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“Ow! Fuck, ow, ow, I'm going!”
The goose pecks at Tommy's ankles.
Tubbo snickers, trailing behind him. "Man, that thing must hate you."
"Fuck off! OW-! You are absolutely no help," Tommy grouses, hopping from foot to foot in order to avoid his goose's relentless pecking.
Tubbo follows along behind him at a leisurely stride, hands in his pockets. He stares down at the goose with an amused smirk. "I thought these things were supposed to be, like, elegant," Tubbo comments. "Wow. Yeah, I don't envy you."
If looks could kill, Tubbo would be six feet under. As is, Tommy shoots him a withering glare, and continues to hop as if the floor underneath him is made of magma blocks.
"Your goose is a special experience, they say. Romantic, they - ow!” Tommy shouts. He looks down. "I hope you get rotisseried."
For all of Tommy's insults, his goose remains unfazed. If Tommy didn't know better, he'd say the goose was actually pecking harder after each insult.
Tubbo laughs. "They talk about it like your goose is going to - to come down from the heavens and move you along with birdsong."
The goose chooses that moment to honk loudly as it nips at Tommy's heel. Its beady black eyes stare straight up at Tommy, and although it doesn’t really have expressions, Tommy can tell that this goose is filled with nothing more than the purest of malicious intent.
“I’m going!” Tommy repeats, taking another several steps forward. He’s not running from it (yet), but his pace is brisk, and the goose waddles behind him at the same speed. Tommy grimaces.
They make their way along the Prime path, out of L’Manberg and past the Holy Lands, past Purpled’s UFO and Punz’s apiary and all the other buildings that dot the sides of the road. Still, Tommy’s Goose stays behind him, urging him forward to the other end of the server.
“Is it leading us to Eret’s?” Tubbo muses aloud.
“EW!” Tommy exclaims, whipping around to scowl at Tubbo, but his goose pecks him again and he curses loudly, kicking at the bird. It honks and pecks him again. Tommy keeps walking. “I am not - I don’t care what this fucking bird says, I’m not kissing a traitor!”
“Relax,” Tubbo says. “You know what the odds are of your soulmate actually being someone from this server is? It’s probably going to lead you all the way out of here. You know. Logically speaking, I mean. You’re gonna have a lot of walking to do, so-”
“Oh my god, shut up,” Tommy groans, face turning a little pale at the thought of how far he might actually have to walk. Would it be hours? Days? Oh, god, please don’t make him walk that far. “Unless you’re going to walk with me-”
“Of course I’ll walk with you,” Tubbo scoffs. “I’m not leaving you all by yourself to go on a blind date, bossman.”
Tommy relaxes a little, and although his pace slows, his goose doesn’t make any move to keep pecking at his heels. “Right, uh - of course,” he says. “Thanks, Tubbo.”
Tubbo catches up to Tommy’s side, gently bumping his shoulder in the process. “What, you think I’d leave you behind? On your birthday? I’m not an asshole!”
“Wouldn’t leave me on my birthday, no, but you always forget to text me back.”
“I hate you.”
Tommy snorts. “You’re gonna text me to let me know your goose is finally here and I’m gonna leave you on read.”
“You’re awful. Maybe I should leave you alone! After all, you’re a grown man, now!” Tubbo exclaims. “You’ll survive the trek, I know you will.”
Tommy makes a face. “If you leave me at the edge of the server I’m never going to text you again. I’ll block you on Twitter, and I’ll make a call-out post saying you’re a terrible bitch of a friend.”
“Not even going to chase clout with dignity, are you?”
Tommy elbows Tubbo as they approach the Community House, both giggling stupidly to themselves. At first, Tommy thinks his goose is going to turn him towards the Nether portal on his right, but when he starts to take the turn, it honks loudly, scuttling to his right and nipping at his outer ankle.
Tommy yelps. “Hey! What gives?!”
Distantly, he hears another goose honking, and over that, a familiar, dull voice.
“Oh, you’re joking.”
Tommy whips his head around to glare wide-eyed at George, who stands in the open doorway of the Community house, arms crossed, body leaned against the doorframe. A bright white goose sits at his feet, honking with urgency, but George pays it no mind.
“No. No, no, fuck this!” Tommy shrieks. “George? Gogy?!”
George’s nose wrinkles in disgust, and his mouth curls into a sneer. “No, idiot,” he scoffs. “Look up.”
Tommy does. On the roof of the Community House sits… actually, he can’t really make out who it is, since they’re sitting at a weird angle and the sun is right behind them, so they kind of just look like a weird, lumpy shadow. Tommy squints. The hood-and-cape combination looks familiar, at least, and he takes just a little bit too long to place who it is.
“No way,” Tubbo gasps softly beside him. “Holy shit.”
The person on the roof doesn’t speak, but as soon as they start laughing, it clicks. His stomach drops. Tommy could place that stupid, stupid wheeze anywhere.
As soon as Dream manages to get some air in his lungs, that wheeze turns into a full-blown cackle, and he says, “You’re kidding! I didn’t - today’s your birthday? I thought it was next week!”
“I told you,” George calls up at him. “I told you it could be him!”
