Work Text:
It was weird, standing here and being nervous again. She'd spent all that time hesitating on the front porch of this house, knuckles hovering over the flaking white paint she always said she'd touch up. She practically lived here now, but her nerves brought all those worries back up to the surface. Lost in thought, she knocked.
"Hey, sweetheart! Forgot your keys again?" A puff of warm air hit Sam's face as the door swung open, revealing Janet, hair thrown up in a loose bun and jeans flecked with paint.
"Hey, love" Sam leant in for a kiss, exhaustion melting away from her in Janet's embrace. "I thought we were gonna blitz the spare room tomorrow?" She gestured to the brush Janet held, threatening to drip blue paint onto the hallway floorboards.
"I know, I know, but I was so bored! There's plenty left, though, and you know you'll have to do the ceilings anyway," she smiled.
"Did Cass get back yet?" Sam asked, mind still working away on how to bring up her new problem.
"No, she's still at the movies. So we've got a little while if you want to go have some fun..." Janet pulled at Sam's collar, bringing her down to her level for another kiss. Sam's hand tucked under her lover's jaw, angling her face up just slightly to kiss her back. All she wanted was to forget about it all and fall into Janet's arms, but she couldn't, she knew she'd never have the courage again if she did.
"Actually, I've got something to talk to you about. Work stuff." She must have been worse at hiding her nerves than she thought, because Janet's brow immediately creased with worry. In Sam's defence, she'd always been good at reading her.
"Oh, okay, is everything alright?"
"Everything's fine, it's just... can we sit down?"
They moved to the living room, Janet quickly checking there was no more wet paint on her jeans before sitting, head leaning against Sam's shoulder.
"I've been offered a new placement." she continued, still a little too nervous to outright say it.
"Area 51 again? Nevada's not too far, we managed it before..." But the look on Sam's face told Janet it wasn't another run at R&D.
"It's, uh, a little further than Nevada. They've offered me command of... Atlantis." She stuttered a little as Janet faltered, processing.
"Oh, Sam, that's amazing, your own command? I'm sure you're so excited." Her words were betrayed entirely by the tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes.
"I haven't said yes yet. I don't even know if I want it, I'd be responsible for all those people, god I'd even have to deal with McKay..." she was trying her best to add a little humour, but it fizzled out in the space between them.
"Of course you want to go, it's okay! It's *Atlantis*, Sam. It's perfect for you."
"But I already have perfect." She was trailing her fingers in circles across Janet's thigh, almost subconsciously. "I don't want to be away from you." Tears were forming in her eyes now too, running down her cheek and dropping slowly into Janet's hair.
Janet heaved a sob, pulling herself closer to Sam's chest. She knew what the answer was going to be. She'd thought that after the Goa'uld, the Ori, maybe now she could keep her Sam a little closer, but it was wishful thinking. There was always another problem Sam just couldn't keep away from, she'd known that from the start.
"You'll make sure you visit, won't you? You've got that gate bridge you've been working on all this time, you can come see me?"
"Whenever I can, I promise. And you could even come to Atlantis if you wanted! I'm sure I could get that cleared, you and Cassie could-" She interrupted herself choking back a sob. How the hell was she going to tell Cassie? The poor girl would be heartbroken she was leaving again.
They stayed that way a long time, neither really knowing what to say. Sam's mind was going a mile a minute, trying to think of anything she could say to make this better. To help her make this awful decision.
Janet's voice shook her out of her thoughts. "I know you'll make all the difference out there. You're what they need."
"I don't know if I'm going yet, Janet. I-"
She was cut off by a hand reaching up to cup her face. "Yes, you do. I know you."
"I know."
"So. When would you leave?"
"Two weeks." She grimaced even as she said it, painfully aware that it wasn't even close to enough time. "I'll still be here to take Cassie to look at colleges."
"She's gonna be devastated."
"I know." She still had no idea how she was going to tell Cassandra she wouldn't be there for her last year of high school. "I'll tell her when she gets back, I don't want to wait."
"Why couldn't you have been on SG-8? They never have to go save the planet." Janet was joking, but sadness still seeped into her voice and the tears started running down Sam's face again.
"Hey, no, I don't mean that," she reassured Sam with a squeeze around her waist, "you'll always be off saving the world, I knew that when we started this. I just miss you like hell when you're gone."
"I'm sorry, Jan. I want to stay."
"But they need you."
"They do. I don't think I'm gonna tell Cassie this, but it's pretty bad out there."
"The wraith?"
"And those new replicators too."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
The silence was broken by the clink of keys and the creak of the front door opening.
"Mom, I'm home! You will not believe what Jennifer said about-" she rounded the corner, face dropping as the two women tried failingly to dry their eyes. "Mom? Sam? What's wrong?"
