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Messenger: The city is dying… we must be cursed by the gods. What are we going to do?
Oedipus: I, King Oedipus, will find whoever caused this city to be cursed, and will banish them. Send for that blind prophet, he'll be able to help us.
[Messenger walks away, then leads Tiresias in]
Messenger: Here's Tiresias.
Oedipus: Prophet, any wise words for us?
Tiresias: If you were wise already, you wouldn't need me here. Can I just go home already?
Oedipus: So, you won't help us fix the curse on the city? That's treason.
Tiresias: Fine, you asked for it. [Shrugs] You gotta find whoever killed the old king.
Oedipus: Alright, we'll do that.
Tiresias: By the way, it's you. Also, remember that old prophecy that you'll kill your dad and marry your mom? …yeah.
Oedipus: That's treason! You must want the throne!
Tiresias: Bruh, I don't even want to be here. See ya.
[Tiresias leaves, Creon enters]
Messenger: Oh, look, your brother-in-law Creon is here.
Creon: So, King, how's it going?
Oedipus: That lying prophet just said that I was king Laius’ killer.
Creon: I mean… prophets are usually correct. Maybe he's telling the truth?
Oedipus: Treason! You must have paid Tiresias to say that so you can get the throne!
Creon: Dude, I don't even want the throne. No sane man would.
Messenger: oh hey, the queen is here.
[Messenger leaves, Jocasta enters]
Jocasta: What are you two arguing about?
Creon: Oedipus is accusing me of treason.
Jocasta: what? Why?
Oedipus: Because Tiresias and Creon both said I killed the old king.
Jocasta: Oh, just ignore them. Besides, there was a guy who saw the whole thing happening. It couldn't have been you.
Oedipus: Why didn't you say that back when I first arrived? We could've found the murderer sooner.
Jocasta: [shrugs]
Creon: Whatever, I'm out.
[Creon leaves]
Oedipus: [Off to the side] Someone go find the guy who saw the killer.
Jocasta: I mean, it's not like you were at the three roads anyway.
Oedipus: …three roads?
Jocasta: Yeah, it was just before you showed up.
[Messenger shows up]
Messenger: Hey, king? I have some good news from your old home. Your dad is dead and they want to crown you king.
Jocasta: oh hey, looks like that old prophecy is wrong. So why should we believe Tiresias?
Messenger: By the way, that guy wasn't your real dad.
Oedipus: …what?
Messenger: Yeah, actually you were found on a mountainside with your feet tied together as a baby.
Jocasta: …oh no.
Messenger: In fact, one of my friends was the one who found you. He said that you were given to him by some royals?
Jocasta: …I gotta go.
[Jocasta leaves]
Oedipus: huh, weird. Do you know who those royals were?
Messenger: Yeah, it was the old king and queen Jocasta.
Oedipus: …great. I'm going to go blind and exile myself. Bye.
[Oedipus and Messenger leave, Messenger comes in]
Messenger: The queen killed herself and Oedipus is exiling himself. I guess that prophecy was true.
Tiresias, from out of nowhere: I told you so!