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“This is all so stupid.” Judelow huffs. “Utter bullshit.”
“I know, right? All because I failed one class.” Sharpness turns, his skin—bristled with grass—clearly causing discomfort. It’s not long before he sits up and starts to brush away the grass, only for more to stick onto him. He gives up after realising that he will never be devoid of grass, not when he’s sitting in the middle of a grass field next to Judelow, watching the sun as it sets, resting on the horizon.
Judelow tilts his head slightly, just enough to be able to see the irritation etched onto his features, evidently amused by Sharpness’ annoyance. He can’t help but admire the way the sun casts a subtle, yellow and gold-ish light onto his face, hair, skin, and everything else about him. His hair glistens and shines, his eyes look a less fiercer shade of green, softening into something that Judelow knows is reserved for him only, and his skin practically glows in the sunlight, which makes it harder to believe that Sharpness doesn’t use any facial cleanser or cream of any kind.
He’s pulled out of his trance when Sharpness catches his eyes, staring right into his pink-ish purple ones. Contrary to Sharpness, the sunlight only makes his eyes glow an even sharper, intimidating pink, almost like a neon light, attracting all attention to his face. He finds it impossible to look away—not when he’s being stared back at in such an enticingly beautiful way. Other people might dislike the shade of purple-pink that makes up his irises, claiming it’s unnatural and unnerving (which it is, he won’t deny), but he doesn’t care what other people think. Sharpness thinks it’s gorgeous, and no one else can change his mind. He’s always had an odd agastopia for his eyes, the strange, bright hue entrancing him and pulling Sharpness’ eyes towards Judelow’s.
“So, what did they say?” Judelow asks, pulling his gaze away from the other, because he fears he might melt right then and there if the blond keeps looking at him with such tenderness. He notices how the other’s mood instantly sours, which he feels mildly guilty for. They still have to talk about it anyway, whether they like it or not.
“What do you mean?” Judelow knows that Sharpness is playing stupid, but he knows exactly how to pry him open.
“Your parents. You said that they were going to punish you for failing. What did they say?”
A beat of silence passes as Sharpness lowers his head, displaying a rare vulnerability that only the closest among his close friends would be able to even catch a glimpse of. The thing is, Judelow isn’t his closest friend. He’s much more than that, but much less than a lover. He’s not sure whether to categorise Sharpness as an enemy, a rival, a friend, a mutual tolerance, or a lover. He shudders at the last option. He yearns to be able to title him as a lover, but he fears that his feelings might not be reciprocated—even if Sharpness clearly shows mutual affection for him.
“They said I’m grounded. It was only supposed to be for a week, but then… They found out I was sneaking out to see you instead of studying before they came back from work. It went from a week to two months.” Sharpness admits, and for the first time since they met, he lets his sadness emerge from the deepest depths, leaking through his words and dripping onto Judelow like poison, harming them both.
He knows that whatever they have between them will disappear once they enter college. After all, he’s certain that everything is ephemeral. Nothing ever lasts forever, which is why he has to make the most of it now. He’s prepared himself for when that time comes—prepared himself for when Sharpness isn’t around anymore—but the thought of it coming sooner than he expected terrifies him.
“Two months?” Judelow practically chokes on his spit out of disbelief. “There’s no way! I’m not that bad! Come on, you can’t negotiate with your parents further?”
“Jude, you made me trespass on private property. Multiple times. And made me shoplift a dozen times already. You kind of are that bad.” Sharpness reminds, and Judelow, for once, feels like he regrets his actions. “They’re making me give them my phone, my devices, practically everything that I can use to message or contact friends with. They’re also installing more cameras in my room and putting a lock on my window and door.”
“More cameras? That’s insane! Please, just try!” Judelow keeps begging. However, this time, it’s not just to mess with him. He’s genuine, desperate and isn’t willing to go off contact with Sharpness for that long. His voice starts to crack, and he can’t help it when the first tear rolls down his cheek, though he stops the others from falling.
“I have!” Sharpness suddenly snaps, his voice shaky as well. Neither of them are coping well with this new arrangement, and both are making it as obvious as possible. “They won’t- they won’t listen. They said they’ve given me enough chances, and I abused their trust and support.”
The pair remain silent for a while, no words being spoken, each of them caught up in their throats. Judelow stammers out something at some point, but whatever he wants to say dies in his mouth. Both of them know what he wants to say though—the three words that they never had enough bravery to say to each other, that they were too scared to utter out of fear of rejection. I love you too, Sharpness wants to answer, but he finds the words so impossible to say that he’d rather stab himself in the chest than even mutter them.
It’s not long after the sun fully sets and they leave. Judelow, like always, walks Sharpness home, careful to take the back alley to his house and help him climb up into the window to avoid his parents noticing. It seems he hasn’t done a good enough job, though, if they’ve already been caught. Sharpness spares him one more glance, eyes welling up as he watches Judelow’s figure disappear into the darkness of the alley.