"Hey, Cass," Sam spoke up first. "Come sit down." She shuffled back, making space for Cassandra to sit between them.
"I've been offered a new placement."
"You're going away again? But we're looking at college next week!"
"Honey-" Janet tried to intervene, but Sam gave her a look that said *It's okay, let me try*.
"I haven't made up my mind yet, I want to talk to you first. And if I do go it won't be for two weeks, so I can still take you to look around Michigan and NYU, and-"
"But you won't be here when I go! What are you even doing now, didn't we win?"
"They've asked me to be in charge of Atlantis."
"Oh. Okay." Even as upset as she was, Cassandra knew what this meant to Sam.
"If you're not okay with it I won't go, I promise."
"Don't put this on me, Sam! I know you have to go and I don't want to tell you it's all okay because it isn't! You always do this!"
"That's not fair, young lady." Janet was stern now, something they all knew she hated.
"Fine! Whatever." she stood up and stormed upstairs, door bouncing off the frame as she slammed it.
"Well, that went about as well as I hoped."
"She'll come around, Sam. She knows how much you hate this."
"I just hate letting her down again. She's been through enough, she doesn't need me disappearing on her again like this."
"I'll go talk to her."
"No, it's okay. I'll go. I think she needs to hear it all from me."
---
For the second time today, she hesitated to knock.
Muffled through the door, she heard Cassandra''s voice, wavering from crying. "I heard you come upstairs, you know."
Right, of course. "Can I come in?"
"Sure."
Sam joined Cassandra on the edge of her bed, taking in the clutter of books, makeup, and magazines strewn across the desk and some of the floor.
"You gonna tell me to clean my room?"
"I don't think I'm in a place to tell you to do much of anything right now," Sam half-joked. "I'm sorry I put that on you, it wasn't fair. I don't want to go but they need me out there, Cass. I won't lie it's looking a little rough for them."
"You'll visit us, won't you?"
"Your mom asked me the same thing. Of course I will. I built that whole gate bridge I was telling you about!"
"I thought Rodney did all of that stuff."
"He did not! What has everyone been telling y-" She stopped. "You're pulling my leg, aren't you?"
"Maybe."
"Yeah, I guess I deserve that. But still, I will come and visit. And if you're lucky you could even come and see Atlantis."
She was trying hard to keep being angry, but she couldn't quite hide how exciting that was. "Really? I, uh, guess that would be okay."
"Uh huh, just okay?" Sam teased.
"Don't push your luck."
"Alright, I'm sorry. I promise I'll make it up to you."
Cassandra leaned sideways into a sort of half-hug. "Just come back in one piece, okay?"
"I'll do my best."
"Promise me?"
The guilt ran through Sam like a hot knife. "You know I can't, honey. But there'll be a lot of very good people out there looking out for me."
"Okay."
"Is there anything else you want to talk about?"
"Not really."
"Alright. How about I order us pizza and you tell us all about what Jennifer said today?"
"That sounds nice. Thanks, Sam. I'm sorry I shouted at you."
"It's okay, honey, I get it."
---
The next two weeks went by far too quickly for Sam's liking. Things were a bit of a blur of packing for Atlantis, college open days, and the surprising amount of admin that came with planning to leave the planet for a while.
They'd arranged for Sam's paycheck to go to Janet while she was gone, given Sam wasn't likely to need it in another galaxy. Officially, it was filed as child support for Cassandra, but everyone knew it was a little more than that. Sam finally sold her little apartment, not that she'd really been there in a while, and everything she owned but wasn't taking to Pegasus was either sold or stored away in Janet's basement.
Cassie got to tour around more colleges than should be possible in two weeks, a favour called in from Caldwell on the Daedalus notwithstanding. She insisted in one "proper road trip", though, and they spent the long, long drive up to California listening to a whiplash-inducing blend of Sam and Janet's favourite music, hounding Cassandra with questions about what she liked and didn't like about every college they'd seen so far, and occasionally quizzing Sam on the names of everyone on the Atlantis expedition so she'd at least know a little about all of them.
Janet wasn't completely given leave of the SGC, given she was CMO and all, but whenever she was at the mountain it gave Sam and Cassandra some time to themselves. They watched some of their favourite movies, and Cassandra even let Sam take her shopping, but naturally she still hated everything Sam thought was nice. Much to Janet's faux disapproval, Cassandra even got some more motorbike lessons in an empty car park.
"It's bad enough worrying about you," Janet would say, "but now you're putting her on one of those death traps!" But she was never serious, and she loved that they were both so happy.
Sam made sure she spent as much time as she could with Janet, too, getting them a table at a fancy Italian place where they ate delicious food and drank too much wine, getting home far too late and staying up even later. They stayed in the day after, only getting dressed and coming downstairs to be handily beaten at Scrabble by Cassandra and to hear about her day at school. It almost felt like it wouldn't ever end.
