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"I want everything to go smoothly. The guests arriving today are of great importance to the kingdom." I was getting dizzy from watching the servants rushing around. They were cleaning the floors, wiping the tables, preparing food, and getting the clothes ready. Actually, since many were working simultaneously, they could finish quickly.
I turned around at the sound of metal shoes. Eric, one of the people I respected most here, was approaching with quick steps. I didn't change my posture. I simply ducked as he walked past me. He, as usual, did nothing. I knew he was overwhelmed with work. Being the king's loyal servant required it.
"Wenlang." I turned around when I heard my name called in a voice that was almost scolding. "Prince Gao Tu." I bowed and straightened up in front of him, but I didn't look him in the eyes. He was very displeased by this, but he couldn't say anything to his father.
"Command me."
"Look me in the face."
"I'm afraid I can't do that. Servants are forbidden from meeting royal nobles face-to-face. I'll only follow orders."
He started tapping his foot rhythmically. He was starting to get angry. I was used to it by now. "Disobeying my orders is also forbidden. Look me in the face if I tell you to!"
I didn't lift my head and walked away. Even having a conversation with a prince who was about to get engaged was a sign that I would lose my head. While he continued shouting at me from behind, I had come to a place where I could talk comfortably with people.
"Hua Yong..." He was mending the torn parts of his coat and answered without looking at me. "What did you do to anger the prince again? He'll make your life hell when he finds you off guard." I rolled my eyes and sat down next to him. "He loves breaking the rules. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to protect myself and him."
"No one has dared to speak up against Prince Gao Tu until now, and you're going to?" He gave a smug smile. I had to do this to protect myself, and protecting him was my duty. I would speak up if necessary to protect him.
"Wenlang!" I glanced at Hua Yong for a moment when I heard Princess Gao Qing's voice. He waved his hands as if to say 'go'. I went to Princess Gao Qing and bowed. "Command me."
"The new fabrics were supposed to arrive today. Where are they?"
"I'll have them checked, madam."
"There's little time left."
"I'll attend to it immediately." I bent down once more, then straightened up and walked away from her.
All the lists were in Eric's hands. Therefore, I needed to find him first. I took off my coat and threw it at Hua Yong. His face looked like it was whispering terrible things to me, but I couldn't waste time thinking about that now. Eric was someone who could do many things at once, so he could be anywhere. I started running around the palace searching for him.
I checked the kitchen, the bathhouse, the corridors, even the parchment room. I stopped when I was out of breath. This man might actually have invented teleportation.
'Where the hell are you?!'
I realized the guests had arrived when the doors burst open. Their arrival so early was unexpected, especially since most of the work wasn't finished yet. I was pulled into a room, and when I looked back, I had to bend down.
"Prince Gao Tu."
"Wenlang... please look at me." Although I had been hearing this sentence for months, I had resisted, and this was the first time he had said it with such pleading. "The guests have arrived, sir." He didn't care one bit about what I said. While laughter echoed from below, he remained silent. "I'll never see you look at me, smile at me, even once, will I?"
"I don't understand, excuse me, sir."
He gathered up his skirts and came closer to me. The scent of sage filled my nostrils, and a thousand thoughts raced through my mind. If we were caught like this, nothing would happen to her, but my head could be cut off. His hands touched my shoulders, then moved to my neck and face. He lifted his head. I didn't resist, or perhaps I couldn't.
"Finally, we've met, Shen." He smiled. I opened my eyes in astonishment; no words escaped my lips. Since I'd been working here, they'd made us memorize a lot of rules. We'd grown up under threats and oppression, fighting to protect our lives. Sometimes boundaries were good, but they shouldn't be crossed.
I recoiled at the sound of footsteps. Someone was coming, and I was in the prince's chambers. A servant—specifically a male servant—was alone with me in the prince's chambers. I had never prepared myself for death. I was trying to think of something while sweating profusely. After a while, what I expected happened, and the door knocked. "Prince Gao Tu? Are you available?"
"No, just say what you have to say from there!"
"Your fiancée has arrived, sir. He said he wanted to see you as soon as possible."
