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Javier knew he was handsome for as long as he could remember.
He was always stared at by bystanders wherever he went with eyes of burning longing or fiery envy, even from a young age.
Aside from using that trait of his to provoke his pitiful young master's hilarious fits of jealousy, it was simply something he never truly cared much for or despised.
To him, it was just as simple as any fact of life; Grass was green, the sky was blue, and Javier Asrahan was a very handsome man.
As a result of that fact, he received many things from many of his admirers: yearning words, gifts of adoration, letters of love-struck confessions, and affectionate comparisons. All of which he would answer with a simple nod, along with a gentle and sincere word of acknowledgement and gratitude. At most, he would give a soft-worded but firm rejection if they asked for more than he was willing to give to a stranger.
Out of the things given to him, he would say comparisons were the easiest to deal with. The comparisons he receives range from unique to uninteresting to him: an angel with his prismatic wings, the bloom of an eternal flower, a masterpiece painted by a legendary artist, a sculpture lovingly crafted by the gods themselves… Kind comparisons, but nothing that stayed on his mind…
However, one comparison was on his mind as of late.
The moon.
It was written in many love letters, comparing him to the shining orb that lit up the night sky. Blushing admirers called him the incarnation of the celestial body itself when they greeted him under the night's veil.
Even his young master mocked how cold he was, much like the shiny rock in the dark sky.
He didn't care much for the comparison until recently. That is because if he were the moon, pale, cold, and luminously pleasing to the eye…
Then his young master was the sun.
To anyone else, such a thing would be absurd.
The young master of the Frontera Estate? The same one with the fiendish, unbearable face? The same one known throughout the land for his overwhelming shamelessness and unbearable greed? The one who made weeping girls out of noble maidens who would beg their fathers not to wed them to such a man?
It was strange, if not straight-up insane, to compare such a deviant man to the large star that brings daylight and life to their world.
Yet.
To him, it made perfect sense.
No person could stare at the sun for long without risking blindness, just as no person could stare at his master's swindling expression without wanting to blind themselves.
The sun burned hot, capable of hurting those who underestimate its strong rays, just as his master would vanquish those who underestimated him to the fullest extent.
The sun can be proud, arrogant, and dominating. All words befitting his young master…
But.
The sun can be confident with radiant charisma, it can be kind, and it can be hopeful. All words, he admitted, were befitting of his young master.
The sun nourishes all life, making it grow with its light; his master made their unremarkable land grow with his brilliance.
The days that his busy master made an appearance in the town were the days filled with smiles from the people who once feared the beast Lloyd Frontera was. They would brighten up just like the sun making an appearance after a long, cloudy, rainy day. His very presence filled their people's hearts with, excessively for some individuals, joy and hope.
The sun was the center of the universe according to his master, just as his master became the center of Frontera.
Their lives would be cold, empty, and dark without him. He knew in his heart that this land would have died a long time ago without his influence.
Javier was strong, often told he was most likely the strongest swordsman on this continent, possibly even the whole world, but…
He was not warmth itself.
He was not capable of currying favor from powerful figures, nor could he inspire the people to work hard with vigor. He was not capable of finding solutions that would make everyone happy, nor was he capable of bringing not just joy and protection but security, a strong guarantee to the people that their every need would be met, that they could achieve their dreams if they worked hard enough. He was not skilled enough in his master's work to continue in his place.
Once, he simply doubted that there was any other person capable of being on the same level as him. Of no one being enough to take on his master's work should anything happen to his lord.
Now, he knew without a doubt that there was no person capable of replacing him. Not just in his work but in everything. Most especially in the people's hearts…. and above all, his.
The moon had no light of its own, his master once teased as he peeked at a letter he was given by an admirer.
It merely reflected the sun's light.
Mere nonsensical words drenched in jealousy, he thought at the time. But…
Now he realized how it made perfect sense.
Everything he is now is because of his master.
His master's warmth and brilliance made his entire being shine with ethereal light in peace, like the bright sun providing the lifeless moon with its light.
His master nurtured his strength until he became the only grandmaster in the world with that otherworldly mana of his. His master protected their home, the only one he has left in this world, with the full power of the star he embodied above so many countless times. He filled his heart with bright hope with that victorious, cheeky grin of his every time the darkness of despair threatened to engulf it.
