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“Let’s end here for today,”
~
A phrase that had taken many forms, but in which its meaning always kept preserved. Whether it was raining, already dark, or barely sunset; there always had to be a verbal confirmation between the two. A signal for the aibous to head their different ways home. Although, it was almost always Akito who had uttered the words.
With this daily routine came another custom, the awkward silence between Akito and Toya before parting ways. Until recently, Toya had always just silently stared at his aibou after confirming practice was over, with an unreadable, almost melancholic, expression on his face.
Silently, Akito had enough of it and decided to bring him over to his own place one day; which had been awkward enough of an experience on its own. Regardless, the problem had been fixed, right? Toya wouldn’t look like an abandoned puppy anymore–not that Akito liked puppies anyway…–he’d be back to normal, right? In the next few days, Toya’s expression had shown “improvement” as Akito thought, but there were still days he looked as solemn as he used to. On those days, he swallowed whatever sliver of shame or pride he had left and brought Toya over regardless.
It became another unspoken BAD DOGS ritual.
~
It was one of those days, right before the sun dipped past the horizon, the contrasting purple and orange hues of the sky dyeing the alleys near Vivid Street into warm bliss. The tall buildings all varying in height had cast shadows, which left the alleys dark, only illuminated by the setting sun.
Silence.
Times like this were rare. What was there to do when there wasn’t anything left to sing? Toya’s eyes bore holes into Akito, devoid of any of the passion that sang from his throat just moments prior. The decision was almost automatic in Akito’s head.
“Let’s go,” He said, turning his back to his partner so as not to face that expression again, and started walking again. Toya followed quickly, walking behind him.
Was it weird not to question where they were going? Or did Toya understand this unspoken routine by now?
Akito’s aibou wasn’t the fastest walker, or maybe Akito walked too fast. Regardless, he’d always find himself slowing down to match Toya’s footsteps. It felt nicer to walk beside him than to have Toya lag behind him.
~
The two boys walked through the door, a Sorry for the intrusion from Toya followed Akito’s I’m home. They both pulled their sneakers off, the older boy putting them away neatly and the younger just leaving them there.
Toya took a glance at the artwork hung up in the weirdly placed nook in the foyer. It's not that the painting had moved since the last time he was in the house, so it was weird he got distracted by it.
“C’mon aibou, let’s go,” Akito must’ve noticed his staring, he looked a little annoyed by the painting, but Toya thought it was pretty.
BAD DOGS were about to head up the stairs to Akito's room before—
“Akito are you—“ A woman appeared from the hallway, eyes locked on the boys.
“Eh?!” She focused her gaze on Toya specifically, she must’ve recognized him, then turned back to her son. “Why didn’t you tell me you were bringing your Aibou-kun over? I would’ve made extra dinner for him!” The woman didn’t seem mad at him, rather, she seemed more excited at the fact Toya was over.
“Toya, mom. And it’s whatever, I’ll give him my portion. I know we have leftovers,” Akito felt the red creep onto his face, why did his mom have to embarrass him now?!
She must be Akito’s mother. Toya had seen a photo of the Shinonome family together once before, with a much younger Akito in it.
“Ah, I’m sorry Toya-kun! He talks about you all the time but it managed to slip my mind. Is there anything you don’t like to eat? I’ve made curry, but I could whip up something else if you’d like.”
Akito had turned his head away at that point, his face hot. Toya had just been standing there, staring at his partner’s mother blankly. Maybe knowing Akito talked about him a lot was a nice thing…
“It’s okay Shinonome-san, I don’t have to eat dinner.” He bowed his head maybe 15 degrees as a short apology to her.
“I can’t let you stay over hungry! My husband’s probably coming home late, so you can have his portion, I’ll make him something else later.” The woman returned back down the hallway without giving the boy a moment to respond. “Dinner’s ready in 10 minutes!” She shouted from presumably the kitchen.
