Work Text:
It´s taunting him, the ring on his finger, glistening in the dying daylight. It holds so much symbolism towards Jared that he wants to laugh but his throat feels parched and his tongue feels like it´s glued to the roof of his mouth. There are many things in his life he regrets and he gets that everyone has those things under their belt, no matter how much they might deny it.
It has a bitter taste to it, that regret and it takes him another bottle of beer to wash it down his throat.
He is not drunk, just slightly buzzed and he feels warmth settle in his belly, eyes sliding through the bar he is sitting in. It´s not like he is running. It feels more like he is fleeing.
On his darker days he can´t even look at her anymore and boy is that a step from calling her by her name to become a nameless face. He knows why, they always have known why and her eyes when he tries to imagine her with his closed eyes hold that same sad and defeated look they had once he left for Vegas. Time to breathe, he had told her – getting away from it all.
For a moment there, he almost had believed the lie that had crossed his lips and left his mouth to stand between them like the many little lies they have told each other over the years. It sounds like they have been married for more than thirty years although they haven´t even been together a decade and like everything he thought about in the last days when he should have thought of nothing at all it comes back to Jensen.
Now, Jensen isn´t a person to tell how he feels to the public, doesn´t make grand words out of it and often plays it off as a joke but it´s written all over his face if you are willing to look close enough. Jared has had his fair share of looking. Looking and touching and loving – although maybe they are both crappy at admitting it. Why should they anyway? The fuzzy warmth from the beer he has been drinking turns sour and boils into anger that makes him look down at his hand and at the piece of metal that doesn´t mean a thing to him – so he takes it off.
The next thing he does is slide it into the pocket of his jacket and stare at his phone. He doesn´t even need to dial the numbers, just hits the little speed dial button and waits. He knows it´s the middle of the night for the other man but he cannot tell, because he is in Las Vegas and so is allowed to forget time and place, isn´t he? Well, he hopes he is.
“Tell me you call me because some Stripper finally took your mind off all the shit. That you have a good time.”
For a moment he is so stunned, he laughs and a few other patrons turn around to look at him while the barkeeper wordlessly places another bottle of beer in front of him. He nods in silent thanks before letting a sigh escape into the world. He can nearly see how Jensen scowls, even if he might be bleary eyed and ripped fresh from his bed.
“I miss you.”
He says instead and he would take it back, if it wouldn´t be the god honest truth. He misses Jensen, much more than he lets on, more like they both let on and maybe it isn´t fair towards him because he will be the father of three children soon, a thought that had scared the poor guy half to death and his wife had looked at him and jokingly asked if he would faint soon. The thought about her and Jensen makes him blink back tears all of a sudden. At least the two of them are still friends, so much easier. Oh, Jared knows that those situations cannot be blamed on only one person but he also knows when a fight is lost.
“Then come on home.”
Jensens voice is soft and worried. He hates that a little that Jensen is always so worried about him, always has been and he wants to crack jokes about his inner Dean showing but refrains from doing so because he doesn´t know if anybody is watching or listening. They know better now even it if it has taken a toll on them nobody speaks off.
Paying for his tab, he stands on only slightly unsteady feet and ventures into the world outside the bar, only to discover that yes, the world hasn´t ended yet and the sun will still shine come tomorrow. Heaving another sigh he contemplates what to do, what to say, gripping his phone thighter.
“Jay?”
Ah, yes – he was still trying to talk, or wasn´t he? What did he call for anyway? Raking a hand through his hair, he clutches his phone harder.
“Yeah, I – uh, I take a flight back, tomorrow.”
He hears himself say. He hasn´t even booked the flight yet because he had been happy, had forgotten his sorrows for a while. He even had gambled a bit although he was shitty at it and did have a lividly discussion about Tom Cruise with some old woman that had been an extra in Rain Man. She had been well half past her second (or fifth) Tequila by then and found everything Jared told her unbelievably funny. A smile tugs at his lips when he remembers that and Jensen gives a small laugh over the line.
“So, that why you call? Sharing stories to distract me from what I already know?”
Panic flutters in his chest like a little bird that wants to be free of it´s confinement once and for all but then Jensen speaks again.
“You know, you always had a lousy hand at cards.”
Jared exhales, smile tugging at his lips.
“Yeah, and no Dustin Hoffman at my side.”
Jensen chuckles.
“There is that, yes. Want me to pick you up when you land?”
It´s an easy enough offer, they both know he could brush it off, tell the other man he should stay home, be reasonable for once but then again there is a part of them that not has only become like the characters they portray, it always has been like them.
“That would be awesome.”
He says instead of talking Jensen out of it but he also knows that his mind isn´t as strong and steady as his heart and perhaps never will be but that is okay. He can live with that, has for a while now. It consoles him a little that Jensen is most likely in the same spot. They have been yin and yang to each other since the day they met after all. It´s one of the things he doesn´t regret. He doesn´t regret one single look, or the brush of fingers. He refuses to feel guilty for the thing he wants most in the world.
He only regrets that they both realized it a little too late, after others had been dragged in and that now also innocent children are involved. All of those thoughts make him come to a conclusion however small for nobody but himself. No matter what others might say, he cannot flee from that decision any longer - it wouldn´t be fair.
At the Airport he purchases an envelope and scribbles a post-it note. It´s not his finest hour but it is his most honest for a while now or so he thinks when he lets the ring slide into it along with the note and his hands only tremble slightly once he throws the thing into the mail.
What done is done, he thinks but there is far less weight on his shoulders then there has been in the last few months. Naturally that could be because his thoughts drift to Jensen again and when he sees the other man on the other side of the check out, he has to stifle the laugh that wants to escape.
For he might look like he has spend the last days in Vegas but Jensen looks like he has been in Florida over Spring Break and missed the last ride home.
There is no way in hell he can keep that to himself and it earns him a swat upside the head before he is pulled into a tight hug, held close and it doesn´t even matter that he has to bow down for a bit, being the taller one.
“Next time you could tell me which is your flight, doofus – would be easier to get a little more sleep and not living on cheap coffee for three hours.”
Jared has the grace to blush and look down, still tittering a bit. If Jensen notices the missing ring on his finger he doesn´t say a word. For now. There will be words but he is ready for them, maybe always has been, only took him a little longer to get it all in order. The fingers under his chin are rough and calloused but they lift his face none the less full of tenderness and the warm green eyes looking at him aren´t too tired to speak what maybe is unspoken in words.
“Welcome home.”
Jensen whispers, places a small kiss on the bow of his lips before stepping away and demanding to know how much money Jared has lost playing crabs while they slowly make their way to Jensens car.
END