Chapter Text
Athena texts me a few days ago that she wants to help Hen and Chimney tonight. I told her I would come over to help set up after my DP( doctors appointment) . I walked into my doctor's office to get my results from some blood work that I had done. Hi I’m here to see Dr. Lee , Buck said. Okay name, the nurse said. Evan Buckley,Buck said.
The doctor comes to get him, not the nurse that usually comes out. There is a second doctor in the room. Mr Buckley this Dr. Gracie Carmon, she is an oncologist. Is that the doctor for cancer right, Buck asks? Yeah I’m , Dr.Carmon said. Mr Buckley I asked Dr.Carmon to come becauseI noticed abnormalities in your blood. Evan you have Leukemia it’s stage four AML Leukemia , Dr.Lee said. I have cancer. That is why I have been so tired , Buck said. Yes I wish it wasn’t and if you are going to fight we need to start treatment soon, Dr.Carmon said. How long do I have if I don’t want treatment, Buck asks? Six months at most, Dr.Carmon said. When would we start treatment, Buck asks? As soon as possible in the next few days it would be in hospital treatments so you would be in the hospital for a while and we can start next week if that works for you Evan but this is your choice , Dr.Carmon said. I want to fight the cancer, Buck said. Okay I let the hospital know except on Sunday and we will start your treatment the next day if that is okay with you, Dr.Camon said. Okay , Buck said.
He sends Chimney an email that he needs to use his pto that he leaves Sunday and he doesn’t know when he will be back just that he needs some time. Chimney emails him back saying that he put it in and approved it but he wasn’t happy about it because that means he has to get another floater in the station. Buck goes home before going to Athena’s place he grabs his pictures of him and Bobby and everyone he loves. He texts Harry, May, and Ravi to meet him tomorrow.
At Athena's new place getting ready for everyone.
Buck was setting the table and helping Athena cook dinner. When Eddie gets there and starts to get everyone's glasses. Buck looks at them about to tell when Alex gets there. He decides to wait until after dinner. Chimney and Maddie get there first. Then Hen and Karen get there. Dinner starts with a bang. So you fire her while she is in a hospital bed, Athena said. She lied about not being okay, Chimney said. So if I did it you would fire me, Buck asks. In a heart beat, Chimney said. It’s the chain of command , Eddie said. I didn’t want another you guys lost, no one checked, on me when Bobby died, Hen said. Buck heart broke it felt like a bullet went into his heart Hen said that because he was there she just didn’t want him. When Hen went to stand up she fell to the floor. They go to the hospital and he knows it will never matter not while Hen is sick so he keeps it to himself.
The next day, the kids and Ravi come to his house.
I need you to keep what I’m about to tell to yourselves you can tell Athena but no one from the 118 , Buck said to them . Buck what is going on Ravi asks? Buck looks at the floor. Evan, what is wrong, May asks? I have stage four AML Leukemia and I’m going to be in the hospital for a while and if I don’t fight six months at best, Buck said. You have cancer,Harry said. Yeah I have for a while I guess I just thought I was tired the last few months , Buck said. We will be with you every step of the way, Ravi said. Thank you but I want you all to promise me something Buck said. What is it, Harry asks? I want you to go write a story you can’t wait to tell me on the other side if I die, Buck said.
We will but hopefully you are there for the story, May said as her voice broke. I hope so too but if I’m not here is this, Buck said. What is it, Harry asks? My Will leaves everything to you and may and there are trust funds for guys and all the kids. I don't want anything going to my parents or to Maddie and May you and Harry have the right to make medical choices if I no longer can , Buck said. Okay, May and Harry said. So when do you start treatment Ravi asks? Monday I have to be at the hospital on Sunday to get everything set up for the next day, Buck said. We are taking you to the hospital , May said. And we won’t leave your side the whole this is happening Buck you are not alone in this Harry said.
They get pizza and talk and laugh the next day they start getting ready for the next day. Hey May can you promise me something, Buck asks? Sure what is it, May asks? If I die, I want you to take my turn out and turn it into a bear for your wedding and Harry’s wedding, Buck said. Of course I will, May said. The department has a copy of my will that says you are my family and that you get my turn out,Buck said. Okay I’m going to call mom if you want to tell her so she can be there tomorrow if you want , May said. Yeah can you have her come over, Buck asks?
The phone call
Hey mom , May said as her voice was breaking into pieces. May honey what is wrong, Athena asks? I need you to come to Evan's new place, May said. How bad is it, Athena asks. It’s pretty bad but he needs to be the one to tell you he is dying mom , May said.