The first few days are like hell to him. Sharpness’ parents force him to study almost 24/7, keeping an eye on their son via security cameras that they had set up in his room. He could grab his spare phone, the one he bought with his own money and that neither of his parents are aware of, but the cameras will only alert his parents if they spot a device in the room. He finds himself sleeping any other time when he’s not studying. The only times he leaves his room are when he has to go to the bathroom, or when he goes downstairs to collect his food and eat in his room instead of the dining table, because he’d rather kill himself than look either his mother or his father in the eye.
On the seventh day, his parents inform him that they’ll be coming home late, since they have a business meeting and party that’ll take place on the following Monday and Tuesday. On the first day that they’re gone, Sharpness goes to the bathroom, somewhat relieved to have the house to himself, only to be distracted by the sound of a rock hitting a window in the room beside his, the storage room. Nobody ever goes there, so there aren’t any cameras or locks, save for the one lock that was built in on the door. When he glances out, a familiar figure catches his eye, purple hoodie and hair easily recognisable amongst the grey and dull landscape, arms outstretched and holding up a sign that says “you ok?” on it.
Quickly grabbing a spare notebook, he jots down an answer.
“Yeah.”
“great. ur parents aren’t home?”
“no, meeting.”
“tmrw too?”
“yeah, why”
“great. pack ur things tmrw when they’re gone. this room, use the secret tunnel from yours.”
Before Sharpness can even reply, Judelow’s already gone. He instantly realises what the other’s talking about, and goes back to his room to start preparing.
Covering up his true plan, he stacks books on books beside him, forming a little, private area where the cameras can’t spot him. He pulls out a map of the continent—detailed red lines and branches traced all over it and mapping a trail—and starts to go through the possible locations they could aim for. There’s no final destination that’s circled on the map, but instead, multiple places where the trail stops, leaving them with the liberty of choosing where they want to go. A few areas are circled in red, which he remembers are hotels or gas stations they can stop at later on.
In the same drawer, money bills are stacked, allowance from his part-time job as a cashier on weekends. An empty can of coffee lies beside the money, alongside his other phone, a powerbank, and its charger. He pulls all items out, wrapping them inside the map before placing them back down delicately into the drawer.
This is the first night he’s slept well since he was grounded. He dreams of where he and Judelow will go, which path they’ll take, where they’ll stay, and how long they’ll stay. He wonders if anyone from his school will miss him or Judelow, or if his parents would care if he went with Judelow. Something odd inside him says that he’ll miss his parents, but he pushes it aside.
The next day comes faster than expected, and his parents tell him the same thing, this time warning him not to do anything stupid, as if they know what he’ll attempt.
He plans on packing later in the night, when it’ll be too dark for the cameras to spot anything, but luckily for him, almost as if he was being aided by the universe, the power runs out, leaving the entire neighbourhood without electricity. This allows him to pack without worrying whether the cameras will spot him or not.
He shoves a few t-shirts, jeans and track pants into the duffel bag he’s prepared for the trip, and fits in two or three hoodies just in case it gets cold where they’re going. Admittedly, it’s quite stupid to try and pull off this stunt during autumn, but he thinks he’ll die if he waits any longer. He also grabs a backpack, stuffing the map and his other belongings he plans on taking with him into it swiftly, before he opens up the small passageway that leads to the storage room, where he’ll be able to exit through the window.
Once he reaches the dusty storage room, he pulls up the window halfway, already planning his course on how to get down from there. After he climbs out of the window, he shuts it tightly, making sure not to make too much noise, just in case the neighbours hear him. He stares down, and sure enough, Judelow’s already there, waiting with open arms. Sharpness tosses down his duffel bag first, which Judelow catches with no difficulty, before he manoeuvres himself along the roof, carefully stepping onto the tiles he’s certain aren’t loose, before sliding down the pillar that holds the roof up.
Before he can move any more, he’s instantly pulled into a hug by Judelow, the other’s grip so tight and harsh that he struggles to escape. He decides to relish in the warmth of his friend/lover, before Judelow lets go of him and drags him by the hand. Sharpness follows with enthusiasm, adrenaline already rushing through his veins. It’s not long before the pair arrives at Judelow’s house and tosses all of their stuff into the backseat of his old Honda Civic that his dad barely used and passed down onto him, before they enter the car themselves, Sharpness at the passenger seat while Judelow takes the wheel.
Sharpness is glad that Judelow’s dad taught him how to drive at a young age, because his parents would never let him have a car until he graduated college. Judelow also knows that he can’t drive without a license, so he snags the license his dad lost a few weeks ago and shoves it into his wallet and back into his own bag. He’s definitely glad that Judelow also looks a lot like his dad.
Right after Judelow leaves the town, the sign on the highway indicating that they’ve finally left the god forsaken place, both of them immediately break out in laughter.
