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"Artfuuulllll…Arrrtfulllllll…"
Artful was woken up by the monotonous drone of Badware, who was standing above him.
"Badware? What-"
"Enough talking. Wear. This."
Badware's voice was starting to glitch out. Despite all the static, Artful could make out some laughter from his speakers.
Artful looked down at whatever Badware was holding and instinctively squinted, his eyes burning from the item that was held out in front of him.
Badware was holding a pink tutu. To Artful, it looked absolutely hideous. It was frilly- the darn thing had more layers than people who threw banana peels at him. The dress itself was so pink that Artful thought it got caught in the radius of a Subspace Tripmine.
"Cmon, hurry uuuuuup."
Artful slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
"…where…who-?"
"While you were asleep, Mr. Sleeping Beauty, Killdroid found this in some abandoned department store. Pursuer can't wear it, and Killdroid and I won't wear it since we're literally robots. We'd ask Harken, but you know how she is- so you're the only option left."
Artful's gaze followed the article of clothing as Badware set it down at the foot of Artful's bed. He stared at it with a mix of emotions- confusion, disgust, and slowly…very slowly…a look of abject horror.
"I'm not wearing whatever in hell THAT is."
"Oh, co-o-me on, you're no fu-u-n! Plea-a-se? We'll make sure to try and get you new clothes the next time we go to the cit-t-y!"
Badware's face morphed into an analogue ":(" symbol as his voice glitched out.
As Artful thought about it, he began to change his mind.
He had been wearing that tuxedo since who knows when, and he was still on the run. He couldn't get new, proper clothes himself- he was one of the most fragile of the bunch, and unlike Harken, he had no reliable way to heal himself quickly. He couldn't go outside on a whim to get new clothes, and the others didn't need them.
Biologically, he was just a regular Civilian.
Pursuer was an anomaly captured by the government, Badware and Killdroid were robots, and Harken was some otherworldly entity that clearly didn't need clothes…so he was practically at the mercy of the others to get him new clothes.
And this tutu dress was probably the only new clothing he had seen in forever, so Artful decided to screw it and get this entire schmuck over and done with.
"…fine. I'll wear it."
Badware's sad face turned back into a smug smile as he walked towards the door of Artful's room.
"Aweso-o-me! We'll be waiting outsi-i-de."
As the door clicked shut behind Badware, Artful reached out a hand to feel the material of the tutu.
Based on touch and sight, Artful could tell it was silk. He was used to working with that material- using silk as a fabric for his magic tricks helped with the engagement, after all. It was mesmerising to see the cloth flow and glint under the light. Sometimes, even Artful himself was entranced in the middle of his shows.
The tutu was one of the longer ones, Artful noticed. At least Killdroid was considerate about keeping it modest.
With a dejected sigh, Artful held it up and compared the dress to himself. It seemed like it would fit him well.
"Well," Artful thought, "I guess I'll just get this nonsense over and done with."
"You…Badware. You actually got him to wear it? The stoic Artful, the no-nonsense magician…you got him to wear that thing?" Pursuer quipped.
With a static, drawn-out laugh, Badware nodded.
"Yep. He agreed to it."
"How did you get Artful to wear that thing? I brought that thing back as a joke!" Killdroid exclaimed in disbelief.
Before either of them could say a word, Artful walked out in that frilly pink tutu. His top and pants were still the same old tuxedo he wore, but instead of his belt, there was the tutu.
Pursuer let out a gurgling noise akin to a chuckle. Badware let out a series of monotonous laughs, and Killdroid was laughing so hard that, judging by how hard he was shaking, one would think he was about to detonate.
"HA. HA. HA. You look STU-U-PID." Badware jested. He was clearly amused by the sight in front of him.
Pursuer was already on the floor, his claws pounding against the wooden floorboards as he howled with laughter.
Killdroid keeled over and almost broke down right then and there.
As Artful stood before the three other killers, the door to their right opened.
Harken stood there, her singular green eye open and looking at the sight before her.
As her iris focused on Artful, she let out a small sigh.
"You…look ridiculous. Your antics shall not save you from me…as only silence prevails."
Well, darn.