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Donghyuck snatches the bag of gummies and carelessly pops two in her mouth. Chenle frowns.
“Did you just mix two colors together?” He asks.
Donghyuck shrugs. “They’re all the same, aren’t they?”
Chenle looks flabbergasted. Even Jeno and Jaemin look up from their textbook to make sounds of protest.
“Let me see that,” Jeno says as she reaches for the candy packet. Donghyuck lets her take it from her. It’s silent for a moment while Jeno scans the packaging. Her brows furrow as she flips it over once, then twice. “It actually doesn’t say the flavors,” she says while passing the bag back.
Donghyuck smiles smugly while carefully picking out three different colored candies and putting them in her mouth. Three sets of eyes watch her with various levels of disgust.
“When is Jisung getting here?” Chenle huffs checking his watch.
“His exam should be ending soon, right?” Jaemin replies.
Donghyuck lets out a deep breath. The sun is starting to set, sky painted in hues of pink and orange. The students who were hanging around the park are starting to head inside.
Jeno groans as she slams her laptop shut. “I can’t wait to be done tomorrow. I’m so sick of studying,” she exasperates. “How does it feel to be free?” Jeno asks Donghyuck with sad puppy dog eyes.
“Amazing. Beautiful. Incredible. Should I go on?” Donghyuck teases. Jeno puts her head down on the picnic table in defeat.
“You never told us how the exam went though.” Jaemin looks at Donghyuck curiously.
Donghyuck grimaces just thinking about the three-hour torture she had endured earlier that day. “It’s over and that’s all that matters right now.” She smiles brightly, instantly perking up at the thought of three months of freedom.
Jaemin hums in acknowledgment. “What time are you leaving tomorrow again?” she asks.
“Afternoon," Donghyuck replies. That’s all she has time for before she spots Jisung heading their way, backpack half open and looking a mess. Donghyuck whips out her phone to take a video, catching Jisung tripping over air on camera.
“So how did it go?” Chenle carefully asks when Jisung reaches the table, zipping his bag up for him.
“I think I might have to retake the class,” Jisung replies, running a hand through his already messy hair.
“You say that after each exam and still manage to pass,” Chenle shoots back.
“I know but-“
“No buts. Look at this video Donghyuck took of you.”
Donghyuck unlocks her phone and Chenle pulls up the video. Jisung lets out a whole hearted laugh upon seeing himself on the screen.
“Okay fine. It’s too late to do anything about it. I’ll try to forget about it since it’s summer now.”
“For you! I can’t believe I’m practically going to be the last one on campus.” Jeno whines.
“Hey I’m there too.” Jaemin pouts. Jeno reassuringly puts her arm around her.
Donghyuck reaches her hand out to take her phone back from Chenle, only to find him and Jisung staring intently at something on it. Donghyuck raises her eyebrows even though they’re not looking at her.
“Hello? Can I get my phone back?”
Jisung’s eyes nervously flit to her before going back to the screen. Chenle doesn’t even acknowledge her. Donghyuck’s getting increasingly more impatient.
“Oh for fucks sake what is it- oh.” On Donghyuck’s phone screen, instagram is open and there’s a picture. A picture of Mark and a girl, kissing. Donghyuck’s ex-boyfriend, Mark, kissing a girl. The photo is captioned 'hard launch'.
Donghyuck feels her stomach cave into itself, a gnawing restless pool of emotions she can’t decipher right now rumbling around like a storm in the ocean.
Somehow Jeno and Jaemin have joined in to look at the picture.
“Oh. I actually know her,” Jeno says while leaning over Chenle to swipe through the pictures on the post.
“Yeah, I know her too,” Chenle says. “Renjun. She’s Chinese…” he trails off, worriedly looking at Donghyuck.
“What?” She asks a bit too harshly. It’s silent for a few beats, save for the sound of cicadas nearby.