“We did it!” Judelow cheers.
“Where are we off to now?” Sharpness questions, turning on the radio and humming along to some song he vaguely recognises as the song his math teacher plays during classes.
“I dunno. We could drive decently far enough then stop at some twenty-four-hour parking lot to sleep and plan.”
“Maybe we can also stop by a gas station too. I didn’t bring much food or snacks.”
“No, we’re good. I brought a lot of stuff. I took snacks and bread and jam—“
“I hate jam.” Sharpness frowns, although it looks more like a pout with the way his fist is pressed against his cheek.
“Kidding, I got peanut butter, obviously.” Sharpness hears a few snickers from the driver, but he opts to ignore his teasing.
An hour passes before the barren landscape outside fades into a large and vast field, some birds chirping and cooing outside while the other animals lay asleep. The only sounds other than the animals are the muted music from the radio and the psithurism of the trees. Sharpness wants to fall asleep, the sounds of nature almost like a lullaby to him, but he doesn’t want to leave Judelow alone, so he stays awake, keeping himself accompanied by the scenery. The moon is high above them, shining down its stolen light onto the road, illuminating the path in front of them.
Another half of an hour later, they finally reach a free parking area, Judelow quickly pulling over, the sudden change in direction rousing Sharpness awake as he sits up straight. The landscape hasn’t changed much, save for the fewer trees planted around. Distantly, Sharpness wonders how much longer before they reach another area. As they both exit the car to stretch, the gentle zephyr washes over them and relaxes them.
Sharpness pulls out the map he brought earlier, taking out all of the objects that were previously wrapped in the paper. He catches a glimpse of the time: 1:02 AM.
Placing down the map on the bonnet of the car, he extends a hand and points at the trails they’ve traced out.
“So, where are we now? You’re the one that’s better at geography.” Sharpness questions.
“Right here. Soon, there’s gonna be a forest, so I think it’s better we wait out until day, just to be safe. Where do you wanna go by the end of this?”
“Away.” Is all he answers.
“Away where?” Judelow asks, evidently confused. Sharpness is usually straight to the point, never subtle.
“Far from home. I don’t wanna go back.” Realisation clicks inside of Judelow.
“Do you wanna go to the cliffs? That’s pretty far. There’s a small town there too. We can settle there.” He proposes. Sharpness contemplates, almost getting lost in thought before nodding shortly.
With that, they move back into the car, both yawning and tired.
“It feels weird to just… disappear like this, doesn’t it? You wonder if anyone’s noticed yet, or if anyone will.” Sharpness mumbles, too fatigued to even process what he’s saying. He sounds like he’s drunk, despite being completely sober.
“Will what?”
“Notice.”
“Do you want them to notice?”
A beat of silence.
“I’m not sure.”
Right before Judelow drifts off to sleep, a voice blocks his mind from shutting off.
“Jude?”
“Mhm?”
“What are we?” Judelow doesn’t know the answer.
“Whatever you want us to be. Honestly, I’m not sure either.”
“I don’t want to be friends anymore, but I don’t want to label ourselves either.” Sharpness admits.
“Well then, we can be just ‘Judelow and Sharpness’. We don’t have to be anything more or less. We can just… be us.” Judelow replies.
“I think I like that.” Sharpness comments, turning around in his seat to face Judelow.
The moonlight is subtle on Judelow, softening all of his sharp edges and making them all blunt, just for him. His skin looks like the moon if it was slightly tinted with purple, but smoother and more glowy. His hair is messy, strands stuck out everywhere, yet it looks so clean on the other, something only Judelow can pull off. Sharpness would kill to be able to have this view before he sleeps every night.
A soft laugh cuts through his thoughts, mellifluous and euphonious, so genuine and warm that he feels like he’s burning.
“You’re so stupid, has anyone ever told you that?” Judelow mumbles. “Asking such deep questions when we’re both on the brink of falling asleep.”
“I wanted to know.” Sharpness frowns again, and this time, Judelow’s certain that Sharpness doesn’t know how to frown properly, because it ends up as a pout, clearly lacking bite and sharpness.
“I wasn’t mad at you.” Judelow replies. “You know, for someone called ‘Sharpness’, you’re quite soft. Is this just because it’s me, or is this just how you treat everyone else?”
“Shut up.”
Judelow laughs once more, although it comes out as more of a giggle than a laugh.
Silence washes over them once more, comforting and relaxing, before final words are exchanged.
“Sharp?”
“Mhm?”
“I- nevermind.” Judelow cuts himself off, turning his back to Sharpness.
“Jude?”
“Mhm?”
“I love you too.” Sharpness says, because for once, he lets his fear and worry slip out of his grasp, and focuses only on what he truly wants to say.
Only a small hum of acknowledgment is given back, but it’s more than enough for Sharpness.
Seconds before he drifts off into the dream realm, he feels soft lips against the crown of his head, and just for one second, he allows himself to burn at the touch, the heat warm and comforting.
