Archive of Our Own

Detention wasn’t unusual to Shasha Vosbein. If you’d ask her, she would vehemently deny herself a trouble maker. Because it’s usually the other way around. Trouble finds her. And well, Shasha would like to tell herself that she’s a very reasonable person on certain occasions. Okay, fine. She may be an asshole but it’s not her fault that some people were just brain dead stupid. So yeah, it’s not on her that she’d literally wacked a guy’s face when she heard him calling names and cat-calling a female classmate.

What’s unusual and almost comical in all of this situation though, is the immaculate woman standing in front of her, diligently erasing the remnants of the chalk on board. Perfect hair, pretty face, straight As and oh so charming Gorya Pattranite. And it almost pisses Shasha off, with how the student council president always seemed so put together. The epitome of the manic pixie dream girl. Popular. Softspoken, and intelligent in more ways than one.

They’ve never had much interaction aside freshman year.. ah, that one Shasha wouldn’t forget. And that one time Gorya caught her vaping at the rooftops, to which Gorya only chastises her with a gentle reminder. Even that pissed Shasha off because Gorya had said it in such an indifferent manner, as if Shasha’s a mere nuisance in her life. Almost like it was expected of her and Gorya couldn’t even care less.

So, sue her for being petty.

Shasha sits and places a palm under her chin, dark eyes never leaving the figure upon her. Gorya was stacking the books now, arranging them in a neat pile.

“You know, this would’ve been a lot faster if you’d helped.” Gorya tells her, not even sparing her a glance. Though her tone was mild, Shasha knew she was at least a little bit irked.

Shasha, just for the spite of it, lounged her feet atop the table, her beat up converse in full view, “But you’re doing so well, prez.”

“I, at least, would like to get home before dinner.” Gorya didn’t rise to the bait. Shasha wonders how far she could go.

“Then you should’ve thought twice before meddling into my business, but here we are.”

Gorya stops then. Heaves a long sigh and when she turns to face Shasha this time, her expression was stripped of all the softness. Shasha smirks because there we go. Only she could bring out this Gorya.

“Shasha, we’re spending the whole week in detention together. So, either get off your high horse and use those freakishly tall legs to work or we spend another week in here.”

Shasha had that half grin, half smirk on her face that Gorya would most probably want to wipe off with her bare hands, “Don’t tempt me with a good time, prez.”

Insufferable. That’s what Shasha had overheard Gorya called her once. And well, she’s just living up to the expectation. Gorya was just so easy.

Gorya rolls her eyes. A feat she seems to be doing around Shasha lately. “You’re unbelievable.”

Gorya works while silently fuming. Shasha could see the tense shoulders. The-little-miss-princess expression she’d always perfected replaced by an adorable scowl on her face.

“You’re so adorable.”

Gorya huffs, “If you’re not going to help, can you at least please leave me be in silence?”

With a cheeky grin still intact and the sound of the chair skidding against the tiled floor, Shasha stood up from her seat, “Whatever you say, my love.”

Gorya looks extremely mortified, “For the good of all living things in this world, do not ever call me that again.”

Shasha laughs, the sound reverberating against the wall of the empty classroom. And then she starts actually helping because well, she’s just a sucker for bratty, pretty girls like Gorya Pattranite.

“You know, I never really bought your act.” Shasha says, because she just can’t help herself.

Something dark flashes across Gorya’s face, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re not that nice, prez. Deep inside all that girl next door you have going on, is a person just waiting for the right moment to be… bad.”

“What are you, my freaking therapist?” Gorya scoffs, “At least I don’t go around waving my money in people’s faces and expect them to sleep with me.”

“Woah, came straight for the neck!” Shasha raises a hand to her chest in faux drama. “Guilty as charged. Cuff me?”

“Something is seriously wrong with you.” Gorya fumes, the rising flush to her cheeks did not go unnoticed.

“You know you signed up for this the moment you stepped in to help me with that guy.”

“And it’s already proving to be the worst decision of my life.” Gorya deadpans.

Shasha wasn’t even fully aware of what was happening that time. Some disgusting names were thrown out. Shasha sees red. Then the guy was lunging at her, and Shasha took a step too far back, miscalculating. Shasha knew he was going to land an inevitable hit. She braces herself. But then—a full hardbound cover was suddenly hurtling towards the guys face, quite literally stumping him. Before she knew it, the guy was on the floor clutching his bleeding nose. Shasha’s eyes flits, there stood a gasping Gorya, hand to her lips, eyes wide as if she couldn’t believe what she just did.

“You were always accurate with the aim, by the way.” Shasha teases, grins at the memory.

Gorya didn’t even dignify her with an answer.

“Are you watching the game tonight?”

Gorya furrowed her brows, “No.”

“I’m playing.” Shasha says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“All the more reason for me to skip.”

“Where’s the school spirit? And to think that you’re the student council president.”

“Well, that doesn’t necessarily equates to attending all of the events in this school.”

“Are you sure it’s not just because Prim sat this season out?” Shasha leans in, something dangerous flashing across her features.

Gorya’s stance stiffened, it was quick, but Shasha had grown accustomed to watching Gorya’s little quirks, “Don’t, Shasha.”

