Chapter Text
The Amphibian King was a proud creature. His physique, although dwarfed by any human child over the age of four, kept him looming above every other beast in his kingdom. He was a stoic man of few words, whose willpower was as iron as his stomach. He never met anything he couldn’t handle, and that included the insect who had presently set the entire Beaverton Glade on fire.
Titus, his mother had once called him, when introducing him to the rest of the Great Animal Council. He had the same hunger in his demeanor that the Queen did, even as a caterpillar. The Amphibian King had always been wary of him… or perhaps he kept his distance because he was always feeling a bit peckish during their meetings, and the insect royals were just so small and gooey…
The Insect King had made for a good snack, despite the poisons laced within his body from the little monarch’s all-milkweed diet. Most of the time, the Amphibian King wouldn’t bat an eye at scarfing down on a butterfly like that. He was a royal, after all. He could digest things that other frogs couldn’t simply by sheer force of will. But today, of all days, was different. Today, he had not only eaten a normally-toxic butterfly, but now, he had been running laps around the forest with the rest of the other animal royals.
And- wouldn’t you know it- that specific combination of things had given him a really upset tummy!
Weird, right?
As the Amphibian King leapt up the rising slopes of the Super-Lodge, he felt his stomach gurgle uncomfortably. His vocal sac inflated as he let out an unsteady croak, quickly pushing his tongue around in his maw. If he wasn’t already green, he would be turning it by now. He concentrated, not wanting to spit out the little brat who had called his kingdom stupid, but as he scrambled up the dam, it was like he was being flung through a whirlpool. When he finally reached the top, he let out a decisive cough, only to see something small and orange fall from his mouth with a disgustingly wet smack.
“...Five second rule. Still good,” Amphibian King said to no one in particular, opening his mouth and rearing his tongue up.
“Wait-!” He heard a voice call from across the dam. He squinted- he was pretty sure they said “wait”. Their thick accent was messing with his perception of speech.
His head tilted up, only to be met face-to-face with the baby-faced girl who had climbed up onstage at the rally.
Ahh. Human accent.
The girl- what was her name again, Marble?- ran over to where the Amphibian King was standing, crouching down as she scooped up the unconscious body of the Insect King in her hands.
“Is this- Titus?” She asked. “Is he still- y’know-”
“Hope not,” Amphibian King pouted. “Just crowned new queen. Ant. Runs lifestyle blog.”
Mandle stared at him, sighing in defeat. He rolled his eyes. Not his fault the humans couldn’t figure out animal speech after all these years stomping around. The girl gently shifted her hands, studying Titus’ legs, his wings, every part of his small, broken body, searching for signs of movement.
“Human girl,” He croaked. “Check on backstabbing insect later. Diane coming.” He gestured to the cloudy sky ahead of both of them.
The human girl looked up, seeing the nearby silhouette of the Fish Queen flying in.
“Oh, crap-” She said quietly, waving her arms every which way as the Mammal King and some of his soft-hearted subjects ran to the opposite side of the dam with her.
Amphibian King simply watched as the Fish Queen came to rest beside him, cheering Diane on as she gnashed through the dam without breaking a sweat.
“Nice,” He said simply.
“I choose my people well,” Fish Queen said back with a smug grin.
The two aquatic royals washed as the rushing water they called home burst through the demolished dam, twisting and crashing through the woods towards the glade as it snuffed out every last bit of flames, bringing down the humans’ wretched rally stage with it. As the rushing waters died down, the other royals began to join them.
“Y’know, we should really do this more often,” The Bird King mused, a wing idly scratching at his beak.
“Totally,” The three Reptile Queens all said in unison.
“Starting a routine is actually one of the key tenets of maintaining a friendship, you know?” The new Ant Queen piped up, a few of her fellows carrying her over a stick as she came to join the others. The group nodded thoughtfully at her sage advice.
“...Now, where’s that human girl going?” Fish Queen said, leaning off the edge of her bowl to watch as the kid practically barrelled down the steep hills of the former Super-Lodge.
“To help,” The Mammal King said with a smile, finally making his way over to the rest of the Council. “Because that’s the kind of person she is.”
Mabel had almost wiped out about 10 times since she had first started running across the woods from the Super-Lodge. She felt the ground get drier as she began to breach the path into the Glade, leaping over the trunks of dead trees as fast as she could throw her body. Normally, she’d slow down to scan the charred remains of the Glade she fought so hard for- Even now, she was achingly curious as to just how bad the damages were. The thing that kept her charging forward, though, was the butterfly she was carrying in her hands.
Sure, Titus was a homicidal maniac. Sure, he was planning to kill dozens of humans and planned to kill hundreds of animals. And sure, he laughed in her face when she tried to extend an olive branch the last time. But as she held his body in her hands, she could feel weight. His wings, though weighed down by the Amphibian King’s saliva, twitched every few minutes. It meant he was still alive. And if he was still alive, that meant there was still a chance to save him. She didn’t know how the little bug was raised- not well, clearly, if he was so hungry for a good squish, but she knew what her grandma had taught her.
“You always have to keep an eye out for the little guy, kid,” Grandma Tanaka told Mabel in a hushed voice as she carried the spider they had caught outside. “Bugs do a lot of hard work for us and they sure don’t get thanked for it!”
“Even spiders?” Mabel piped up, hiding behind her grandma as she looked at the creepy-crawly.