“Of course today’s my birthday!” Tommy shouts. “I - what - how are you up there when your goose is down here?”
“These things can fly, right?” Tubbo mutters, lifting a shoe to gently poke at Tommy’s goose, which pecks at Tubbo’s shoe in return. “Ow.”
“Yeah! Yeah, so - so why’s yours just leaving you alone?!?”
Dream tilts his head from side to side and swings his legs, which dangle off of the roof’s edge. “Well, I thought it was going to lead me off the server,” he says, gesturing with a waved hand in the direction of the nether portal and spawn. “And obviously, I can’t leave the server unattended, it’s, like, my server.” His voice is smug.
“These geese are stupid. Probably because he’d accepted that his soulmate was going to come looking for him,” George says. He squints at Tommy. “Let me guess, you ended up fighting yours?”
“I did not fight it, I very politely told it that I was going to get ready, and the stupid thing chased me out anyways!”
“That’s not what I remember seeing,” Tubbo mutters.
“Tubbo!”
Dream leans forward while Tubbo keeps snickering. “I can’t believe it’s you,” he comments. “God, that’s actually kind of annoying. But hey, does this mean I can get a - do you have green cards in L’Manberg?”
“Fuck you,” Tommy grouses.
“What about a visa?”
“No! No, no no no, you are not stepping a single foot into L’Manberg!” Tommy insists, shrill. “I don’t care what these geese say. I - OW!” Tommy hops away from his goose, and Dream cackles again.
“Will you two just get on with it?” George says, lifting a hand to stifle a yawn. “I’ve been up since dawn ‘cause Dream wouldn’t leave me alone about his goose.”
“It’s not even noon,” Tubbo says.
“So?” George says. He strolls out from the doorway and looks up to the roof. “Oh my god, get down from there so I can go home.”
Dream groans, loud and exasperated. Perfectly timed, he hops off the roof and waterbucket-clutches on the ground, like the showoff he is. “Fine. Fine, let’s go.”
“What? You’re not leaving!” Tommy says, approaching closer, until Dream’s less than a meter away. “You’ve - you’ve gotta -”
“Gotta what?” Dream says.
“Well they’re not gonna fuckin’ disappear on their own, that’s for sure!” Tommy says, gesturing to their geese. “Look, I really really hate this, but you gotta - you know.”
Dream’s goose has waddled up behind him, peering around his leg with a blank expression mirroring that of the unchanging, scribbled smile on Dream’s mask. His body freezes, hesitating - is he embarrassed?
“I’m not taking off my mask,” he says. “I didn’t think you’d be so eager to kiss me, though. How traditional of you.”
“It’s not like I want to!” Tommy protests. “I just want the fucking goose gone, and then we can pretend this never happened.”
“We met up, it’s fine, they’ll poof eventually, it just, like, takes time. You know, George’s lingered-”
“Don’t talk about my goose, you idiot,” George grumbles.
“Fine, whatever. Anyways. I’ll see you around, Tom- ow!”
Tommy laughs. He hears Tubbo snort and clap a hand over his mouth. Tommy stares down at Dream’s feet, where he’d started to turn around and walk away, but instead of managing to do that, his goose had promptly pecked him in the ankle and waddled around him, preventing his escape route.
Slowly, Dream turns back around to face Tommy. He doesn’t say anything, but his fists are clenched by his side.
Tommy looks at Dream’s hands and grins. “Something wrong, big man? I thought you said the geese would poof eventually.”
“I - they will. Just… not yet.”
“Uh huh. I told you. I toooold you,” Tommy says. “So kiss me, you stupid wanker.”
Dream crosses his arms. “I’m not going to take off my mask,” he repeats.
“Oh, come on,” Tubbo interjects. “You’re not seriously going to stand here all day?”
“If that’s what it takes.”
“Oh my god, you’re such a massive baby,” George says, and rolls his eyes. “Just push it up a little. You already do that to eat.”
“Not around - I’m not doing that!” Dream insists.
“Fine! Fine, what about-” Tommy says, cutting himself off and reaching out to grab Dream’s wrist. Miraculously, Dream doesn’t resist - maybe he’s just too startled by the fact that Tommy would grab him like that, but his head is tilted a little, looking back in George’s direction. It’s just as likely that Tommy caught him off guard.
Tommy pulls Dream’s hand up in the air, leans in, and presses a quick kiss to his knuckles. They’re warm. He drops Dream’s wrist.
“That. Is that - is that good enough?”
Dream’s body stays rigid, hand hanging in the air like someone’s taken a TV remote to him and paused the whole program. He stays eerily still, mask staring straight at Tommy. Then, his head snaps downward, looking towards the geese.
They honk again, and for a moment, Tommy’s afraid it won’t have done anything - but then in an instant, they both poof into clouds of steam.
“Ugh, finally,” George complains. “Are we done, now?”
Dream stays quiet for several long moments. Then, he pulls an ender pearl from his inventory and chucks it over the Community House as hard as he can. He vanishes.
Another beat of silence.
Tommy turns to look over his shoulder and meets Tubbo’s gaze. The both of them laugh for a very, very long time.