By the time Sharpness wakes up, the car is already moving. The field is now gone from his view, replaced with trees towering over the vehicle, all squished together like sardines in a can. If he remembers correctly, Judelow told him yesterday that the forest was around a half hour drive away from the field, so he assumes that they’ve been driving for a little over thirty minutes. He can faintly hear Judelow singing along to the radio quietly, as if trying not to wake up Sharpness.
The sun has barely risen, which makes Sharpness not want to know at what time Judelow woke up just to drive them further away. He feels a twinge of guilt at the thought.
Judelow notices when he wakes up, the sound of the blond’s windbreaker rustling against the car seat drawing his attention, though he doesn’t look over since he needs to keep his eyes on the road. Despite not looking at him, he feels Sharpness’ gaze burning a hole through his head, as if aching to ask a question. Maybe he wants to know where they are, maybe he wants to know how long they’ve been driving since before he woke up, maybe he wants to know something else, Judelow’s not sure, nor does he plan on asking Sharpness. Luckily for him, Sharpness seems to be able to read his mind.
“What time did you start to drive? Earlier today, I mean.” His voice is raspy and scratched, a tad bit deeper than usual due to the fact that he just woke up. His windbreaker’s hood is still hung over his head, half of it already slipping off due to how restless he is at the moment.
“At, like, four maybe.” Judelow replies, and suddenly, the twinge of guilt in him turns to something bigger. Sharpness wishes he could help, maybe by driving for him, but he doesn’t know how to drive, nor does he know how else to help him.
“Why leave so early? We have the whole day ahead of us.” Sharpness frowns, although, as always, he fails to make himself look as upset as he wants to, with the frown softening into a sulky pout.
“If we wanna reach the seaside early, we have to leave early.”
“Seaside?” The confusion in his voice is evident. Clearly, this was not what he planned.
“We don’t have to make it to the cliffs all in one go, We can stop at some places as well. Besides, it’ll take a few more days to reach the cliff side if we keep stopping at the side of the road to sleep at night. Three or four days, I’d say.” Judelow explains, pulling over at another small parking area at the side of the road, pulling out the map that Sharpness brought. “We’re not in any rush either, unless you want to go straight to the cliffs?”
Sharpness contemplates his options for a moment. It would be better to stop at multiple places rather than make a beeline for the cliffs. The thing is, he’s not sure if they both have enough money and food to make it if they take detours. Even with the part-time job that he has—had, he still doesn’t have enough money to last them more than a week, and that’s only if they don’t eat at fancy restaurants and settle for fast food chains.
Sharpness’ brows are furrowed, lips still downturned and deep in thought. His chin is held between his thumb and index finger, which Judelow finds adorable, honestly. He didn’t think people do that in real life. He waits patiently for the other to make up his mind. Like he said, they’re in no rush. He’ll wait forever if it’s Sharpness who he’s waiting for.
“Mmm, do you have your card with you?” Sharpness asks after a while.
“Which card?”
“Credit.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“How much money do you have left in it?”
“Let me check.” Sharpness watches as Judelow pulls out his phone and opens his banking app, clicking on the balance option for his first credit card—wait, first credit card??
“You have two cards with you right now??” Sharpness remarks, surprised.
“The second one is monitored by my parents. I can’t use it.” Judelow replies. “Uh, four thousand dollars? Is that enough?”
“Maybe? I have around two thousand in cash. We can use my money first, then yours.”
“So we’re set then? We can stop at other places first?”
“Yeah.”
“Great. The seaside should be around seven or eight hours away from here.” Judelow informs. “Get comfortable.”
For an odd reason, Sharpness feels like he should help in some way, any way, but he doesn’t know how to. He wants to offer to drive, but as he said earlier, he can’t drive. He could offer to help with the directions, but it seems like Judelow already has that covered. It doesn’t take long for Judelow to notice that something’s wrong, and he’s quick to act.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asks. His tone is sincere, and it’s obvious that he’s set on solving whatever dilemma Sharpness is having right now.
“How can I help? I can’t drive, and I would help with the directions, but you look like you already have that under control. I don’t like sitting around idly while everyone else does the work, it makes me feel—“
“Sharp. All you gotta do is sit down and stay still and not cause problems. That already helps me a lot, ‘kay? You don’t have to do anything significant, don’t worry. You’re already helping me by coming along.” Judelow reassures, and he can see when Sharpness untenses, his shoulders sagging against the car seat as he practically goes limp in the car seat. His mouth opens to retort or say anything that could make Judelow change his mind, but the pleading glance that the purple-haired driver throws to him makes the words die on his tongue.
Judelow and Sharpness put on their seatbelts, the blond turning on the radio and playing the one music station he know Judelow loves while the other steps on the accelerator, the car immediately moving back onto the highway. The roads are strangely empty, the desolate streets somewhat discomforting yet comforting at the same time. Sharpness wonders distantly if anyone still uses this road.