“Especially spiders! They get a bad rap because people are scared of them. But who would catch all those annoying flies? Then in your ear all day, you’d hear-” Grandma Tanaka leaned down to press her mouth up near Mabel’s ear. “BZZZZZ-!!”
Mabel shrieked, giggling as she waved off her grandma. “Hahaha-! Stop it, stop it!”
Grandma smirked. “You’ve got spiders to thank for that, kid.”
The two of them crouched, finally releasing the cup as the spider harmlessly toddled away into the grass. Mabel watched it studiously.
“One day you won’t be so little too, y’know,” Grandma said softly. “And you’ll be able to do all the stuff grown-ups do. But the little guys? They stay little forever. That’s why they need a big girl like you looking out for ‘em.”
Mabel finally cleared the outer edge of the glade, gravel being kicked out of place by her one-person stampede. She could feel water getting kicked up under her feet as she rushed back into civilization, passing by the flock of firefighters that were watching the flooded streets with awe. In the centre of the robe, still in a wifebeater and boxers, was Jerry, holding onto a gnawed-off twig. She passed by him, their eyes met-
“Mabel!” Jerry shouted. “There you are! Hold on, where are you going- kid!” He watched as she blazed right past him, immediately breaking into a run of his own. “Kid, get back here, we’re not done talking! You should really get in an ambulance and-”
“Not now, Jerry!” Mabel yelled back. “I need to see Dr. Sam, like, immediately! It’s life or death!”
“You’re gonna go on foot all the way to the university?! That’s your big plan? That’s a terrible plan! MABEL!-” Jerry reached out and grabbed her by the shirt, finally noticing the absence of that ratty green jacket she always had on her.
Mabel looked back at the mayor, attempting to yank free of his grip for the second time that day. He took a second to catch his breath, then spoke again.
“Let me drive you. You’re gonna collapse at this rate,” He offered.
Mabel let out a sigh of relief.
“Yeah. Sure,” She said, turning back to him. It was then, when the two were standing face-to-face, that he saw her cradling the crumpled figure of a butterfly in her hands.
“...You can’t be serious,” Jerry balked.
“Just get in the car, Jerry,” Mabel said.
Placing a hand to his temple, Jerry let out a very long and very tired sigh that was one bad thing away from just sounding like a death rattle.
“Fine. Whatever. I’m already so done with today. This might as well just- okay,” He grumbled. “Come on. My assistant said she’d lend me her car.”
Mabel and Jerry both walked over to a black sedan, where the mayor’s assistant handed him some keys with a sympathetic smile.
“The news crew saw you helping out with the rescue efforts on the front lines,” She said reassuringly. “Beaverton’ll still know who’s got their back.”
“Thanks,” Jerry mumbled, popping the lock to the driver’s seat as he got in. “Be back soon. With a public statement. However the hell I’m gonna manage to explain this.”
His assistant nodded, shooting him a thumbs up for good luck. With a click of the “start engine” button, Mabel and Jerry were off, one of them still charred with a nearly-dead butterfly in their hands, and the other still very much in his underwear.
This was going to be an incredibly awkward car ride.
“So,” Jerry began, after a minute or so of silence. “About the Beltway.”
Mabel stiffened up, looking away from him. “You already said you were gonna build it, Jerry. We don’t have to have this conversation.”
Jerry sighed, drumming his fingers on the wheel as he looked up at the annoyingly-timed red light in front of him.
“I’m- I’m really not a bad guy, Mabel. I know you’ve got the idea in your head that I do this because I love highways and I hate animals, but I live here, same as you do,” He started idly. “You been downtown much?”
Mabel shrugged. “...I guess. Not, like, downtown-downtown. But I skate to uni.”
“Psh-” Jerry waved her off. “That’s not downtown. I mean the shopping district. A bunch of those trendy young-people shops have real estate there. It’s driven our tourism way up! But all the architecture here, Mabel… It’s old. And old means hard to build around. So now we’ve got a downtown that’s a hotspot, so that puts more cars on the road, and more cars means more traffic, which lengthens commutes, so now suddenly it’s rush hour and you’re in standstill traffic because everyone’s doing the same thing you’re doing! And now nobody can get anywhere and we’re stuck on the highway for hours!”
“...We’ve had this conversation, like, a million times,” Mabel admitted, turning towards him
“We… sure have,” Jerry sighed. He stole a curious glance at Mabel. “...But it feels like this is the longest you’ve listened to me without yelling.”
She shrugged. “It’d be kinda stupid to yell at the guy giving me a ride, right?”
Jerry nodded. She had him there.
“...George,” She started, with Jerry giving her a sidelong glance. “Uh- the Mammal King. His lodge was, like, super crowded. Every time anyone got pushed out of their homes, he’d just invite ‘em over, and that was it. He’s such a sweet guy, but… I really couldn’t walk two steps without bumping into someone.”
“And this is… when you were a beaver,” Jerry commented, seemingly still a bit baffled at the whole concept despite Hopping himself.
“Uh, yes, obviously,” Mabel snorted. “But, like… I don’t know. Living in that place seemed kinda miserable. Animals piled on top of each other, and nobody could do anything about it. I guess- y’know. Your stupid highway is you trying to look after your people. We’re all in this together.”
“Thank you,” Jerry said with a sigh. “See? It really isn’t so-”
“But you still totally broke the law,” Mabel shot back.
“Technically not illegal,” Jerry mumbled.
“That doesn’t make you sound any better!” She interjected. “And your big dumb highway is only making the animals’ habitats worse, even if it’s useful!”