---
Her last day on Earth, Sam hauled all her bags into the back of Jack's truck, neither her bike or Janet's car big enough for all of them and her stuff. Jack caught Sam's arm just before she got in.
"Hey, I'm sure it's gonna get hectic in there so while we're here," he pulled her into a hug. "You're gonna do great out there. There's nobody better to lead that expedition."
"Thank you, sir. That really means a lot. I'm just so worried I'm leaving everything unfinished here."
"It's not like you'll stop solving all that secrets-of-the-universe stuff, you'll just be doing it a little further away is all."
"I guess you're right."
Cassandra was up in front with Jack, chatting animatedly about anything and everything. Sam and Janet got one last bit of alone time, hands overlapping on the scratched leather of the back seat. The last two weeks had been so busy, and that one last quiet moment could never have been long enough. Still, they held on to it as long as they could.
Tires crunched into the gravel as Jack pulled the truck to a stop. They all piled out, each grabbing one of Sam's bags and wandering into the SGC. After a dozen pages of paperwork for Cassandra, she got her visitor badge and they took the two long elevator rides to level 28. Sam was suddenly struck by a memory of taking a much longer elevator ride down, holding a much smaller Cassandra's hand. This time, though, she couldn't go back for her. A tear slowly rolled down her cheek, and she felt Janet reach up and brush it away. She knew what Sam must have been thinking.
All Janet wanted was to hit the button for the surface and run away, keep them all together where she could see them. But it wasn't possible. They needed Sam out there, badly. And the great conflicts of the universe had never really cared that maybe she needed Sam here, too.
Daniel, Cam, and Teal'c were waiting in the gate room to see her off. They each hugged her, each wishing her good luck.
"When I first left Chulak, Master Bra'tac told me; draw from your past, but never let the past draw from you."
"That's good advice."
"We will all miss you, Samantha Carter. But wherever you go, SG-1 will not be far away."
"Thanks, Teal'c."
"We've still got your back, Sam. Give 'em hell from us."
"I'll do my best, Cam." she replied, with a small laugh.
"There's nobody I'd trust more," Daniel added. "You'll make an amazing expedition leader."
She was near tears by the time she walked towards the stargate, the rush of the vortex just fading in her ears.
"Wait, Sam!" Cassandra rushed forward towards her, tackling her with a hug. "I'm gonna miss you."
"I'll miss you too, honey."
"Here, this is from me and mom... to keep us close." She held out a little package, neatly wrapped in blue paper.
"Oh, Cassie, thank you. I'll see you real soon, okay?" Sam looked up at everyone in the room, her closest friends, her gaze coming to rest on Janet.
"Goodbye." She said it to the room, but Janet knew it was for her.
The blue light of the event horizon dancing across her face, she turned, and stepped into Atlantis.
---
The gate room was gorgeous. Beautifully intricate designs snaked up the square pillars which held the control room, a criss-cross of walkways filtering the sunlight from above into fractal patterns that danced across the floor. Stood before her was what seemed to be the whole assembled staff of Atlantis, apparently waiting for her to speak. She'd been so wrapped up in everything the last couple weeks she hadn't even given a thought to what she'd say when she got here.
"I can't tell you how honoured I am to accept this position. I know there's a lot I need to get up to speed with, but I'm coming here fully committed to this expedition, and most importantly to each and every one of you. Thank you."
McKay and Colonel Sheppard stepped forward to meet her as the rest of the crowd began to disperse.
"Nice speech."
"Thanks! Made it up on the spot, I hope it wasn't too formal."
"It was great. Want to check out your new digs?"
"Lead the way, Colonel."
The office overlooking the control room was pretty bare. All of Elizabeth's things had been shipped back to Earth now. Sam dropped her bag down and sat, watching two technicians take diagnostics from the gate.
She turned the small blue parcel over in her hands, strangely hesitant to open it. It was wrapped so neatly, a surgeon's steady hand so evident in every fold of the paper. She opened it as carefully as she could, sighing in exasperation when she slipped and tore through one side. Still, the paper came off in mostly one piece.
It was a simple framed photo; her, Janet, and Cassie at the top of Yosemite Falls, bundled together with the wind throwing their hair all over the place. The view was stunning in all directions, but the Sam in the photo was looking down at Janet, the happiest she'd ever seen herself. She'd been so excited to go on a proper hike like that with them. The weather hadn't been the best, but hiding under an outcrop and failing to eat a sandwich while the wind tried its hardest to steal it away was all she could ever want, as long as she had them both.
She barely noticed herself tearing up until a droplet landed on the glass of the frame. She wiped her eyes, and set the photo up on her desk, just to the left. So she'd see them every time she looked towards the gate, and know that they were still waiting out there for her.