Chapter Text
loneliness was something he was used to. it occurred often for shadow milk, whether he actually enjoyed it or not.
which of course, he didn't.
not one bit.
the feeling—the knowledge was something cold. it bit at your dough and crawled deep inside, lingering in the jam that made you whole and numbing any sense of hope that remained from your past—reminding you that this is how it has always been. all those cookies who looked up to you all that time ago were just using you.
and you can never escape that truth.
thats what was so sick about truth and deceit.
neither didn't have a true good or bad side. it all depended on how they were used against you. which thus created trust issues. you can never really know if someone is genuine with their kind actions, or if someone is purposeful with their lies and trickery.
does it benefit you or them?
it doesn't matter. it never matters in the end, not when you're alone anyway.
for shadow milk, it has always mattered. when he was locked away in that damned tree, and even now when he's tried pushing people away, knowing what would be the outcome even if they wanted to stay with him.
and that's what was hard to believe.
why would anyone want to stay with someone who constantly lies and tricks people?
even if shadow milk tried changing—which he has—the effort wouldn't matter because he’d always revert back to what he was.
a liar and alone.
and maybe he liked it.
of course he found enjoyment in the deceit part of it. it’s his whole personality, minus the various shifts in how he viewed certain things. but more often than not he found himself longing for someone to just see him for him. not for someone who just wanted to create chaos. he wanted someone to understand him and not just look at him and immediately decide he was a lost cause.
there was more to it than that. there always had been, he just had been ignoring it.
well, maybe there was someone. because there was pure vanilla.
that damn cookie never seemed to even want to leave him alone. everywhere he looked, everywhere he went, pure vanilla was there. he was there and he was wanting to help.
but why.
shadow milk never understood it. he still can't. he never understood that there's a possibility that he could be cared for and loved in a way without being used. he wasn't aware there was something like that out there available for him. but even with that very dim glimmer of hope, it didn't disprove anything he already believed.
no matter how hard he would try and break free of the shackles, he couldn't.
he was still trapped.
like he was trapped in this room.
and here he thought pure vanilla wanted to help him.
he was the one who put him in this room.
shadow milk huffed rather exasperatedly, clutching the milky white tufts of hair that swooped over his face, bringing out the color of his gentle blueberry dough. his other hand could be heard tapping upon the smooth wooden surface that served as his desk for the time. he didn't know how long he had been hunched over sitting here in the dark, but he didn't care. his back didn't hurt, so whatever.
he didn't get it.
why would pure vanilla have that enduring charm of always wanting to help cookies in need—his friends—and then throw it all away whenever shadow milk came into the picture. pure vanilla gave him such mixed signals all the time, and yet he wonders why he can't change.
he can't tell what pure vanilla wants.
shadow milk didn't even know what he himself wanted.
continuing to push people off and isolate himself would save him the trouble of getting hurt.
but he wanted company.
“curse this,” he grumbled to himself, pushing himself off of the desk to sit up more properly, still staring into the blank wooden surface with a deadpan glare. despite everything he was feeling he had no energy to show it anymore.
perks of being a stage actor.
“let me help! there's hope for you shadow milk cookie!” the beast added a pitch in his voice, slurring some words and overall simply speaking more like a child would in order to properly mock things pure vanilla has said to him in the past.
the eyes in his hair twitched and glared at his surroundings, every pupil matching the feelings currently swarming within shadow milk’s frame as he sat up from the small stool he was in and began pacing around the small room that was hidden in the dreary shadows that engulfed any of the color the room had during daylight. shadow milk preferred the lights off anyway, it gave him a weird sense of comfort compared to when the lights were on.
he felt less vulnerable in the shadows. he knew he wouldn’t be hurt—his mask wouldn’t crack under any pressure that could be pushed onto him. so because he wouldn’t be seen, without any second thoughts, he shoved his sleeves up, continuing to mumble small mocks under his breath as his hair flowed angrily behind him.
“i just want to understand you!” now hugging himself tightly, his claws began piercing through the dough on his arm, jam beginning to slip its way through every slit, dripping down his arm in small chunks. he ignored how it stung. every mock he continued to voice to himself his expression shifted along with it, eyebrows furrowed with frustration.
shadow milk continued this process of pacing back and forth, mumbling to himself how this was all pure vanilla’s fault.
pure vanilla trapped him here.