"Tell them I'll be getting off shortly."
"Yes, sir." My trembling stopped as the sound of footsteps faded away. He took off the long, dangling earring from his ear and got rid of the necklace around his neck. If he was going to take it off, why did he wear it in the first place? I slapped myself a few times. What's it to you, Wenlang? When did it become my place to question the actions of nobles? I looked up because his back was turned. He was wiping off the plant-based makeup from his face.
"I'll go out first, you can come out after a while. Don't worry, you won't get caught," he laughed and continued. "Cowardly baby."
"Yes, sir."
When he finished, he moved away from the mirror and came back to me. "Can I hold your hands just once?"
"What?" I looked up in surprise and met his eyes. He was surprised too. He must not have been expecting this move from me. I couldn't understand why my heart was beating so fast. "Prince, I really don't understand. I can't make sense of it."
"Wenlang..."
"You are the Prince. I am a servant. You are a nobleman. I am an ordinary person. You—"
"Wenlang, do you remember the child you saved from bears when you were little?"
"What?"
"When I started wandering in the forest, I was attacked by bears. I was rescued by a black-haired child with a slingshot."
"That person…"
"Yes, it was me."
"You're behaving this way out of gratitude."
"What?"
"There's no need for that, sir. I was just doing my duty as a human being. Anyone would have done the same."
"Wenl—"
"Your fiancée is waiting for you, sir." I bowed before him and showed him the way to continue. I felt relieved because I was about to lose my mind. His behavior was irritating and confusing me. He didn't say anything, but his hands were trembling. He walked out the door and left. I straightened up and a little later I also left the room. I felt relieved as I started to descend. Princess Gao Qing had received what she wanted. Now my task was to protect them by staying away from them and waiting for them silently.
I walked over to Hua Yong, who was standing a little further ahead of me.
"Palton."
"Thank you." He rolled his eyes and handed it to me. I smiled and gave him a slight shrugging. I could see him smirking subtly. "Stay still!" I stopped at Eric's voice and looked across. A long table, laden with enough food to feed an army, and a plethora of decorations...
"Welcome. It's an honor to have you here." The black-haired king greeted the king who entered, and they smiled. "That honor is mine."
Prince Ma Heng bowed before them and raised his head. "My lord. It's a pleasure to see you again."
"It's a pleasure to see you again, Prince Ma Heng." I followed them with my eyes. They walked silently to Prince Gao Tu's side. Prince Gao Tu rose to his feet and greeted them. The king's face had changed.
"My Prince." He took his hand, kissed it, and bowed. "You have honored us with your presence, Prince Ma Heng."
"It is an honor to meet you, My Prince." He smiled, but I couldn't understand it. This smile was very different from the smile he had given me before.
"Please enjoy it. I need to talk to Gao Tu about something."
The King was surprised. "There's no problem, is there?"
"No, no. Please come in and enjoy your meal. We'll be right back."
"I will wait for you, my Prince." Prince Gao Tu returned the same smile and nodded. He seemed relaxed, as if he knew what his father was going to say. Once the two left, Prince Ma Heng and the King sat down. Since the Queen would join later, there seemed to be no problem.
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"I am listening, My King."
"Gao Tu. What's wrong with you? Explain."
"I don't understand what's wrong with me, sir. Please forgive me."
"You know how important today is. How can you look so plain? I brought you special jewelry for this occasion. Why didn't you wear it?"
"I wanted my Prince to like me in every way. He always saw me in an exaggerated way before. Now I wanted to present myself to him like this. Forgive me if I've made a mistake." The words that came out of my mouth with difficulty were accompanied by the urge to vomit.
"Do you doubt his love?"
"No, how dare I..."
"So you just wanted him to see you in every way?"
"Yes,"
I just wanted to dress up for him.
I just wanted to make myself appealing to him,
I wanted to love him.
I wanted to make him fall in love with me.
"Alright, then let me know before you do something like that." I shook my head. "I don't like surprises."
"I understand, forgive me." He stroked my hair and smiled. "Let's go." Assuming our conversation was over, I left his side and reluctantly walked towards the dining table. I searched for him with my eyes. He had gone out into the garden and was talking to the guards in front of the palace. I sighed as I heard laughter. I would never be someone he could confide in.
