Work Text:
Hey, hi there! Yeah, yeah take a seat and grab a pint. It’s nice to meet you. My name’s Niall, and I’m pretty much the founder and brains behind Niall Horan’s Whorehouse of Dreams. Now, I’m just going to really briefly explain what it is we do here.
For starters, the business started out as a University venture with my best mates Liam and Louis. You know, just two gay guys with a bit of an exhibitionist streak and no idea how to work a webcam. Like seriously, you’d be surprised at how horrible those two are with technology. It’s like watching a puppy try to tie shoelaces.
So, anyway, we just had this crazy idea for a livecam kind of thing you know, where people basically pay to watch Liam and Louis have sex live. Being the tech guy, of course, I set up the site, rigged up the paypal system, hooked it up with twitter, and we were good to go. We ran it from the basement of Liam’s home for a while with just a couch, a brief story plot, and one episode a week.
Then it got big. Like really big. Gay guys and surprise, surprise, teenage girls (I honestly have no idea why) started coming on to watch and we were making real money from it. So we started taking tweet requests for scenes. Y’know, BDSM, daddy kink, puppy play, wax play, cross-dressing... You name it, we’ve got it. And Louis and Liam are probably the two most sporting guys you’ll ever meet, so it was a raging success.
Our servers crashed about five times a month, after we started to do twice, and then thrice-weekly episodes. So we upgraded and got a proper hosting service so that viewers who miss the live episodes can watch the recorded ones. And also a proper apartment with a bed and shit.
In junior year Liam got together with Zayn, a senior, and he started becoming a guest on our episodes. Our viewers took to him like Niall to beer because he’s just so exotic-looking, what with the half-Pakistani thing going on for him and all. And boy’s a screamer in bed. Makes the most delicious sounds whether Liam is pounding into him from the back or bouncing him on that massive dick of his (Sidenote: Liam is known as the 10-inches-of-Payne among our fans, but seriously, he’s only about 8. We measured.)
And then we had threesomes. The one with Liam and Louis spitroasting Zayn literally broke our servers, I tell you. So naturally, being the business-minded individuals that we are, we got him to sign on full time with us. And Zayn, oh bless his soul, is actually pretty good with technology. Have I mentioned that I love Zayn yet?
Then there was Harry. For a year or so we wondered if Louis&Harry, or Larry, as our fans like to call them, were actually a thing. I’ve always had this theory that Lou always had some kind of man crush on Liam and was jealous of Zayn at first until he realized they could share, at least on camera. So when Lou decided on an impromptu four-way (it was hell to orchestrate) and dragged the boy in, all of us thought it’d be a one-off thing, like with most of his hookups.
But Harry stuck around. And yes, they actually became a thing after a while. Three years now, which means our business has been going on for five. Wow, I did not realize that until I mentioned it. And none of us are actually doing anything with our degrees. Like seriously, why did we even waste the four years in Uni?
But I digress. You probably want to know what a typical workday is like at the Whorehouse.
Well, Mondays are Ziam days - that’s the ship name for Liam and Zayn. Let me explain ships to you - you ship two people when you want them to be together. It probably comes from the word ‘relationship’. It all doesn’t make sense to me because Liam and Zayn are already together. But hey, what the fans want, the fans get. They can boat or scooter Liam and Zayn if they want, I don’t care.
So last Monday, we had a request for English teacher Liam spanking student Zayn for I don’t know, not doing his homework or something. The storylines get rather vague when the two of them get to it because they never stay on script. And do I really have to point out the irony of Liam teaching English? Because dude can hardly string a grammatically correct tweet together - this is why Liam never answers fan tweets. Zayn or Harry usually does it.
For the scene we set up a table and put some random bits of paper and magazines we found around the house on it - props are not very important actually. Then Zayn lubes up - or rather, Liam takes way too long to lube Zayn up because self-lubricating assholes are a porn myth. You don’t just stuff your dick up someone’s ass immediately without seriously hurting the poor guy.
There’s some dialogue that ends with “maybe you should spank me then, Sir.” and then Liam proceeds to bend Zayn over the table and whale the shit out of that cute ass with a conveniently placed metal ruler. Have I already mentioned that Zayn is a screamer? You should have heard him go on and on that day. And then Liam bends down and whispers (but loud enough for the mic) “I’m going to fuck your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for weeks.” and proceeds to ram his dick into his boyfriend until both of them come.
It was hot. And I’ve never been more relieved about investing in that ridiculously expensive soundproofing system.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are threesome days. Just a few weeks ago, Zayn and Liam were playing daddies, and Harry was their son. So Liam walks in on Harry wanking to some picture of a shirtless dude and decides, hey, it’s time for a sex education lesson! Then Zayn comes back from doing the groceries and sees Harry going down on Liam. Instead of getting angry like a normal dad would, he manages to twist Harry into some sort of weird position until Zayn is blowing Harry while Harry blows Liam. The whole thing ends off with Zayn fucking Harry on the couch while Liam fucks into him from behind. Classic. We perform some variation of the gay son getting fucked by his gay dads at least once a month. Never gets old.
Now last Thursday was special. Those four egotistical bastards fancy themselves performers now, so they like to push boundaries like real actors. In this case, Mr-10-inches himself decided to try bottoming - because yes, believe it or not, after five years of doing this, Liam has never actually gotten a dick up his ass. And of course losing your virginity on camera is the way to do it. That day has now been immortalized as the day Liam Payne cried like a baby while getting fucked by his boyfriend. Not pretty. But if you find crying sex hot, you should probably watch that one. It’s on our homepage under “Greatest hits of all time”. Liam sucking Louis off while getting fucked by Zayn. Fuck, even I’ve watched it a couple times.
Wednesdays are for Louis and Harry. For some reason I cannot fathom, the two of them get a lot of cross-dressing requests. Which is ridiculous really because Louis has football muscles and Harry is like, six feet tall. But like I always say, what the fans want, the fans get.
We had the most bizarre request for a lesbian sex scene. Like really? Two gay guys doing a lesbian sex scene? But we sorta cleared it up with the requestor who said she just wanted to watch the two of them get each other off with nothing but scissoring and dildos. I DON’T EVEN KNOW AT THIS POINT. But Louis and Harry were game, so why not?
So we have Louis and Harry, dressed up in identical schoolgirl uniforms, making out until Louis says “I wanna try something”. Harry usually gets the wide-eyed, innocent role so he’s like, “What, Lou?”. They eventually get their uniforms off and finger one another in nothing but their bras (we pay attention to detail) before proceeding to stuff glittery pink vibrating dildoes up each other’s asses. It took helluva long time for any of them to come at all, because seriously, like seriously, girls, the penis exists for a reason. But viewers found it hot, and whatever, we’re pay-by-minute. So what’s the mantra again? Yes - what the fans want, the fans get.
But you probably already know this. Big fan and all right - I read your bio and I must say, I’m very impressed actually.
So Fridays, this is where you come in. We’ve been looking for someone new for a long time. Someone adventurous and game to try new kinks. It says here that you’re good with web design and studied film in school as well, so I’m looking forward to what you can contribute, really.
You’ll be working primarily with me - yeah, yeah I know, finally getting in on the action after five years. Of course, if you fancy threesomes or switching around with any of the other guys, we can always discuss that in future. I’m not going to do that because it’s fucking weird. Those are my fucking best mates. So yes, I’d rather be fucking a stranger one-on-one, you lucky piece of shit.
So, Josh, right? Welcome aboard to Niall Horan’s Whorehouse of Dreams. We are going to have a fucking good time, take my word for it.