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Sometimes Hana barely recognized herself anymore. She didn’t mean that in a bad way; she was happier now than she’d been for a long time. Her mind was occupied less often with self-hatred and cynical observations of the world around her, and her crippling self-consciousness when interacting with others had begun to ebb. Or at least, it bothered her less, since she no longer assumed that other people were judging her every move with eagle-eyed and merciless severity.
She knew a lot of it was thanks to Ueno-kun. Getting to know him as a friend, coming to trust him, to believe in his genuine kindness and general good-naturedness—to be honest, it had boosted her faith in humanity. Without that change in her own perception, she never could have fallen in love with him, nor accepted his confession of his own feelings. She was no longer the same girl who had nearly combusted at the thought of someone else witnessing her wear an unfitting hair accessory.
But it was still… disconcerting, sometimes. This new version of her. She could be surprised at her own boldness. Today, she had survived a family dinner at the Ueno household without once wishing to be instantly vaporized into atoms. Yes, she had been flustered, she had stuttered a little, and looked to Ueno-kun to extricate her from conversational difficulties, but she had smiled, too, and done her best to get to know Ueno-kun’s parents. And Ueno-kun had looked at her with that particular warm expression of his that meant he understood how hard she was trying and that he was proud of her.
And now that Ueno-kun’s parents had decamped to the living room to help Keisuke put the finishing touches on his science fair project, the two of them had been left alone in the kitchen to finish the washing up. As Hana looked at the outline of Ueno-kun’s back as he stood at the sink scrubbing a particularly grimy pot, she felt a sudden burst of affection for her boyfriend. Without allowing time for second thoughts (and the paralysis they would no doubt provoke), she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his back.
She felt him momentarily tense in surprise, then relax against her.
“What’s up, Tabata?” he asked in that gentle tenor voice she loved so much.
“It’s nothing, I just…” She could see his ears turning red, and it made her blush in turn. She pressed her face against his sweater. “I really like you, Ueno-kun.”
She was surprised when he broke free from her embrace, but then he was turning and, sudsy dish gloves and all, pulling her into a tight hug against his chest. She felt his chin brush against the crown of her head as he spoke. “I really like you, too.”
She could feel herself grinning—and that tiny voice in the back of her mind, telling her to wipe such an unseemly expression off of her ugly face, seemed an awfully tiny voice indeed, and worth no more attention than a buzzing fruit fly, to be gently swatted away. She pulled back so she could look up into Ueno-kun’s eyes.
“I’m so glad I met you,” she said.
It was no longer just his ears that were red. “Me too,” he echoed again. Then he cleared his throat a little. “Not that I’m complaining, but is there a reason you’re, uh, being so… affectionate just now?”
“I guess it’s just...” She rubbed her cheek against his chest, and marvelled at the heartbeat she could hear pounding fast there. The fact that she had this sort of effect on him was infinitely amazing to her. “I’m doing it…because I can? I just…wanted to do it. So I did.” She could feel herself getting red. “Maybe that’s a silly reason—”
“No, it’s a very good reason,” he said fervently, and he brought his hands to her cheeks to tilt her face up to his—and paused, as his dripping dish gloves came once more into his awareness. “Ah—I’m sorry, Tabata! I’ve got you all wet.” His hands drew away from her face and hovered in the air uncertainly.
“It’s fine, I don’t mind,” she said. Then she tugged on his collar and brought his lips down to meet hers.
She had grown bold indeed. But she was starting to feel that it suited her. And Ueno-kun—well, he certainly didn’t seem to mind.