“Maybe we should just drop it,” Jisung tries but Donghyuck isn’t having it. She doesn’t want them thinking Mark is some sore spot for her. They broke up months ago. And yeah, she’s never talked about the breakup, so what? She's fine.
“No. What is it? What do you wanna say?” Donghyuck demands staring straight into Chenle’s eyes.
“Nothing… I just- she’s so different from you. I’m surprised that they ended up together.” Chenle doesn’t mean any harm. Donghyuck knows this. He’s her friend. But there’s a nagging feeling in the back of her mind.
“And what does that mean?”
“Nothing.” Chenle lets out a deep sigh. “It’s nothing. I’m sorry. It’s stupid.”
That’s Chenle’s way of backing off. Something Donghyuck hasn’t seen much of in the few years she’s known him. It’s something he reserves for deeply emotional situations. Donghyuck’s not sure how to feel about being one of those scenarios, but right now she’s relieved that this can be over now.
The others warily glance between them until Jaemin breaks the tension.
“Let’s go to that taco truck, I’m starving.”
**********
The awkward tension with Chenle doesn’t last long. It’s easy to move on when both people want to. Plus he paid for her tacos, so really Donghyuck can’t ask for more.
Only when she’s back in her room, tucked safely into bed that she allows herself to think about what happened. Mark and his new girlfriend. Renjun.
Something burns in Donghyuck’s chest as she thinks about the pictures. It’s only a fraction of a second later that she’s pulling out her phone and typing Mark’s name in the instagram search bar.
The post is still there. 3 pictures of Mark and this Renjun girl sitting side by side at a cafe. Smiling, laughing, then kissing. Donghyuck slams her phone down. It’s ridiculous and she knows it. Her and Mark broke up months ago; five to be precise. So why does she feel this way?
We’ll still be friends. Is what Mark had said the night they broke up. That and a lot of other shit Donghyuck is yet to make sense of.
It was Chenle that introduced Mark to the friend group when the school year started in early fall. Most of Mark’s friend group graduated last year so Chenle started inviting him around since they knew each other from basketball. Mark got along well with everyone. He’s easy going, funny, entertaining.
It was the biggest shock of Donghyuck’s life when Mark asked her out. He had cornered her at one of Chenle’s hangouts while everyone was cleaning up. They hadn’t spoken alone before that.
“I would really like to take you out sometime, you know, if you’d be interested.” He was nervously scratching the back of his neck.
“Me?” Donghyuck had squeaked, clutching the trash bag in her hands.
Mark chuckled. “Yeah. I think you’re really cute. I’d love to get to know you better.”
Donghyuck didn’t really think it through. Before her mind knew what was happing she let out an “okay” and Mark was grinning before sauntering away.
The next three months were great. Donghyuck enjoyed hanging out with Mark. He was nice, caring, and attentive. He listened to her rambling and helped her with her assignments. She thought everything was going well until one of their regular Sunday evening movie dates.
Mark didn’t smile at her when she opened the door. He didn’t take his coat off either.
“Listen Donghyuck, I’ve been thinking… a lot, and I just don’t think this is working.”
Donghyuck hadn’t seen it coming.
“What do you mean? What’s wrong?”
Mark could barely look her in the eye, like he knew it was only going to cause more pain. “I just, get the feeling that you don’t see me as much more than a friend.”
“What?” Donghyuck was dumbfounded. What does that even mean.
“I’m sorry I don’t know how to explain it, but I don't think you actually like me like that. Believe me, I’m doing this for the best for both of us.” He was sincere in his words. Donghyuck could feel it in his demeanor. But she was too confused and stunned to say anything back. “We’ll still be friends,” he said before giving her a deep hug and a gentle kiss on the forehead, and then he was out the door.
She didn’t see much of Mark after that. He stopped dropping by the group and coming to Chenle’s hangouts. She missed having Mark around at first, but then she started organizing Sunday hangouts at her place with the group and that quickly filled the Mark shaped void.