Jerry paused, taking a right turn as he began weaving through Beaverton U’s various campus roads.
“Maybe the Beltway could be relocated,” He offered quietly.
“Mmm?” Mabel looked up.
“The Beltway. I could relocate it. And- your glade, we could make it a preserve,” Jerry repeated. “The construction’s already going to need re-doing from the fire damage. And- that dam was the only reason the damage wasn’t worse. If that’s not some sort of sign, I don’t know what is.”
“You could have relocated it the whole time?!” Mabel groaned.
“It’s not like it’s that easy!” Jerry retaliated. “We’re gonna have to get new permits, and find a path through that doesn’t disturb too many residential neighborhoods- And I’m kinda terrified that some of those animals might still have a vendetta against me! What if they break a leopard out of the zoo and it mauls my face?! I like having an intact face!”
Mabel smiled tiredly. “...Y’know what, it’s a start. If we’re gonna live in the same city, then we should be talking about this stuff.”
Jerry paused, giving her a quaint little half-smile.
“As annoying as you are, kid,” he said. “It’s nice that you actually speak to your legislators. You don’t see that too often these days.”
“Who wouldn’t wanna bother the mayor? It’s literally free,” Mabel snorted.
The interior lights of the sedan quietly flicked on as Jerry glanced at the shady-looking back entrance of the campus’ science department.
“We are at the right place, yeah? I didn’t get a great look at it last time for… obvious reasons,” Jerry asked.
Mabel nodded, beginning to undo her seatbelt as she got out, shifting Titus to her left hand as she shut the door with her right. “Yep. Just as creepy as I remember. C’mon. I think the doors should still be unlocked.”
The two of them entered through the doors, travelling down the claustrophobic cement halls as they passed about a dozen “NO TRESPASSING” signs. Jerry opened his mouth to make a comment on how obvious that it should have been that Mabel shouldn’t have been here to begin with, but quickly shut it as he remembered every time he caught her scaling the fence of an active construction site.
They finally reached the door to the lab. Just as Mabel suspected, in order for all the rogue animals to easily access the room, the keycard swiper had been completely busted. From what she could see, it seemed to be littered with puncture wounds, likely from a group of snakes. She grabbed the handle, moving away from the sparking reader, and swung the door open.
“Dr. Sam! Dr. Sam!” Mabel yelled, immediately rushing through the cluttered mess of the workshop.
Jerry was about to follow her, but then paused. He technically wasn’t needed after this point, was he? He was just Mabel’s ride.
…Oh, what the hell, he was here anyway. And he’d actually really like to speak with those scientists, come to think of it. If they could make a statement about the fact they had made a robot doppelgänger, that would be fantastic. That would be one less nightmare on his plate. He yanked the door open, going through the darkened workshop. He gulped, casually walking past grim recreations of his own face and headless torso. He should have known they’d still be here, considering none of them had the time to clean up the mess they had left behind, but it was still horrifying.
When Jerry pushed past the curtain to the lit segment of the lab, there he saw Mabel and the three scientists he had briefly encountered before.
“It’s Titus,” She explained hurriedly. “He’s still alive.”
The three of them didn’t have any reaction, causing Mabel to groan in frustration.
“The Insect King! Look!” She held up the unconscious butterfly, and Nisha immediately leapt into action.
“Not anymore it won’t be!” She sneered, grabbing a nearby flyswatter.
“No!” Mabel yelled. “We need to help him! We- we need to try! If he’s still breathing, then we can still-”
“Mabel,” Dr Sam said cautiously, with the sort of tone she had now come to recognize from the doctor. “I’m sorry, but… Even though that butterfly… surpassed the limits of what they can usually do… At the end of the day, we’re not veterinarians… And… it is an insect. They don’t live for very long to begin with.”
Mabel frowned, looking down at Titus. “I’m not dumb. I know that. I just thought- because you three love animals as much as I do, that I just- we could just-”
Conner leaned down, studying Titus’ form. “Little guy isn’t gone yet, per se. He’s lucky his wings’re still intact. If they tore, he would have really been a goner.”
“Let’s try not to get her hopes up, Conner,” Dr. Sam whispered with a wince.
“What? I mean, it’s true. The wings’re fine. Only issue is he took a real bad beating. If he wakes up, the strain on his body from trying to keep himself alive would probably kill him within ten minutes,” Conner went on to explain. “I don’t think there’s a win here. He’d need to be unconscious for multiple days to heal, but the only way to sedate a butterfly is refrigeration, and doing it for that many times in quick succession, would… also kill ‘im. I’m sorry, Mabel.”
“It’s over, kid,” Jerry said, stepping into the conversation as he parted the curtain, it being pulled back to reveal the rest of the workshop. “It’s time to let it go.”
“Now-” He continued, looking up at Dr. Sam. “If you three aren’t busy, I really think we should talk about how to explain what you did.”
Dr. Sam was quiet. So was Mabel. The two of them stared at the workshop pieces that stood just behind Jerry.
“...What. What now,” Jerry asked. “Mabel, you’ve got that look on your face. You have some- some crazy idea again, don’t you? And you! You should know better! What are you looking at-”
Jerry’s sentence died in his mouth as he whirled around, bumping directly into the Hopping helmet that stood behind him.
“So… Conner…” Mabel muttered. “You’re saying, if there was a way to sedate Titus’ body for a while without the fridge… Then he could heal. Right?”