"My Prince," Prince Ma Heng's voice brought me back to reality. I moved slightly away from him. "Prince Ma Heng."
"If you don't mind, I would like to sit with you at dinner. Our wedding is just around the corner. I think we need to get to know each other better."
"In this palace, everyone has their place, Prince Ma Heng. To break the rules..." I leaned closer to his face. "...brings death." He didn't back down. "If loving you means death, I will hang myself from that rope."
"Words come and go, what matters is action. You should know this best."
"Don't underestimate my love, Prince. Will you only believe me when I make you my 'Queen'?"
"You never know what life will bring, do you? Perhaps I'll remain just your Prince."
"Please, come this way." Without answering my words, he changed the subject and led me to the table. I sat down in my chair. Soon everyone had gathered. While we ate, everyone was talking amongst themselves.
"Would you like some more quail eggs, Prince?" I looked at my plate and smiled. "Have you ever seen any quail eggs on my plate, Prince Ma Heng?"
"No, you must have eaten some."
"No, I haven't had any, Prince Ma Heng. I don't like quail eggs." He put the egg back on his plate and turned back to his food.
They had organized entertainments towards the evening. In the open air, with the breeze blowing, drinks were being opened and people were dancing. If I didn't have a limit on my drinking, I would have wanted to finish it all. I was extremely overwhelmed. "Prince, would you dance with me?"
It was clear he was quite drunk. Even his inability to sit still was proof of it. "I was about to continue speaking when I caught my father's gaze and fell silent. I had to accept. "Of course."
I didn't want him to touch me.
Just as I was about to get up from the chair and take his hand, a groan distracted everyone. Wenlang!
As the sound faded away, I moved away from Ma Heng. What had happened all of a sudden? Had he been hurt? Or could he have been poisoned? Get a grip, Gao Tu! Who would want to poison him for no reason? I entered the palace, and when I looked back, most people were continuing their revelry. My father and Ma Heng were nowhere to be seen. Well, that suited me. "Wenl-"
When my mouth was covered and I was pulled aside, I didn't resist because I knew it was 'him'. I would recognize him even from his shadow.
He moved away from me when we reached a secluded spot where no one could see us. "I'm so sorry, sir."
"What?"
"I didn't mean to drag you like this, but I had no other choice, please forgive me!"
"Forget about that now! Are you alright? Did you get hurt? Are you in pain?"
"I'm fine."
"What?"
"I," he trailed off. He looked into my eyes. "I did it deliberately to protect you."
"What do you mean?"
"You looked quite uncomfortable when Prince Ma Heng invited you to dance. Because of our King, there was nothing you could do. So I had to resort to a trick." I couldn't comprehend what I was hearing and experiencing. Wenlang, who had kept his distance from me all this time, was now resorting to petty games, just like me.
I liked this very much.
"I wasn't uncomfortable." A little game wouldn't hurt.
"What?"
"You prevented me from dancing with my fiancée!"
"I ..." he stammered, his hands and feet getting tangled up. "I'm so, so, so sorry. I really didn't mean to do that. Your face looked uncomfortable from across the room, and I wanted to protect you. I mean, my intention was never to stop you from dancing—" I stood on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Wenlang, do you like me?"
"I, I mean..."
His flushed cheeks and wide eyes practically screamed for me to kiss him. "Wenlang, I like you very much."
"Prince—" I put my finger to his lips and silenced him. "Gao Tu, or My Gao Tu." I moved from his neck to his face and stroked his cheeks. "Wenlang, I love you so much. But so, so, so much!" After my words, it was my turn to blush. He pulled me to a darker spot, our breaths mingling. Since it was the only thing I was inexperienced in, this time I was the one being controlled, following his orders.
When I continued to respond, he wrapped his arms around my waist. I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I pulled him as close as I could, lowering my arms to his back. He thrust his tongue inside me, and they intertwined. I groaned deeply, wanting to continue, but he pulled away. "It was the magic of the moment, the magic of the moment..."
