and shoved his face into a pillow, sobbing uncontrollably. Why didn’t he see the red flags? All the scars they gave him, all the offensive jokes directed at him, all the times they bullied him to the point of tears—why didn’t he question any of it? And what about those who really cared, like Mizuki and Nene? Why did he push them away? Why did he yell at them? Why didn’t he listen to their warnings?
Now, Rui had nobody.
Involuntary, his long fingernails in desperate need of a trim started dragging against skin, and he felt a satisfying pain. He needed this.
Did he need this?
That night, Rui wept into his mother’s shoulder as she held him in a tight embrace, like she was afraid that he would disappear any second.
He felt a sharp pain in his chest.
…
(Present time: Sophomore year in high school)
Rui choked on sobs, unshed tears threatening to spill as he ran from one building to another. Why did those freshmen invite him to join them at lunch if they were just going to tell him those horrible words again?
“You’re too much. It’s more peaceful without you.”
He still had somewhere to go, someone to talk to. Someone he trusted with his entire being. He wasn’t sure why, but he was certain that this someone would never betray him.
When he saw that familiar blond hair, he increased his speed.
Tsukasa waved at him, and frowned when he noticed Rui’s teary expression.
“Oh, Rui, you’re a mess… what happened?”
Rui tried to get the words out, but only sobs escaped. Tsukasa held his arms out wide.
“Do you need a hug?” He asked. Rui nodded, and fell into Tsukasa’s arms.
As Tsukasa embraced him, Rui began to explain what happened, and Tsukasa still held him, without being disgusted or weirded out by the tears. It was so nice.
It was so comforting to have someone who knows exactly what Rui needs, someone who understands and supports him, someone who he feels safe around.
Rui felt a comforting warmth in his chest. He felt safe. Not everything was lost, he still had Tsukasa.