“I- I mean- yeah, probably? But, again, the fridge is also usually how we euthanize butterflies, so it’s really not-” Conner stammered.
“The dean’s going to catch wind of what we did any day now,” Dr. Sam said. “Especially if Mr. Generazzo releases a statement about all this.”
She stepped towards the Hopping helmet, rubbing it fondly like a prized pet. Then, she drifted further into the workshop, picking up one of the robotic skulls they had feverishly cobbled together under the watchful eye of some very venomous reptiles.
“Nisha, Conner…” She said, looking up at them. “Why don’t we send Hopping out with a bang?”
The two scientists, needing only a few moments to connect the dots, nodded, walking over to Dr. Sam’s table. Jerry, meanwhile, watched them all walk over, face twisting in confusion.
“Wha- what are you all-” He asked, before the realization hit him like a ton of bricks.
“Wha- No! No, absolutely not! You guys aren’t gonna give that little maniac my FACE again, are you?! Hello?! Don’t I get any say in this?! It’s my FACE!!” Jerry howled. He combed his hands through his hair, nearly yanking it out from stress.
“It’ll just be for a little,” Dr. Sam said soothingly. “And we have a way to make sure he doesn’t leave the lab.”
Mabel unfurled the blueprints they had sketched out, a massive grin on her face. “This is crazy. I can’t believe we’re actually going for it!”
“I know,” Dr. Sam whispered with a grin. “I haven’t felt this exhilarated since I was back in grad school!”
“You’re all ridiculous. I can sue over this, you know!” Jerry huffed.
“You already have a case against us,” Nisha said, looking behind her back. “We already made the first robot. What are you going to do, sue us more?”
“Maybe!” Jerry yelled.
“Mabel, would you be a dear and go through the lockers on the far side of the room? They have some spare clothes that we used to use for all-nighters. I think Mr. Generazzo would be a lot less grumpy if he had some clothes on,” Dr. Sam said as she uncorked a Sharpie.
Mabel nodded. She gently placed Titus in one of the little terrariums the scientists had on their desks, before gesturing for Jerry to follow her.
“I’m grumpy because you four insist on playing God and using my likeness!!” Jerry protested to deaf ears. He sighed, resigning himself to his fate as he wandered over to the lockers with Mabel.
“I can’t believe I’m actually letting this happen,” He groaned, pushing aside the box labelled “Nisha” as he could tell from one glance that she was at least two sizes below him.
“Y’know, a good mayor is open to taking risks. Or something like that, probably,” Mabel said with a chuckle as she shifted through Conner’s spare clothes. “Besides, aren’t you a little curious about the guy? It’s like you don’t care that we got the chance to talk to animals.”
“That’s because I don’t care,” Jerry huffed, buttoning up one of Conner’s spare shirts. “Whatever they’re saying, it’s clearly none of my business.”
“Oh, come on. You don’t mean that. What if it was a horse you got to talk to?” Mabel teased with a grin.
“That doesn’t count. Every jockey wants to talk to their horse,” Jerry deflected, hopping on one leg as he pulled up a pair of slacks.
“Sure it doesn’t,” Mabel snickered.
Although the outfit sat a little awkwardly on him, Jerry was more than happy to accept the change of clothes he now had on. A plain white collared shirt that he rolled up, and a pair of black slacks. It was like the suit had never even been stolen off his body! As he walked back with Mabel, he put his hands in his pockets, casually sitting in the chair he had just been tied up in a few hours earlier. Eugh, he could still feel his sweat on it. Mabel plopped down opposite to him.
“So.. how long do you think this is gonna take?” Jerry asked cautiously. “I do still have work tomorrow. I need my beauty sleep.”
“You’re askin’ the wrong girl, man,” Mabel shrugged. “But the turnaround on the first Robo-Jerry seemed kinda quick, and they’ve got a bunch of spare parts for that. I’m sure you’ll be outta here in no time.”
“With my statement,” Jerry grumbled.
“Of course,” Mabel said condescendingly.
The minutes went by, and with nothing else to do, Mabel found herself recounting most of her time as a beaver to her captive audience of one. Naturally, Jerry wasn’t too amused at the part of the story where she riled up the Council and got them to place a hit on him, but it wasn’t like she could omit that part! Eventually, the conversation devolved into the two of them talking about how awkward it felt to have a beaver tail constantly dragging behind them while they were Hopping. Mabel never would have expected her and Jerry would have had that in common a few days ago. Their talking got interrupted only once or twice by Dr. Sam poking her head out and asking Mabel to grab some more spare clothes- This time, she grabbed an orange plaid shirt from Conner's box.
The curtain was finally pulled back, and the three scientists stepped back into the light with barely-subdued pride on their faces, revelling in their efficiency.
“Ta-da!” Dr. Sam chirped, presenting her handiwork. Standing dormant behind them was the second robotic copy of Jerry that had been built that night, still eerily accurate to the mayor- Jerry could only thank his lucky stars that they had the decency to give the hunk of junk a different outfit than him this time.
Conner walked over to the terrarium, scooping up the unconscious Titus as he set him down on a perch inside the Hopping helmet. He swallowed roughly before giving the other two a thumbs-up. Nisha walked over to the nearby computer, typing in a string of code before flipping on all the switches. The familiar “HOPPING…” loading bar flashed on screen, and a bright blue spark emerged out of the connecting wire. Good. That meant it was working. The little spark zipped through the cord in seconds, before a bassy noise echoed through the room, and the robotic vessel jittered to life.