Three hours in, the gas tank beeps, indicating that they’re running low on fuel. Luckily, a sign shows that a gas station is five hundred meters ahead, so Judelow quickly makes the turn and enters. He aligns the car with the gas pump and exits, calculating mentally how much gas they’ll need to get and the money they’d have to spend. Sharpness is quick to exit as well, heading to the gas station store to use the restroom, excusing himself, which earns an understanding nod from the driver.
Right as he enters, the cashier throws him an odd glance, as if judging, which Sharpness definitely does not like. He tries to ignore it, but even after he exits the bathroom, the cashier is still staring him down. He shifts uncomfortably as he walks around the store, trying to find some iced coffee that Judelow could use to keep him awake while driving. When he finally finds something that’s cheap and decent, he pulls out money from his pocket—allowance from his parents—and drops the money and coffee onto the counter. While the cashier counts, Sharpness is itching to get out of the store, feeling like something’s off. When the cashier finally gives him his change and coffee, he makes a beeline for the exit. However, right as his hand hovers over the door knob, the cashier speaks up, voice gruff and low.
“Aren’t you that one kid that disappeared at Cratebridge?” The worker asks, and Sharpness tries his best not to tense or freeze.
“I think you have the wrong kid.” He replies, attempting to sound smooth and nonchalant, but the cashier sees right through him.
“No, no. I’d recognise that pale shade of blond anywhere.” The man tells him. Sharpness wishes he would just shut up and let him leave already.
He’s biting his lip, trying not to make himself too obvious, despite not doing a good job. It seems like his fear is amusing to the cashier though, since he just laughs.
“That police officer, your dad, I’d assume, is going absolutely insane right now. Been interrogating almost everyone at town.” He chuckles. Sharpness wants to punch him in the face, but he’s committed enough crimes in his hometown already.
Sharpness dashes out of the store and slams the door shut as he enters the car, startling Judelow, whose phone is clutched tightly in his hand. He’s eyeing the blond, as if demanding an answer or some sort of explanation. Instead, all he receives is four words.
“Hit the gas, now.”
Judelow immediately complies, exiting the gas station and going fast enough that it would be speeding if they were back at Cratebridge, and doesn’t question anything until they’re far enough that they can slow down. He can see that Sharpness is on edge, and he doesn’t know why, but he’s not slowing down until Sharpness tells him to.
After around fifteen minutes of speeding, Judelow glances back at Sharpness, and only when he sees that the blond is leaning back against his seat slightly, indicating the smallest hint of relaxation, he slows. Then, over the muted music of the radio, he decides to pry, despite the fact that Sharpness looks second away from breaking down.
“So… what was that all about?” Judelow asks, and the way he does so makes it seem like he’s walking on thin ice, ready to crack at the slightest movement that’s wrong.
“My parents reported me missing. The cashier knew who I was. Dad’s been going around interrogating everyone back there. Your parents might give us away.” Sharpness breathes out, each word coming out slowly, as if he's still processing what just happened. Judelow freezes at the revelation.
“My parents won’t give us away. They’ve wanted me gone for years, and now that I’m not there anymore, why would they try and find me back?” Judelow exhales.
The two don’t share any more words for another three hours. The radio and the birds cooing are the only sounds that they can hear out on the empty roads. The lack of something to do is making Sharpness bored, and to an extent, sleepy, and suddenly, he finds it fairly hard to stay awake. They still have another four hours or so of driving before they make it to the seaside, but at this point, Sharpness isn’t so sure that going to the seaside is the smartest thing to do. Judelow seems to pick up on his thoughts.
“Sharp.” He calls out. His tone is anything but upset, voice soft and gentle, trying to get the other to calm down. When he notices the blond bat an eye at him , he continues. “They won’t find us. I won’t let them, m’kay? Don’t worry about anything. You’ll wrinkle up your pretty face if you keep scrunching it up like that whenever you’re deep in thought. Besides, you might actually die from thinking more than you usually do.”
Sharpness scoffs at the unnecessary teasing jab, but he can’t help the smile that creeps up on his face at the familiarity of their banter.
“I need to do all of the thinking so you don’t have to do anything you’re incapable of.” He retorts.
“Excuse me? At least I know how a map works.” Judelow replies, and if he weren’t driving, he would’ve nudged Sharpness. “I’m being serious though. I won’t let anyone get us if you don’t wanna go back. We can move to a whole ‘nother country and go to uni there.”
“Then we’ll get jobs.”
“And we’ll be living together.”
“We’ll have two—wait, no, three cats.”
“I hate cats.”
“I know. Just keep up with the fantasy.”
“Fine. Then one day, right when the sun sets, I’ll come home from work.”
“I’ll be home before you are.”
“Then, while you’re cooking, I’ll come and hug you from behind.”
