Chapter Text
"What is home?" Jin had thought about this multiple times in passing. One often tends to think about abstract thoughts to deflect or hide from a practical issue at hand. Jin had always thought that was avoidance at its finest. Today, though, it was not a thought but a question thrown at him.
They were having one of those nights where he and all of his friends got absolutely shit faced, sang karaoke till their throats hurt and then reflected on the more than a decade that they had spent in each other's company.
It was Jimin who had brought this question up while resting his head on Taehyung's bicep. From where Jin was sitting, he could not even tell if Jimin's eyes were open. Or if the question was even directed at him.
Half of the room was empty as Namjoon, Yoongi and Jungkook had stepped out for a smoke, and Hoseok, ever the lightweight, was passed out and sprawled right next to Jin on the couch. So, all things considered, it was directed towards him. He picked up his glass of gin and downed whatever was left of it.
"You are inside a home. Namjoon's to be more specific." Jin quipped. It broke a smile onto Jimin's face, and Jin took that moment to stand up, swaying slightly towards the kitchen. This might not be his home, but he had cooked in this very kitchen on multiple occasions. And by the courtesy of Yoongi, Namjoon's fridge looked pretty packed.
Jin grabbed a few meal kits and two pans to heat the food up. If he had learnt anything from his past self, it was that he could never just cook for one when they were all together. Once the stove was going, Jin shifted his weight to one leg and let himself get lost in inebriated thoughts again. He remembered how he had met all of the people here when he had first come to Seoul. Anyang, although not too far from the capital, was still far enough for the young eighteen-year-old who had just moved to Seoul for university.
However, as fate would have it, he ended up in the biggest boy band on the planet, with six people whom he had spent more time with than his family by now. Fifteen years to be precise. They were a home away from home. He had come to cherish them more than his own life. This identity, that he spent more nights believing he was undeserving of than not, had brought him to something more precious than his own life. Not money, not his house, not just being Kim Seokjin but being Jin of BTS.
So, if he had taken a minute to consider the question 'what is home?' answered Jimin seriously, he would have basically ended up confessing his undying love for his boys and their band. He would have ended up red to the tips of his ears, professing how lonely he had felt when he first went to the military, all alone as the eldest of the team - with a sense of responsibility and something to prove - and then how he had felt even more lonely in the real world once he was the first one out while being constantly reminded of the fact that all the others were still in the barracks.
However, he had not taken that minute. So, his 'confession' stayed just a rant in his drunk mind. And as he plated the food and heard the balcony door shut, the thought vanished from the said drunk brain. If thoughts could slur, then his sure were. So were his steps. And his hands. And to his benefit, Taehyung had gotten up and come over to help Jin with the dishes. Jin was surprised Jimin hadn’t tagged along. Drunk Jimin was clingy Jimin. A textbook case a velcro child. 'His velcro child' - his brain supplied. As Jin sat back down on the couch, he noticed Hobi was now sitting on the other end of the couch, with Jungkook squished right in the middle. Naturally, Jin took the open seat on the other side of Jungkook. As everyone was in the room together and chatter overlapped once again, Jin could just take a backseat, still listening in on different conversations going around and giving his two cents here and there, but mostly remaining silent. This was his comfort zone. He did not have to be boisterous or keep the 'energy' up. At home, he could just be himself.
He picked up a dumpling after a while, bringing it straight to Jungkook’s mouth on instinct. And on instinct, Jungkook opened his mouth and took the dumpling whole while his eyes were still fixed on Namjoon, with whom he was having a conversation. Something about how bad their insomnia had gotten in the military. Jin made a mental note to get two packs of chamomile tea. Once the plates were empty, Yoongi gathered them with a few other glasses, taking them to the kitchen sink. Jin stood up behind him and followed.
“Yoongi-yah. Let Hyung do it", Jin spoke up. Even though Yoongi was only four months younger than him (something Yoongi reminded him of now more often than ever), he was still younger than Jin. And Jin very much treated this thirty-three-year-old man like his baby. Yoongi just shrugged and started doing the dishes as Jin leaned on the counter next to him. They had shared a room for seven years, and Jin would not have had it any other way. They had built this understanding of comforting silences. They did not have to fill the void with redundant conversation to keep their bond strong.