Eventually…
With the countless changes of the seasons came the change of his feelings. No longer was the soft warmth in his chest the respectful admiration a knight held towards his brilliant lord, but it became something stronger, something brighter, something more.
His master lit up his world with that determined smile of his, his golden eyes alight with that insatiable but kind, unique greed of his. The touch of his tanned, warm skin, whenever it touched, warmed him like a ray of sunlight; even a simple poke on the cheek set his skin aflame. That soft relived chuckle of his was the sweetest sound that man could produce from the torture device he calls a voice, and he wanted to record it within a magic orb and play it over and over again. He could not rest without his dry words, but now he could not feel at ease at all without the sound of his heartbeat near.
He knew it was selfish to hold those emotions that went beyond what a proper knight felt towards their liege. He knew it was selfish to wish for more than what he had been graciously given that night, when he made a hopeless wish upon a star like a child. He should just be grateful that his greatest wish came true; Lloyd Frontera became someone worth protecting, or rather, someone worth protecting, Kim Suho became Lloyd Frontera.
After all, Kim Suho had no obligations to do anything as an otherworlder unwillingly trapped within the body of a misbegotten, beastly, degenerate son of a near destitute baron. He could have run away that night, leaving behind all the problems that weren't his to begin with, and start anew in this foreign world… But instead, he took on the challenges ahead, used his brilliant mind and hard work to solve all of them, and became the savior of his home, saving the kind family to whom Javier owed his life.
Kim Suho became the center of his universe, his bright and nurturing sun.
No matter how handsome he was, no matter how skilled, how strong… Javier was just his knight- He had no right to desire more but…
That didn't stop him from staring at the man as he worked late into the night. He held his pillow closer to his chest as his traitorous heart skipped a beat whenever his hazel eyes shone brightly with every solution he found.
Oh, how he yearned to have those priceless golden orbs shine towards him, staring at him the same way he'd seen countless times within lovestruck admirers who glanced upon him. Yearned for his quill to write in his handwriting the same proclamations of hidden romantic feelings he received countless times. He would keep that letter and read it over and over again until his eyes tired every night. He yearned for those slightly chapped lips of his to lean in closer to his softer ones, enough to feel his master's breath upon his… He would want nothing more than to close the gap, tangle his pale fingers in those messy brown locks as his master stole his breath away. To have his master's greedy arms wrap around him and never let go as if he were a priceless treasure.
He yearned to awake by his bedside, within his master's avaricious embrace, with a soft, rare smile shining at him as his master's warm, calloused hand played with his curly, silverly, blue locks. To lean in closer to count those sun-induced freckles of his until their lips touched over and over… His heart desired to have those special words spoken to him from his mouth… A simple 'I love you' from those chapped lips of his, and he would be even more eternally grateful to the higher powers above who brought this man to them.
He yearned to be his master's moon, to be called everything he's heard countless times with his absonous voice, to be desired by golden eyes, to be everything to his master as he was to him. For his master to gift his warm heart to him, to love, to cherish for the rest of his life.
Eventually, he did get to see those golden hazel eyes shine brightly, full of awe and love-struck. They were just as beautiful as he had dreamt countless times.
But.
Unlike in those foolish fantasies of his… they were not aimed at him.
Those eyes, those hidden feelings, belonged to a bright, fierce star with radiant red hair and sharp dark blue eyes.
Not to the passive and stern moon with luminous silver hair and sharp light blue eyes.
To the bright queen who didn't hesitate to claim her desire for him the moment she realized her feelings.
Not to the cold knight who hesitated for so long, before finally swearing to never act on such disgraceful feelings that a knight should never have towards his lord.
He was fine, he told himself, whenever they knelt in her presence, bitterly cursing his grandmaster senses as he heard the most priceless treasure in all of Lorasia beat rapidly within his master's chest at the sound of her commanding but warm voice.
He should be fine, he told himself whenever envious, sharp eyes saw the way that warm golden hazels shine brightly at the sight of dark ocean blue, but never towards light sky blue.
He will be fine, he told himself whenever a soft smirk from her pink lips brought out a rare, sincere, and timid smile from those chapped lips he yearned for, biting the inside of his mouth to keep soft lips from forming a jealous scowl.