*******
“I’m having such bad FOMO it’s not even funny right now.” Chenle’s voice comes through the phone speaker.
It’s early June in Donghyuck’s grandmother’s place outside the city. Jeno and Jaemin made the trip over for Donghyuck’s birthday week.
“I’m sure China’s great,” Jaemin reassures Chenle.
Donghyuck doesn’t listen to reply, too absorbed in her own phone to pay attention to the FaceTime. It’s become a habit to open instagram and stare at the photos Mark posted. Donghyuck can’t help it. It’s like her thumbs have a mind of their own, going to Mark’s profile and clicking on his most recent post. The same 3 photos. Mark and his girlfriend, Renjun. As if Donghyuck is waiting for the pictures to change, or the post to disappear. Day after day it’s still the same and it’s always there. Donghyuck stares at it blankly.
“Man, seriously?” Jaemin says as she plops down on the couch next to Donghyuck, FaceTime call still in hand.
Jeno takes Donghyuck’s phone and frowns. “You need to stop this.”
“Stop what? What’s going on?” Chenle’s voice comes through the speaker.
Jaemin drops her own phone into Donghyuck’s lap and Chenle’s curious gaze fills the screen. Donghyuck slowly exhales as she picks the phone up.
“Nothing, it’s nothing,” she tells him.
“It doesn’t sound like nothing,” he snarks back.
“It really is nothing,” she tries again.
“Well now it is,” Jaemin chimes in, handing Donghyuck’s phone back to her.
“What? What’s did you do?” The screen is still on Mark’s profile but where it normally says 'following' it says 'unblock'. “YOU BLOCKED HIM?” Donghyuck screeches.
“Uh huh,” Jaemin lazily replies. Donghyuck slams the unblock button. ‘This user is private’ is what comes up a moment later. Great. She can’t request to follow him now. That’s weird. She wants to throttle Jaemin.
“Why would you do that?” Donghyuck demands.
“I did you a favor. It’s not healthy to be constantly stalking your ex.”
“I know but-“ Donghyuck stops. There’s no defending this without sounding crazy. Jeno and Jaemin are starring at her expectantly. “Nevermind,” she grumbles, crossing her arm and sinking into the couch.
Chenle is practically wailing through the speaker, demanding to know what’s going on. He only calms down once Jisung enters the call moments later, still in his dress shirt from the family dinner he was at for his cousin’s wedding.
********
Jaemin may have stopped Donghyuck from stalking Mark’s account, but that didn’t stop Donghyuck from finding another way to scratch the itch that’s developed. She had taken a new interest in Renjun’s public instagram account. And although there were no posts with Mark, Donghyuck still found herself swiping through post after post of Renjun’s feed.
That’s how Donghyuck spent her summer. Alternating between her mom and dad’s house. A whirlwind of siblings, relatives, and neighbors. At the end of the day, she found herself on the same page, studying Renjun’s face (fair and sharp where Donghyuck is tan and round), her hair (short and sleek where Donghyuck is long and frizzy), her clothes (pristine and stylish where Donghyuck is casual and comfortable).
She knows it’s irrational but she can’t stop herself.
*********
Donghyuck catches sight of Chenle and Jaemin at the group’s self-designated picnic table. Jaemin waves at her as she walks over.
“First week back on campus isn’t so bad, is it?” Jaemin asks as Donghyuck places her bag down on the table.
“Speak for yourself. My schedule is a mess and my advisor is too busy to get a hold of right now,” Donghyuck begrudgingly replies, lowering her head to rest on her arms.
“Cheer up. You’ll get it sorted out soon enough. Plus we have a party to look forward to this weekend,” Chenle muses.
Donghyuck grimaces at the thought of sweaty bodies, smelly air and loud music. “There’s no way I’m going.”
“But you are,” Jaemin drawls. “It’s my birthday and I want to go to a stupid frat party and do stupid things.”
Donghyuck narrows her eyes. “Your birthday was over a week ago.”