Jin, the youngest in his family, the baby of his family, had never thought that he would be the oldest among a group of boys close to his age, essentially taking upon the responsibilityof raising them. And in that sense, he felt a kinship to Yoongi and Hoseok. Both of them were also the babies of their families. And the elder ones in BTS.
"Rememeber when you only had blended boiled chicken for a week straight?" Jin jested, turning just slightly towards Yoongi. Yoongi chuckles softly in response, "Yeah. I also remember how that made you mad enough to take up cooking for everyone in the house."
It was years ago when they hadn't even debuted yet. Just a bunch of hormonal teenagers stepping on each other's toes all the time. And Jin who was already feeling useless after listening to Jungkook sing and Namjoon rap, had thought that making sure the kids were fed well was the least he could do. He smoled fondly at the memory, "and look how far you have come! Great at cooking and", Jin leaned down to swipe a thumb across a washed plate on the drying rack, "great at doing the dishes." Yoongi whined a little, the permanent pout taking over his lips but other than that, he had no retorts.
Once Yoongi was done, he took the gloves off and washed his hands. He looked towards Jin's general direction before looking down at his hands again. "I called the cab to take us home." When could he have possibly done that? Did he book it in advance? Did he know Jin's bedtime that well? "Should be here in five minutes." Jin gave him a half smile and nodded. Call it the benefit of living one street away from someone you shared a singular room with for the better part of your youth. Jin's hand moved as if it had a mind of its own and patted Yoongi's head.
They made it to the living room to bid everyone goodnight. Jimin erupted into whines and complaints. “Hyung~~~~. I am also your neighbour,” he whined, looking at Yoongi.
“When have you ever left with anyone but Jungkook?” Yoongi bickered in return. Both sides were factual, and Jin stayed out of that one. Jin looked around the room and saw Jungkook looking in on the argument with a fond smile as well. The same one he could feel on his own lips. They all hugged quick goodbyes and Jin noted Hoseok had also pulled out his phone to call a cab, but Namjoon was pleading with him to just sleep there. With one last glance back from the hallway, Jin and Yoongi were out.
In the cab, as they sat in the dark, Jin felt a weird sense of serene which prompted him to speak his mind. It was a rare occurrence, so the other person usually never interrupted him when he got like this. "Yoongi-yah" he started. They were both looking out of their respective windows, and Yoongi did not answer him. Jin knew he was listening anyway. "Hyung is grateful to have met you guys. But do you think we would have ever met if not for how we met?" It was all hypothetical, drunken rambling. Neither of them was taking it seriously.
"I think we would have" Yoongi humours him, "This universe is very vast, but there has to be destiny at play, right?" he was asking for Jin’s confirmation even though Jin was looking for Yoongi’s.
"Of course, destiny is a thing," he replied, blinking slower than before. He was very close to just shutting his eyes completely. I missed you guys. I had never known what it truly meant to be alone before this year. Even though we all moved out, I had never felt truly lonely before.
Jin wished he were more coherent to say all this to Yoongi. To hear what he had to say as the last one out. As the one who stayed behind the longest. Yoongi had to know, right? He had to know how Jin felt. Yoongi’s hair was still spiky - not fully grown. It would be too fresh to talk about it, Jin decided.
The car stopped to drop Jin off first - just two streets down from Yoongi’s house - Jin’s brain supplied. He got out and circled the car to Yoongi’s side. His hand went out instinctively to run through Yoongi’s spiky hair, and he hoped this touch was enough to convey this overwhelming swell Jin was experiencing in his chest.
"I think we would have found each other even without the current circumstances, hyung. And for the record, if we had to choose our roommates again, I would have chosen you in a heartbeat - maybe without Rock, Paper, Scissors this time." Jin chuckled at that, and Yoongi smiled with all his teeth and gums. He was holding onto Jin’s hand as Jin tried to turn around and escape.
"I love you, hyung!" Jin heard as he put his keycode in. he was sure his ears were burning red. Yoongi and his drunken habit of professing his love would force Jin into becoming a tomato someday. He was sure, though, Yoongi would have found his way to him even as a tomato.