After the phone calls
Athena leaves the hospital in a rush not telling Hen and Karen bye. Not telling chimney maddie or eddie where she is going. She gets to Buck’s house and sees Harry , May , and Ravi standing there looking at her. She goes into the house and Buck asks her to sit down. Athena I have stage four AML Leukemia. I have six months at best if I don’t fight it butI’m going to fight it, Buck said. Athena wraps him in her arms. I told May that if I die I want her to take my turn out and turn it into a bear for her and Harry to have their weddings,and that I don't want anyone from the 118 to know. Because I don't want this to be another way I’m being selfish and exhausting or for me to get fired in a heart beat for being this sick and not telling anyone , Buck said. What do you mean being selfish and exhausting Buck , Athena asks? That is what Eddie said to me when I sued the department to get my job back, Buck said. You are anything but selfish and exhausting baby. I will not let Chimney fire you for having cancer and I think I’m going to do the bear thing with Bobby’s turn out, Athena said. I miss him, Buck said. I do too, baby, Athena said. Hopefully I don’t see him too soon but if I do tell him that you miss him and love him, Buck said.
The next day
Buck walks into the hospital oncology floor with Athena by his side. May and Harry were holding the bags for him. The nurse smiled at him as he gave her his name and she showed him his room. He is happy he doesn’t have to wear a gown and he can wear his comfy clothes. You should order for this great Italian place near hereIts called Nona Kitchen , the nurse Allison said. Yeah we will think about it, Buck said. He goes and changes into PJ as she gets everything ready. A few minutes later he gets his port and his IV Athena holds his hand as Harry and May get everything set up and Athena puts his picture of Bobby right by his bed. When Athena’s phone rings it's Hen asking if she is coming to the hospital today. Hen I’m busy with my kids today, Athena said as she hung up not wanting to be away from Buck for long.
The next day
Ravi sits with throughout his first chemo session and telling him that May will come for dinner and she would bring Bobby’s chicken broth. Okay, Buck said. Rest Buck you are going to need your strength. Just because you act tough in front of the team doesn’t mean you have now you can be angry about this you get to act however you want because it’s not about them, Ravi said. I really angry about this I wish he was holding me through this and I know I sound like a baby but god damnit I have cancer and I’m so fucking scared , Buck said. I know you are and you know you wish he was here for and so do I because everyone on the team forgets he was like your father and they all made fun of you for grieving the way you did when he said that they would need you , Ravi said. Now I’m leaving you guys in the lurch with me being the hospital , Buck said. No you are not and whoever feels like that can go to hell because no one chose to have cancer.What is happening with Hen that is what she choose not to go to the doctor she choose to keep working when she knew she couldn't? You did not choose this to happen, Ravi said.
There was a knock on the door.
It was Allison coming to get the empty chemo bag and give him some warm saline to help with the chills she knows is coming. He is right Buck you didn’t choose this to happen, Allison said. Hey Ravi can you tell them that I’m okay if they ask, Buck asks? Of course I will, Ravi said. I don’t want them to worry, Buck said. I know Buck, Ravi said. Do you think that he’s mad at me or at them, Buck asks ? I think he is probably mad at Hen and Chimney for acting how they were , Ravi said. I wanted to help Harry be a firefighter to carry on Bobby’s legacy , Buck said. You both carry on his legacy , Ravi said as the chills started so he grabbed a blanket for Buck. I wish I was there with him, Buck said. I know you do Buck , Ravi said. I need you to promise me something if I can’t beat the cancer. I need you to play this at my funeral and don’t let Maddie take over, let May Harry and Athena make the choices because they are my family then. When Maddie stopped being there after Bobby. May and Harry were there for me because we all lost our father and now they are losing their big brother less than a year later please, Buck said. Of course, what is the song, Ravi asks. It’s called Heaven’s Lucky to Have You by Jonathan Lee, Buck said. Okay I will have them play it and I will make sure that May and them plan your funeral when it comes time hopefully it doesn’t but that is not always the reality with cancer , Ravi said. I know you and May are in love with each other so for me stop hiding it , Buck said. That is not fair you can’t say no to a dying man, Ravi said. That's why I said it, Buck said. I will tell her we can’t hide anymore , Ravi said. Go see her. I will be okay by myself until Harry gets here. Athena is going to see Hen. I said if I come up I don’t care if she tells her , Buck said. I will come by tomorrow with May since we have the next two days off, Ravi said. Okay see you later Ravi, Buck said.