"Wenlang. Look at me." He looked at me, trying to regulate his breathing.
"I love you."
"Look, Prince Gao Tu." Even though I didn't take him seriously, with his flushed cheeks, he seemed more determined than ever before.
"I don't mean to hurt your feelings with what I'm about to say. Who am I to, anyway? But it's impossible for us. Even if we wanted to, we couldn't. You're engaged, you're getting married soon. My situation is clear; don't you think about what might happen?" I smiled. What he said went in one ear and out the other.
"Even if we wanted to? So you want to too?" I was excited. "Do you love me, Wenlang?" He avoided my gaze. "Don't distance yourself from me, be honest with your feelings. I'm ready to confront you, even my father."
"Your father..."
"You think my love has just begun, don't you?" I answered my own question negatively. "The feelings of a little child continue, Wenlang. They lasted for days, months, years. I thought they would disappear. I thought it was just a fleeting infatuation, that I would forget. But it wasn't, Wenlang. I fell in love with you. Not madly, but rationally, knowing who I am, in love despite everything."
"Don't..."
"I'm leaving now. I'm giving you time to think." I took his hands again, the hands I so desperately wanted to hold.
"Please think carefully. Don't dismiss us so quickly." I planted a small kiss on his lips, and he settled back comfortably. "I love you."
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I had kissed Prince Gao Tu. I had kissed a nobleman. And it was my own free will, my own desire, my own rules...
"A new day begins! Everyone get ready!" Eric's voice made me quickly get out of bed and put on the clothes on the nightstand. I combed my loose hair and neatly tied it up. My scalp was hurting so much from those hair clips that sometimes I'd curse the people who set the rules. I thanked God that the party went smoothly yesterday. I didn't even want to think about the possibility of getting caught.
"It's not even seven o'clock yet, I really don't understand what they want?!" Hua Yong was having another one of his usual morning grumbling sessions. "You look like you haven't had enough sleep."
"That's not the problem! My dream was interrupted."
"What were you seeing?" I asked, unable to stop laughing. He seemed lost in his daydreams.
"A stunning brunette with brown eyes. He came towards me. He smiled, took my hands. And kissed me so sweetly ... Wenlang ..." he looked at my face. "It was like all the bad things had ended, you know? It was like she made me forget everything that had happened. If they told me I had to die to go back in there, I wouldn't hesitate for a second.
"You're exaggerating."
"No, it was as if the words he said to me were so delicate, emotional, and full of meaning. It was the first time someone had valued me like that. He didn't see me as a lower class. He treated me like a human being. He loved me, he valued me."
"That person isn't even real, it's just a dream." "Don't you think you're exaggerating a little?" He walked past me without listening, but the things he'd touched confused me. His words only brought Prince Gao Tu to mind, but was I really that brave? Could I be enough for him? Could I take good care of him? Could I love him? I would give my life to protect him, but it was just a duty.
Or was that how I wanted to see it?
All this time I'd been hiding behind the curse of rules. Like a cowardly baby. I didn't want to take on that reckless courage, but I didn't want her to marry that prince either. That sleazy man wasn't worthy of her. Just as my hands went to my lips, last night came to mind. His trembling under my hands, his response, and the sparkle in his eyes as he looked at me...
I went outside and immediately ran to his room. No one was there at this hour. There were still two hours until the nobles woke up. Now could be our perfect time. When I entered his room, as I expected, he was asleep. I approached him and stroked his hair. Seeing him once more, I was sure. I wanted this man myself. I was protecting him.
I loved this man.
"My Gao Tu," he mumbled, then continued sleeping. I called out again. "My Gao Tu." This time he opened his eyes. "Wenlang?"
"I thought about it." He immediately sat up in bed and began to look around with curious eyes. "I can't give you everything you want. I can't make it like this, but believe me. I can give you the love, respect, and world you desire. It won't be as magnificent as here; it will be a smaller place. But I can create a sweet, beautiful world for the two of us. Will you come with me? I love you." His eyes filled with tears. When he hugged me, I felt his heart beating as fast as mine.
"Do you think I'll even think about it for a minute? I've waited this long. I'll come, Wenlang." "I'll go anywhere with you."