“Yeah, and we didn’t get to properly celebrate it,” Jaemin retorts back.
Donghyuck runs her hand down her face, trying to ease the frustration. She knows she’s not going to win this fight. Might as well save the energy.
Chenle must sense Donghyuck’s defeat because he reassuringly pats her on the back.
“Besides, you have a special invite from the host,” he tells her.
Donghyuck immediately straigtens up. “From who?” She asks suspiciously.
“From Jungwoo. I ran into him and he said he’s having a party and told me to bring my friends. He also specifically said to bring you,” Chenle explains.
Donghyuck deflates. She knows Jungwoo from a group project they did in her freshman year but they only got close through Mark. Jungwoo’s best friend Mark. Which means…
“He’s not going to be there,” Chenle softly tells her.
“What?” Donghyuck startles, briefly wondering if Chenle can read minds.
“Mark’s not going to be at the party. He’s still in Canada.”
Donghyuck slowly nods. She knows Mark’s brother lives in Canada but he hadn’t mentioned any plans of going to visit when they were together.
“What’s he doing in Canada?” Jaemin voices the question in Donghyuck's head.
Chenle, the most talkative one of them all, goes quiet. Donghyuck stares at him.
Chenle bristles under the silence. “Okay fine. Mark basically fled to Canada when him and Renjun broke up. That’s all I know.”
Donghyuck’s world comes to a halt. Mark and Renjun broke up?
“What? When did they break up?” She nearly shouts.
“Weeks ago.” Chenle shrugs.
What the fuck? She’s been living in Renjun’s instagram page for nothing.
“Why didn’t you say so?” She demands.
Chenle raises his eyebrows. “It’s not really any of our business.”
It’s bullshit. Chenle loves to gossip. Much more than the average person but Jaemin and Chenle eyeing her curiously so she shuts up.
“So you’ll come get ready at my place? For the party?” Jaemin asks her. Donghyuck nods.
*********
“I’m going to try to find something to drink.” Donghyuck yells over the music to Jeno. The girl nods in response before turning back to the beer pong game they’re terribly losing.
Donghyuck wanders into the unfamiliar kitchen. It’s instantly quieter here, the pop playlist tuning out to mere background noise. It’s also surprisingly empty in the kitchen, save for a few people rummaging around that Donghyuck doesn’t pay much attention to, already beelining for the fridge.
She shifts some mysterious sauces around until her eyes land on a bottle of lemonade, perfectly sealed and within the expiration date. She eagerly cracks it open and takes a long sip, shutting the refrigerator door behind her.
Her eyes catch sight of someone hunched over the kitchen sink. Someone who seems vaguely familiar. It takes a few seconds for her to realize that’s Jungwoo.
Her feet carry her towards him.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asks. He groggily looks at her, his eyes lighting up when he recognizes her.
“Donghyuckie, you came! Where have you been? It’s like you completely disappeared.”
He’s a little drunk but Donghyuck has seen him in various states of intoxicated before. Her eyes glance over, trying to figure out why he looks so pale, finally landing on the hand he’s pressed a paper towel to.
“Did you get hurt?” She motions to his hand.
“Oh it’s nothing to worry about. I’m already being taken care of.”
“By who-“
“Here I found the bandaids.” An unfamiliar voice speaks. A girl rushes to Jungwoo’s side and diligently bandages the cut on Jungwoo’s finger. “There. All better.”
When the girl lifts her head, Donghyuck feels a shock jolt through her body. It’s Renjun. In the flesh, not her phone screen, not in her mind. Real and right in front of her. Donghyuck feels a little starstuck.
“Thank you, Renjunnie.” Jungwoo muses. “Don’t tell him this, but you were always too good for Mark,” he tells her before turning to Donghyuck. “And you too- Mark didn’t deserve you.”
Donghyuck can feel the weight of Renjun’s eyes on her, noticing her for the first time.
There’s a loud commotion of a group of guys entering the kitchen.