Akito sighed, he felt less embarrassed without her around at least. “C’mon, let’s go.” He stepped on the first stair and motioned for his partner to follow after him.
The boy’s room was as warm as always, various flyers hung and many CDs littered the shelves. The older boy took his usual spot sitting down across from the sofa on the floor.
“I’ll grab you some clothes, I’ll change in the bathroom.” The ginger turned to hang up his jacket on the main hanger in the room. “And you don’t have to sit so politely, y’know?”
“Thank you,” The boy continued to sit still, “I just prefer sitting like this.”
“To each their own, I guess.” Akito opened the door to his walk-in closet and entered, leaving his aibou alone in the main room.
Are all the Shinonomes this passionate? Maybe Akito took after his mother. Were a few thoughts going through Toya’s head. He hadn’t met his aibou’s mother prior to now, maybe it was because the times they came before it was always later in the evening.
He’d been in this house, this room before, maybe the order of the jackets Akito hung up were different. Maybe he had hung his uniform up in a slightly different way. Was there anything remotely different about the room that had made Toya so curious about it? Why was he so curious? The boy had never felt this way before.
“Here.” His partner must’ve already exited the closet, as he placed a folded set of clothes right next to Toya. The blue-haired boy almost jumped at the notion, but nodded his head in thanks.
“Thank you Akito.” He nodded in thanks. The clothes weren’t special, a loose fitting, long sleeved tee and comfy looking pants. They looked a little smaller than what Akito usually wore, so they might’ve been clothes from when he was younger. The ginger was a bit taller than him after all.
“It’s nothing,” He replied, heading towards the door, “I’ll knock when I’m back.”
It wasn’t like the routine wasn’t known by now, but maybe he had to clarify it, maybe he just wanted to hear his partner respond.
Another nod, Toya was a kind of silent type anyway; expressionless, unless he was really happy or saddened. The expressions he made for those emotions being almost the same as his neutral expression, anyway. Akito secretly prided himself in being able to read his aibou’s face.
~
“Dinner’s ready—!” A familiar voice shouted from down the stairs.
“I guess we should go,” the older boy said. They had been sitting in silence before the interruption, sharing earbuds that connected to Akito’s playlist. It was a nice moment, being able to listen to the music that brought them together as just the two of them.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
They headed down the stairs and to the dinner table, the route they took allowed for Toya to see more photos of the Shinonomes. For whatever reason, Akito wasn’t in many of them.
The two boys sat down, Toya sat to Akito’s right, presumably where his father would usually sit, if he were there. In front of them were two loaded bowls of curry, with what the blue-haired boy assumed was beef.
Curry. Toya had eaten it before, the Tenmas would usually make it whenever he would come over for dinner, it reminded him of the warmth of that household. But this curry looked different, beef cubes instead of pork cutlet, curry placed over the rice instead of the two being separate, and to name a few others.
“Thank you for the meal,” The shorter boy said, bowing his head politely.
“Thanks for the food,” his partner echoed, his words a little less polite.
“Of course!” Akito’s mother smiled warmly at Toya. “And Akito, could you go and call your sister down?” She asked, moving her gaze to her son.
In between bites of food, Akito replied, “you know she’s not gonna get up,” he swallowed, “just leave some for her later.”
The woman sighed, yet it looked like she had already known the outcome of her request.
Toya took some bites of the curry, warm, but not too hot. The differences he had pointed out added to the experience, this could come close to the best thing he’s ever eaten. The soft rice mixed with the chunks of vegetables, he couldn’t help but stuff his face with spoonful after spoonful.
He glanced over at his aibou’s plate, noticing that he had been purposely avoiding some bites. From their outings, Toya knew that Akito wasn’t a big fan of carrots, so he must always act like this when served curry.
