Work Text:
Clothes scatter the bedroom floor, along with dishes of untouched food, which had not even been shared a glance at before being pushed away.
The desk which had ones been used daily, now piled with forgotten work. Posted notes with the due dates of months ago plastered on them.
Soft breathing filled the empty space, along with the ticking of an alarm clock. Empty eyes fixed upon it, watching the digital numbers slowly change, minute after minute.
His crumpled body curled in on itself, a blanket hanging over him loosely. A phone lay beside him, unopened, untouched.
The crack in his window allowed a light breeze to sweep through his room. Fleeting across his ashen skin, trailing over his now faded star scattered freckles.
Winters frozen air seeped through his bones, setting amongst his ribs in the hallow gap which had held his heart.
The world had been so quiet, for him it had ended, though time still passed, seasons changed, it was as if he alone was struck in time.
Unchanging, never moving.
It was abrupt, one day his smile brightened the room, laughing with friends, giggling like a little kid.
One day he was alive then the next he was gone.
Shattered, with three simple words.
‘Katsuki is dead.’
***
“Izuku?” His mother slipped through her son’s bedroom door, her pale face lit up with the faint streaks on sunlight which spilled through his closed curtains.
“Izuku baby..” she moved over to him, cautiously stepping over piles of unknown mess. Her once vibrant green eyes, were now dull and weary, uncertainty flickering over her face. “I need you to eat something, please, baby.”
She stroked his face, bitting the inside of her mouth to stop herself from crying.
Tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear she waited for a reply, any sort of sign that he was still in there, somewhere. She waited and waited.
Izuku stayed still, eyes half open, not looking at her.
After what felt like centuries, he rolled over, so his faced the wall.
“Ochaco came round.” His mother whispers, “She told me to tell you that they all miss you, they’ve been trying to call… but you hadn’t answered and.. I..” she stopped, staring at her trembling hands. “Mitsuki… called today as well.” Her words now soft, careful, “she was asking about you.”
His shoulders tensed up, breathing hitching slightly before he muttered “go away.”
“I- okay.. okay.” Standing up slowly, she reached down to pull the blanket around his shoulders where it had slipped off.
Before leaving, she whispered, “I love you baby.”
Picking up some of the untouched food as she left, the soft click of the door echoed in his mind.
Izuku curled up, clutching at his chest, he wrapped his arms around himself. Tears steaming down his face, he couldn’t even hear his mother’s name without breaking down.
He couldn’t even get out of bed, his body had worn down, he had lost everything, his quirk, his hard work, his health, him.
God he had lost him, he had lost him and it was all his fault, all his fault. If he had been quicker, thought faster, worked harder, been better. If he was better maybe he could have saved him .
He was not even a foot away from him, he could have reached out to touch him, pull him back. Izuku’s breathing came in gasps, tugging at his sunken hair. If I’d pulled him back he would be alive, if I hadn’t hesitated.
All my fault.
Closing his eyes only led to memories swarming his vision, dragging his mind down the same foolish path which haunted him every breathing moment.
He was laying in his room, facing an empty wall.. then it would be October again.
The world had became a swarm of oranges and reds. Painting the streets with Izuku’s favourite colour, his colour.
For once the world would be at peace, early mornings with a cold bitter air which clung to your boots. Condensation curling from his mouth like dragons breath.
He had told Izuku to meet him at their street corner, it had been important, crucial he told him something then and there. Of course, Deku had no complaint, grinning at his phone as he wrapped a scarf around his neck, before slipping on his shoes.
His mother would wave goodbye, as if this were any other day, blissfully unaware that this moment, would be the last time she saw her son smile.
Izuku waved his face alight, she told him to be careful, he replied with the same thing he always did:
“Aren’t I always. Love you Mama!”
However, it had been months since October, with winter slowing melting into spring.
Though for Izuku, it had never changed, the world outside was still coated with a painters brush of reds and gold, leaves drifting upon the streets and billboards frozen in place.
No one moved in his world, no one spoke. His phone light up beside him, he ignored it, just like he did every other time. Izuku longer for sleep, nothing, emptiness.
A silence which could deafen out the guilt and numbness which ate away at him every second of every day.
Eternal torment, living made his chest ache, dying tore apart his soul. He would wait, until one day the suffering takes him apart, he would drag himself out of his shell.
Down the bottle.
One gulp. One swig.
The pills would be gone, so would this pain, so would he.
Maybe tomorrow, he’d promise himself. Tomorrow will the day. However, he never moved, because even though every atom of his fibre had already been lost, even though he was no more than a lifeless husk of the boy he once was.
He was still scared, guess that stuck.
Some part of him was terrified, too exhausted to even try.
Though if Katsuki could wonder above the earth and Izuku had to be the one stuck below, he would take that option in less than a heartbeat.
If he were god we would have had it that way, if he were god Katsuki would be alive.
But he wasn’t.
Katsuki was dead.
If I were god.
If only.