At Hen and Karen’s House
Why didn’t you come see me after the day with admitted to the hospital, Hen asks? Because I had to be with my kids Hen ,Athena said with sad eyes. I'm sure May and Harry could have handled it without you for the few days, Hen said. Athena starts to cry knowing she can tell Hen doesn’t mean she wants to because once she says it makes so much more true then it already is. Athena's phone rings with Buck’s name flashing across the screen. Hen looks at the phone as Athena answers it Hen looks angry at Athena.
You need to tell Hen mama, Buck said. But if I tell her it makes it so much more real and I’m not ready for it to be that real baby, Athena said. But it is real mama I just finished my first round of chemo Mama, Buck said. I’m so proud of you baby, Athena said knowing now she has to change her best friend's life again for the second time in a matter of days.
Hen, I was with May,Harry, Ravi, and Buck. Buck found something out the day of the dinner, Athen said. Oh here we go its about Buck here let me call Eddie so I can tell him how my best friend couldn’t be there for me while I was in the hospital because Buck needed attention to be on Him , Hen said. What did you just say Henryettia, Athena asks? As Mara,Denny,and Karen all walk in the house. Buck has cancer Hen so he was going into the hospital because he has stage 4 AML leukemia and he has to have inpatient treatment for that god I should have known after what you said about Buck just losing his captain should’ve told me how you saw Buck and Bobby’s relationship. He was his father in all of that word but blood and now I’m losing my son to cancer not even a year after I lost my husband. I don’t want you anywhere near Buck right now and stay away from me and my kids for a while, Athena said as she walked out the door with Karen, Denny, Mara, and Hen calling after her. Karen looked at Hen like what the hell just happened.
I asked her why she did come see while I was in the hospital and she said she was with Ravi, Harry, May and Buck and I just lost it for a second because she my best friend and she chose Buck over me and now to find out its because he has cancer I feel like a bitch because she called Buck her son and now he is dying and I don’t even know what to say because what he is going thought is much worst then what I’m going though and mine can be stopped with actual physical therapy and strength training and his he has to have chemo for and I think that is what the call she got was about when she was here about, Hen said. Yeah you’re a bitch, Hen you just yelled at a mom losing her son not stepson not just Buck not just the kid Bobby somehow got but her son to cancer, Karen said. I know, how do I fix this? She doesn’t want me anywhere near them, Hen said. Who is Buck Medical proxy, Karen asks? It was Bobby but now I think it is May or Harry because he didn’t trust Maddie to do what he wants , Hen said. I wonder why he doesn’t trust Maddie to make the choice of what happens to him , Karen said. Let's call her , Hen said. Don’t tell her about the cancer because we don’t know if Athena was supposed to tell you about it, Karen said. She his sister Karen, Hen said. Yeah and you just said that May or Harry are his medical proxy and power of attorney if something happens and he can’t make the choices , Karen said. I know , but that is her brother but if he wanted her to know he would have told her and the rest of us , Hen said.
Hen’s phone rings with Buck’s number.
Hey, Hen how are you , Buck asks? Shouldn’t I be asking you that, Hen asks? I take it mama told you about the cancer, Buck said. Yeah she did I’m so sorry Buck I made that whole speech about no one being there when I know that you were I just mostly wanted Chimney and I’m so sorry, Hen said. I know you did Hen and I’m going to be a horrible person when I say this but right now I wish it was Chimney who died because I could use Bobby right now Hen, Buck said. I wish he was there with you to hold your hand because then I would know that you are safe, I know nothing I can say will make you feel better but I hope you get better, Hen said. Hen it is leukemia the chances are pretty silm already but with it already being stage four the chances are worse than if it was any other stage and I have made my peace with that if I live great but if I don’t I know where I’m going Hen , Buck said. I know I’m just not ready to let go just yet Buck.You are the last we have of Bobby. I know your Dad would welcome you with open arms , Hen said. I love you Hen, I know it will be hard not to tell any one but please don’t tell I don’t want to be a burden to anyone I have Harry, May , Ravi and Athena, I don’t want anyone to come that doesn’t really want to be here, Buck said You Evan Buckely are not a burden to me and don’t let anyone ever tell you differently I want to see you if that is okay, Hen said. Hen I don't want you to feel like you have to come and see me , Buck said. I don’t feel like I have to see you. I want to see you Buck, I love you bubba it's not fair that this is happening to you, Hen said. I love you too Hen, I wish I would’ve told you sooner than this , Buck said. It's not your fault okay, what I said that night was unfair to you because this last year you have gone through hell , Hen said. Hen you don’t have to apologize, Buck said. Yes,I do because you lost your father, I said you only lost your captain and that is not fair to you or him, Hen said. Hen I’m really tired can I call you tomorrow, Buck asks Of course Buck you rest, Hen said
