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There are things they don’t tell you about death. They don’t tell you that when you die, you’re going to wake up in a world that’s like your own but totally different.
They don’t tell you you’ll eventually get homesick for the dimension you left. They don’t tell that once you die, you can’t go back.
They don’t tell you that once you die, you’re not tied to any single dimension anymore so you can go anywhere your heart desires. But they don’t tell you you’ll eventually want to go back.
They don’t tell you how much you’ll miss your family. They don’t tell you how much you’ll miss your mom. They don’t tell you how much you’ll miss your dad. They don’t tell you how much you’ll miss your little brother.
They tell you it hurts when your loved ones die but they don’t tell you how much you’ll miss them when you die first and you find yourself longing to reconnect with them.
My name is Gwendolyn S. Poole and I’ve had people tell me that I am Deadpool variant.
It makes sense, right? I can heal, I can jump dimensions with nothing holding me back.
But then, why do I look so much like her? We could be twins, Gwen and I. We even share a name. Gwendolyn Stacy. Except Stacy is my middle name where hers is her last name.
I don’t think I’m a Deadpool variant. I don’t even think I’m a Gwen Stacy variant. I am my own thing and I am an amalgamated variant. I am an amalgamation of Gwen Stacy and Deadpool and my name is Gwendolyn Stacy Poole, also known as Gwenpool.
It’s funny because when Gwen and I first met, I had the hugest crush on her. Weird right? We could be twins but I had a crush on her?
Was it narcissism?
No.
She just understood me in a way nobody had before.
We were best friends. We were mistaken as sisters on the few occasions we went out in public together.
We mostly stayed inside and watched movies and gossiped.
We had to go our separate ways when she told me she was Spidergwen. I told her I was Gwenpool. We were both happy for each other but sad to see the other leave.
I check in on her from time to time.
She has a girlfriend now and is very happy.
Im still single and very ace and that is where the problem arises.
I have eyes. I can see that people are pretty. But bedroom things make me feel nauseous. And suddenly the other person thinks it about them. It’s not. But it’s gotten me single before. They broke up with me before I could explain.
Oh well.
Their loss I guess.
It still makes things awkward though.
And most everyone around me has someone. I’m still single. I don’t let it affect me but it does. I’m not jealous. I just wonder what’s wrong with me.
Except it’s nothing wrong with me.
Im fine the way I am.
It’s the world that’s wrong. The world that thinks I’m broken. The world that doesn’t understand. The world that thinks I need help.
And suddenly I feel like I’m drowning again. I’m sinking, I floundering, I’m gasping for air.
Nothung comes. No life support, no CPR, no help. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m stuck.
This has been my lament.
- Gwen S. Poole