The first thing it did was take in a horrible, rattling gasp, the simple act of breathing through one’s lungs now sounding like an alien sensation in an inhuman vessel. The robot’s eyes blinked as it stared ahead for a few moments, eyelids twitching as it got its bearings.
And then-
Titus grinned.
His legs bent down to the floor as he slapped a hand down, getting into a squat that made Jerry wince, as the Insect King reared up and attempted to pounce directly on Mabel. She narrowly managed to duck out of the chair, rolling away as Titus slammed into the seat’s back rest, pretty much immediately offsetting his silicone mask again.
“Titus- Titus, wait-!” Mabel yelled, sounding more annoyed than terrified.
“Spare me the lecture, HUMAN!” He cackled, climbing up on the chair on all fours as he began to jump at her again. “Your head’s gonna be the topper for the flag of my new kingdo-”
A loud buzzing sound played, and Titus’ body did what could only be described as “ragdolling”. He squeaked pathetically.
“Hey- what the-!? Why’s this stupid human body not working?! Useless, pathetic, STUPID-”
“We disabled your movement,” Nisha said, cutting him off. She held up a remote control- the other two held one up at the same time. “Which we can do at any time, mister. So you can either sit there like a dullard, or you can be mature and get to use that body you kidnapped us for.”
Titus growled, nearly frothing at the mouth with anger. He tried to get his body moving again, but all it did was sag uselessly against the ground. He sighed, robotic eyes nearly rolling back into his head.
“Uuuuuuuugh,” He sighed. “UUUUUUUUUGH. Fine. I’ll get my revenge when I break those stupid things.”
“Yeah, not happening,” Nisha rolled her eyes right back. She pressed the button again, as Titus’ fingers twitched with motion. With a few awkward twists that definitely would have broken the real Jerry’s neck, Titus righted himself, tugging on the Jerry mask until it sat right on his face. In the scuffle, two of the mask’s hairs had become unslicked, sticking up stubbornly on his head like cowlicks. In a way, they almost looked like antennae. Titus blew out a puff of air like a cantankerous teenager, sitting in the third armchair that had formerly been for Hopping, arms crossed.
“You ready to talk like an adult?” Mabel asked.
Titus grunted stubbornly.
“You want us to catch you up on what you missed?” She continued.
“Where’s my crown,” Titus hissed. “I want my crown.”
Mabel stifled a laugh. “Dude, that crown isn’t yours. You’re not the Insect King anymore. Amphibian King gave it to an ant.”
“An ANT?!” Titus shrieked. “Of all the rotten, low-life, worthless choices- How dare they?! I TOOK CHARGE WHEN NO ONE ELSE WOULD!”
“Yeah, and then you called for the death of everyone besides insects! What’s not clicking?!” Mabel argued.
Titus let out a guttural growl, with Jerry flinching.
“Wasn’t aware my vocal chords could do that,” Jerry whined.
Mabel nodded curtly, staring down the furious Titus with a confident calmness.
“No answer to that, I see,” She said simply.
“Hmph,” Titus sneered. “I was just taking what I was owed.”
Jerry guffawed incredulously. “Owed? What you were owed, you nutcase?! In what world does that equal you killing everyone and stealing my face?! I’ll have you know, young man, that most of us were perfectly okay with letting you die! Mabel’s the one who wanted to try and save you! And she’s causing me a hell of a lot of trouble just so that you get to live another week or however long you butterflies live!”
Titus’ cheeks would have burned red if they had blood flowing through them. Young man?! The Human King had some nerve. Not an ounce of royal blood in him and he thinks he can go around mouthing off to people like that.
“...Up to six weeks, idiot,” Titus scoffed. “Not that you’d care. You vertebrates hardly understand how precious time is.”
“Well, excuuuuuuse me, Your Majesty,” Jerry sighed, rolling his eyes. He tried to ignore how Titus smirked at his sarcastic usage of the title.
Titus sat back, legs spread wide as he glared the group down.
“So this is your grand plan, then? Keep me hostage as a political prisoner? Humiliate the scorned king of the insects by not letting him go back and seize his crown?” He said coldly.
“Well- you wouldn’t really be able to do it in your own body, buddy. It was on the brink of death,” Conner piped up.
Titus furrowed his brow, craning his neck around to the Hopping helmet. His lips turned up at the sight.
“Of course. Of course I was. That accursed, tiny body is just so… fragile,” He grumbled. He lifted his hand up, flexing out his fingers as he felt the subtle whirring of machinery beneath the silicone. “With a body like this… people listen to you.”
Titus’ mouth twisted into a crooked smile as he remembered being “Jerry” at the rally. It was nothing short of magnificent. He barely even had to speak, and the masses celebrated, hanging onto his every word. He felt like a god. And how wonderful it felt to not be looked down on, leered at, by the rest of the animal kingdom… For once, people had looked at him with respect. It made him feel… warm inside.
“...He’s got a point,” Jerry piped up. “It’s nice and all that you guys got to play arts and crafts one more time, but… The people of Beaverton have questions. I need to answer them. And- ideally- I would like that answer to include as little negligence on my part as possible. I’d… I’d like you to explain Hopping to the public. Please.”
Dr. Sam sighed, visibly wilting a little.