“Jungwoo! Let’s go the party needs you!” One of them calls out as they whisk Jungwoo away. Donghyuck didn’t get a look at any of their faces, she didn’t even try, not when she’s seemingly in a starting contest with Renjun. She wants to look away but she can’t, never backing down from a fight.
The kitchen is quiet again and Renjun saunters over to where Donghyuck is standing.
Part of Donghyuck wants to run away, but the part of her that’s stubborn forces her in place, waiting, to see what’s going to happen.
“Can I have some?” Renjun asks airily, a little too close to Donghyuck’s personal bubble.
“What?” Donghyuck spits back, not understanding the question.
“Your lemonade, can I have some?” Renjun replies, completely undeterred from Donghyuck’s impoliteness.
Donghyuck glances at the lemonade bottle in her hand as if it’s betrayed her. She can feel Renjun looking at her expectantly so she wordlessly hands it over.
“Thanks,” Renjun says, voice soft and sure, like she knew Donghyuck was going to give it to her all along. She twists the cap open and takes a long gulp. Donghyuck watches as the low kitchen light shines across her eyeshadow. It’s impossible but yet, she’s prettier in real life. Renjun lowers the bottle and a single drop of lemonade spills from the corner of her mouth. Donghyuck instinctively brings her thumb to wipe the stray drop, brushing Renjun’s lip in the process.
“It’s sweet,” Renjun says deeply. The intensity of her eyes has Donghyuck feeling clammy all of a sudden. “My, you really are cute. I’m Renjun,” the girl introduces.
Donghyuck shyly nods her head. “Donghyuck.”
“I know.” Renjun smiles. Donghyuck’s not sure what to make of this interaction.
Renjun offers the bottle back and Donghyuck grasps it, their fingers meeting in between. Donghyuck pulls the bottle but Renjun tightens her grip.
“Have you been to the balcony yet?” Renjun asks.
Donghyuck furrows her brows, not entirely sure what she’s talking about. “No?”
“Come on! It’s quieter there,” she says already moving. She quietly looks back at Donghyuck, waiting to see if she’ll follow.
Donghyuck hesitates, wondering if this is a good idea before shaking the thought off and following.
*****
There’s a slight breeze in the evening air, a relief from the stuffiness inside. The balcony is empty and the moon is shining bright. Donghyuck follows Renjun to the far side of the deck, peering down at the people lingering around the yard.
“Those are my friends down there.” Renjun gestures to a rowdy bunch of people. They look to be trying out some hybrid of gymnastics and a dance battle. Donghyuck spots Yangyang, who she recognizes from Renjun's instagram.
“Why aren’t you there with them?” Donghyuck asks, watching the glitter on Renjun’s face reflect the moonlight.
“I’d rather be here, for now.”
“So you’re an introvert then?” Donghyuck inquires, stepping closer. Her instagram would say otherwise.
Renjun’s laugh twinkles like the stars. “I wouldn’t say that. I enjoy being around people but I also enjoy the quiet," she explains. "I appreciate both sides. And anyway, I don’t believe in MBTI and stuff. It’s constrictive, and I don’t like being put in a box."
There's a double meaning in there somewhere, and Donghyuck would try to piece it together but she can't when the galaxy is shining in Renjun's hair.
Renjun turns to her. “What about you then?”
Donghyuck slightly startles at the attention. “Me? I like staying home and my close knit circle of friends. An introvert to the definition.”
Renjun leans in closer. “Well that explains why we’ve never met before. It’s a shame, really…” she trails off. And Donghyuck wants to ask what she means but she’s pinned by Renjun’s presence so near her. "I think I know some of your friends, Chenle right?"
Donghyuck nods her head. "You might know Jeno too, and Jisung- that tall kid that looks too awkward to be alive."
"You mean Chenle's boyfriend?"
"What?"
They're not dating. Donghyuck would definitely know, she hangs out with them everyday.
"Oh, my bad. I thought they were together."