“I’ll take your carrots, Akito.” He turned to his partner and stared at him. He wasn’t sure what expression he was making, because the muscles in his face had started to hurt. Unless it was from the excess chewing he was doing…
“Huh?” Akito looked up from his plate and towards his aibou, eyeing first his already empty plate, and then his face. Toya had a smile on his face, his eyes squinted and warm. It was an expression he hadn’t seen before, but before he could register how he felt about his partner’s smile, Akito noticed something else on his face. Toya also had curry roux right on the edge of his lips, some of it had even landed on the tip of his nose. How hard was he shoveling down his curry????
Trying to hold back his laughter, Akito replied, “thanks man…” Pfft— “You don’t hafta…” He covered his mouth so as to not show his waning grin.
The response the boy gave was odd, prompting a tilt of the head. “Akito? What’s wrong?” He questioned, promptly taking the carrot cubes from Akito’s plate.
“Just… You’ve got curry all over your face…” Akito finally burst out in laughter, grinning wide. This too wasn’t an expression Toya had seen, while he had seen his partner laugh at stupid jokes (some he didn’t quite find funny) before, it wasn’t as hard as this.
“Oh… Really?” Toya started to chuckle too, promptly wiping his face with a napkin.
~
Even after their laughter died down, Akito couldn’t help but sneak peeks at his aibou. His big smile, the sound of his laughter, his eagerness to eat.
Why did he feel this way…?
Enough of that, it was time to go to bed now. They took their turns in the bath, brushed their teeth, and did whatever else they needed to, it’s finally time to rest after such a long day.
Akito hit the light switch once Toya confirmed he was fine with it, and shuffled over to his bed where he would then lay. They exchanged their good nights, and that should’ve been the end.
The first time Toya stayed over for the night, the two boys had a disagreement on who should sleep on the bed. They ended up compromising, which left both of them sleeping on the same bed. It wasn’t too big of a problem for Akito, who usually fell asleep immediately out of exhaustion.
Now, although he was tired from the day. He couldn’t sleep at all. No matter how tightly he shut his eyes, tried to count sheep, or just block out the world, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything! And to make matters worse, the thief of his slumber was right there, sleeping beside him.
He couldn’t get his mind off of what happened that day, anything he tried to do to ward off those thoughts, they always circled back to his partner. Why did he feel this way?!
Toya’s laughter… Toya’s smile… Toya’s breathing… Toya’s curry face… Toya’s singing… Toya’s breathing…
… … …
Toya’s breathing?!
Akito opened his eyes to assess the situation before him, though it took him a minute or so to adjust to the lack of light in the room. His faulty window blinds helped him for once, as the light from the moon illuminated some of the bed.
They lay right next to each other, Toya with his back to the wall and Akito to the rest of the room. Akito’s partner barely had any of his head resting on the pillow they shared, because of how closely snuggled he was with Akito.
Closely snuggled up with him…? It was true, even without the sliver of moonlight he could tell, Toya was undeniably right next to him. His arms were clenched in front of him, like he was trying to reach out his arms to his partner but couldn’t. Like he wanted to be even closer than they already were, but just couldn’t reach him.
Toya’s soft breathing continued, a sign he was long asleep.
Akito just couldn’t pry his eyes away, as much as he wanted to sleep. He actually hadn’t seen his partner asleep before, since he always conked out first. He watched his chest rise with every breath; rising and falling, rising and falling…
The ginger let out a yawn, was staring at his partner supposed to be soothing? He took another look at his arms, clenched and restrained. It wasn’t like anyone was watching them, right? No one to say what was right, wrong, or weird. No one at all…
Akito pulled Toya’s arms around him, pulling him in closer. It still didn’t feel right. Where was he supposed to put his arms?
“I guess it’s fine… There’s no one…” He mumbled, wrapping his own arms around his partner. His chest tightened, why, why, why does he feel this way?
As much as he wanted an answer, whatever that feeling was, it would have to wait. Hopefully it wouldn’t have to come back, not in the morning, not next week, not ever.
“G’night Toya,” Another mumble, even if he said it before. Akito shut his eyes, it was too much to think about.
He prayed a little, in the hope there was anyone, anything out there to hear him.