“I really don’t know if people would believe that animals took control of our equipment. Nisha, Conner… You’re both still so bright. Let me take the fall for this. All of this. I’ll omit all of this Council business. The world will just have to know me as the lady who invented a robot who immediately went rogue,” She said with a sigh.
“You can’t!” Nisha protested. “It’s not fair that it’s just you! You’ll be charged for negligence! For creating a robotic weapon! For- for causing a natural disaster-!”
“We kinda did do that, though,” Conner said with a wince. “And I don’t think you can have animals tried in court.”
“There’s gotta be some sort of defense for this! What’s the “insanity” defense for being held hostage by snakes?!” Nisha retaliated.
“Well- someone has to say something!” Jerry spoke up. “I don’t love being in the position of exposing your felonies to the world, but it’s not fair to let people think I started that fire! And even beyond that, people are gonna think that I- I do substances!!”
“I can’t go to jail!” Dr. Sam admitted in a panic. “I’m only two years away from retirement! What about my pension?!”
Before long, everyone was yelling at each other, playing the most high-stakes game of the blame game ever. The only one not scrambling to get a word in was Titus, who was soaking in the excitement with a shit-eating grin on his face, taking the time to undo the buttons on his shirt and let his beloved plumage breathe.
“Look, Jerry, can’t you just say there was an electrical fire or something and say you had a case of the Mondays? I really don’t see any other way to-” Mabel said, but she was cut off by a heavy sound that almost got lost in the shouting.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
“The door? Why’s someone at the door? Is it the dean? Oh, goodness, Nisha… Nisha, catch me, I’m feeling faint-” Dr. Sam whined.
“They’re knocking again!” Conner yelped, covering his head.
“Quick! Someone hide me! I can’t let people see the mayor of Beaverton consorting with the mad scientists like this!” Jerry shouted.
“Hey-!” Nisha said.
“No- hide TITUS!” Jerry continued, scrambling to drape a lab coat over the robot’s face as Titus cackled like a boy on his birthday, lifting it back up. Jerry, meanwhile, dove under a table, covering his face and mumbling nonsense about his career being ruined.
The madness was only halted by the mysterious knocker realizing the card reader was completely busted, as the door swung open to reveal… not the dean, but two strangers in suits. Two strangers who proceeded to flash some alarming-looking badges.
“FBI. We’re looking for a Mr. Jerry Generazzo. We got an anonymous tip that he would be here?” The leading agent spoke. He had clearly-fake blonde hair and a tan, but his pouty glare made it certain to everyone that he meant business. The agent behind him was a pale woman with blunt bangs and messy, waist-length hair. The group hadn’t seen many FBI agents in their combined lives, sure, but all of them were struck with the sense that these two were… fairly oddball choices for the job.
Not wanting to get in even deeper legal trouble, Dr. Sam was about to bend over and ask Jerry to come out from under the table, when she heard the too-heavy stomps of someone who clearly didn’t understand how walking worked yet.
“Uh-oh,” She mumbled.
“GREETINGS, humans! It’s me, JERRY! Are you here to rescue me from my CAPTORS? Lead the way!” Titus announced, wobbling like a drunkard as he nearly slammed into Mabel, then a wall, coming to a stop in front of the two agents.
“HEY! If you think I’m gonna let you do that a second time, you little brat-” Jerry yelled, immediately standing out from under the table and grabbing Titus by his open collar.
“How DARE you speak to me that way, you lowly CUR?! You’ll get your snivelling cowardly little human butt back under that table before I bite your neck and suck out all your nectar-” Titus yelled back.
“...Oh my god, there really is two of them,” The taller agent said, staring right at the two Jerries in disbelief.
“Sir-” Jerry began to explain. “Sir, you’ve got to believe me, I have had a very long, very hard day, but I promise you, none of this is my fault whatsoever-”
“We’re gonna need you to come with us,” The agent said curtly. He turned to the others, beckoning them closer. “All of you.”
The three scientists gave each other a nervous glance, before following the agents out of the room- each keeping a hold of their Titus remotes in case the insect tried to bolt.
“You too, kid,” The agent said, looking back at Mabel.
“Oh. Uh, me too? Yeah, sure, that’s- yeah. I should have- expected that. Mhm,” She nodded awkwardly. With that, she trailed behind the others, feeling like she was the last baby duck in a row.
The group was herded into a large black van- not unlike the one the scientists had been using just a few hours before. They were loaded into the back compartment, which, alarmingly, felt a lot more like a prisoners’ transport.
“Can we, ahh… Ask where we’re going?” Dr. Sam piped up.
“Or get an estimate when we’ll be back?” Nisha added.
“I really need that estimate,” Jerry nodded feverishly. “My career is on the line here-”
The taller agent put up a hand to silence them coolly.
“I’ll explain everything when we get there. Please try not to leap to too many assumptions. And you-” He pointed to Titus, staring him down. “Don’t get any ideas. We have EMPs.”
“Oooh, EMPs, I’m soooooo scared,” Titus huffed, hands on his hips. His shifty eyes glanced back at them for a bit, and his eyebrow twitched in annoyance when it was clear they wouldn’t tell him what the hell an EMP was.
With that, they were loaded into the back of the van, with the only hint of what was happening being the shorter agent giving them a 20-minute arrival estimate.
