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The end of season party in Planica was in full swing. Music blasting loud, people yelling and laughing everywhere and so many different smells of food in one place. Eirin was standing beside the Norwegian spot, her eyes wandering around. Her eyes landed on Heidi and Abi who were dancing and laughing, on her coaches, on everyone she was able to clearly spot. Every now and then, her eyes landed on Nika. Nika…Nika who not only dominated the season but also has been dominating Eirin’s head and heart for a while now. And who right now seemed as internally absent as Eirin did; but maybe that was just wishful thinking.
“Are you good over here?”, Anna asked, after she had stepped into Eirin’s field of view. Eirin looked at her, needing a moment to fully come back out of her thoughts. “Yeah, I think I am. Just a little overwhelmed and tired.”, she explained. Anna smiled understandingly and handed her a bottle of water. “Thank you.”, Eirin just muttered, but didn’t open the bottle. “Would it help to leave the party for a moment and go to a quiet place?”, asked Anna and put a hand on her shoulder. Eirin shrugged at first but then nodded. Anna was about to say something more when she got pulled away by some of the other jumpers, leaving Eirin there alone. When Anna tried to escape and come back to Eirin, Eirin just flapped her hand dismissively and tried to make clear that she’d just go alone.
Eirin didn’t realize how much he needed this break from the noise until she was far away enough that the music and everything else was just background humming. She started to walk the path into the forest. Suddenly she was stopped in her tracks by a sob…a sob? With confusion, Eirin tried to make out the origin of the sound. She turned and spotted a figure sitting on a stone with their back to the path. She froze.
“Nika, is that you?”, Eirin asked once the initial shock was gone. The person on the stone turned around and Eirin gasped. It really was her. “Oh Nika. Can I…Do you need a hug?”, Eirin asked and stepped closer. Nika just nodded and almost fell into Eirin’s arms, once she was close enough to where Nika was sitting. Eirin wrapped her arms tightly around Nika and hoped that she wasn’t able to hear her heartbeat, hear what this closeness was doing to her.
After a while Nika was calmer and gestured for Eirin to side down beside her. “Why aren’t you at the party?”, she asked after Eirin sat down. “I was just a bit tired and overwhelmed, so I decided to clear my head. Away from the noise.”, Eirin explained. “Feel you.”, said Nika and sighed heavily. “It’s a lot, isn’t it?”, asked Eirin. “I felt like crying and then just went here. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. See me broken after a season like this.”, explained Nika and just looked ahead.
For some time they just sat in silence. A comfortable silence that felt charged at the same time. “This season has been a lot. Physically, Mentally, everywhere. Especially the Olympics.”, Nika said after a while. Eirin sighed and nodded. “I feel so drained and can’t wait to just rest.”, she added. The silence was back between them and Nika turned to Eirin.
Nika fidgeted with her hands. There was something on her mind for a while now. She didn’t even know exactly when it started. When she started to look at Eirin differently. “It has also been a lot apart from the sport. I’ve realized things and thought about them a lot.”, Nika started to just speak her mind. Eirin listened and immediately understood the feeling. “Do you want to tell me what’s been on your mind?”, she asked.
Nika thought about it for a moment. If she started telling it now, there was no going back. Yes she could only tell Eirin that she wasn’t straight, but telling this was so close to also telling her more. Explaining that Eirin was the reason for her realisation. “So the thoughts about the realisation already started way before this season. I just tried to always push it away, the thoughts and the feelings. But over the last about six months I’ve realized that I can no longer push it away. I can no longer push away that I am not straight. I can no longer ignore that I’ve fallen in love with another woman. And I think I should start telling more people, because right now only the other Nika knows about it.” For a moment Nika stopped and took a deep breath.
Eirin at the same time sat beside Nika with a shocked expression. If Nika is queer too…is there a chance that. No, No it can’t be. But what if?
Nika continued, “But up until now I was scared to tell anyone else. I’m still scared right now. Scared that everything I say right now is going to have a negative impact on how you treat me. I just am not able to hide this any longer. Because honestly, another reason why I was crying is that I somehow couldn’t deal with the fact that I am likely not going to see most of the girls until the new season starts and even less with the fact that I therefore also wouldn’t see the one I love til then too. I should probably get to the point where I tell you who it is. It is you. I don’t know when it all started, but I love you. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way about you and I can totally understand if you want space now and nothing to do with me. I-”
“Oh shut up and kiss me already.”, Eirin blurted out, leaving Nika completely startled. Her brain needing a moment to catch up. “What?”, Nika asked and just stared at Eirin. “I do feel the same and now kiss me, before I kiss you.”, said Eirin and smiled. Nika quickly rose to her feet and stepped in front of Eirin. After a quick look around, making sure that no one was watching, Nika placed her lips on Eirin’s.
The kiss was filled with all the bottled up feelings that now came up and they only ended it when they both ran out of air. Eirin looked at Nika with a smile. “I also don’t know when it started, but I love you. A lot. And I also couldn’t really deal with it. With the idea of not seeing you for a while now.”, she explained and took Nika’s hand. Nika asked, “What do we do about it?”
For a moment there was silence between them. “Let’s figure that out within the next few days and now we just enjoy it. Enjoy knowing that our feelings are mutual.”, said Eirin and kissed Nika. They spent some more time sitting on the stone, holding hands and kissing but ultimately went back to the party, acting like they hadn’t just confessed their love to each other.
Back at the party they quickly parted and Eirin went to Anna who was already looking at her with a questioning look. “Did you?”, she asked quietly as soon as Eirin was right in front of her. Eirin just smiled even wider and nodded. “Seems like it went well.”, said Anna and grinned. “It did.”, said Eirin and looked over to where Nika was standing.
Whatever was going to happen in the future, they both were happy that they had finally talked about what they felt.