“Prim’s a sensitive topic. Gotcha.” Shasha winks, teasing. She’s not stupid, Shasha was fully aware of what was going on—whatever the fuck that was—between Gorya and Prim. Ex-vice prez. Captain of the basketball team now. Shasha, being second in command, helms that title for now. She played with her. Prim’s cool. Aloof, mysterious and girls eat that shit up. But Prim’s also undeniably and pathetically still in love with her ex, Bambi, the theatre major in all her dramatic glory, who also happens to be Shasha’s close friend.

People talked. Rumors were spread. But Shasha doesn’t care about all of that. She just knows that she wants Gorya. “Well, if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me. I might even let you wear my jersey.”

Gorya stares at her in disbelief, “My god, you are so full of yourself. Not everyone here wants to please you.”

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong, Gorya.” Shasha’s smile was smug, “I don’t want them to. I expect them to. Especially you, prez.”

“That sounds criminally worse.”

“One of these days, you’re going to be right where I want you to be.”

“Do you hear yourself? I’m pretty sure that’s harassment. I could sue you for that.”

“On what grounds, for being hopelessly, endlessly, devoted to you?” Shasha was full on grinning now.

“Or I could just skip right to slapping you.”

“Now that’s assault I could actually sue you with. We’d make a perfect pair.”

“In your wildest dreams, Vosbein.”

Shasha’s eyes glints, “Oh, I sure hope so.”

Gorya looked downright murderous. But Shasha could only answer with a smirk.

Oh, she was going to enjoy this.

—-

freshman year

Shasha loved running. It creates peace in her usually loud mind. So, whenever it gets too loud, running becomes her escape. Quite literally. Jacket zipped up. Earbuds on. Shasha runs the quad. The sky had turned grey, a looming downpour threatening to fall but that doesn’t stop her.

What stops her apparently, is an empty water bottle hitting her squarely at the back.

“What. The fuck.” Shasha pulls out her earbuds, ready to rip this someone off when she was met with the sight of a redhead hunched over her knees.

“God, you’re so fast. Why are you so fast.” The woman was huffing, struggling to catch her breath as she fully straightens her posture and that’s when Shasha knows she’s fucked. Because the woman was pretty. Distractingly pretty, actually. With her flowing red hair and charming brown eyes.

Shasha eyes the empty water bottle on the ground. Did the woman really just hit her with that? As if reading her thoughts, the woman was quick to amend, “Sorry about that, you couldn’t hear me. And you were running so fast that you dropped this.”

It was her wallet. Shasha still couldn’t utter a single word. Which is so unlike her. Being in front of an attractive woman like this, she would usually be on her merry way to charm town. “Uh, so you just threw that water bottle at me.”

The woman, who at least had the decency to look sheepish tells her, “Well, I don’t know how else I could get your attention.”

Well, you just have to stand there. The flirty banter was already at the tip of her tongue. But Shasha was left in awe as the rain starts falling, smattering the ground in thick spots. The woman squints an eye to the sky and Shasha was almost tempted to reach over, shield the woman from it.

“Right, uh, thank you.”

“See you around.” That’s what the woman tells her before turning and running away for cover. Shasha remained rooted to her spot, watching the retreating figure in a daze as the saltwater rain pelts against her skin.

Later on, she would learn that Gorya is the student council president who had an apparent crush on the women’s basketball team captain named Prim. Shasha would learn that Prim and Gorya go way, way back. She would attend the try outs. She would make the team. Gorya would always watch from the sidelines. Eyes not directed at her, never at her, but somehow, being in Gorya’s orbit would be more than enough.

And much, much later on, the rest as they say, would be history.

—-

“You’re so fucking stupid.” Bambi told her one afternoon they were hanging by the bleachers, “I get it, you’re an asshole. Love that for you. But you’re going to end up with a restraining order if you keep this up.”

“Jesus, you make me sound like a creep.”

“You kind of are.”

“Hey, I thought we were friends?”

“We are, which is why I’m talking some sense into you. I don’t want to have to visit you in jail, so not my aesthetic.”

“So, how do you suppose I approach her?”

“Oh, you’re hilarious, Vosbein.” Bambi laughs, the sound grating her ears but she stops when she was met with Shasha’s blank stare. “Wait,“ Bambi gasps, hands to her lips, “You’re actually serious? Now I have to meet her.”

“You do know she was your ex’s ex situationship, right?”

“Prim’s not going anywhere.” Bambi could only wave a dismissive hand, and perhaps that’s why Shasha gravitates towards Bambi. She’s just so unbothered about everything. “On the other hand, it’s not everyday you see the o’mighty Shasha fumble,” There was a mischievous glint in Bambi’s eyes.

“I don’t fumble, Bambi. She’s just built different.”

“You just hate the fact that she has boundaries and wouldn’t bend to your whims. Wow, I would love to see this through.”

“Why are you making me sound like an absolute asshat? I couldn’t be that bad!”

“Oh, sweetie, sorry to be the one to break the news to you.” Bambi says, faux serious, “But you are. Absolutely. Hundred percent, a grade A douchebag.”

“Fuck off, Bambi. Like you’re any better.”

“See, that’s the difference between us. I don’t deny that I may or may not be a terrible person. I own it.”

