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it was two in the morning and 39 lay wide awake in their bed. they’ve been struggling to sleep recently and they've been passing it off as homesickness. it's been working and makes sense as an excuse since they’ve been staying at clonefies’ mansion in the past week or so but they could tell that as the days went by, clonefies was believing it less and less. 39 wouldn’t even know where to begin if clonefies bothered to pry and they’re somewhat thankful that clonefies doesn’t care.
the real reason for their awful sleep schedule was their wings, or rather what’s left of their wings. the area where their wings once were has been aching recently and they’re not sure if it’s phantom pain or something more worrying. they’ve been too scared to find out and instead have been binding with bandages to avoid that truth but tonight the ache is too much to bare and they force themself out of their bed to deal with it.
they grab their axe just as a precaution.
the endkin carefully makes their way through the mansion to the front door, making sure to not wake any of the sleeping dogs as they exit. they climb the stairs to the grassy ledge, hidden from the windows and take a seat. they slide their shirt off, shivering slightly as the cold breeze hits their back. they’re hesitant to move and they give themself a moment to prepare, allowing themself to relax and calm their breathing, mentally reassuring themself that it could be phantom pain.
“you know there’s a creaking or two around, right?” 39 isn’t startled that by the voice, only letting out a small awkward laugh as they nod. they turn their head to look up at clonefies who doesn’t look impressed with the endkin. “did i wake you?” 39 asks, shifting their body to face her better. they could have sworn she was fast asleep when they left but they’ve been wrong about a lot of things when it comes to clonefies, even the small things it seems.
“yeah,” she tilts her head to the side, her ears flopping as she does so, “what are you doing out?” her eyes wander to the axe that sits beside 39, her expression doesn’t change but 39 wonders what she’s thinking. 39 hums, following her gaze and tries to think of an excuse. clonefies crouches in front of them, and decides she has a better question to ask, “what's with the bandages?”
39 doesn’t answer immediately, chewing the inside of their cheek as they mull over the consequences of answering truthfully. it wouldn't hurt to ask for her help, would it? they know that clonefies will never bring it up in the future, and they likely won't either. they'll only really know if something is truly wrong if there's bruising or broken skin and they can't exactly check for that themself. 39 turns their head to clonefies, mirroring her head tilt, “could you do something for me?”
“what is it?” she asks, and 39 can't tell if she's annoyed with them if she wasn't already. 39 hums, shifting their body to have their back facing clonefies. they close their eyes and let out a shaky sigh as they begin to remove the bandages. their entire body seems to finally relax with the removal of the bandages, they can't seem to remember when they had last changed them. 39 keeps their eyes closed, almost forcing themself to. they don't want to look at the bandages, fearing that they'd see the tiniest bit of blood before clonefies gets the chance to ruin their life here and now.
the endkin moves an arm back, placing their hand in the space between their shoulder blades. “do you see scars?” they ask quietly, their voice shaking as they speak. they can hear clonefies shuffling forward and she doesn’t say anything for what feels like an eternity. it's nerve wrecking and the silence in the wait almost makes 39 want to lean forward and fall off the ledge then act like nothing happened the next day.
a cold touch startles them out of this dramatic thinking, and they shiver as they feel clonefies tracing her finger over one of the scars. she doesn't say anything and 39 is once again thankful that she never cares. 39 clears their throat awkwardly, stammering over their words before they're able to ask their next question, “um, do you- is there bruising..? blood?” that question causes clonefies to pause for a moment before pressing down on the skin around the scar. her actions almost make 39 want to go through with their dramatic thinking, believing that she might have pressed down on a light bruise as a silent way of answering their question and-
“nah.”
phew.
“what are these from?”
falling off the ledge sounds like a really good idea.
the endkin sighs, fiddling with their hands covered in old and new scars — they almost remember a time where their hands were clean and soft and only knew how to cook. 39 tilts their head back slightly, they know she won't pry if they refused to answer but it also wouldn't hurt to tell her. she won't care either way. “wings,” is all 39 decides to say, from behind them they can hear clonefies hum with the slightest hint of interest. the dog hybrid traces over a scar again, her touch light and barely present. 39 tries not to shiver at that feeling.
“.. oh, i get it.” clonefies says quietly. 39 hums a question, shuffling around to face her. they avoid making eye contact as they try to read her expression to get a hint of what she’s thinking. at first her expression is hard to read, she's just staring at 39 blankly for a moment, but then her brows furrow and she frowns at the endkin, “you're binding your wings.” her voice is quiet and there's something in her tone that tells 39 she isn't particularly fond of that idea.
“did you..?” clonefies doesn't finish her question, and by her change in expression she already knows the answer. she looks down at 39 with a mix of horror and hatred and 39 swears there's a hint of concern in her eyes. “what is wrong with you!?”
“look, they-”, weren't even mine to begin with, 39 goes silent, they're not sure if they should reveal that part of the story. she doesn't need to know if she's not involved. they won't ever admit it but they still care about her and would hate to drag her into this mess (even if that's why they're at the mansion in the first place, but plans change.)
“you have all the freedom in the world and you just--ugh!” clonefies begins to pace back and forth, her hands up as if she's trying to contain the thoughts inside her head. “all i have is some shitty elytra and–!” she stops herself, eyes wide as she realizes her rambling. her arms move to her sides as she turns to face the endkin. “are you trying to be something you're not?”
39 tries to ignore the way their stomach flipped at the way she asked that. her voice was full of venom but there was something lying deep within those words that 39 couldn't quite understand. they brush it off, she couldn’t possibly be worried for them. she's angry at them.
they shrink into themself, turning their head to avoid clonefies’ gaze. they've never seen her like this before and they’re not sure if they want to find out if clonefies has a huge amount of rage she's been hiding for a while. would clonefies be more mad if 39 answered truthfully? what would be the truth, though? yes, i am trying to be someone i'm not or no, i'm scared to be that someone. they’ve never felt like a person and the closest they’ve ever felt to being someone was with stolen power.
(is it my purpose to be a replacement?)
“why do you care?” the endkin asks instead with a poor attempt at trying to make their tone sound flat. they reach for the bandages, fiddling with them to untangle them so that they can wrap their upper torso again. 39 looks up at clonefies, making sure to avoid eye contact as they do. clonefies glares at them with that same mixed expression and her brows seem to furrow ever so slightly before she returns to her blank stare. “i don't.” she says flatly, all that frustration from before suddenly gone in the blink of an eye.
“night, 39,” the dog hybrid gives 39 a half smile before she turns on her heel and heads back inside the mansion. 39's gaze lingers on the top of the stairs once she's out of their sight, leaving them to think about what clonefies had rambled on about. “freedom, huh?” they mumble to themself, looking down at the bandages in their hands. they shrug with a small sigh, leaning forward to be able to wrap the bandages around better.
they've never thought of it like that but they suppose it can be true for their situation, albeit a complicated idea of freedom. they're nobody as they are now but that power freed them from that ugly life. they look up at the night sky once they're finished with the bandages and wonder what it would be like to fly between those stars. how amazing would it feel to be that free?
will the stars be their freedom? will the stars ease their mind?
they shake their head, shoving away those thoughts for now. the endkin grabs their untouched axe and shirt, standing up and heading back inside the mansion. the dog hybrid is still settling back into bed when they return inside and she gives them a look that 39 can't quite understand. 39 bites their tongue, feeling uneasy with how clonefies acted just a few minutes ago. they stammer, not knowing if they should apologise but ‘sorry’ is a foreign word to the both of them so they forget it and instead gives her a small, unsure smile, “goodnight clonefies.”
they can show her peace in the stars as well.