Work Text:
Kiyotaka woke up.
He always woke up at this time, so late into the night yet so early in the morning. He didn't mind, exactly, but what he did mind is what happened when he woke up. What happens when he wakes up. What will happen.
He could hear his kyondai, his best friend, Mondo. He can hear the biker crying, a sound that will make his ears ring and his eyes water.
He had already accepted that Mondo was dead, so why?
Why wouldn't it stop?
Why won't it?
These questions plagued his mind. They still continue to, even though he doesn't even know what day it is. What day is it? What month? What year, even? It's felt like an eternity since he had even gotten out of bed, and Yasuhiro stopped showing up some time ago. Was he sick of Kiyotaka? Why? Is he, was he not allowed to struggle? Was he not allowed to grieve? Do people hate him for his emotions? These thoughts spinned around in his mind, with no sign of stopping or even getting better.
He could feel nothing but stomach acid make it's way up his throat.
He doesn't have the energy to get up.
Does he sit in it? Will he be destined go bed rot and die slowly? Did he care? Not enough to know if it's even happened yet, or if it happened a month ago. Is he throwing up right now? He felt strange. He won't like it. He hates it. Why couldn't he tell? When will he?
He knew nothing.
So why should he continue to know he's alive?
Why not stop knowing? There's an easy way out in front of him. Or is it hard? Was it hard to move? Will he check?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I want to know.
Why can't I bring myself to move?
I'm worthless.
Maybe it should've been me instead of Mondo. Or Chihiro.
I don't know.