“How does Prim deal with you?”

“Prim’s mine to deal with. I keep her on a leash, and you keep yours with you until we all inevitably ride off into the sunset lesbian rainbowtown.”

“You two are so messy. And dramatic. So much drama.”

Bambi theatrically flips a lock of hair, “Well, I’m not the one pining over a woman who doesn’t want me.”

“Never say never, Bambi. Never say never.”

“Just don’t be a dick, Vosbein, you’re actually kind of cute when you’re not running your mouth.”

“The fuck?” Shasha splutters.

“I’m just saying, lay off with the flirting. Just stand there. Be tall and pretty and let her come to you. Have some proper conversation with her, don’t think with your dick,” Bambi’s face lit up, “In fact, you have to invite her to the sorority party tonight!”

Shasha contemplates it, the possibility of Gorya saying yes is… well, highly unlikely. “I don’t think she’ll come.”

“I have just the perfect idea!” Bambi exclaims.

“That sounds…ominous.”

“Have a little faith, Vosbein. Ask her to be your plus one.”

“She would rather kill me.”

Bambi snorts, “Okay, fine. Just ask her. Without all the Vosbein bravado. Just be you.”

“Just be me.” Shasha echoed the words to herself. Well, that shouldn’t be too hard. If only Gorya doesn’t loathe her whole being.

—-

Shasha was already in the middle of arranging the scattered chairs and tables when Gorya barged in that afternoon. This was stupid. Shasha doesn’t do nervous. So why was she sweating at the prospect of asking Gorya tonight? And it’s not even for a goddamn date. Pathetic. She is pathetic. What had Gorya done to her?

“Oh.” Gorya says, almost warily. “You’re here.”

“Don’t sound so excited, princess.” Shasha was quick to retort, a teasing lilt in her tone.

Gorya rolls her eyes, and Shasha seems to hear the words that sounds a lot like Bambi’s voice in her head. Don’t be a dick.

Shasha shrugs, “Just wanted a head start, I thought you wanted to be home by dinner.”

Gorya had looked at her as if she’d grown two heads.

“Oh, come on, Gorya. I come in peace.”

“Somehow, I doubt that.”

“Listen, I was thinking.“ Shasha starts saying, she picks up a gum wrapper from the floor.

“Sounds dangerous.” Gorya retorts back.

“There’s a party.”

“Okay?”

“And I want you to come.”

“Want me?” Gorya was incredulous, “I’m sorry, did you just automatically assume that I’d drop everything I’m doing just to what… come to a party with you?”

“Precisely.”

“Your mind, it astounds me sometimes.” Gorya’s face was blank.

“Thank you.”

“That’s not really a compliment.”

“I’m a very resilient person.”

It was almost comical with how Gorya seemed to surrender, eyes falling shut for a moment as if she’s physically restraining herself to do something crazy like maybe slap Shasha or haul the whole damn table across her.

Gorya was small. But Shasha wasn’t definitely going to take her chances.

“No.”

“You didn’t even let me finish.”

“I don’t need to.” Gorya smiles, too sweet, and Shasha almost melts because—what the heck Gorya’s just adorable like that. “The answer is still no.”

“It’ll be fun.”

“You and I have a very distinct definition of fun.”

“Just give it a chance.” Somehow, it sounds a lot like Shasha was speaking for herself. “You might like it. It’s not one of those hardcore parties. It’s sorority, less booze and more of a truth or dare or 7 minutes in heaven kind of party.” Shasha waggles her brows.

“If you’re aiming for reassurance, you’re doing a pretty terrible job at it.”

Shasha tames a sigh. Gorya’s stubborn and she hates that she had to pull out the big guns.

“Prim will be there.” She offers so casually, like it’s not something that brings a sour taste in her mouth.

Gorya stops what she’s doing altogether. Shasha almost scoffs, predictable.

“Why would Prim be at a sorority party?”

“Maybe because her ex who she’s still hopelessly in love with is hosting it?” Shasha added that last part as an afterthought and totally not because she wants to piss Gorya off.

“Bambi. Of course.” Gorya clears her throat, aiming for nonchalance but Shasha knows her all too well. She could physically see the strain in Gorya’s shoulders. “Have they gotten back together?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Shasha tells her, just to be annoying, “But no. Not yet.”

“Fine, I’ll go.”

That fast, huh.

“Great, I’ll text you the details. What’s your number?” Shasha swipes her phone, tone innocent.

“You wish, Vosbein.”

“Oh, come on. I promise I’ll be good.”

Gorya narrowed her eyes into slits. She snatches the phone from Shasha’s grip before typing her own digits.

Shasha smirks to herself, she may not be able to convince Gorya to come for her.

But hey, at least she got a number.

Baby steps.

—-

The party was already in full swing when Gorya dropped by. If someone would ask her, Shasha would vehemently deny it but she spent half her time scanning, searching, for a certain redhead to appear in the doorway and so when she finally did, Shasha was elated.

“You made it!”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t have better things to do.”

Shasha clears her throat, then made a move to bow like royalty in jest, “Why, thank you for finally gracing us with your presence, Your Highness.”

People were eyeing them now. Gorya’s ears tinged pink, “Are you drunk?”