“i just want to help! you have purpose- oh for the witches sake.”
pure vanilla took his soul jam.
the hair flowing behind him got more frazzled with every shift in emotion, beginning to drip upwards as if it were underwater—flowing much like smoke would when gliding along gusts of wind. his claws dug deeper into his arm as he finally had the courage to look down at the damage he was doing. if he really was going to be alone, then this doesn't matter. it's not like pure vanilla would care enough to heal him afterwards anyhow.
speaking of the said ancient cookie.
shadow milk huffed, purposely digging his claws as deep as he could manage and quickly scraped them along his forearm, his jam smearing along his dough and creating a sticky mess with his hand.
“this is his fault.” he grumbled, voice shaking with irritation as he ignored the small tears that had dwelled up due to the stinging cold pain. “this is your fault.” he shifted his voice, now speaking to himself.
his. and only his.
a creak from the elegantly decorated door opening behind him made shadow milk freeze in place, although his expression didn't shift. the light that poured into the room from the hall made his hair twitch and cover his body as if the warmth of it would poison him.
he knew who it was, and he knew what would be asked of him. it happened every single night, and every time his answer was-
“shadow milk… will you be joining for dinner tonight?”
silence.
pure vanilla wrung his hands together, his eyes carefully glazing over the other cookie’s posture and taking in every negative detail. he took note of how disheveled the beast’s hair looked, but he withheld his questions and comments.
“i’d love to have you by my side, even if you do not wish to speak.”
shadow milk tensed, pressing claws deeper into his skin.
his voice made his dough sting.
liar.
not looking behind himself, the beast cookie lowered himself to his knees, pushing his sleeves back down and ignoring how the jam oozing from his fresh cuts began soaking into the gentle cloth of his clothing.
pure vanilla caught a glance of the motion and his posture visibly wilted. he knew what the beast was doing.
if he was going to be trapped here, why would he interact cookies who only want him gone—who despise his very being—it should be an easy answer. he couldn't understand why pure vanilla couldn't get it through his sick, half-baked head. why trap someone here and then proceed to invite them out?
“what do you think.” was all he replied with, ignoring the way his voice wavered.
the beast heard the ancient sigh behind him. “as you wish. i will return to help you ready for the night afterwards, then.”
the healer’s voice was filled with concern, though he made a very poor attempt at hiding it for the sake of not irritating the other. one last glance was taken before pure vanilla left the room—the warm, golden light receding along with his calm presence as the door decorated with flowers and vines etched into the soft wood softly clicked behind him.
alone once more. nothing new.
the soft pattering of rain against the large windows filled the room instead. he had forgotten it was raining, too engulfed in his own mental prison to even pay any heed to the thunder and rumbling outside that seemed to make the floor shake. or maybe he was imagining that too. it was hard to tell what was real and what wasn’t right now. his body felt cold and weak, as if he were looking through someone else’s eyes—experiencing the mental torment while simultaneously feeling like he wasn’t in his body.
he tried to ignore it the best he could.
even compared to the other beast cookies, he was seen as a joke. even with as much as he did for them—he stood up for them when they were all trapped in that damned tree—he looked after them when no one else would and it only resulted in him being seen as a bigger joke than what he already was.
he guessed some things never changed.
ignoring the queen sized bed that sat in the corner, shadow milk curled up upon the cold wooden floor. luckily he was graced with a gentle, creme-white carpet underneath his sore body. his hair curled around him much like a cat’s tail would; shielding him from the pain of the outside world he once had adoration towards.
now it was replaced with hatred and resentment for the ones who took advantage of him.
if he went out there for dinner, it would only happen again. he’d get made a fool.
ironic because his whole act is a jester.
he wasn't hungry anyways. the cold bite of the room and despair he wallowed in was enough to feed his empty soul.
__________________
shadow milk never once experienced the warmth healing magic could bring to his dough. it was so gentle—like a hug from someone sweet—warm and refreshing, it was something that could never feel like a lie or something fake because it was a feeling. and it almost made him forget what he did to cause the wounds in the first place.
almost.
he tried to ignore the golden light emitting from pure vanilla's hand as the ancient healed his wounded arms, completely ignoring the action in its entirety. though he couldn't manage to ignore how relaxed it made him feel. the warmth was too heavy to fully ignore.
