Chapter Text
Hayden wasn’t sure how he had gotten here. It would probably come back to him later when his head wasn’t full of cotton. Right now, all he could focus on was the words coming out of Shane’s mouth, and the man standing next to his best friend, gripping his hand.
“Hayden?” Hayden blinked. Apparently he couldn’t even focus on the words, either. “Did you hear me?” It felt like there was a tornado whipping through his head, destroying every thought that tried to pass through. He forced it down into a gentle breeze. He needed to be present. He owed it to Shane.
“Sorry. Say it again.”
“I said I’m gay.” Okay. His best friend was gay. This was new information. He started to sift through various memories over the last few years, trying to make them align with this new fact. The turned down dates, the secret texts and phone calls, the locker room talk- shit. The locker room talk. That had to be hard on him. He tried to remember if he had ever contributed to it without realizing. He had never liked the way the men talked about women or the queer community but, he realized with not a small amount of guilt, that maybe not contributing wasn’t enough. He should have been doing something to intervene. Was Shane disappointed in him? He hoped-
“I understand if you’re upset with me. For lying.” Shane and Ilya were both watching him expectantly. He realized they had been waiting on him to say something. “But I hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable and it’s something you can learn to accept, because it’s who I-”
“What?” Shane stopped talking. “No, I accept you,” he said quickly. “I’m not uncomfortable. Just… recalculating, I guess.” Shane looked marginally more relaxed.
“Okay. Because I’m still-”
“Shane, I know who you are. Who you prefer to sleep with doesn’t change anything. You’re my best friend.” Shane seemed to relax the rest of the way. Hayden took a deep breath and focused in on the man next to him. “So… Rozanov.” He said it like a lead up, hoping Shane would fill in the rest.
“Yea.” Shane glanced up at the man, then back to Hayden. “I love him,” he said simply. And Hayden had never been more grateful for Shane’s way of saying things so directly. He didn’t think he could handle any beating around the bush right now.
Hayden let out a quick burst of air that almost sounded like a laugh, but lacked any sense of humor. “I thought we hated him.”
Shane let out a real laugh and nodded. “Me too.”
Hayden looked back over to Ilya, who still seemed wound up, like he wasn’t convinced yet this conversation wasn’t going to take a bad turn. “And you?” Hayden asked.
Ilya nodded once, slowly. “I love him.”
“And like, you’re good to him, and all?”
“Yes, of course.”
Hayden held his gaze a moment more, letting himself study him as a person, not a rival, for the first time. He thought back to all the conversations he and Shane had had over the years griping about this man. He would have to reconcile that with this new information later. “Okay,” he finally said. “That’s good enough for me.”
“Really?” Shane looked so relieved, he was worried he would start crying.
“Yea. If you love each other, and you’re taking care of each other… that's all I ever wanted for you, man.”
Then, Shane did cry. Just a single tear that he wiped away as quickly as it appeared. Hayden watched Shane’s throat ripple as he swallowed. “Thanks, Hayd. That means a lot.”
“Of course.”
Shane sniffed and scratched his chin. “I am sorry for lying to you. I know that can’t feel good.”
Hayden sighed. “Look, man. Is there a piece of me that’s a little hurt? Yes. But it’s ok. This is big and I understand not wanting to tell anyone. It’s your life. I’m not obligated to it.”
“Wow, big word.” Hayden threw a glare towards the Russian, but Ilya didn’t see it, because he was smiling down at his shoes.
“Can I still hate him though? Please?” Hayden was not beyond begging when it came to this point. “At least on the ice.”
Shane smiled fully for the first time. “Yes. I would never take that from you.”
“Good! Because I do. I hate him. Like, a lot.” He thought maybe his smile was making his words less convincing, but he didn’t care. He thought that maybe he didn’t hate him anymore at all.
In fact, Hayden realized he loved Ilya. He hadn’t before, but now he did. It was like the love that appeared for each of his children the moment he found out he and Jackie had conceived. It wasn’t a slow burn kind of love. It was a love that wasn’t, and then suddenly was. Hayden loved Shane, and he knew now that Shane loved Ilya. Therefore, Hayden loved Ilya. It was the transitive property of love. He had studied it in math once, he thought.
But, one life altering love confession at a time. His love for his best friend’s boyfriend could stay a secret for now.