Chapter Text
Shouting from the living room shot down my ears as I thudded up the carpeted stairs. God would you stop! I don’t realize that i’m already at the top of the staircase which makes me fumble and smack my knee and elbow on the solid wood floor. A loud bang rang out through the building . Fuck i don’t need more attention in this house! I stumble to my feet, and ignored the now louder yelling coming from downstairs, I make it into my bedroom and slam the door shut.
Fuck me their loud.
I hate this house and everyone in it.You might think i’m a dick for having such opinions about my on family-my own blood- but at the end of the day.
Are you living in this house?
Didn’t think so.
After my thoughts cleared i noticed that my head was still throbbing from where someone had smashed their fist into my cheek. Who?- I don’t fucking know? I don't remember either. Even if i did who says i would tell you? I don’t even know you. Anyhow my face still hurts like shit and there’s nothing I can do about it.
well , theirs not nothing..but..
if i’m being honest i don’t want to overdose on prescriptions again… just yet. Last week opened my eyes a lot-well not opened, quite the opposite actually, but you get where i’m coming from.
“FRANK ANTHONY THOMAS IERO JR GET DOWN HERE NOW!” a voice screeched from downstairs.
Shit.
I swiftly stood up and started slowly making my way downstairs. i knew better then to ignore him. that lead to unnecessary scolding or straight up physical punishment.
reaching the bottom of the staircase i stood starring at the man who called me down trying not to look to afraid. i wouldn’t want him to take advantage of that again. i clenched and unclenched my fists trying desperately to stop them from shaking as the man’s gaze flickered down to me. yes down i’m very aware of how short i am for a 15 year old.
“Frank.” the man said like he was addressing a colleague, not his own ki-…step kid. i would never call this man my real farther.
i nodded in response.
”your going to school tomorrow. your not skipping again.” I froze. School? School?! your joking me?! sending me to the most judgmental place ever! i’m not going! he can’t force me.
”what no!” i yelped, my voice cracking slightly making me look even more pathetic then i would like to admit. “I can’t go back!” I unintentionally raised my voice.
Why did i do that? it’s like i’m asking to be hit. I hate raising my voice as well what’s wrong with me?
“frank don’t start getting attitude with me! your going to school and that’s final. you can’t keep doing online classes, you’ll end up a being more of a failure then your farther!” … my body tensed. my farther used to be very poor before he died 3 years ago. it wasn’t his fault. i know it wasn’t.
i shouldn’t argue. i wish i could but my body wouldn’t let me. it’s like a sick curse that ran through my veins and stopped me from using my clenched fist. I know it’s for the better.
i hate this.
***
my chest felt like it was being torn apart. my heart beat is so fast! i can hear it in my ears! it’s so loud!
i covered my ears with my hands trying to silence the noise of my heartbeat but it wouldn’t stop! why won’t it stop?! it was getting louder and louder! stop!
is this what dying feels like? would i be able to feel myself dying? i’m not dying…right?
There was a sharp pain in my stomach. My head swayed from side to side. Everything was blurry and spinning. I could briefly make out the bathroom floor tiles and the empty pill boxes spread across the floor before i blacked out.
***
You know it’s kind of ironic how quickly someone notices your passed out on the floor of the bathroom covered in your own sweat. I didn’t even get to the part where my heart stopped before paramedics came and burst into my house like a swat team. I’m fine by the way if you cared to ask. I mean my stomach hurts, but i’m ok.
The doctor that came in-doctor toro was it? said i’m going to a asylum for the mentally ill. i’m not mentally ill. i just hate school so much i would rather die then go.
Also, gulping down 30 random pills doesnt mean im insane. well clearly to doctor toro it does. i’m not crazy. i know im not. I’m a bit reliant on drugs and other types of medication, but i don’t need to be in an asylum. this is wrong. other people actually need help im fine.
Aren’t I?