"No- it's okay.." Chenle and Jisung-their mutual codependency, stolen glances, careful touches, maybe she missed something after all. "You might be onto something actually, who knows."
The breeze blows some of Renjun's hair into her face and Donghyuck carefully tucks it back behind her ear. She catches sight of something there, and angles Renjun's face to get a better look.
"You have a tattoo?" She asks in awe, thumbing at lines of a small crescent moon.
"Yeah-" Renjun sounds a little breathless. "It's just a silly tattoo a friend did for me when I turned 18. I wanted to feel like an adult."
"It's pretty," Donghyuck tells her. "Do you have any more?"
"A tramp stamp."
The gleam in Renjun's eye shows she's not serious but the image of her waist and hips that Donghyuck's mind has just conjured up is making her a little winded.
"You're so funny," Donghyuck deadpans.
"You're so cute." Renjun giggles. There are constellations on her face.
Loud howls of laughter pull their attention below, the dance battle has intensified with some newcomers.
“So how do you know Jungwoo then?” Renjun questions, motioning to the boy who’s wildly flailing around.
“Through a group project but also... through Mark,” Donghyuck stiffly says. She had honestly forgotten about the Mark shaped elephant between them.
“Oh.” Renjun looks down. “Me too.”
Donghyuck mentally curses herself for bringing the mood down. She desperately searches for words to make the situation better, to bring them out of this black hole she's opened up.
“He’s kind of a loser,” Donghyuck blurts out. She’s never put that thought to words like this before, but now that she’s said it, she can’t say she disagrees.
Renjun laughs and it’s like the Earth starts spinning again. “I agree with you there. He’s also a lousy kisser.” Donghyuck goes silent and Renjun must notice. “What, you don't think so?” Renjun blinks prettily.
“Well I don’t have anything to compare it to, he was my first kiss.”
Renjun's eyes widen. “Mark’s the only person you’ve kissed?” She crowds in closer, arms resting on Donghyuck's shoulders. It feels like there are shooting stars in the space that separates them. “Now that just won’t do. Tell me Donghyuck, have you ever thought about kissing a girl?”
Time stops, the planets still, the sun freezes. Donghyuck shakes her head. Frankly, she didn’t even know that was an option for her. But Mark wasn’t an option either, until he was. And now that Renjun is in her space like this, Donghyuck feels like a comet hurtling towards its doom.
“Do you want to?” Renjun’s question hangs in the air and Donghyuck can't think. “I’ve seen you like my instagram pictures at 3am. You’re not slick.” She breathes over Donghyuck's lips.
Fuck! Way to be discrete.
Renjun's eyes hold Saturn's rings, bright and intricate.
"Go out with me," Donghyuck begs, because the thought of tasting Renjun once only to have her disappear is so painful that she can hear her heart exploding some light years away like a supernova.
Renjun pouts. "I wanted to be the one to ask you first."
"Please," Donghyuck pleads.
"Only if you let me plan the date and take you out."
"Deal." And then Donghyuck is pulled into Renjun's gravitational orbit, her lips crashing into hers. The galaxy explodes behind her eyelids. Meteors rain down and asteroids pass by. Donghyuck pulls Renjun in harder, fingers pressing into her hips. Renjun makes a delicate noise and Donghyuck needs more. She can feel Renjun's hand in her hair and a whine erupts from her throat when Renjun pulls. Renjun slips her tongue into her mouth and it feels like she's actually getting kissed breathless.
Donghyuck parts for air, panting.
"Good?" Renjun asks. Her lips are puffy and her lipgloss is smeared. Donghyuck can taste it.
"Yeah," she whispers back, then leans into Renjun's mouth. Renjun welcomes her and kisses her sweeter this time, less urgent.
"Give me your number," Renjun mumbles against her lips and Donghyuck feels a phone being pressed against her body.
Donghyuck enters her name and number with shaky hands. She gives the phone back and watches as Renjun adds a sun emoji next to her name.