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Another crumbed paper hits the ground as Rudo’s hands ruffle his own hair.
He picks up the pencil again and tries to recreate the image in his head. He failed. Again. Why is this so hard? He crumbled up the paper in front of him. He’s been doing this for hours, piles of torn up paper are littered around his already messy room. His hands shake as he tries again.
Rudo’s never been able to hold a pencil for very long, and as he does this over and over again it’s starting to hurt. His hands always hurt but Regto didn’t mind. He never minded. Oh yeah. He starts to draw once more. His hair is black. He has facial hair… His eyes usually look tired.. okay good. And they were black— right? Wait no they were blue. Gray? No— no. What color..?
His breath starts to pick up rapidly. He scribbles out the hideous drawing in front of him. His hands grip the table as he stares down at the piece of paper. How could he forget his face..? He hasn’t— he promises. He could never— Regto..R— “—ad” When did he start talking?
“Dad…” Tears smudged the lead on the paper.
—
Dear Santa is annoyed. When is he not? It’s too loud… Most of the adults are just yapping and drunk right now so of course they're being loud. Bro and Enjin, surprisingly, are the only ones not drinking, probably because he’s there. He needs a break… Dear nudges Bro’s arm, making the man look down at him. Dear’s head nods to the door.
“You wanna go take a breather? That’s alright, just don’t go too far…” Bro pats his head gently before Dear nods and walks out the common space. He strolls down the corridors, taking his time as he walks around for a while. He passes a door when he hears a thud.. not just one actually but repeated thuds hitting something. Dear turns and recognizes the door, it’s Rudo’s room.
It shouldn’t be too shocking to hear noises come from his room, the older boy is usually working on stuff he finds. It’s cool. But the noise just seems off this time. It sounds almost wet? Squishy almost, every time the thud hits. Dear walks towards the room, about to push open the door… “DEAR!” The small boy flinches hard when he hears Guita's voice. “Whatcha doing? Why are you in front of Ru-ru’s door?” Her head tilts slightly.
Dear grunts, pointing at his ear then the door. “You heard something? Lemme hear!” Guita leans over Dear, making the boy's face scrunch up annoyed. “That’s weird.. it sounds kinda fleshy..” Guita pulls back, hands on her hips. Dear nods also turning towards the door. Guita hesitates before she pushes open the door and the two of them freeze in spot.
Rudo keeps rocking back and forth in his chair, repeatedly slamming his head on his desk. They can see the way blood drips off the cracked desk. He keeps going back and forth and back and forth—
“Mh!” “RUDO!” The two yell horrified. Both run into the room to Rudo, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him back, hard enough that Rudo falls off his chair. “Ru— why were you doing that—?” Guita mutters while on the brink of tears. Dear sits in front of him, and uses his sleeve to try and wipe off the blood. It’s not helping, just staining his clothes. Dear’s breathing picks up. Rudo hasn’t tried to respond yet, he just continues to mutter inaudible things.
“Mh-! Mmh!” Dear frantically hums at Guita. “Call Enjin-? Yea! Yea okay!” Guita’s voice is shaking as she uses her collar to get a hold of Enjin. Dear keeps trying to stop the blood but there’s so much.. Rudo’s eyes are so unfocused, it looks like he’s looking through Dear. The smaller boy, not knowing what to do, tries to shake him. Just to get some type of reaction. Tears poke out on the side of Dear's eyes.
“I told you! I am the best at card ga—“ Enjin’s gloating gets cut off by his own ringtone. Guita’s shaky voice breaks through his collar, also catching some of the other’s attention, especially Bros. “Enjin! You gotta— It’s Rudo— there’s so much blood—!” Enjin immediately shoots out his chair, followed by Bro and Gris. “I’m coming, Guita, just stay with him.”
Guita ends the call and quickly goes back to the two. She sits in front of Rudo next to Dear, holding onto both their hands. Dear also grabbing Rudo’s. “Why would you do that! That must’ve— th—“ Guita could even get the words out before tears start falling from her eyes, which causes Dear to finally let his tears fall. Dear even starts to softly hit his chest, not hurting him but just trying to make Rudo feel again.