“the eyes in your hair give you away, you know.”
his voice was the gentlest sound that any of earthbread could create.
shadow milk winced, a sour scoff following before briefly glancing back at the progress pure vanilla was making. he hadn't realized that the eyes in his hair had been staring the whole time. once seeing his arm was completely healed he had no hesitation whipping his arms away and shoving the sleeves back down as if there was still something to hide, turning his back towards pure vanilla in the process.
the healer didn’t flinch, nor did he really react. he expected shadow milk to react this way, it’s how he always had. though he couldn’t get his mind off how the beast acted earlier. It wasn’t like his normal performance and theatrical nature. and admittedly, it worried pure vanilla.
watching how shadow milk tensed and stared at his arms motivated him enough to attempt at weaving his way through the beast’s thinking—to get a better understanding of why he even resulted to harming himself, or what led to it in the first place.
with a cautious inhale, the ancient cookie folded his hands together. “you… do not need to lock yourself in here, you know.”
no response.
shadow milk simply remained still, frozen in time.
“my friends and I did not banish you back for a reason, shadow.”
the beast scoffed, forcing a sharp smile as he leaned his head back, the eyes upon his hair twisting to look back at the healer cookie.
“and what was the reason then, hm!”
pure vanilla inhaled once more, knowing what was about to come. of course though, he wouldn’t be upset over it. he knew—or assumed, rather—that shadow milk had a good reason for acting the way he does. and eventually he’ll be able to know what it is.
a forced laugh accompanied the fake smile the beast presented on his face, his voice raspy as if he had just finished crying hours prior. “to watch me fail? to take more away from me?” shadow milk spun himself around, taking a step forward before allowing himself to float in the air—just to be eyelevel with pure vanilla before shoving a pointed finger to the souljam resting contendedly upon his chest, contrasting from the gentle oranges and pastel yellows that made up his appearance.
the beast’s expression though, only shifted to one that showcased the inner pain he kept bottled up within his frame. It didn’t show anger nor hatred, even as he tried to mask it as such, more so offense and disbelief. the eyes in his hair showed the inner pain, although. they widened, slit-like pupils shaking with every word that shadow milk spoke.
“you already took my soul jam, what purpose is there to let me stay when i don’t deserve-”
“I want to watch you heal.”
there was not a beat of hesitation in pure vanilla's warm voice. and that’s what made shadow milk falter.
the ancient cookie looked directly into shadow milk’s tired eyes—despite being partially blind—whilst his voice remained gentle as he approached the topic with upmost sincerity. “I took you in because i could not stand to watch you hurt yourself like that, shadow milk. I have never once seen you so weakened by watching your friends get hurt. I couldn’t allow you to be the next to be harmed. so i am keeping you here to watch over you—to assist you and watch you heal.”
everything the healer was spewing sounded like nonsense to the beast. how could anyone think or view him that way after everything he’s done to people. he couldn’t trust any of pure vanilla’s words, no matter how badly he wanted to—to have that sense and idea of security—of finally having someone that wouldn’t leave him or take advantage of him like everyone else had.
how could he be certain that wouldn’t happen again.
“and if i can’t.”
silence.
not because pure vanilla didn’t believe that shadow milk could change and heal, but because he was mildly afraid that he wasn’t the right person to guide him through the discomfort that change would be for the beast cookie. with all of their previous hardships and issues, you couldn’t blame him for thinking such things. it’s been nothing but back and forth banter about how fake pure vanilla’s care seemed to be towards shadow milk. while it was exhausting, the ancient cookie would always persist and fight for what he knew the beast needed.
but shadow milk was the other half of his soul jam. they were like yin and yang. you can’t have one side of a coin without the other—it wouldn’t be whole that way. they complete each other, negatively or not, that was the truth and reality of it all. even if shadow milk never saw it—at least not yet, anyway—the healer knew that eventually he’d be able to crack the jester’s walls.
and that’s what gave pure vanilla hope.
shadow milk needs pure vanilla. and vise versa. he had a feeling that’s exactly the reason the jester hasn’t attempted any of his usual tricks to try and leave like he once would have.
because he needs him.
the ancient turned away, deep in thought whilst shadow milk’s expression only hardened once the fear he had was seemingly confirmed.
but it wasn’t. he just couldn’t see that right now. and if pure vanilla tried persuading him, it would only cause more disbelief. which is why the healer decided to wait. even if he had to wait an eternity, he would.
baby steps.