“I’ll let you taste whatever I’m cooking.”
“Then, I’ll pull your hands away from the pan, and drop something inside your palm before closing it.”
“Oh yeah? What’ll you give me then?”
“A ring. You’ll open up your hand, see the ring, with your favourite gemstone, and cry from happiness.” Sharpness’ breath hitches and his face goes visibly red.
“I will. And I’ll accept your proposal.” The blond admits.
“Then, we'll dance to stupid music on our balcony.”
“And one day, we’ll get married.”
Both of them giggle as they keep on adding sentences to enhance their vision of the future. Both of them can tell that neither are joking, whether it’s about leaving forever or being engaged to each other. At least Judelow hopes so.
Judelow finds himself smiling at the stupidity of the situation. They’re on the run, escaping what they thought was home, planning out their entire future ahead of them without any hesitation. Sharpness also has a large grin on his face, cheeks still dusted pink, from laughing too hard or from the fantasies they share, Judelow doesn’t know. What he does know is that he likes seeing Sharpness like this—happy, smiling, away from everything he hates.
Sharpness’ eyes catch Judelow’s staring at him instead of the road, although he’s going fairly slowly, so it should be fine. Bright pink eyes are crinkled at the sides, a hint of red on his face dusting his cheeks and ears, which Sharpness finds adorable. He can’t help but feel perfectly in place, next to Judelow like this, the other watching him without a care in the world. The bright sun above makes Judelow’s eyes glisten and gleam, the sun rays looking like they’re trying to compete for the shiniest thing he can see and losing to Judelow’s eyes.
Feeling self aware now that Judelow sees Sharpness staring at him, he drags his eyes back onto the road, paying attention and trying desperately to fight the blush on his face, to no avail. He notices that Sharpness seems interested—fascinated by his eyes, the blond eyeing him like he’s trying to memorise every single detail about his face.
They finally settle down from their fit of giggles, Sharpness slumping against the car seat, looking seconds away from dozing off. Before Judelow can think, one of his hands move to card through the pale locks, feeling Sharpness tense and untense underneath his touch. He runs his fingers through the soft hair, untying the ribbon that keeps it up and dropping it onto the dashboard. Once he feels Sharpness’ head drop completely against the seat, he lets go of his hand and brings it back to the wheel, driving absentmindedly to their destination while hoping that their far-fetched fantasies would become a reality one day. Even if they won’t be together forever in this universe, he’s certain that in another universe, he can live peacefully with Sharpness, without any worries.
Sharpness doesn’t know how much time passes, but when Judelow wakes up, he’s greeted by the sight of a desolate, sandy beach, the sun resting on the horizon, its rays reflected on the water. Sharpness is surprised that it took them nearly the whole day to get to the seaside, but he’s not complaining.
Judelow’s watching his every expression, trying to figure out what Sharpness thinks of the view. He knows that Sharpness has only seen the beach once, and that was when he was too young to even remember, so he’s not sure if Sharpness even knew what a beach looked like.
Sharpness’ breath hitches as he watches the waves crash into land, the sound of sand crashing against each other and the water hypnotising him. The waves are greedy, swallowing mounds of sand and dragging them back into the ocean, like a predator bringing its prey back to its den. His eyes glimmer, the sun rays yellowing his irises as he stares into the horizon. Judelow’s almost about to ask if he’s alright before the blond turns around and stares at him in awe like he just gave him the entire universe and more. There’s a spark in Sharpness’ eyes that Judelow’s never seen before, accompanying his breath-taken expression.
“Sharp?” Judelow calls out, but before he gets an answer, he’s tackled to the ground by Sharpness, sand immediately lodging itself into both of their shoes and shirt. Arms wrap tightly around Judelow’s waist, as if scared to let him go.
Sharpness is laughing breathily now, a huge smile plastered over his face that makes Judelow feel like he’s on cloud nine. The sunset and crashing waves behind Sharpness merely makes him more enchanting to look at, his hair glowing brighter than ever, eyes glassy as tears overflow the corners.
“Jude- Jude, I love you so much.” Sharpness giggles, a warm, comforting sound to Judelow.
The pair stay like that for a while, lying down on the sand, Sharpness in Judelow’s arms and Judelow in Sharpness’, the chirping of seagulls and the crashing waves serving as background noise while they lose themselves in each other. Sharpness leans down slightly to press a soft kiss onto Judelow’s cheek, the other’s face going warm at the action. Despite it, he returns the gesture, pressing a small kiss on Sharpness’ forehead, pushing away stray strands of hair from his face.
They spend nearly three hours there at the beach, playing around in the sand and staring into the sky as they watch the sun slowly turn into the moon, stars revealing themselves, and the sky darkening until the moon is the only source of light they have. Eventually, the two—mainly Sharpness—have enough courage to approach the sea.