It only gets worse when Rudo actually starts to say things that are audible.
“ ‘m sorry..”
“I ju-t wanted to remember—“
“D—ad I’m so s-rry…”
His words cause them to cry harder, Rudo unconsciously leans towards the two. He is still not fully aware of things but hearing their cries cause him to almost start crying. He wants to comfort them. This is all my fault. Finally, the door is busted open by a frantic Enjin and Bro. The men see Rudo’s bloody forehead with glossy eyes and the other two sobbing. “Shit.”
—
Enjin watches Rudo’s chest rise and fall. His face twisted with concern. He was glad they were able to separate the kids so they could take Rudo to Eisha. It was difficult due to Dear and Guita not wanting to leave Rudo’s side. Clinging to him like his body was limp and cold. It would’ve been cuter if the context of the situation wasn’t so bad. Bro, thankfully, was able to convince them but still, it’s nice to think about how close they’ve gotten.
Eisha freaked out a bit when Enjin came in holding a bloodied Rudo but she was able to patch him up very nicely. Enjin decided to let both Riyo and Zanka know over the collar, due to them being on a joint mission. They both sounded worried and asked if one of them should come back but Enjin said they were fine. Rudo’s sleeping peacefully now anyway.
After a few hours, Team Child comes in and checks up on Rudo. Dear looking frustrated and concerned and Guita trying to stay positive but also worried. She put a tiny braid in Rudo’s hair, after asking Eisha if she could. Being mindful of the bandages around his head, Guita talks to Rudo as Dear lays down next to him. It’s so endearing that it makes Bro tear up. Enjin hasn’t really left Rudo’s side, but still not wanting to admit how concerned he is.
He’ll talk to the kid when he wakes up.
—
Enjin walks back into the room after getting some food and some candy and is surprised to see Rudo sitting up, hugging his knees to his chest. Enjin lets out a relieved sigh before quietly walking over to him and sitting on the edge of his bed. “Hey Bud, how you feeling..?” Enjin speaks to him gently. Rudo’s dull eyes meet Enjin’s. “I’m sorry… I just wanted to remember…” Rudo mumbles.
“Remember what kid?” Enjin’s hand combs through Rudo’s hair. “Mm dad..” That’s all Enjin needed to know.”So that explains all the paper on your floor..” Rudo nods. Silence fills the room once more, Enjin wanting Rudo to take his time. The teen makes a soft mumble. “What was that?” Enjin asks. “I’m a piece of crap..” Enjin’s heart sinks a bit at that. “Hey don’t say that, it’s alright—“ “NO ITS NOT!” Rudo cuts him off.
“I’m forgetting him! I’m forgetting Regto— my own dad! I’m horrible!” Rudo’s hands grip his hair as he scolds himself. His breathing picks up rapidly, Enjin quickly brings himself closer to Rudo, gripping Rudo’s hands firmly to make him stop. “Hey— hey, Rudo, Buddy. Breathe, it’s okay. I’m here.” Enjin’s voice is soft, trying to soothe the poor kid.
It seemingly works, Rudo’s breathing slowly slows down and he lets Enjin take his hands out his hair. He looks damn near to tears, Enjin’s heart hurts. “You’re not horrible. You hear me? You haven’t been able to process things fully, I know, and you are so strong, Rudo.” Enjin’s hand comes to Rudo’s hair, trying to soothe the pain Rudo brought to himself.
“But how could I forget him? He did so much for me.” Rudo mumbles, clenching his hands. “You haven’t. You remember his voice, right?” Rudo nods. “You remember him teaching you how to fix up trash right?” Enjin can see Rudo’s shoulders trembling. “You’ll never forget him, kid, he was your dad.” Enjin sighs before he feels Rudo’s head leaning on his shoulder.