“exactly.” was what shadow milk finally voiced to break the unbearable silence, the thundering from outside accompanying the despair that radiated from the beast cookie. “you cannot fix me like you ‘fix’ all those other cookies. i know what you are, unlike them.”
the jester’s hair smoothened back to how it always seemed to look, although there was multiple locks of hair that were knotted with each other. it was reminiscent of how internally drained he felt and just how tied he was between the truth and deceit of the situation. the eyes remained cold and frazzled, glaring at pure vanilla with a familiar burning rage that felt hidden and locked with shadow milk’s past.
pure vanilla closed his dulled eyes, briefly irritated with the constant back and forth of this topic, but part of him could briefly understand why, so he wouldn’t complain.
all he could do was try to get through to his other half.
“healing isn’t purely magic, shadow milk,” was his gentle venture, keeping his voice light and endearing. his voice, despite being quiet, somehow overpowered the rain drowning out any other sound of the night. “it comes in different forms… it takes time and patience, which i have given you.”
shadow milk only stared.
his expression fell flat, numbed down in a way just as he allowed his feet to hit the cold floor once again. now turned away from the healer, the jester ducked his head into his ruffled collar, walking a few steps away from pure vanilla and over to where his untouched bed was. he stared down at the silk sheets, glaring at the incredibly blurred reflection of himself that it presented, tinted in a pastel blue.
“just leave me alone.”
he was better of like that anyway.
pure vanilla opened his eyes once he heard the soft steps of the beast pad away from him, the not-so-gentle drops of rain pattering outside serving as a soft white noise. he knew shadow milk probably had a million things running through his head, so it was pure vanilla’s small attempt at giving him time to process everything being said.
the healer turned his body to face the back of the jester. “I want to see you heal, shadow milk cookie. I know that you are capable of it, i see it in your eyes.”
silence.
silence always spoke a thousand words, though.
but his eyes?
all they held were silent tears that he refused to let free.
pure vanilla walked cautiously over to the beast as he remained still—like a statue. head still ducked into his chest as if he was trying to look for the soul jam that was once his own. or perhaps trying to hide himself from the inevitable pain that was always chasing him, leaving no room for rest.
he was always running.
“you deserve the time it takes,” came the soft voice behind him, the ancient cookie now threading cautious fingers through the locks of hair that weren’t knotted. every stroke was taken with care—a touch so soft, if you weren’t hyperaware of your surroundings it would most likely go unnoticed.
but shadow milk was always hyperaware.
he had to be.
“I want to see you heal, and no one else has been generous enough to give that to you.”
he didn’t flinch or try and lean away from the touch. part of him wanted to—was fearful that it was a trick—whilst the other welcomed the action wholeheartedly. this kind of attention had always been craved, but he was always too afraid of receiving it.
and it was for a good reason.
but he had no energy to push pure vanilla away anymore. and so he gingerly accepted it.
“then you can watch from the other side of the door.”
the jester’s voice had no tone to it despite the quiet waver in pitch, signifying his inner distress and the fact he wasn’t actually trying to push pure vanilla away this time. but it sounded more like he was distracted—focused on something else. drowning himself within his thoughts just like he used to.
“no, i’m staying with you.” It was pure vanilla’s quick response, having the full intention of sticking by shadow milk’s side as much as he could with this process. he knew the jester shouldn’t be alone, not when he seemed so troubled. “we can get through this together, bluebird.”
that name.
that nickname.
the ancient cookie had only ever used it once before, and it was in a moment almost identical to this one. and it had always eased whatever nerves were going haywire within shadow milk, even if the beast himself never admitted to it. nicknames were something people used out of trust, willingness to be there for the other and look after them because they cared. that’s how he knew pure vanilla was being completely certain about this now.
even so, a part of him still couldn’t completely trust it. and maybe that was fear.
or something else.
he didn’t care right now. he didn’t want to think, he was so tired of spiraling and drowning in his own mental cesspit of agony. It was so exhausting. It was why he was so silently glad that pure vanilla decided to stay with him.
he didn’t want to sleep alone tonight.
he hated being alone.
finally looking to the side, watching the healer cookie’s hand continue to thread through bright, rich blue hair, he allowed his shoulders to slump. but he didn’t make an effort to uncover his face from his collar. the eyes in his hair also relaxed a fraction, the once slitted pupils rounding out into thicker, more bolder ones, much like how a cat’s eye operated.