I left him and turned my back so he could change. We needed to leave without being seen. The biggest obstacles here were the guards and Eric. We didn't take anything with us to avoid being in their way. We had bypassed the guards under Gao Tu's authority, and Eric was nowhere to be seen.
We ran away from the palace and into the forest. Away from the rules, just us.
"We'll build a sweet little house here. We'll have a garden, our children can run and play in it, and maybe we'll even set up a hammock." "We'll watch the stars." A smile never left his face. "What do you say?"
"My Gao Tu." He closed his eyes as if his heart ached. "Did you have dreams?"
"They'll cease to be dreams." He hugged me. "I'll make this our world."
"I'll help you, but first we need to find something to eat."
"I know what I need to eat."
"What?" I stopped as he pressed his lips against mine and kissed him back. I felt different from our previous kiss. I felt free.
He leaned me against the tree and deepened the kiss. I hadn't expected him to be so bold. "Gao Tu."
"Shen Wenlang, let's become one. Our voices, our appearances; "Let the sky, the clouds, the trees bear witness."
I switched places. "As you command."
I laid him down on the grass and climbed on top of him. My heart was beating faster than ever. I wasn't even thinking about whether they were following us. My world was just the man in front of me.
I initiated our kiss and received an immediate response. I didn't linger there long and moved to his cheeks, then started sucking on his neck. He started making soft moans.
I got rid of his one-piece outfit. He was left in his underwear and the corset he wore around his waist. I swallowed. "Continue." I moved to his breasts and started leaving kisses, and he wrapped his arms around me completely. He had also gotten rid of the piece of clothing I was wearing. I leaned over him again and played with one of his breasts while sucking on the other. The sounds he made made me so happy that I couldn't even think straight.
"It tickles, Wenlang!"
He frowned when I got rid of his underwear too. "Untie your hair, Wenlang."
"It's against the rules for me to let my hair down, sir." This time it was my turn to play. He chuckled half-heartedly.
"Who sets the rules here, Wenlang?"
"You, sir."
"That's right. So untie your hair, Wenlang."
I pulled out the slap I'd been praying to get rid of and shook my hair to the sides. "Command me, Prince."
"Take off what's underneath." I stripped off everything I was wearing and leaned down between his legs. The more I started kissing the inside of his thighs, the more he pulled me closer. "I need to prepare you, sir. Be patient." When my soft kisses reached his hole, I stopped and began licking. He let out a loud scream and let go. When he started pushing himself, I slipped one of my fingers inside him. He wrapped his arms around me even tighter. "Please be patient. I will make you feel very good."
"I'm fine..."
When I inserted another finger, she doubled over and hugged me. "Keep going." I quickened my movements and widened it with a scissor-like motion. "Hurry!"
I pulled my fingers out and pushed my hair back. I felt myself hardening. "Tu."
"My love."
"Tell me if it hurts, okay?" She nodded, breathing heavily. I entered her, and she let out a loud scream. "Damn!"
"You'll get used to it." "Don't tense up."
"It hurts so much..." He buried his head in my shoulder, and I continued. His moans intensified with each movement. He clung to me even more. "Don't move yet."
I pulled away and looked at his face. "Does it still hurt?"
"I feel good." As I began to move inside him, our bodies synchronized. His image in my arms felt like a dream, and I didn't want to wake up.
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I woke up to the chirping of birds and opened my eyes. Because of Gao Tu lying on my chest, I didn't sit up; I hugged him even tighter. No matter how much I wanted to stop yesterday, he hadn't let go. I was ready to give him anything he wanted. I just wanted to protect him. I never wanted him to get hurt or suffer.
"Good morning." I turned to him.
"Good morning, my Prince."
"I want to take a bath." I thought. "There's supposed to be a lake up ahead." "Do you want to go there?"
"Let's bathe together." I laughed. "Okay, okay, let's bathe together."
When we arrived at the lake, the water was perfectly fine and there was no one around. So all my focus was on him. "Wenlang, I'm so happy right now. I want this moment to never end. Stay with me until I die."
