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Leo has never been exactly open about what was going on inside his head. Jason knows that his thoughts are constantly going at 100 miles an hour, has watched him enough to be able to gauge what he's feeling (something Piper loves to mention). For example, when he's bored, he looks at anything and everything in the room and bites at his lower lip. When he's embarrassed, he pulls on his fingers and laughs the laugh that Jason hates, the one that sounds fake and somehow defensive. When he's upset, the warmth in his face that Jason would do anything to keep there for eternity retreats and is replaced with a tight-lipped smile, usually paired with a bad joke in an attempt to change the subject.
So, yes, he can tell when Leo starts slowly distancing himself from Jason. It's killing him. He can't figure out what's caused this seemingly sudden change in his best friend (boyfriend? He doesn't know what to call this thing between them). One moment things will be normal, making stupid jokes and laughing at each other, then Leo will get this look on his face, like he's remembering something he never wanted to think about again, and will make up a feeble excuse about why he needs to leave. He's tried to ask him about it. All that ever results in is the aforementioned laugh that he hates and something along the lines of 'you worry too much, Superman.'
Jason doesn’t know why he keeps expecting that reaction to change. He knows this is always how Leo has been, avoidant and deflective, but there are times that he seems so, so close to admitting what troubles him. Yet, every time, it ends the same. He wants so badly to know everything about Leo, to love every part of him, but how is he supposed to do that when he's actively being pushed away?
He admitted to himself that he was in love with Leo a long time ago, but how is he supposed to love somebody who won’t let him know them?
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Leo can tell that Jason doesn’t understand why he is being kept at arm's length. Honestly, swearing on the river Styx, Leo wants to tell him. More than anything, he wants to make Jason understand, to stop him from wondering why he is pulling away. He’s honest to the gods tried, but every time he gets close, he can’t. Jason is too dear to him, and every time he lets someone close to him, he loses them, and he’s fairly convinced it’s his own fault. He doesn’t want to burn Jason. Sweet, caring, worried, loving Jason. He couldn’t stand himself if he did.
It had all started with his mother. His beautiful and kind mother, who had died at his hand. Then it had been a series of friends from whatever foster home he was put in for a few months, their relationships always being abruptly cut off when he would inevitably run again. It had been Festus after that, and though he was technically a machine, it reinforced Leo's running theory that everything he loved would be destroyed, eventually. Most recently, it was Calypso. He no longer believes that they could have ever worked out, but isn't that just another piece of evidence in favor of what he thought?
He doesn't even want to approach that danger zone with Jason. More than he wants Jason for himself, he thinks Jason deserves to have a happy life, even if that means he doesn't play the part he wants to. That doesn't make it easy to pull away, though. To hide himself from the one he loves so much. To watch the hurt in Jason's eyes with every step Leo takes away from him. If anything, it's one of the hardest things he has ever had to do. Jason doesn't know why it's happening, but he tries so hard to keep him close. He will never see the reasons Leo has for keeping his claws away when they were close enough to hurt him.
Leo Valdez has loved Jason Grace ever since he met him, and for that reason, he will leave him. He will not burn another beautiful thing to ashes.