“Not even remotely.”Shasha’s grin was dopey and yeah, okay, she may be a little tipsy, “What’s your poison?”

“Um, nothing too hard, I hope. I drove here.” Gorya mumbles shyly, and Shasha can’t help but smile.

“Hey, you don’t have to drink at all if you’re not up for it. What about some soda? We also have some juices in here.”

Gorya blinks, rather surprised, “I would actually appreciate that, Shasha. Thank you.”

“See, I can be nice.” Shasha nudged their shoulders together. And there was something so sacred about the moment, two girls in a dimly lit room surrounded by drunk, fumbling strangers and a bad summer song blasting in the background, it was all sorts of a bad cliché but—Gorya was smiling, albeit a little reserved, but a genuine smile nonetheless. She wasn’t rolling her eyes or being snarky. And something shifts within Shasha’s heart.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come.”

Gorya leaned the counter beside her, “I almost didn’t.”

“Yeah? What made you change your mind?”And Shasha wasn’t a religious person, but right there, she hopes, prays to the Gods that Gorya wouldn’t say it’s because of Prim.

But who was she kidding.

Gorya side eyes her, “Someone wouldn’t stop blasting my phone.”

Shasha’s grin was wide, “Oh yeah? Wonder who that is.”

“Mhm. And maybe,” Gorya takes a tentative sip from her drink, heaves a long sigh, “I just need to get this over with.”

Ah. Somehow, Shasha knows exactly what she was talking about. “Didn’t peg you for a sadist, prez.”

“Shut up,” Gorya chuckles, helpless, “I promised myself I’ll be done after this.”

“Rooting for you, princess, but you know what they say, bad habits are difficult to break. Certainly couldn’t with you.” Shasha says, her tone was teasing and there was a slight slur to it but Gorya—dammit Gorya was looking at her like Shasha had just told her that she’d hung the moon and stars for her.

And perhaps, that wasn’t so far off. Under the right circumstances. Shasha would.

“You’re.. very confusing, Shasha.” Gorya ends up telling her.

“That’s new. I got asshole, jerk, and a douchebag.” Shasha lists off with her fingers, “Confusing is nice. It makes me sound mysterious.”

Gorya could only answer with a shake of her head, although there was a small smile on her face. Shasha would count that as a win. It was nice. Talking to Gorya like this. Maybe Bambi was right. Maybe she should’ve done this a long time ago. Maybe taking a page out of Bambi’s book wasn’t so bad after all.

Or not.

“Motherfucker.” Shasha muttered under her breath as she instantly sobered up at the sight. Gorya’s eyes were on Prim, but Shasha’s eyes were on her.

There’s Bambi and Prim, kissing on the couch. There was an urgency in their touches. And Gorya, oh, Gorya was just watching them and everything in Shasha crumbles because Gorya looks actually fucking shattered. Mortified, Shasha realised this is what Bambi was pertaining to when she mentioned the perfect plan.

“Gorya, wait!”

Gorya runs and Shasha follows.

Shasha finds her sitting by the back porch, with the crowd much calmer and only a few students mingling in the area.

Gorya swipes at her cheeks. “It’s okay, you can say I told you so.”

Shasha sat silently. Neither of them spoke, the sound of the party was muted behind them.

The starts weren’t out, Shasha figures it might rain soon.

“I’m not stupid, Shasha.” Gorya starts after a beat, it was uttered so quietly, as if she doesn’t want Shasha to hear it, “I know I never stood a chance.“

Shasha lets the silence linger between them.

“And I’m slowly getting used to that fact.” Gorya continues, voice a slight tremble as she presses a palm in her chest, “Still, this freaking sucks.”

“You know, this might not mean a lot coming from me but you deserve better, Gorya.”

“Oh, Shasha, why are you so good to me.“

“Well, let’s just say, I don’t like seeing pretty girls cry.” Shasha tries to lighten the mood. “Not when I’m not the one who’s causing it.”

“Way to make a girl feel special.” Gorya’s small smile creeps up her cheeks. “God, I must be going insane. Student council president rambling about her pathetic crushes to the resident bad girl who has a knack for being a player. What a pair we make, huh?”

“I don’t know, sounds like the start of an epic romance, if you’d ask me.” Shasha’s tone was light.

Gorya glares but there wasn’t a bite to it.

“Come on, I’ve been told I have a very comfortable shoulder so.” Shasha pats her shoulder playfully.

Gorya snorts, eyes crinkling to a small smile as she obliges leaning into it. Up this close, Shasha can smell her strawberry scented shampoo and Shasha dies a little inside.

Under the dark skies, something between Gorya and Shasha forms.

—-

“You lunatic!” Shasha barges into Bambi one afternoon, eyes wild. The room was empty sans for Bambi.

Bambi’s greeting was to stifle a yawn behind her palm, “Hello to you, too.”

“Jesus, Bambi, What is wrong with you?”

Bambi rolled her eyes, “Can I at least get a thank you?”

“For what, shoving your tongue down Prim’s throat? In front of Gorya?”

“Don’t be dramatic. It did its purpose.”

“She was crying!”

“Even better.”

“What were you thinking?”