“your hair is quite soft, does this hurt the eyes at all?”
the beast scoffed, now looking back forward and at the bed once again. “No.”
shadow milk tried to ignore how heavy his eyes seemed to feel so suddenly, bringing a sore hand up to rub underneath the eye with a darker shade of blue markings with the heel of his palm. they burned, and he had forgotten that he had been crying before pure vanilla's return.
the healer apparently caught the action and hummed quietly behind him.
“although your hair is soft, it is very… tangled. i’m afraid my hands won't do the job, so why don’t i help you brush it before you rest for the night? it could be a good way to wind down for the evening.”
the ancient left no room for the beast to comment or argue, taking to gently grasping one of shadow milk’s hands in order to guide him out into the halls he’s only ever seen once since coming here. but of course, even despite that, he recognized everything. how every nicknack and picture was arranged upon the walls and shelves, the way the light from the small chandeliers bounced off every glass picture frame. his spire was the exact replica of pure vanilla's castle, so he already knew where the healer was leading him.
shadow milk took note of how warm the castle felt compared to his spire. or maybe it was just his body playing its own tricks on him again. the pastel, creamy colored walls decorated with various pictures framed in gold of pure vanilla with his friends, as well as random cookies that were a part of the kingdom made him realize just how lonely he was.
his spire had pictures in the exact placement of pure vanilla's. the only difference was that they held and encapsulated photos of himself.
how pathetic is that.
glancing to his side, the jester took in the texture of the walls made of wafers and the smell of vanilla extract that seemed to engulf the entire kingdom within. it was sweet and rich, must like the cookie himself. it was so sweet infact—it made shadow milk scrunch his nose. all of this was too good for someone like him to be witnessing, let alone be in the presence in. someone like him doesn't deserve any of this luxury. so why was pure vanilla handing it to him as if he still had the title he had once upon a time?
he deserved nothing but his own deceit.
what he used to be was a joke to everyone else, so why would he deserve anything at all. he didn't help those cookies, and they never took the assistance whenever they did need it,
shadow milk tensed at the sour memory.
he felt unwelcomed here. that's what it was. it wasn't because it all felt like a joke, it was because he knew he did not belong here. not here with people who took his place, and have performed it better than him. not with the people who adore one another and actually listen to their virtues.
why couldn't he have this.
what did he do wrong?
the sudden shift from an elegant golden light to a much gentler, dimmed orange blinked shadow milk back to awareness. they had entered pure vanilla's room, and all the beast did was stand there in the doorway, distractedly watching as the healer let go of his hand in abid to trance off into his bathroom.
shadow milk didn't move. he stood there idly, now glancing down at his feet.
he felt out of place. like a puzzle piece that didn't quite fit into the whole picture. or perhaps maybe a virus. a poison, a disease that could only spread and infect.
that's what its job is anyway, right.
moments later and pure vanilla drifted back with a comb in hand. and the jester couldn't help but lock his focus onto the way he entered. the way he walked with deliberately paced steps perfectly matched his personality. the ends of his robe dragging gracefully upon the carpeted flooring, swift and smooth. his long, golden blond hair looking like it was coated in thin layers of honey curving around and framing his face, drooping over his slender shoulders and complimenting his entire appearance. it was like the finishing touch to it all.
and that warm smile.
every time shadow milk managed to look at the ancient cookie always filled him with an unfamiliar warmth. he couldn't pinpoint what it was or why he was experiencing it, and apparently pure vanilla caught the jester’s entranced stare because he chuckled once standing in front of him.