The ride was deathly quiet. Not even the oh-so-talkative Titus wanted to burst the choking silence permeating the back of the vehicle, seeming more content to curiously explore the various aspects of Jerry’s face he now wore, prodding at his eyeballs and stretching out his cheeks. Everyone else, meanwhile, was on edge. Things were already bad enough, with the best outcome looking to be that at least one of them had their lives ruined, but with the FBI involved… things could be going from bad to worse. Mabel felt sick to her stomach as she saw all the others around her cowering in fear. She knew the feeling on their faces intimately- they felt powerless.
After an agonizingly long wait, the van came to a halt, and the two agents beckoned for the group to follow them out. Everyone lowered themselves to the ground carefully, aside from Titus, who faceplanted onto the ground. They were herded by the agents further down into a building that surely must have been in their state, but it was anyone’s guess where they were or what the building was. It seemed to be a smaller building attached to a bigger complex, looking more run-down and less modern than the larger one. Once they stepped inside, they were made to take a large elevator. Mabel eyed one agent curiously as she tapped what looked to be the very lowest floor. It intrigued her, but it also made her realize that they were going to be in for another very awkward ride.
The chime of the elevator was a welcome escape from the awkward silence, as everyone got ushered out again, stepping into a mysterious room full of computer feeds that seemed to be tracking the entire world. At the risk of sounding cliche… it looked like something out of a sci-fi movie.
The taller agent sighed, cracking his back and seemingly finally deciding that he would properly talk to the group.
“Okay. I would say “nobody freak out”, but judging by the last few days all of you have had, this is probably on the tamer end of things you’ve seen and heard of. Sit down, sit down,” He urged, waving his hand absently. Everyone plopped into the comfy chairs that had been laid out for them, staring up at the agent curiously.
“So, hi. My name is Agent Greyson Slater, and my partner here is Agent River Woods. We’re two of the agents of the FBI’S Agents for Locating Supernatural Entities department. And we-”
“Hold on, hold on. Wait,” Connr said, squinting. “Your department… Your department is named F.A.L.S.E.?”
“Well, yeah,” Agent Woods said. “Because the supernatural isn’t… “real!””
Everyone groaned at that.
“I- I have some objections,” Dr. Sam spoke up. “We didn’t do anything supernatural. There is a real scientific formula rooted in neuroscience, animal biology, physics, and we worked very hard to make it happen-”
“Okay! Yes! This specific case is science! But it falls under our jurisdiction!” Agent Slater said, voice strained. He was clearly begging for her to just take that as an answer.
“I was basically forced to believe in this Hopping stuff. I’ll concede to that. But you can’t seriously expect us to believe that any of what you’re saying is actually real!” Jerry said hoarsely.
“It’s very real,” Agent Woods said, folding her arms. “Could someone pull up some of our cases, really quick?-” As she spoke, the large screen behind her brought up some grainy-looking camera footage of what appeared to be the Rogers Center.
“Over 20 years ago, 2002. The SkyDome incident,” Agent Woods explained, seemingly waiting for the footage to continue.
On the feed, suddenly, a monstrous red panda pried open the roof, and started rampaging as the crowd below was forced to flee, the only remaining bystanders being one of those kitschy boy bands suspended on the stage. The footage was quickly fast forwarded through by Agent Slater, nodding his head like he’s seen it a million times before.
“Family’s magic allows all women in their lineage to transform into red pandas, disagreement between a mother and daughter gets out of hand, yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah…” Slater said casually.
The screen turned back to its screensaver of the world map as the two agents began to rattle off incidents they had clearly memorized.
“2025, we received reports of clones and aliens being sighted near a military base…” Agent Woods said.
“1950s, we had a whole slew of sea monster sightings near the Italian shores, but those are highly contested…” Agent Slater continued.
“All of that happened! And it’s true! And you’re all giving us really weird looks right now because you’ve never heard of any of this. Right?” Agent Woods said, pointing at them.
“I think I would have heard if a red panda destroyed half of the SkyDome,” Jerry said incredulously.
“That is why you fall under our jurisdiction,” Agent Slater said with a flourish. “Your technology- this so-called Hopping technology- is too dangerous to fall into the hands of the public. But we have the data, and it says every time we try to forcibly separate people from their supernatural connections… they just sneak behind our back and do it more. So- with that being said- F.A.L.S.E. would like to give you, Dr. Sam and associates, the grant money to continue researching Hopping. Refine it, perfect it, make it so that any incidents like this can’t happen again- and, ideally, make it so that these robots don’t explode all the damn time. In exchange, you’ll do it under our authority. You’ll have to keep it a secret from the rest of the world.”
“...That’s certainly a lot to think about,” Dr. Sam mumbled with trepidation. “Continue my life’s work, but nobody can ever know about it, or give it up…”
“You don’t have to decide right away, doctor,” Agent Slater said, his voice softening a bit. “But I will tell you, there is something that will be happening immediately, and I’m afraid we won’t be asking any of your permission for any of it.”
“Mr. Generazzo, and Mr…” Agent Woods trailed off, gesturing a bit awkwardly to Titus.
“King Titus,” He filled in the words for her.
“...Yes, and him. It’s unfortunate that your horsing around caused everyone to see in plain sight that you were replaced by an incredibly advanced humanoid robot. It’s in our best interests to keep that knowledge hidden from the public, otherwise any amateur could try their hand at it and make something awful. That’s why we’re going to be erasing this event,” Agent Woods announced.
Mabel gasped. “You don’t mean-”
“Yep,” Agent Slater nodded. “We’re doing the thing. The Men In Black thing. The Men In Black thing is real and we’re doing it.”
“Does that mean none of us have to go to jail?” Nisha asked.