Hen looks at Karen
We are going to lose him Karen, Hen said. I know , baby and wish we weren’t, Karen said. How sick is Uncle Buck , Mara asks? He is really, baby, Hen said. Sick like you,Denny asks? No guys Buck has cancer, Karen said. But you guys can’t tell anyone because we don’t want him to be upset and he doesn’t really want people to know, Hen said. So can we talk about it with uncle Chimney and them, Denny asks? No ,Sweetie, they don’t know the only people that know are us and Auntie Athena, May , Harry , and Ravi, Hen said. So Auntie Maddie, Uncle Chimney and Uncle Eddie don't know that uncle Buck is sick , Mara said. No they don’t baby, Karen said. Can we make cards for Uncle Buck, Mara asks? I think your uncle Buck will love that, Hen said
The next day
Maddie decides to call Buck to see why he took time off work. Hello , May said as she answered Buck’s phone. Hey May, why are you answering Buck's phone, Maddie asks? He is asleep right now, May said. Ok wake him I need to talk with him , Maddie said. Yeah no not going to happen this is the first he has actually slept so no , May said. He is fine. May just wake him up so I can ask why he took time off of work, Maddi said. No Maddie he took off because he is going through something that needs his attention and worrying what you and the rest of the 118 has to say is not what he needs, May said as there was a knock on the door. Hang on Maddie , May said as she mute the phone. Come in, May said. Hi I’m Katie I’m Buck’s nurse today I’m just getting vitals, Katie said. Okay, Hi I’m May, his sister, our mom and brother and my boyfriend should be here soon, May said. Mama , Buck said. Hey Buck, mom will be here soon. Her and Harry are picking up something he ordered on Amazon. Go back to sleep , May said. Okay , Buck said. Maddie I got to go , May said as she hung up before Maddie could say something.
A few minutes later
Athena and Harry walk through the door. Hey mom, Hey Harry , May said. Hey sweetie, how is he, Athena asks? Hey he is good but Maddie called this morning, May said. What did she want , Harry asks? She wanted to know why Buck took off work , May said. She doesn’t need to know unless Buck wants to tell her or until she needs to say her goodbyes , Harry said. Athena signs. He let me tell Hen last night and I kinda yelled it at her, Athena said. You yelled at Auntie Hen telling her that Buck has cancer, May asks? As Karen and the kids were walking in the door, Athena said. Wow, Harry said. Don’t say wow, Athena said.
Buck starts to wake up
Mama , Buck said. Hi baby how are you feeling today, Athena asks? Not great, they warned me that the first day after chemo would be bad , Buck said. Maddie called , May said. What did she want, Buck asks? To know why you took off work, May said. Oh what did you tell her, Buck asks? I told her that you were going through something and you didn’t need to worry about their drama, May said. Thank you May I don’t know what I would have said if I answered the phone, Buck said.
If mom answered she would have yelled at Maddie for wanting to wake you up, Harry said. May laughed and Buck looked at Athena. I might have yelled at Hen yesterday, Athena said. Mama, why did you yell at Hen, Buck asks? Because she asked how could I choose you over her and I said I”m losing my son not even a year after losing my husband,Athena said. I don't want you to lose your best friend because of me, Buck said. If I lose Hen because I yelled at her standing up for you then she is no friend of mine, I love you too much to let someone talk bad about one of my babies, Athena said.
Later that Day
There is a knock on the door and everyone looks at each other. Karen walks in with Hen. I'm so sorry Athena , Hen said. Karen walks over to Buck and hugs him and gives him the cards that Mara and Denny made for him. I’m so sorry Buck , Hen said. Hen you didn’t cause this, Buck said. You can’t even tell Chimney without thinking you will get fired and that is on me and my actions, Hen said. I don’t want Maddie to lose another Brother to the same thing. I guess I don’t really get that choice, Buck said. Hen I’m so scared , Buck said. You don’t have to be scared Buck , we are to help you , Hen said. Mama what do I do, Buck asks?
I can’t tell you that baby, Athena said. I know you don’t want to be a burden Buck, You aren’t one, you are my big brother and I don’t want to lose you but like you said we don’t get that choice. So if you want I could tell Maddie and them like mom told Hen, May said. No I don’t want them here unless they want to be here, Buck said. You won’t know unless you tell them Athena said.