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Phoebe never had any trouble with small rooms before. Hell, even she would be the one begging the group to do an escape room together. She found the idea fun, all of them working together on finding a way to leave.
Now?
Now the idea made her stressed. It made her hands go sweaty and the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up. So when Maeve asked if they wanted to go, she made an excuse. It was a horrible lie, and she hated to turn Maeve down like that, but her gut told her that she had to do anything to get out of that trip. Maeve believed her anyways, not wanting to push it.
When she got home, it felt oddly quiet. Owen was at a friends house until just before dinner, Emma was studying at Gillian’s and her mum would be back from work in an hour or two. The walls of the house suddenly felt like they were pushing in on her, like her house was shrinking.
She hated it.
Hated it. Hated it. Hated it. Hated it. Hated it. Hated it. Hated it.
The world shifts, and suddenly she’s back in the school shed. Addy and Nate huddled over her, after her life had just slipped out from under her. The word practice drawn onto her arm in Chelsea’s too neat handwriting. Was it drawn on, or etched into her forever? Burned deep into her mind? Would she always be someone’s practice? No matter how many times she rubbed her skin raw in the shower, desperate to feel closure, the words were always there.
She wasn’t here and now anymore. She was then and there. Back at the party, when she blew it off with her friends and then accidentally took Vanessas drugged drink. Feeling like she had 10 times the number of drinks she actually had before blacking out. Getting kidnapped. Drawn on. Dragged into a shed. Kidnapped again a couple weeks later. Hearing the screams of Jake Riordan before he died.
Her hands shook and she could actually feel the walls pressing up against her now, they were pushing her together, flattening her until she wasn’t anything anymore- wait no. She was just sliding down the wall, starring at her hands.
“You are Phoebe. Not some slutty girl from school. Not practice. Phoebe. Phoebe Lawton.”
She repeated the words in her head like a mantra until her hands finally resolved only to a light shake. Her shaky legs supported her while she opened every window in the house. It was something she did regularly now. To try and force the cool breeze down her throat.
Her mum had tried to get her to see someone after…everything but the only thing it did was waste their time and burn a hole in their pockets. How was she expected to talk about it all like it was nothing? Like the whole situation wasn’t making her burst at the seams? She did try at first - for her mum and her siblings and told everyone she felt a lot better after a month of 2 sessions per week. But she didn’t tell her therapist everything. Didn’t tell anyone about how she almost had a panic attack when she accidentally got locked inside of the storage room. Or how she freaked out when she was talking to someone named Chelsea in public.
She swallowed down the bile threatening to rise in her throat, checking her phone to see what notifications she has: 1 text from Emma, 2 texts from Knox, missed call from Mum. She clicks on Knox’s notifications first, the flipping of her stomach distracting her.
Knoxxy <3: *photo of the Bayview crew completing the escape room*
Knoxxy <3: Me, Kris, Maeve and Bronwyn did most of the work. Still really fun. Missed you though Pheebs. ❤️
Her body suddenly became light as a feather and she sent a quick selfie, the caption saying, “Missed you even moreee <3”. She was so grateful for Knox, sometimes she wondered if she deserved a nice guy like him. But she wasn’t going to let herself fall down 2 rabbit holes in the span of an hour.
She replied to Emma’s text next (the time on when she’d be back) with a thumbs up. She locked her phone and sat it down for a solid minute to poor herself a glass of water. It wasn’t until her phone buzzed on the table that she realised she forgot to call her mum back. She slid the button to green while cursing under her breath.
Mumma bear: Hello?? Pheobe??
Phoebe: Sorry- Sorry- Hi Mum!! I was just about to call you back, but I got a bit distracted.
Mumma bear: That’s alright darling. I was just calling to see if you wanted anything from the pastry store that’s on my way back from work.
Phoebe: Thanks but…No thanks. I’m not really hungry right now.
Mumma bear: All good Pheebs. I’ll be home in about 30 minutes, alright?
Phoebe: Kay.
She clicked the red button and put her phone back on the counter. A nice, fresh pastry was a good idea in mind, but her stomach was tied into too tightly knots to enjoy it right now. Besides, she had to work on her assignment that was due tomorrow.
She grabbed her laptop and hurried upstairs to her room. She was about to shut the door, but her hands wouldn’t let her. They froze right where they were, not moving. Her stomach churned as well, the bile back in her throat. So she chose to drop it, and let her door be wide open if that would ease some of her nerves. She was still broken, but it was a start.