He knew his place well; he knew it all too well, every day he made sure he did.
He was the vice commander knight of the Frontera County, entrusted with the important, honorable duty of protecting the heir of the estate by his lord.
He was to be his trusted blade, not his lover.
He was to be his loyal protector, not his soulmate.
He was to be nothing more than a knight, never his moon.
He knew it well, but it seemed not even as a grandmaster could he control the venomous pain his heart felt at the sun shining upon another.
But it was alright, he repeated to himself countless times, because he knew in his factured heart that he was not a suitable match for a bright star like Kim Suho. A star as warm and nuturing like his master deserved the love of another who was just as warm and nurturing. This was the best choice, not just for each other but for Frontera, for the kingdom, for the countless lives that depend on both his master and his queen.
The feelings of a cold rock with no light of its own had no right to mar the bright future they would build together for the people and their descendants.
He would not allow his vile and disgraceful desires to poison his mind and heart any further; he'll be damned if he allowed such things that had no right to exist ever cause a rift between him and his master. He'll lock away his every selfish emotion in the furthest recesses of his mind and throw away the key. He'll bury them in a hole deeper than whatever his master ever dug with his cherished shovel if he had to. He would do anything to ensure his master wouldn't be troubled by such nonsensical, painful-.
Even if he had to harshly remind himself of the consequences if his uncouth feelings ever came to light. He'll have to bear witness to an expression of mixed horror and confusion before soft words of rejection spilt from those lips he shamefully yearned for. He knew he wouldn't be able to endure such blatant and earnest rejection.
He reminded himself of the many things he had. He was by his side each day as his trusted ally, his closest confidant, perhaps even his dearest friend. He, alone, who knew the truth of the man who wore Lloyd Frontera's face… He was the only one in this world who would ever know the name of 'Kim Suho' as his master wished for them to take that name to the grave.
That was enough, that was more than enough.
As long as things remained that way, then he could live a life without regrets.
He will be there for him.
He would be there at his wedding, be there as when he is crowned prince consort, be there as he holds his first child, and he would even be the unofficial uncle of his children if given the honor. Perhaps even train them the same way Sir Bayern had trained him and the former Lloyd in swordfighting as children…
He would do anything as long as he was allowed the privilege of serving and protecting the center of his universe for the rest of his life.
…
But…
He was not allowed even that…
Not when a black hole threatened the lives of everyone they cherished, not when a black hole threatened to destroy everything they've built with their own calloused hands…
His master may be prideful, he may be avaricious to a worringly degree, he may be the most selfish piece of work to have ever lived, but he was kind, he was so- he was warm, bright, loving, caring-
He was their sun. Their bright and warm sun.
In his heart, he knew, he always knew that his sun would do anything for them, no matter how his master denied caring for anything aside from his dream of a lazy life, no matter how much Javier prayed for him to stay safe. Even if it meant denying Javier the right to die for him as a proper knight, to deny any of his loyal subjects the right to sacrifice themselves for him.
His warm sun would rather die than let anything of his get taken from him, his people, his family, and…his knight.
Kneeling on the destruction of their land, on what was once green, empty plains turned barren earth. He ignored every broken bone within his body, every painful cut that bled out, and ignored his bruised, swollen face as he stared upwards in disbelief at the swirling black hole that robbed them of their light.
The pale moon cried.
He wanted nothing more than to find the words within his bruised throat to curse hell, heaven, or whatever higher power that took their light away. He wanted to spill out utterly vile words that would shock even the original Lloyd Frontera. However, in that moment, all he could let out were pitiful, mournful wails like a distraught widow at her husband's funeral as a bitter cold engulfed what remained of his broken heart. Fat tears fell from his sky-blue eyes for the first time since the day his village was destroyed, and vicious beasts mauled his father.
It seemed appropriate, he would think on those long, endless, sleepless nights he'll endure for the next five years.
He lost his only blood kin that day. His meek but strong father gave his life for him, but left him a lonely and broken orphan in the bitter cold with nothing but painful sadness in his heart.
Now, cruel fate has robbed him once more.
Robbed him of the only person he will ever love, his master, who was like the sun. The cruel but kind otherworlder who gave up his life for a land he had no obligation to save…
Leaving him a cold, barren rock with no light at all.