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Leonard Mitchell spent almost all his life alone as an orphan, with no one to hear every achievement he made, with no one to praise his good works, and with no one to guide him through life. He became a beyonder not only because he hated being weak and vulnerable, after all, no protagonist of the era is a loser, right? but also because he wanted to be seen, for what he could do, to be acknowledged by others.
So when he joined the Nighthawkz, he felt strange at first. He wasnt used to the atmosphere, the work system, the people there. But this was truly all he had wanted the most. A place where he could do things and then be rewarded, be recognized for them. Especially when he had the best colleagues, as cool as Kenley, Frye, Seeka Tron, Rozanne, Old Neil, and Captain Dunn. And the old man too! Pallez Zoroast shall not be forgotten. He finally felt comfortable, like he had found a family he held dear to his heart. He felt like he could trust his back to them, and they would not disappoint him.
So, when Klein Moretti first joined the Nighthawks, he quickly grew fond of him. This man was full of mysteries, Klein had a secret, and so did Leonard. But everybody has a secret, silly. This midnight poet couldnt miss a single opportunity to stay close to Klein, hoping to gain his trust, and perhaps to dug deeper inside klein's secret.
A certain someone within the Seer pathway seemed to adapt better than ever to this world he had newly come to know. Klein Moretti didnt want to form any deep bonds with people, due to his dream of returning to Earth, and that was why he always kept everyone at arm's length, afraid that he would find himself attached and grew fond of the people here. Even so, one could not help but find it comfortable talking to the Nighthawks.
Two months passed just like that since Klein Moretti's arrival at the Nighthawks, and Leonard, our dear poet, seemed to be getting more fond of Klein. Leonard knew the risks of becoming a Beyonder, that calamity might appear at any moment, that they were stuck in fate's cruel flowing river, tiptoeing against the wreckage of the world and the madness within themselves. But Leonard thought that as long as the Nighthawks stood together, they could face anything, no matter how difficult it is.
How naive.
He himself would later agree that his old self had been too naive to think that. But God, he couldn't help believing that his safe place was eternal. (Everybody knows nothing is eternal.)
Unfortunately enough, fate's cruelty does not care about appearance or wealth. Like a certain someone once said, “Fate always exacted what it bestows, isnt it?”
Fate turned its gaze upon Leonard, the poor, naive boy who believed that true power was the power of friendship. He lay vulnerable against the rubbles of the fallen Blackthorn Security Company, unable to lift even a finger due to him getting knocked unconscious, watching helplessly as his dearest Captain Dunn sacrificed himself for Tingen in the battle against the descent of the True Creator.
Only to be followed by his dearest friend, Klein Moretti, lying lifeless, his heart torn apart by Ince Zangwill, a traitor who struck for Saint Selena's Ashes.
He hated this feeling.
Not after he had already lost some of his Nighthawk companions, like Kenley, after an attack from a Demoness under Lanevus's orders, and his precious mysticism teacher, Old Neil, against madness of Forbidden knowledge, not too long ago. And now he had to, yet again, watch another of his dear companions die right in front of his eyes without being able to do anything.
He hated the feeling of being a burden, of being nothing more than a parasite to others. He was not strong enough to protect those he loved.
Despite calling himself the protagonist of this so-called era, he lay there, unmoving, weak, unconscious, vulnerable. He was not enough. He was not strong enough.
That scene echoed through his mind like a nightmare chasing him relentlessly.
Why did he survive?
Why him, specifically?
The sorrow of yet another companion's loss weighed heavily on his heart. He hoped the old man could do something about it, only to find out there was nothing he could do.
He questioned everything. Why did it have to be him? Why did fate deliberately let him survive instead of Captain Dunn and Klein?
Compared to himself, Leonard thought that Captain Dunn and Klein were far more qualified in every aspect, far more than him.
If only- if only it had been him that day instead of Captain Dunn and Klein-
He tried to shake off the lingering thoughts as he volunteered himself as the gloom-monger, the one who would bear the bad news to Klein's family. He thought it would be right for him to do so. At least that was the only thing he could do to show Klein and his family his condolences.
The guilt only grew heavier as he arrived at the Moretti residence. Klein had a younger sister, and an older brother, both of whom felt their stomachs drop the moment they heard the news from Leonard.
Ah... why wasn't it him who died on that battlefield instead of Klein?
His emotions fluctuated violently.
If it had been him, everyone at Blackthorn Security Company would have wept for a while, and then moved on like any other days. He have no family, so no one would miss him that much.
Klein, on the other hand, was a kindhearted brotherz with loving family, and a hardworking young man, proven by how quickly he advanced in Tingen. Truly far more qualified than him.
And Captain Dunn, he's firm, reliable, supportive. Leonard believed the Captain would have been transferred to Backlund in no time, his good work earning recognition from the higher ups.
So why him?
Why was he the one who survived?
Out of all of them... why Leonard?
Once again, he fell into the depths of guilt, sorrow swallowing him whole. The survivor's guilt gnawed at his mind faster than he could resist.
“Im not enough.”
That was the truth he chose to believe, the reason why Captain Dunn and Klein had died.
Because Leonard was not strong enough.