“shadow milk… you're allowed to come in.”
the said cookie blinked, not realizing he resulted to a self hug in the middle of his deep thinking and he looked down at himself, then back at pure vanilla. he couldn't help the blatantly hesitant look in his eyes.
he didn't move.
the healer caught the hesitation, and held out a hand for shadow milk to take if he wished. his sleeves sliding down to his elbow once his arm had reached out. “come, let's sit you down.”
shadow milk acquiesced, although sheepishly, and stared for a few moments before he placed his clawed hand into the palm of pure vanilla's warmth. the beast allowed himself to be quietly guided to the healer’s vanity covered in gentle candlelight and a few vanilla orchids scattered across the polished surface.
glancing at the icing colored flowers upon the vanity, he sat down upon the chair pure vanilla apparently pulled out for him—as if he was a king being seated at a grand supper. his tired eyes lazily danced over the various objects the ancient cookie had placed and neatly organized upon his vanity, wondering what he even used them for. maybe it was the reason his dough was so soft and gentle whenever he had the honor of gracing his rather scared and rough dough against it.
after a moment of blandly staring and wondering, his eyes made way to his reflection which he had been directly avoiding. he hated looking at himself. it was a constant reminder of his past and what had happened to even make him look like this. it wasn’t who he wanted to be, but it’s what he was. even if he didn’t recognize himself anymore. sometimes it felt like him, and other times it didn’t. he hated the constant shift.
apparently he had been staring at himself for a while, because he didn’t notice that pure vanilla had already begun brushing his fratted hair. the swooping of his three white tufts falling back against his face snapping him back to awareness. as for the eyes hidden within the black void his hair was, they were closed, showing how relaxed his usually tense body had gotten under the pleasant contact.
pure vanilla made a mental note of how relaxed shadow milk had become, and partially wondered if this is how he always was behind all those walls he put up, or if it was merely because of how exhausted he looked. he seemed completely out of it, and the healer couldn’t help the gentle smile that formed on his face when seeing the beast doze off, before snapping himself awake soon after.
the ancient cookie pondered to himself for a moment, holding a handful of shadow milk’s hair at the base of his skull so he could detangle an obvious knot without causing pain to the other. “how often do you get rest, shadow milk? you seem… quite exhausted.”
“i’m a performer, there is no time for that.” was the jester's automatic reply, not really paying any attention to what he was replying with or how tired his voice became. just idly staring into the mirror in front of him and watching himself doze off from time to time.
pure vanilla frowned some at that answer, running his fingers through the now untangled chunk of hair to reassure himself he detangled it enough. “even performers, such as yourself, need and deserve rest. even if you believe it is silly.”
shadow milk just scoffed.
the healer looked at the beast cookie through the mirror, trying to examine his expression with the little sight he did have. seeing just how out of it shadow milk seemed caused his frown to deepen with silent concern. he had never seen the jester in this state before. even earlier, he was uncharacteristically quiet. it was then he decided to save the rest of his questions and worries for when the other cookie was more rested, now moving to an idle hum to fill the quiet whilst he continued brushing out the rest of shadow milk’s long hair.
it made him wonder how often shadow milk actually took care of himself. if at all.
even with how hard the jester tried to keep his eyes open, they continued to drift shut and eventually shadow milk gave up trying to stay awake. as much as he refused to acknowledge it, he trusted the space he was in to some extent. just enough to allow his consciousness to slip into a light sleep, his head going limp and falling back onto pure vanilla’s chest, making him freeze with the light combing.
looking down, the said healer cookie smiled faintly at the sight. he couldn’t help the warmth that had flooded through his being from it.
it was so unlike shadow milk to allow himself to do something so vulnerable. but pure vanilla wasn’t going to complain.
instead, he placed his comb down upon his vanity, deciding that the beast’s long hair was neat enough until dawn. with cautious hands, he slipped one underneath the jester’s head, the other underneath his knees and lifted him without much effort or fanfare. pure vanilla pressed the other cookie close to his chest, ensuring he wouldn't drop him.
the ancient swiftly padded over to his large, king sized bed that rested in the middle of the room. two desk side tables accompanied either side of the mattress and pure vanilla laid the beast on the side closest to the window of the room, away from the door. he preferred sleeping on the side that had more access to the room anyhow, and it was pure vanilla’s way of making sure shadow milk was safe, even in the warm contents of his castle.
shadow milk shifted within the new space, adjusting himself so he could lay more comfortably upon the vanilla cookie’s bed. his hair, unlike earlier, sprawled out across the sheets, showcasing the blue eyes safely tied within. they were closed, although the low dim of the room made it seem like they were glowing.