“Listen, Vosbein, I was doing her a favor. You and I both know that Gorya deserves more than someone who will string her along. I know Prim more than anyone else in this world and I know where she lies. The problem is, she doesn’t know when to start calling things off. So I did it for her. I did it for Gorya. I did it for all of us. So, you can pipe the fuck down and sit.”

Shasha drops to a chair, dumbfounded, “You didn’t have to be such a bitch about it.” But the protest sounded weak even to her own ears.

“If you’re here for an apology, you’re not getting it.”

Shasha was shaking her head “We were having a conversation before all of that, actually. She said she was willing to be done after that night.”

“Smart girl, I just gave her the push.”

In a sense, Bambi was right. Sometimes, the harshest reality was far more effective to jar a rose tinted situation. “I just—I hated seeing her sad.”

“That’s where you come in.”

Shasha furrowed her brows, “I don’t think I’m enough.”

And it’s so raw and simple. It sounds pathetic even to Shasha’s own ears.

“You’re breaking my heart here, Vosbein. I didn’t go through all that trouble just for you to throw yourself a pity party.” Bambi’s tone was stern, and it’s said with so much conviction that Shasha had to avert her eyes.

“I’m not. I just want her to be happy.”

“Then why are you still here having this conversation with me?” Bambi scoffs but there was an edge of fondness in her tone.

“Right. Uh, sorry.”

“Whatever, asshole.”

“Oh, and Shasha?”

“Hm?”

“You deserve to be happy, too.”

Something heavy and ugly lodged itself within her throat.

Dammit, Bambi.

—-

Gorya starts sitting with her at lunch. The first time it happened, Shasha had to do a triple take.

“Are you lost?“

Gorya, for her part, just looks amused, “No, unless you want me to leave…”

“No,” Shasha was quick to seize her arm, “Stay.”

Gorya settles her tray back down, frown encasing her features, “That’s your lunch?”

“What’s wrong with it?” Shasha notes the cup of iced coffee on her table, a pack of doritos and a sad stick of cigarette. It’s serving its purpose.

Gorya sighs, and becuse she’s Gorya—she pulls out a spare chopsticks from her lunch box. Like an actual girl scout. Shasha almost teased.

“Any allergies?” Gorya queries, like she’s in some 5 star michelin and Shasha was just goddamn endeared.

“No.”

Gorya nods, tucking a stray hair behind her ear, “Wanna share mine?”

Shasha almost stops breathing. Gorya’s eyes met hers. Bright and pretty and so, so warm.

“Careful, Gorya.” Shasha’s tone was teasing, face impassive. “You’re starting to sound like you care.”

But Gorya wasn’t deterred, met her gaze head on, “And is that really so bad for you?”

It was said with such genuine curiosity that Shasha stumbled upon her own words. She hadn’t really stopped to ask that question herself. Had she really gotten that numb, to the point where the mere thought of actually caring might sound so terrible?

Gorya was really a conundrum to Shasha’s curately planned out life.

“No. I just wasn’t expecting it from you.”

“Well, I’ve come to realize that you’re actually pretty decent underneath all that tough persona you have going on.”

“That’s easily the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. Who are you and what have you done to my Gorya?”

“She’s still here and she’s going to flip you on your ass if you don’t stop that.” Gorya bats her eyes prettily.

And there’s something so easy with the way they talk now. It made Shasha bolder. “You’re growing fond of me. Admit it.”

Gorya made a show of tapping her chin, as if in deep thought, “Terribly so.”

Shasha’s heart did a flip. There was no denial. Not even a hint of playful annoyance. It was plain, simple no nonsense Gorya.

“Is that right?”

“Uh,huh.”

“I thought I wasn’t your type.” Shasha says, breath hitching against her throat because despite everything, Gorya will always have that effect on her.

Gorya tilts her head, playful, “Why, getting cold feet on me now?”

“Never. No amount of eye rolls or snarky remarks could make me stay away from you.”

Gorya’s eyes twinkle, and there’s something in them, something bolder. Like Gorya knows something she doesn’t. “That’s what I thought.”

Here’s the thing. Shasha wasn’t a strong person. Especially when it comes to Gorya. Annoyed and snarky Gorya, that she could handle. But this bolder and almost flirty Gorya? Just start the funeral.

Across the cafeteria, Bambi raised a knowing brow.

Shasha’s not entirely sure if she should start thanking Bambi or not.

“Do you want to come by later?”

“Gorya Pattranite, are you finally asking me for a booty call?”

Gorya makes a face, “Gross. No, I was just wondering if you’d want me to make you dinner. It’s just that your idea of a proper meal is quite… alarming.”

“As much as I’d love to, I can’t. I already promised Min I’m driving her home.”

“Oh.” Gorya says, and dare Shasha say it, she sounds almost disappointed. But no—that’s just plain wishful thinking because Gorya doesn’t care about her that way. “Okay.”

Then Gorya starts methodically eating the her meal, had remained quiet throughout the rest of lunch. The silence was stifling. Not like those they’ve had during their momentary lapses in detention. It’s like something heavy was suddenly weighing between them.

“Actually. Maybe.” Shasha starts with careful consideration, “I can drop by after.”

