Work Text:
“Solo quédate en silencio cinco minutos
Acaríciame un momento, ven junto a mí
[...] Dame tu mano, devuélveme el aire.”
She burst into the bathroom, pushing the door open with a sharp jerk. Her blood was boiling; anger still overwhelmed her. She paced impatiently from one end to the other in a futile attempt to calm down. She hated feeling this way, helpless.
She had failed in the past to look after her staff, she had failed to protect herself, and now she had failed Emma. It didn’t matter how much she wanted to prepare her nurses, or how many signs they hung up around the ER. None of that protected them; nothing offered them true safety. And to top it all off, Gloria spent the budget on sending them donuts for the 4th of July.
After two loops, she stopped halfway down the hall, covered her face with her hands, and stifled a cry of frustration. She leaned her back against the wall and took a deep breath, wondering what else she could have done and how much more she would have liked to do to that patient.
She was so consumed by her rage that she barely noticed when the bathroom door opened. Barely. Even with her jaw clenched, she turned to find McKay standing there.
“Dana!” she exclaimed, took two quick steps, and stopped short halfway there. Things weren't okay between the two of them, but she didn't care about that. No with what happened. “I heard what happened… I… they told me you were here. I just wanted… are you ok?”
Dana didn't answer; she just stared at her, feeling her hands still tremble. There was a magnetic force pulling her closer; she wanted to go to her, she needed to, but her pride still held her back.
“I'm sorry, I know we aren't–” She cut herself off, pressed her lips together, and clasped her hands. “I just needed to know that you were ok. I'll leave you alone.”
But when Cassie put her hand on the doorknob, Dana stopped her.
“Wait…” Her voice sounded rough and curt, still tinged with anger. Cassie turned and could detect a hint of vulnerability in her. Dana hesitated over whether to approach her or not. In the end, she didn’t move, but she didn’t look away either. “Don't go.”
Cassie stayed put and took a step toward the nurse. She kept her hands in her pockets and just watched her. She was exhausted after a shift that had drained her emotionally; after weeks of a tense and uncertain situation with Dana, during which they had both maintained a distance that was barely professional. Her concern for Dana had been genuine when she heard about the hula code, but she didn’t want to play guessing games about what Dana wanted or needed.
“Could you just stay for a while?” She knew it wasn't fair to ask her to do that, but she also knew Cassie was the only one who could calm her down at that moment.
Cassie nodded, her expression softening. Dana sat down on the floor, and Cassie did the same next to her. Minutes passed, and neither of them said a word. Dana was staring blankly at the floor, and Cassie began to wonder if it had been a good idea to stay. She felt uncomfortable and out of place, hypervigilant in case someone else walked through that door.
“I tried…” The silence finally urged her to speak. “I did everything I could, but I couldn't– What else does have to happen until they decide to do something? None of my nurses can feel safe under these conditions. And Emma… It is her first day for God's sake!”
“It wasn't your fault.”
“I left her alone in that room.”
“Gloria will have to listen to you this time.” Cassie knew that no matter what she said, the feeling of guilt would linger for a while anyway. What she didn't want was for Dana to go through the same existential crisis she'd experienced after Doug Driscoll all over again.
“Gloria still believes that she can fix everything with donuts.”
“We'll have to let her know is not like that anymore.”
“Yeah, sure… It won't make any difference.”
“Gloria can't make people less violent, but she can certainly do something to look out for the staff.”
Dana fell silent again. She looked at her hand and rubbed the base of her palm, which was reddish.
“What happened to you?”
“It's nothing,” She moved her hand away and shook her head dismissively. “It was just a bump. Trust me, he got worse.”
“He? Are you saying that you…?” Cassie's eyes widened with a mixture of awe and admiration, “You punched the patient?”
“I had to. He wouldn't let her go.” She looked at her hand again; she knew she hadn't hurt it, she had followed the self-defense lessons to the letter. “Jeez. I just hope I didn't break his nose.” She let out a sigh. The last thing she needed was to be sued by him for assault.
Cassie simply bit her lower lip, suppressing a smile that threatened to appear. She couldn’t help but feel admiration for the woman sitting next to her. And yet, they hadn’t spoken to each other in weeks until that moment. The feeling faded quickly when she remembered the situation they were in, and she looked down, putting some distance between them once again.
“I should go back.”
“Yeah, me too.” Cassie stood up and offered her hand to help her. Dana took it, and as she stood up, their bodies pressed against each other and their eyes met with an intimacy they hadn’t felt in far too many days. Neither of them seemed to want to look away, almost as if they feared that everything would fall apart if they moved even an inch. Dana seemed to lean in, unable to resist any longer the magnetic pull she felt. But Cassie cut her off. “My patients…”
“Yeah…” She glanced down, stepped aside, and shook out her scrubs. She was the first to walk toward the door, and before leaving, she paused and looked back at Cassie over her shoulder. “I know I can't erase what happened… but I've filed for divorce from Benji.”
Dana came out of the bathroom, leaving Cassie staring at the door in astonishment. She wasn't sure if that would change everything that had happened between them, but it was certainly something.