Sharpness pulls up his pant legs as he slowly steps closer to the water, almost scared it might drag him into the sea and never give him back. Part of him wants that to happen, which scares him even more. Once cool water taps his ankles, he’s quickly snapped out of his thoughts, eyes scanning the surroundings until he finds bright pink ones staring back at him like he owes them something. Judelow has a hand extended, as if inviting him to go deeper, somewhere he’s both scared of and intrigued by.
It’s like Judelow can sense his hesitation, because not even three seconds later, he throws in a soft smile, full of sincerity, no trace of his usual smugness, beckoning him to take his hand and follow him. Despite the effort though, the fear still lingers bitterly in Sharpness’ chest.
“Do you know how to swim?” Judelow asks, eyebrow raised, not a single hint of annoyance or irritation in his voice. Just patience. Sharpness shakes his head in response to the question. His parents had never brought him out to oceans or beaches, let alone pools, so naturally, he didn’t know how to.
Judelow hums for a while, deep in thought, before he speaks up once more.
“Did you bring a swimsuit?”
Sharpness scoffs. “If I’ve never been swimming, why would I have one?”
“True…” Judelow pauses. “Wait here.” He commands before jogging off to the car
Sharpness complies. It’s not like there’s anywhere else to go anyways.
A few moments later, Sharpness sees Judelow running back to him, top discarded and a pair of swimming trunks replacing his sweatpants, and a pair of shorts in his left hand. Immediately, Sharpness knows what he’s going to do.
“Here. Put these on.” Judelow tells him, turning around to give him a semblance of privacy. “I won’t look—I swear. I’m not that much of a freak. Yet.” He reassures.
Sharpness is still hesitant to do as told. He’s not sure if he can stand the idea of not being able to do something as easy as swimming, especially if Judelow’s watching him. Despite his fear though, he can’t help but follow his orders. If this was anyone else asking him to do so, he’d have already smited them, but this was Judelow who was asking. Not some random stranger, not a friend, but Judelow, someone he trusts with his entire life and someone who trusts him with his entire life.
After he slowly shakes out of his clothes and puts on the pair of shorts that Judelow gave earlier, pulls down the bow that keeps his hair up, letting it fall past his shoulders. The sharp ends of his hair tickle his back as he fights the urge to just tie it back up. He tells Judelow that he can turn back around after he’s done, and before he realises, Judelow’s already waiting for him in the water, the sea reaching up to his lower abdomen.
Anxiously making his way to Judelow, he reaches out an arm that the other gladly takes. Standing in front of Judelow, he can still reach the sand at the bottom of the sea, the water reaching his stomach, but he knows that he soon won’t. It’s a stupid idea to swim at night, especially during autumn, he thinks, but Judelow’s willing to help him, so he can’t deny the offer.
Slowly, they wade through the water, the shore shrinking with each step the pair takes, until Sharpness is unable to feel the sand underneath his feet unless he tip-toes. Judelow seems to be able to touch the sand below, but even then, the water still beats against his jaw and neck, making it harder to stay still.
Sharpness holds Judelow by the shoulders, deathly terrified of slipping past the other and sinking to depths that Judelow cannot reach, but the fears dim slightly when he feels hands holding him up by the underarms. He feels his body rise slightly, until he’s unable to reach the sand even while tip-toeing, which makes him all the more unstable.
Clearly, it’s easier to swim on the sea, considering the fact that they’re more buoyant in seawater than freshwater, which might be how Judelow holds him up so well without being submerged himself. Sharpness feels light, like his movements are far easier to control, but he’s still extremely reluctant to let go of the other. The thing is, Judelow also seems reluctant to let go of him, so he considers it a win-win situation in his mind.
The feeling of safety slowly dissipates when Judelow starts to lower his hands down his arms, going from holding his underarms to holding him up by the forearms. Sharpness throws a sharp glance over that covers up all the panic in his mind, but Judelow doesn’t flinch or hold him tighter. Instead, he has the audacity to slide his hands down to his wrists, leaving Sharpness floating in the water, terror quickly taking over his expression.
“Sharp, relax. Just move your legs up and down, and keep ‘em straight. Move your arms like that too, it’ll keep you afloat.” Judelow tells him, and before he can say anything, his hands have already let him go, Sharpness instantly following his instructions.
He finds that swimming isn’t quite difficult after that. He’s able to keep himself afloat, despite needing to boost himself up slightly whenever he feels like he’s too close to being submerged. Pride blooms in his chest at his achievement.
Too caught up in trying not to drown, he and Judelow fail to notice the particularly large wave that’s headed towards them, and neither of them have time to warn the other before the body of water comes slamming against them, setting the two off kilter and under the water. Judelow makes it back up quickly, legs kicking under him desperately as he breathes in deeply for air before realising that Sharpness isn’t up yet.
Panic quickly stirs as he searches the water for his partner, but to no avail. Frantically, he takes in another deep breath, before heading underwater to search for Sharpness. His eyes sting from the seawater, his vision going slightly blurry, but none of it matters to him anymore.