Gorya hums, “It’s fine. Let’s rain check on dinner when you’re not running some.. errands.”

“You make it sound like I’m doing something scandalous.”

Gorya could only raise a brow. “Your words, not mine.”

“I’m literally just driving her home.” Shasha starts saying.

“You don’t have to explain.” Gorya simply tells her, “It’s none of my business.”

Oh. “Okay.”

Gorya nods, “Here.” She slides Shasha an extra lunch box, “Made too many. Figured you’d like it.”

And then she was off.

Shasha was left with staring at Gorya’s retreating figure. Helpless, with only her heart in her sleeve.

—-

“Shasha, can I have a minute?”

Prim pulls her off the side court one day after practice. Shasha wipes the sweat trickling down her face, already know where this is going.

“What’s up?”

“I don’t wanna waste any more of your time so I’ll cut to the chase. Are you seeing Gorya?”

The fucking nerve. Shasha almost scoffed.

“I’m afraid that doesn’t concern you.”

Prim sighs, brows furrowing. “I know. Well, I’m just worried about her.”

“Worried? I’m sure Gorya’s a very capable woman who can take care of herself.”

“I know. But that’s not what I meant.” Prim met her eyes, intense. As if conveying a loaded message just through one simple gaze.

Shasha clenched her jaw, “Then what exactly do you mean? You’re gonna have to spell it out for me.”

Prim was seriously pissing her off.

“Gorya’s different. I’m sure you know that. She’s one of the few good people. And I know this must not mean a lot coming from me, but Gorya deserves… better.”

“And you think I can’t give her that, is that it?”

“I just want you to be careful with her.”

“Is that why you led her on? Way to heed your own preach, captain.”

“That’s not what happened.”

“That’s exactly what happened.” Shasha’s smile was dangerous. “Well, I have got some news for you. Gorya’s choices are her own and you can’t just fucking waltz up to people deciding which one is good for her or not. I got her, Prim. You should worry about your own issues with Bambi.”

And with that, Shasha harshly bumps her shoulders against Prim.

—-

“Are you… okay?”

Shasha’s shoulder was tense, her mind still flashing back to the conversation with Prim earlier. She forces out a crooked grin, “Fine. Just that practice was hell.”

Half truh and a lie.

With a hand resting against a hip, Gorya raises an eyebrow and looks like she was about to call Shasha out on her lie but decides against it in the last second.

“Okay, well, if you’re done glaring at the tables and chairs, I need your help here.”

“Gorya, do you think I’m a terrible person?” It was so sudden that Gorya could only blink at her for a couple of seconds.

“What?”

And perhaps it’s the plain candor in Shasha’s eyes that made Gorya crack.

“I don’t think you’re a terrible person. I mean, some of the words right out of your mouth can be quite… distasteful. But you’re not terrible.”

Shasha shakes her head, a small smile encasing her features, “I take back what I said before about you. You’re definitely a good person, Gorya. Never change.”

Gorya’s face morphed into a frown, “You don’t believe me. Did something happen?”

“Nah. Just trying to make sure if I still have a chance on you.” Shasha tries to deflect, Gorya doesn’t push although her gaze lingered. And for a second Shasha was deathly afraid that she would be able to see right through her carefully curated mask. Peeling her, raw, open.

After for what seemed like an eternity, Gorya heaves a soft sigh and settled with, “I like having you around, Shasha. Despite the relentless headache you would always bring with you.”

Shasha’s answering smile was blinding.

—-

It starts and ends on a Wednesday afternoon.

They were in a broom closet, of all places. One minute she was lifting Gorya, helping her put the boxes atop the shelf, next second, she goes out of balance and it ends up with Gorya straddling Shasha’s lap. Chagrined silence with Gorya’s wandering eyes was all it took before Shasha’s decorum snapped. She kissed Gorya. Long, fast and hard. It wasn’t sweet, oh no, Shasha did not opt for slow and sweet when she’d been waiting for this her whole goddamn life. It was desperation and pent up frustration.

Gorya stands on her tiptoes and automatically meets Shasha’s lips halfway. Shasha’s palms brands around her hips possessively, nibbling on her bottom lip. Her kisses were more insistent and biting this time that when Gorya slightly pulled back to give them breathing space, Shasha lets out a whine and chases for her lips once again, pressing it more firmly.

And suddenly, there’s tongue and oh, Gorya’s knees are about to give out so she presses a palm against the taller girl’s shoulder as she pulls back once more and Shasha actually groans, Gorya can’t help but let out a series of giggles.

“Can I bite?” Shasha breathes out against the soft supple of her neck, placing gentle love bites upon the unmarked skin. The promise of what’s to come.

Gorya throws her head back, breaths coming out in short pants as she nodded frantically and pops the first three buttons of her blouse, “Okay. Okay. Just do it below the collar so it’s easier to hide.”

Fuck. Heat pools between Shasha’s tighs. She wasted no time, leaving marks that would make Gorya’s whimpers fill the room.

“Gorya, please let me touch you.” Now Shasha Vosbein doesn’t beg, but here, in this cramped space of a room, she was utterly in Gorya’s mercy.

But Gorya was already shaking her head, and with tremendous effort, pushes Shasha off again. “No. Not like this.”

