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"Jack
My deputy, my best friend
What do you see in me?
Seriously, what in the name of god do you see in me?
I waste your help, hell, i even reject it, not because i don't want it, it's because i feel like i don't deserve it.
And I deserve it even less by saying that.
I'm chewing my own tail, creating a vicious circle that i'll never escape from.
But there you are, like sunshine coming out from the little gaps of the curtains that i've forgot to wash months ago.
What i'm triying to say is, i wish you could do better but at the same time i can't help but feel a huge hole in my stomach when i think a life withouth you.
It's been a while since i've felt like this, i miss but also despise this feeling bubbling inside the most sensitive parts of my whole soul.
I wish you feel the same way too, and tell me some day."
The dim light of the bar rested on John's hair, gripping the huge jar of beer with dripping fluffy foam, spacing out in his little mologue as Jack talked about the weird family reunion he had yesterday, he was a little tipsy at this point.
"I don't get kids these days! Seriously, tried to have a normal conversation with my little nephew... And... I don't remember too well... This should be my last drink.."
Jack was drinking a fruity cocktail, he couldn't stand the bitter taste of the normal drinks so he always ordered that kind of stuff.
John only nodded as he took a deep sip from the jar, triying to get drunk as fast as he could to stop thinking about that stupid unibrow, those stupid yet gentle eyes and stupid voice... Though, it was hard when it's literally besides you.
"Hey, uh... You okay? You've been quiet since we arrived.."
John quickly shook his head to look at the hand resting on his shoulder, his face flushed a little bit and took the hand away gently.
"Just tired, don't worry about it..."
Jack rolled his eyes.
"John, you can tell me..."
"It's fine, really..."
The taller man scowled a little and he sighed, he doesn't even know why is he surprised.
"So, uhm... Wanna go home alredy? It's getting late.."
Jack asked as he took his last sip from the cocktail.
"Hm, sure... I'm gonna drive"
Jack nodded.
When they arrived to John's home, Jack opened the door for him and when he was about to say 'goodbye', John interrupted him.
"Wanna stay tonight?"
Jack's eyes widened slightly, he usually only stayed at his home due work so this was new. His surprised face slowly turned into a warm smile that made John feel something flutter inside his stomach.
"Sure! It's been a while since i've had a slumber party! Since highschool, actually... Aren't we too old for this?"
He said teasingly as he raised an eyebrow. John rolled his eyes playfully and smiled a little, taking out some fresh and warm blankets from the dryer and set them on the couch...
"It's just a hang out... Don't take it too seriously.."
Jack got comfortable on the couch as he patted the cushions.
"So... What now?"
"I dunno... Wanna watch a movie or something?"
"Nah, i'm too tired to... Like process anything.."
He chuckled and John let out a little scoff.
"Okay, John. Think! What would Jack like right now? I mean, he loves music, well, everyone likes music, dumbass-"
"Erm, wanna dance?"
Jack raised an eyebrow and John immediately thought that he fucked up, but he quickly nodded and took John's hand and then his waist...
John's face turned totally red.
"I-i meant like-
separately.."
Jack was now flustered.
"O-oh! Sorry, i-"
"No... No, it's okay, i don't mind.."
Jack then giggled awkwardly at the situation.
"Let's just do it, alright?"
John nodded.
The shorter male puts his hand on the taller's shoulder and Jack took his phone to play one of his favorite songs. They started to flow at the rhythm as they avoided eachother's gaze...
"4 years of friendship for this, huh?"
Jack said to break the ice between them, which made John chuckle a little.
"We're acting like teenagers over again, pathetic.."
"Nah, it wasn't pathetic... It was... Cute, y'know? Discovering something completely new and realizing how... Stupid that goal was.."
John scoffed.
"Well, it's not like we're 15 anymore, Jack-"
"I know! I know... This just... Brings me back, memories..."
"Same.."
They kept their confortable silence, until suddenly felt how for a few seconds Jack was out of his grasp, he stumbled with a shoe John left behind... He quickly took him tightly by his back and after taking a deep breath, Jack started to laugh quietly... That was the last strand, why was he laughing? He didn't get it.
It was stupid for him, he knew Jack's story and he's still this sunshine coming out from the gaps of the curtains, why he can't be the same for him? Jack was giving everything in exchange for nothing, he hated him for that.
He wanted to just stop that laugh for once and...
Their lips pressed with eachother, Jack didn't knew how to react but he quickly stood up properly and returned the kiss, he didn't care how ticklish his mustache was... They locked their lips for a good while, Jack wanted to take it further until he felt how John suddenly pushed him away and paused the song... The taller man was confused.
"..."
"... What, what was that for?"
"... Jack, i don't get it... Why did you return the kiss?"
Jack seemed even more confused.
"Because... I like you, isn't that obvious?-"
John quickly interrupted again.
"Why do you talk to me? Why do you wave at me? Why do you even look at me?"
"..."
Jack tried to understand where John is going with this.
"I hate this! I don't wanna drown in self-pity but, goddamnit, you can't deny that i'm utterly fucked! I want someone better for you but... A life withouth you.."
"Try better..."
"... Don't you think i try? I-"
"You said it yourself, John... You're drowning yourself in self-pity... When i know, and you know.. You're capable of much more... You really want me as much as i want you? Stop thinking about what you don't have anymore and focus in the present... Focus on what can you fix now..."
John stayed silent for a while and only pulled Jack into a forceful hug, which Jack returned with pleasure...
"... Then... Is this... Official?"
"You want to?"
"Of course i do..."
Their lips crashed with eachother again, both men laying on the couch as they kept making out... Stopping themselves just to rest their foreheads together, they returned into the kiss until they fell asleep.