“Does that mean I’m not gonna get on Wikipedia’s Most Controversial Mayors article?!” Jerry begged.
“Yes, and yes, aaand… Yes,” Agent Slater said, pointing to them as he answered them. “We’ll concentrate our attack on anyone who attended that rally, but more than likely it’ll have to be all of Beaverton.”
“We’ll just replace it with the artificial memory of Mr. Generazzo’s rally falling victim to an electrical fire from a wire malfunction. The process is simple, painless, and has no adverse effects. After that, if none of you want to work on this with us, then you’ll be free to go, and it’ll be like we never met. We just ask that if you choose not to work with us… any and all Hopping experiments must be prohibited.”
“Oh, thank God,” Jerry said, eyes closing in a wave of relief. “Listen, you’re all lovely people but I don’t know if my blood pressure could handle being at the centre of a government conspiracy.”
Dr. Sam put a hand to her chin thoughtfully, idly playing with her beaver pin. She looked up, gaze hardening with determination.
“I’ll do it,” She said. “Hopping was always too risky to go public.”
“I’m in too,” Nisha nodded, raising a hand. “I’ll go anywhere you go, Dr. Sam.”
“Me three!” Conner chirped. “I’m so tired of having to fit three peoples’ worth into a two-person lab!”
Mabel silently raised her hand.
“Um- Dr. Sam? I know I’m kinda the one who got us into this mess, but… I’ll be graduating soon, and I kinda need a job… If the FBI’s footing the bill, would you… I don’t know. Maybe… consider picking up another assistant…?” She asked shyly.
Dr. Sam gave her a warm smile. “I could use someone like you. Someone who’s strong. I think you’re the final push we need to make this whole thing work, Mabel.”
“Really?” She asked, face lighting up.
“I mean, you were the one who successfully integrated into animal society, right?” Conner commented. “Sure, you caused an uprising, but I think that’s promising!”
“We can’t really seem to get rid of you, anyways,” Nisha joked.
Mabel beamed, resisting the urge to just get up and hug the scientists right then and there.
“As for… him,” Agent Slater said, gesturing to Titus. “Any clue what your plans for him are yet?”
“I think he’ll be useful for the project,” Dr. Sam admitted. “I don’t plan on making any more like him, but it can’t hurt to know exactly how it shapes out when an animal Hops, right?”
The agents nodded thoughtfully.
“Then I guess that’s it,” Agent Woods said. “You’re free to use our labs here to your heart’s content. Agent Slater and I will be checking in on you occasionally, and, uh… Mr. Generazzo, I understand you’re not a part of this, but we will be touching base with you occasionally as well.”
“Of course you are,” Jerry said with a sigh.
“Then without further ado… Let’s get you all back in the van!” Agent Slater said, clapping his hands awkwardly.
The ride back was similar to the ride there, although instead of tension, the van was filled with a palpable air of certainty. There wasn’t much to talk about, because everyone was on the same page. The project wasn’t dead, and, thankfully, nobody would be arrested or ruined or whatever the hell else.
As Slater backed into the Beaverton U parking lot, Woods unlocked the doors one last time, handing everyone a business card as they got out. As she got back in and the two of them sped away, everyone at last felt like they had permission to breathe. When they were sure they were gone, Dr. Sam immediately pulled her crew into a celebratory hug, jumping up and down from excitement.
“We’re saved! We’re saved we’re saved we’re saved! Can you believe this?!” She yelled excitedly, the others mirroring her energy.
Meanwhile, Jerry dusted himself off, combing back his hair.
“Alright. Okay. Conner- I’ll, uh, have your outfit back tomorrow. Mabel, please try not to cause any more trouble. And-” He paused, giving an awkward glance to Titus. “...Could you guys please try and give him a new face…?”
Titus stuck his tongue out at Jerry.
“Oh! Oh, yes. Definitely. It’s… it’s on the list,” Dr. Sam chirped, laughing awkwardly.
As Jerry got back into his borrowed car, and the scientists began to head back to theirs, Titus stood there awkwardly, eyebrow twitching in irritation.
“Where am I supposed to stay, huh?! Are you going to lock me up in that lab? Strip me of one more facet of my dignity?!” He shrieked angrily, stomping his foot.
“Well- uh- I actually… live alone right now,” Mabel said softly. “I’ve got a spare bed you can crash in. If you want.”
Titus whirled around to face Mabel, staring her down with a squint.
“...What’s your game, human. Are you trying to extort me? I don’t have anything to give you, in case that hasn’t gotten through your pea-brain!” He exclaimed. “So why do you continue giving boons to your enemy?!”
Mabel shrugged. “I guess… I’ve just been there, y’know? It’s hard being alone. Especially after you lost someone important to you. I mean- Insect aging is weird, but… if you think about it, you and I are kinda the same age, right? Even though we’re grown-ups, we don’t feel… grown, yet.”
Titus rolled his eyes. “Maybe for you, dummy. I literally pupated. What a stupid thing to say. I hope you’re not going to say more stupid things when I go to your stupid house.”
“C’mon,” Mabel said with a smirk. “It’s not that far a walk, even without a skateboard.”
Titus sighed, stumbling after her. “You know, this would be much easier if we had wings. You humans can’t even evolve right.”
“Yeah, yeah. At least we have opposable thumbs.”
“HEY-!”
With that, each car left the parking lot as Mabel and Titus began their walk home on foot.
Against all odds, they had survived.