Work Text:
10:23PM
Kyle hated that he was growing apart from Stan.
Stan was out partying with the cool kids while Kyle was stuck at home, waiting for the drunken call where Stan asked for a ride home that he got nearly every night. And as the cycle repeated, Kyle deteriorated. His feelings were slowly eating him up from the inside out. Only now did he realise how much it had impacted him, how much damage his soul had taken without a second thought because his heart told him too.
Kyle hated every time Stan uttered the words ‘I love you’ in his drunken hazes. Hated how clingy he got. Because Stan didn’t love him. In fact, it felt Stan didn’t care for him at all. Kyle felt as if Stan was using him, albeit that wouldn’t necessarily be wrong. And yet, Kyle still found himself in love with him. Out of all the things he hated in the world, the thing Kyle hated the most was how much he loved Stan.
Oh, would you look at that. Tears. He was crying again. Kyle brought his knees up to his chest, burying his face into them to try and muffle his sobs. Not once did he elevate his head when he heard his door creak open, the hallway light spilling into the darkness of his room. He didn’t realise his mum was hugging him, too enveloped in his own pit of self-deprecation. In that moment he realised all the hatred he had for Stan was just a reflection of how much he hated himself.
11:43PM
Stan had called again. Kyle had left nine minutes ago, and the party was another two minutes away. Though Kyle saw Stan staggering down the street, approaching his car. Kyle quickly parked on the side of the road, getting out and supporting Stan as he stumbled.
“Heyyyy…” Stan mumbled, tumbling into Kyle’s backseat.
“Hi.” Kyle said briefly. He didn’t feel like talking.
As Stan droned on about whatever random shit was on his mind, Kyle focused on driving, tuning out the world around him. Eventually Stan ran out of things to say and tuckered himself out, passing out in the backseat. As Kyle arrived at Stan’s place he lifted Stan out of the car, carrying him inside and gently placing him on his couch. Most nights Stan was asleep before he got home, so Kyle had grown used to carrying him in. But tonight, as Kyle was about to leave, Stan woke up.
“I love you.” Stan murmured. He always said that. And every time, Kyle convinced himself he didn’t mean it.
Kyle turned around. “You don’t mean that.” He responded, not able to resist moving some of Stan’s hair out of his face. “Go back to sleep, Stan.”
“I do mean that…” Stan slurred out. He rolled over, giving Kyle a crooked smile.
“…You love me as a friend.” Kyle muttered hesitantly, his voice shaky. He decided there was nothing to lose at this point. “I love you as something more. We’re not the same, Stan.”
“More?” Stan questioned, his speech still slurred. His voice cracked slightly. “Of course I love you as something more.” He gave a drunken chuckle.
“You’re just saying that cause you’re drunk.” Kyle responded, tears threatening to spill. “You don’t mean it, Stan. You never did.” He regained his bearings for a second, sitting on the edge of Stan’s couch.
Stan somehow pushed himself up, shifting over to Kyle and dropping his head on his shoulder. “Kiss me.” Stan murmured.
Kyle took a moment to process his words. “…What?” He eventually mustered up a response. He didn’t know what else to say.
“I said kiss me, Kyle.” Stan shifted even closer to Kyle, burying his face in the crook of Kyle’s neck. Stan’s breath smelled of alcohol. Kyle could feel its warmth on his skin.
“Stan…” Kyle was honestly speechless. He had never been this lost for words before. His heart was telling him to just get it over with and kiss Stan already. But his brain, the more rational of the two, was telling him to push Stan further away and leave. Usually Kyle listened to his brain. But tonight was different. He couldn’t take this anymore, couldn’t wait any longer for Stan to reciprocate. So he gave in.
Without any proper thought, Kyle leaned in, hesitating for a second before kissing Stan softly. It was slow at first, gentle. But as they both got used to it, it became more heated.
Stan tasted heavily of alcohol, though Kyle didn’t mind. No matter his bad, ugly habits, Stan would always be beautiful to him. Inside and out. And that went both ways in this relationship.
“I love you…” Kyle spoke against Stan’s mouth as he pulled away for air. Just as Kyle was about to dive back in, the realisation of what he had just done kicked in. He pulled away completely, standing up from the couch. He seemed terrified.
“Huh?” Stan muttered as he processed Kyle’s rapid movements.
“Shit, Stan, I’m so sorry.” Kyle apologised. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“What are you talking about…” Stan breathed out, his words still slurred.
The rest of the night was a blur to both Stan and Kyle. Obviously Stan wasn’t able to remember because he was drunk, and Kyle wasn’t able to remember because his head was so clouded with emotion that he felt he wasn’t in control of his own body. All Kyle could remember was that he confessed some things he shouldn’t have and said some shitty things he didn’t mean. And all Stan could remember was getting his heart shattered into a million pieces.
~~~
Next day. 12:02PM
Stan didn’t notice when Kyle walked past him in the hallway anymore. Didn’t notice the lack of Kyle’s presence during the lessons he had with him. To fall out of love with school was the last thing anyone would expect from such an educated student like him. It was unlike Kyle to skip classes but he just didn’t have the will to care anymore. At first it was just the classes he had with Stan, but it evolved into entire days of lessons missed. As his grades dropped rapidly, it got to the point where he was skipping school entirely, not even entering the building anymore.
That was when Stan started noticing Kyle’s absences. Stan wanted to call him, ask him what was wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to. He felt guilty for how much he relied on Kyle. Guilt consumes everyone in different ways, and for Stan, it made itself known through ignorance. Ignorance towards someone who was once his best friend.
The sound of the world was muffled on the other side of the bathroom door. Kyle’s vision was unfocused as he absentmindedly stared at his face in the mirror. He may have looked like himself, but he sure didn’t feel that way. Although it was a rare occurrence, Kyle did show up to school sometimes. He wanted to apologise to Stan for what happened last night, even though he didn’t remember what he had said to him.
“Kyle?” Stan walked into the bathroom. There was nobody else in there besides him and Kyle.
Kyle just stared at him. Once again, he was speechless. He didn’t know how to say sorry. “Uh…hey.” He eventually spoke, his voice the slightest bit shaky, the same kind of shaky it was last night.
“Can we talk?” Stan asked, his voice way too calm for the situation.
“Yeah.” Kyle responded. He stayed calm despite the pit that was starting to form in his stomach.
“Look, about last night…” Stan approached Kyle.
“Don’t.” Kyle snapped, terrified of what Stan was going to say. Kyle still clearly wasn’t thinking straight.
Stan hesitated before speaking again. “I just wanted to tell you I was sorry.”
Kyle’s heart dropped. He knew Stan was going to say that. And he knew exactly what Stan was gonna say next.
“You’re right, Kyle. I didn’t mean it.” Stan sighed. “I don’t know why I asked you to kiss me.”
“It’s fine, Stan.” Kyle responded, forcing a smile. Tears threatened to spill again as his body started shaking, but he was a professional at masking his emotions.
“Okay. So, uh…we cool?” Stan gave him a small smile.
“Yeah, we’re cool.” Kyle was still forcing a smile. “Um…how much do you remember? From last night?”
“It gets kinda fuzzy after I asked you to…y’know.” Stan shrugged.
“Ah, okay.” Kyle nodded. “Good to know.”
They said their goodbyes, and Stan left. Kyle averted his gaze back to himself in the mirror. Stan didn’t remember making out with him. Was that good? Kyle didn’t know anymore. His brain, the more rational part of him, decided that was for the better, because Kyle didn’t believe he was capable of giving Stan the love he truly deserved. And somehow, after all this time, Stan still didn’t believe Kyle would ever like him back.
And they went back to being close to strangers.