The older man smiles fondly as he lets Rudo grip his arm, almost as if Enjin’s gonna disappear next. They stay like that until Rudo’s ready to eat. Enjin watches the kid stuff his face, relieved that he’s doing some-what better. As Rudo bites down on a muffin, Enjin gets a bright idea. “How about we go visit Canvas town?” Rudo’s tired eyes glance at him. “Why..?” His voice is muffled due to the food in his mouth.
“Well, maybe Remlin could draw him for you?” Rudo’s eyebrows furrow in further confusion. “But they don’t even know what he looked like…” It seems unnecessary but the thought of seeing Remlin makes Rudo a bit happier. “That’s why you’re gonna tell ‘em.” Enjin pinches his noise, chuckling when Rudo hisses at him. “But-“ Enjin covers his mouth. “No buts, we’re going, but before we do, we should see Dear and Guita. They were both very worried about you.” Rudo looks down and nods.
—
When they step into the common room, Rudo can’t even get a word out.
“RUDO!” Guita cries before hugging him, Rudo’s arms fly up on instinct. He tries to figure out what he should do but before he can, Dear jumps up and hugs one of his arms. His face scrunched up but Rudo can’t tell if he’s mad or trying not to cry. “Never ever do something like that again— that was so scary!” Guita rambles on and on. The weight of the two of them makes Rudo slide down to the floor in front of them.
Guita continues to hug him around his stomach as her body lays on the floor. She’s a snouty mess as she cries into him. Dear rubs his head into Rudo’s shoulder, his face frustrated as he tries not to cry. Rudo is able to bring his free hand up and hugs Guita’s head and leans his head on top of Dears. “I’m sorry for worrying you guys.. I— I’m sorry.” Rudo doesn’t know what else to say, his body shaking.
“You should be! That was so dumb! You shouldn’t hurt yourself like that!” Guita yells as she shakes him with Dear helping her. “I got it! I got it!” Rudo yells back. After a few seconds, they stop shaking him and Guita sits up on her knees. “Good! If you ever get the bad feelings, just come to me and Dear and we’ll squeeze you until you feel better!” Rudo's face brightens, as his arms hesitantly wrap around the two of them.
—
“I wanna work on my realism anyway!” Is what Remlin told him. They seem so excited to help. It made Rudo’s stomach flip— which confused him. They listen to Rudo describe his father intently, nodding along and looking up as if they could see him in their head. After he’s done after what felt like spilling his guts, Remlin just smiles at him. It’s kinda… cute? Rudo realizes.
Rudo watches the pencil move slowly but steadily on the paper. Rudo’s eyes flicker to Remlin’s face. It’s scrunched up slightly in concentration, posture hunched over. After about 20 minutes, or what feels like hours, Remlin slowly puts their pencil down. They look so nervous… Rudo can see their small canine teeth peek out past their lips as they shift in their chair. “Ready?” Remlin asks. Rudo’s mouth feels dry so he just nods as the paper is flipped.
It’s him.
Regto— dad… my dad.
Rudo’s hands shake as he slowly takes the paper in his hands. Remlin stays quiet, worried if they completely fucked it up. “I’m sorry if I’m like way off—“ Remlin starts before shutting up at the sight of Rudo’s face. The smile that graces his face is so pained but so pure, so are the tears that start to flow down his face.
Rudo hugs the paper to his chest, nodding abstinently. Remlin’s hands flail around for a second, looking a bit like him when he did it. Rudo lets out a pleased huff before he places the paper down and hugs Remlin. Their body freezes before they happily wrap their arms around Rudo too. Remlin nuzzles their head into Rudo’s fluffy hair, humming contently. “I’m glad I was able to do him justice!” Remlin snickers. Rudo sniffs and nods. “You did.”
The two of them smile at each other for a minute before Remlin uses their sleeve to gently wipe Rudo’s eye. Something in Rudo’s chest aches at this. They stare at each other for what feels like forever. “Am I interrupting?” Enjin’s voice breaks the moment, causing the two of them to jump apart immediately. Rudo hates the look he has on his face.
Though he supposes he can’t hate him that much…