Sharpness feels all fuzzy and numb as the wave drags him underwater. His legs try to move, his arms thrashing in an attempt to resurface him, but eventually, fatigue takes over. A half of his mind is telling him that this is good, that he can finally rid himself of all his troubles, but the other half is trying to get himself up, back to Judelow where he knows it’s safe. Soon, his eyes close, eyelids too droopy and cornea stinging from the water. His lungs burn, desperate for air that he’s unable to provide. When his body can’t do anything anymore, he realises he is helpless in this situation.
There’s nothing he can do anymore, he supposes. Oddly, his mind is calm, patiently expecting the moment his last breath escapes, body sinking to the very bottom of the sea. He wonders distantly if the fish will welcome him as their own, or if they’ll merely pass him in disgust, much like his parents.
Judelow spots a faint figure in the sea ahead of him. He prays that it’s Sharpness—not some random fish or piece of seaweed or grass—as he swims over. A wave of relief washes over him when he realises that it is Sharpness as he dashes toward the figure like an Olympic swimmer, quickly pulling Sharpness close to his body and swimming back up and towards the shore. He struggles slightly with Sharpness being dead weight and feeling ten times heavier, but makes it safely to land.
Immediately, he lays Sharpness down, hands already on his chest as he instantly recalls all of his medical lessons he learned at school. Every thirty compressions, he provides air through his mouth, before repeating the process. He focuses his entire mind on the rhythm of his compressions and not on the fact that his partner is potentially dying, because he can’t afford to get distracted. Even if it had only been three minutes of submersion, Judelow knows that this is someone’s life he’s trying to save, so he can’t stop until he’s sure that the other is alive and okay.
Nearly five minutes pass before he hears wet coughing and gasping come from the other which almost makes him freeze, but he reacts quickly and checks his pulse. Once he feels a steady pulse, he looks over to his chest, making sure it’s rising and falling, or showing any indication that Sharpness is breathing properly. He calls out to him, making sure he’s actually conscious.
“Sharp? Sharp, please, give me anything if you can hear me right now.” Judelow begs, to which he earns a small groan, relief washing over him at the reply. It might have been weak, but it was still a sign that he wasn’t unconscious.
He knows it’s a stupid idea, but he does it anyway, hooking his arms underneath Sharpness’ legs and carrying him to the car. He lays him down in the backseat, turning on the heater in an attempt to warm him up. He leaves a door open just in case Sharpness needs to vomit. It’s a good thing he does, because not even seconds later, Sharpness is clawing at his arm, as if asking him to support him.
Judelow instantly understands, and helps Sharpness bend over the edge of the car seat as Sharpness vomits out water, coughing up whatever liquid remains in his lungs. Once he’s done, he slumps against Judelow’s arm, which makes Judelow pull him back up and rest him down on the back seat. He heads to the front and lowers the passenger seat down to form a makeshift bed, before he goes back and brings Sharpness to the passenger seat, then going back to the driver’s.
He goes limp against the car seat as he eyes Sharpness, making sure that he’s completely okay before relaxing himself. Just as he’s about to speak, Sharpness beats him to it.
“Jude…?” Sharpness calls out, voice croaky and dry in a way that makes Judelow’s heart tighten in guilt. He opens his mouth to apologise for putting him through that, before Sharpness cuts him off again. “Don’t blame yourself. It was sort of fun.” He says quietly before he lets the other say what he wants to say.
“Oh.” Is all that he can muster before a shaky smile creeps up on his face, eyes tearing up slightly. “Alright then. Just—if you don’t want to do something, don’t make me force you.” Judelow tells him.
“Ok.”
“Sharp, can you get out of your clothes? You’re half dressed and wet and dripping water all over my car, which is kind of pissing me off.” Judelow lies, trying to lighten up the situation. Sharpness only rolls his eyes, although he steps out of the car, shivering.
Judelow hands him a pair of warm sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a hoodie that he rarely wore, letting the other change before coming back in. Sharpness hands the soaked shorts to Judelow as he heads out of the car as well, changing into more comfortable clothes. He takes out a plastic bag and shoves the wet clothes into it before tying it up and putting it somewhere in the trunk, then goes back into the car.
Sharpness is already asleep by then, head lolling against the side of the seat and mouth slightly open, breathing in slowly yet steadily. Judelow only watches him, not daring to wake him. He’s too nervous to sleep the entire night, monitoring Sharpness’ motions and making sure he’s completely recovered. He wants to bring the other to seek medical help, just in case he really needs it, but he knows it could get them caught or exposed, and the thought of Sharpness looking at him coldly for cutting their trip short makes his heart stop, so he stays beside him, being able to do nothing except take care of him as well as he can.
After moments of silence, maybe an hour after, Judelow drives off, desperate to get Sharpness some help despite his protests.