“Wha..” Shasha’s dazed, mind still reeling to comprehend the words. “What do you mean?”

Something passes in Gorya’s face, it was fleeting, gone in a second. All of a sudden, the warmth in her lap was gone. Gorya fixes Shasha’s tie, reapplies her lip gloss and without even sparing a glance back, she says, “Come on, you’ll be late for practice.”

Shasha could only stare. Truly astonished.

What the fuck, Gorya.

—-

Shasha was watching from a distance, not sure if she should interrupt. There was an apparent heaviness in her steps when she did decide to get closer. Prim and Gorya was hunched by the court bleachers. Shasha hoisted the gym bag on her shoulders, a little frazzled as she’s running a bit late for practice so you could just imagine her shock when she ran into this… scene.

Shasha didn’t had the right to feel this way. They were probably just talking. Right. Like two grown adults. Maybe they were having their well deserved closure. But that’s stupid they were never really together to begin with.

“What’s going on between you and my co-captain?”

Shasha’s steps falter. Lips quirking into a smile, as the conversation wore on. No one noticed her.

“Shasha?” She hears Gorya say, almost in disbelief. It makes Shasha wonder, if eavesdropping was a good idea. She remembers the kiss they shared. Granted, it was possibly the worst place they could’ve done it. A dimly lit janitor’s closet and a series of bad decisions.

But Shasha’s heartbeat was beyond.

So when Gorya’s next words were said, Shasha’s heart actually fucking stops.

“Nothing.“

It was so simple. Just one word. It was murmured with such indifference. And perhaps that’s what makes it worse. Like Shasha didn’t even mattered.

Shasha doesn’t stay for the rest of it.

—-

Gorya: Where are you? You’re late.

Gorya: You missed detention.

Gorya: Are you okay? Please answer my call.

Gorya: Shasha.

Her name almost sounded like a plea even through the text. And it’s terribly strange, how something so simple brought forth an ache inside her chest.

Shasha snaps her phone shut. The sky turned dark, thunder claps and Shasha almost laughed at the impending rain. What a fucking day. She tightens her jogger shoes and runs.

—-

Getting back into old habits wasn’t something new to Shasha. It starts gradually. She starts missing classes. Parties and drinking late at night. She won’t meet Gorya’s eyes in the hallways, Shasha wouldn’t even dare because she knows the minute she meets those brown pools, she will inevitably fall.

Shasha starts hanging out with Bambi more (much to the woman’s annoyance). Gorya’s calls and texts remain unanswered. Everytime Gorya would try to approach her, Shasha will surround herself with random girls as much as she can take. She tries, and miserably fails to ignore the plain hurt in Gorya’s eyes.

She knows she’s being unfair. Unreasonable. But how does one continue when the lines start to blur and this ends up being real. Because Shasha was fucking terrified of what Gorya could do to her.

“You’re spiralling again, Shasha.” Bambi would tell her one afternoon, tone disapproving. “It’s not a good look on you.”

Shasha scoffs, “Why does everyone seem to think they have a say on what I should do with my life?”

“My god, you’re pathetic.”

Shasha was in Bambi’s very own theatre club room, face downturned against the table as she rests her head into her arm. She closed her eyes. She was so tired. School activities had been catching up on her, plus her parents had been a little too overbearing with college applications coming up.

“Shut up. I’m gonna take a nap. I’m tired.” Shasha wasn’t even sure what this room is for, the school has their own theatre for the students. For all she knew, Bambi established this just to have her own personal room. Because Bambi’s just dramatic like that. Well, at least it’s being put to good use now.

A series of knocks interrupted their conversation. Shasha cracks an eye open, Bambi held up a finger, a universal sign to wait, brows furrowing in confusion—as if she’s not expecting anyone to know this place which again, proves Shasha’s theory that this club room was solely for Bambi’s personal use.

“Hi, Bambi. Prim told me that I might find you here.”

Shasha knows that voice all too well.

“Oh. Hey. What can I do for you?”

“Is she here?” She hears Gorya ask.

“Depends who you’re asking for. If you’re talking about a certain woman who’s hiding like a coward. As always. Then yes, she’s right here.”

“I need to talk to her, Bambi.” There was a hint of desperation in Gorya’s tone.

Perhaps that’s what made Bambi relent into a soft sigh.

More hushed conversations. And then:

“Don’t fuck this up, lover girl!” She hears Bambi yell before the sound of the door closing filled the silence.

Dammit, Bambi. So much for having my back.

Shasha hears her before she sees her, with her head still upon her arms, lying on the table, Shasha opted not to move. Eyes still closed.

“Shasha, you can’t keep ignoring me.” Shasha could almost hear the whine in Gorya’s voice. It almost made her smile. Almost.

“Talk to me.”

Shasha hums. She lifts her head, and places a lazy palm under her chin. Her gaze was blank when she speaks. “What?”

“I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Hm. Been busy.”

“I see. How are you?”

“Fine. Just tired. Why are you here?”

“Well, you’ve been avoiding me,” Gorya cuts to the chase. She looks annoyed, her lips downturned. Oh she looks deliciously pissed. And with a startling realization, Shasha notes she misses her, “That or you’ve just gotten exceptionally good at not being in the same room as me.”