"Not until I die, My Gao Tu. Even after I die, I will find you. I always will."
While we were talking, I started to hear the sound of horses and I thought I heard Eric's voice in the distance. It could be a hallucination, but we had to be prepared for anything. "Let's leave here."
"What's wrong?"
"I heard someone coming. Let's leave just in case." He obeyed me, and we quickly finished our tasks and put on our clothes. I was carefully looking around as we moved through the bushes.
"Wenlang,"
"Nothing's wrong. Don't be afraid."
"I'm not afraid. I don't want to run away. I can defend us."
"My Prince." "Do you really think I'd throw you in there? I'll pretend I didn't hear that."
"Then let's defend ourselves. Let's defend ourselves together. I'm ready for anything. Just hold my hand and don't let go."
"I won't let go."
"My Prince." Hearing the voice from behind us, I quickly pulled Gao Tu behind me. "I found you."
"Prince Ma Heng," Gao Tu and I spoke at the same time. "Thank goodness you're alright."
"Guards! Catch that freak immediately! He's going to be brought before the King and executed."
Despite all my attempts to stop him, Gao Tu stepped in front of me. "If you take one more step, I'll tell the King that you broke the rules and defied me just because we made eye contact. I'll have all your heads cut off." All the guards bowed their heads and retreated. Prince Ma Heng was astonished. "My Prince. Are you being threatened by this freak that you're speaking like this? I've never heard you say such things before." "Please don't be afraid."
He gave a sarcastic smile. "Who am I to fear? You? It only takes one order from me to take your head. You must be forgetting whose lands you're in."
"Prince Gao Tu." I turned to Eric at the sound of his voice. He looked at me with disappointment. All I saw was betrayal.
"Our King has ordered us to bring you to the palace. Please let's go without causing any trouble. I will show you the way."
"Eric..."
"This will be better for everyone, don't worry." Then he turned to the Prince. "Wait in the carriage, Your Majesty. I will handle this." He looked at me and then at Gao Tu with determination. Then, without saying anything, he walked towards the horse-drawn carriage.
Eric approached me and slapped me hard. I didn't say anything. I didn't deserve it, but being slapped by someone I'd respected for so long still hurt my pride.
"What do you think you're doing!? What does it mean to kidnap a nobleman, Wenlang!? Are you looking for trouble!?"
I pulled Gao Tu away and looked at Eric's face. "I liked him, Eric."
"You broke the rules, you're going to die."
"He told me about his dreams, he said we should be together. He smiled at me in a way that melted my heart. I looked at him in a way that captivated him. Tell me, Eric, will a threat, a slap, be enough to make me give up on all of this?"
"You've gone mad."
"If falling in love is madness, then yes, I have, and I don't regret it."
"You're running towards death, you don't even realize it."
"Take your hands off me." He recoiled at Gao Tu's voice. "We chose this path together. Accepting everything. Take your men and go. What you tell my father is up to you."
I don't know if it was the wind blowing differently, but a warmth spread across my chest. "Wenlang!" My eyes were closing, I couldn't move my arms. "Wenlang!"
When Gao Tu pulled his head away from me and looked across, Prince Ma Heng stood with his bow, smiling at his masterpiece.
"This color brightened your look."
I could no longer support myself and collapsed to the ground. A thousand voices were shouting and shaking me in my head. "Wenlang, please wake up."
"Wenlang, don't give up." Eric's voice was now muffled.
"My love, please don't leave me. We had dreams! Have you forgotten? You told me we would build our own world, you can't just leave like this!" His cries intensified as he shouted, "Call a doctor, or I won't leave a single person alive here!"
"My Prince. Let's go." As the guards forcibly separated Gao Tu from me, she continued to scream, "Leave me alone. I swear. I'll kill you all! Wenlang!" They left without anyone listening to him. I don't remember what happened after that; I guess that was the end. Even Eric left without helping. I think he thought I deserved it. He did to me what I did to him.
He betrayed me.
I had lived for him all this time. Now I was dying for my love. What we experienced in that short period of time was so valuable. I wish I had accepted his love and feelings for me sooner.
Then maybe it wouldn't be this late.
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