once again, pure vanilla smiled at the sight of his other half looking so comfortable. especially in a space he claims he hates and despises with all of his being.
he took a step back, not really minding that he would be sleeping in one of the other various rooms he had tonight. so long as it meant the beast was comfortable. now turning away, he intended to head towards the door, but he felt a hand grip the long sleeves of his robes, stopping him in his steps.
pure vanilla looked back at the other cookie who now looked troubled within his sleep. his eyes were still peacefully shut, though the jester’s expression looked as if he was about to cry.
was shadow milk really that much of a light sleeper?
“don’t… leave me alone in the dark.”
pure vanilla stared in mild disbelief.
surely shadow milk didn’t know what he was saying. he was half asleep, of course he wouldn’t know-
“I don’t want to be alone again.”
despite the obvious raspiness to his voice, shadow milk’s words only wavered towards the end of his sentence. the hair powered by the beast’s magic swooped up and curled around pure vanilla’s wrist, almost binding the other cookie to the jester.
the ancient cookie didn’t have much words, too astounded by what he was hearing. but he quickly dug for a response, not having any hesitation in agreeing with the other cookie’s wishes.
“of course, shadow milk cookie. allow me to change at least… would you?”
he didn’t realise it, but the said beast had opened his eyes a fraction to look at the healer. there was a moment of silent staring, shadow milk willing the liquid in his eyes away even while half conscious. he only allowed his hand to slip from pure vanilla’s robes, and his hair suddenly lost it’s subtle weight and grew limp upon the ancient’s wrist.
a gentle hum is what pure vanilla gave shadow milk in response, whispering how he’d be right back and that it wouldn’t take him that long.
rounding to the other side of the bed, he began unclipping his own soul jam, he placed the brooch upon the small table near him before quietly walking over to his closet to change into looser clothes. the idea of changing shadow milk’s clothes into something more bearable for sleep crossed his mind, but he wouldn’t want to invade the beast’s privacy like that.
perhaps shadow milk would want an entirely new outfit if he was staying here? to make himself more comfortable within the new space.
it could be a conversation during breakfast, he supposed.
walking out of his closet, clothed in a silk gown colored in a dusted sunflower yellow, he clapped his hands quietly to turn off all the remaining lights glowing up the room. although he left the light from the candles surrounding his vanity remain—he didn’t like sleeping in pure darkness.
he sat himself upon his bed, shifting the blankets and sheets out of his way beforehand. as he sat, his eyes managed to drift over to shadow milk once again. even with the marginally blurred vision he had, dulling his view of the world, he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the jester.
shadow milk had fallen back asleep already.
pure vanilla moved the blankets over the jester’s shoulders before moving to cover himself, laying his head upon the pillow that was also covered in the same silk his nightgown was made out of. he instinctively shifted himself to lay on his side so he was able to be facing shadow milk, tucking his hands underneath his head.
apparently the beast sensed pure vanilla’s presence and lazily flopped himself over to face him. his hair almost served as a second blanket, smoothing across every dip in shadow milk’s frame despite the blankets covering him already.
shadow milk’s eyes opened once again, only for a brief moment as if capturing a memory in fear it would fade away.
a stare spoke volumes, and it was all pure vanilla needed to see.
his smile growing a fraction, without much thinking, the healer reached his arms out to lightly push and guide the beast into his hold, snugly curling his arms around the other’s waist. when he felt shadow milk’s clawed hands clutch the smooth fabric covering his chest he emitted a soft chuckle, moving one of his hands to find home upon the beast’s head—deftly threading his fingers through it.
he didn’t really know what compelled him to do such an action, but shadow milk hadn’t complained and so he just continued as if it were a completely conscious choice.
kindly, though just above a whisper, pure vanilla smiled down at the beast in his arms. “goodnight, shadow milk cookie.”
there was a beat of silence for a moment, and the sound of the wind outside let pure vanilla know it had stopped raining a while ago. what was left was just the faint whisps of wind rattling against the castle, creating a much more peaceful white noise to fall asleep to.
for once in his life—as odd of a situation as it was—shadow milk felt at peace.
perhaps not with himself, whatever it is he was, but something.
“night, nilly.”