Shasha willed her voice not to break, “Gorya, that’s not fair.”

“No, you know what’s not fair? Going radio silence on me after that day.” Gorya says, hackles rising.

“You were the one who made it seem like sleeping with me would be like sleeping with a sea monster.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You never really took my feelings for you seriously.”

Gorya scoffs, “You can’t fault me for that, Shasha.”

“Oh, really?”

“Your relationship with women and how you treat them weren’t exactly stellar.”

Shasha almost recoils. Which, okay. Fair. But still.

“Oh and that gives you the right to judge, huh?“

“You don’t get it. People like you usually don’t.”

And that extremely pisses Shasha off, “People like me? The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“You think everyone’s at your disposal, Shasha. And you can’t fault people if they inevitably don’t react the way you want them to.” Gorya tells her, tone firm.

“We kissed, Gorya.” It’s been haunting me. Those words were left unsaid.

“Oh, please,” Gorya rolled her eyes, arms crossing in defense, “It’s not like that’s something new for you. In fact, I may have just made the top list of your toy-girls or whatever.”

“You have no idea what I feel, Gorya.” Shasha seethes.

“Then explain to me why you’re acting like I am the one who just broke your goddamn heart!”

“What?” Shasha recoils, confusion etching her features.

“You were the one who kept ignoring me! You’ve gone as far as dropping halfway off detention and I have to find out through our professor that I’m gonna have to finish the rest because apparently, ‘Miss Vosbein had an unfortunate accident’, which thank you by the way, I was worried sick that I had to embarrassingly result to Prim and ask about how you were doing!” Gorya’s face was flushed now, “Come next morning I find out through Bambi, of all people, that you’re lying and already on your merry way with some other girl. So, yeah, sue me for assuming the worst! We kissed. Got what you wanted. I kept telling myself it’s fine, it’s my fault for letting you in. But god, Shasha, you know what’s the worst part of it all? I wanted you and I don’t regret it and I didn’t run from it.”

Shasha’s heart almost leapt from her chest. “Then why did you deny me to Prim?”

Gorya blinks—stumped, “What? That’s what this is about?”

“I overheard you talking the other day.”

“What exactly did you hear.” Gorya’s tone turned serious, a glint of edge in it.

“Nothing. You said nothing. Like I’m just—“ Shasha splutters, hands waving in wild gestures as she comes up for words to say without faltering, “Like I’m someone who will never be enough for you. God, Gorya, you have no idea what you do to me. I couldn’t stop thinking about that day. Every waking moment, I look for you and fuck I know I’m an asshole and even shittier at feelings, I wouldn’t deny that, but it’s getting really exhausting pretending like it doesn’t break me.” Shasha finishes in an almost helpless plea.

“Because that’s the truth! I don’t know where I lie with you. Everything has always been a casual game to you, Shasha. One second, I might think that this could actually work and then the next thing I know, you’re hauling your goddamn ass off to the fucking Antartica! And I’m not playing that game, Shasha. I’m not some lapdog that will wait for your return everytime you run. You have to figure this out right here, right now!”

Oh, Shasha is about to lose her goddamn mind.


“Gorya, this was never a game to me. You’ve always been more than that. And you just—you terrify me, with how you consume my thoughts. My very being. I couldn’t stay away even if I wanted to.”

“Then don’t fucking stay away! Don’t shut me out.”Gorya sounds small, she jabs a finger on Shasha’s shoulders as if to prove her point.

Shasha wants to gather her in her arms, desperate, yet she’s deathly afraid that Gorya might still pull away.

“I meant everything I said, I did. From the moment you threw that water bottle at me in freshman year, on a rainy day, because you just couldn’t help yourself. Gorya, I’ve been full on, out of my mind, in love with you.”

Gorya’s breath hitched, unbidden tears starts forming the corner of her eyes, “Shasha Vosbein you better not be fucking with me right now. I don’t do casual. And I—“ Gorya’s tone breaks, “I can’t handle that. Not when it’s you. Especially you. So, it’s either me or no one else.”

Shasha softens, tone solemn as she gently cradles Gorya’s hand against her rapidly beating chest, “That’s you. All you. And no one else.”

—-

Shasha’s sweat was trickling down her cheeks. Her eyes would flit towards the digital clock. 60 seconds. They were down by 2 points. The crowd was hushed, only the squeaking of sneakers against the court could be heard. She could vaguely hear Prim yelling her name. Or maybe that was Bambi? 30 seconds. With bated breath, Shasha released the ball from the three pointer line.

The crowd roars with the buzzer and then she was being lifted on a shoulder.

Her eyes scanned the crowd, frantic and that’s where she sees a certain redhead already staring right back at her with so much adoration in her eyes and Shasha falls a little bit more.

She runs towards her girl, Gorya, and lifts her up the air. As the crowd got even louder, she wraps her arms around Gorya’s waist. Mind reeling.

“Told you this was an epic romance.” Shasha says, breathless.

“Oh, shut up.” Gorya’s eyes were crinkling into a smile and she did just that.

She kissed Shasha in front of the whole crowd.

And right there, with Gorya in her arms, and her eyes full of love, Shasha felt enough.