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I still don't fully understand Preservation culture. I'm not used to doing something purely for the enjoyment, other than watching media. Yet here they will spend hours labouring just so they could feel that they had done their fair share.
I guess I was never paid for my work either. My only reward was to get to see another day, which didn't always feel like a good thing. Though, I was always too hesitant to step far enough outside my boundaries to get recycled.
Maybe if I was less anxiety-ridden, I wouldn't be in this situation; worse than every mining installation and hostage situation combined.
Life on Preservation Station was similar to the typical economic system present in the media I consumed. There are - of course - differences, such as a homicide and crime rate I had thought to be impossibly low, and the barter system for planetary residents that are on the station.
As it turns out, Corporation Rim media isn't a great frame of reference to freehold worlds. They were much more organised than I had grown to assume. The station was highly maintained, but I didn't have enough outside data to determine if this was typical for most stations.
They had most of the traditional celebrations observed on other worlds - the result of Preservation being established by a diverse group of refugees and failed colonists. So I wasn't completely caught off guard when Pin-Lee asked if I wanted to attend a celebration in honour of Dr. Mensah's birth. Her birthday.
I had agreed. Which was a very stupid thing for me to do. I had no clue what a birthday party on Preservation looked like, and the episodes of 'The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon' which contained birthday celebrations typically resulted in either a hostage situation or gross human sexual interactions. I'd prefer the hostage situation, but I would also rather that neither happened in the first place.
I spent the next 17 Preservation-Standard hours researching their customs regarding the anniversary of births, but it didn't help much. Whatever humans had written the articles started with the assumption that the reader was familiar with other aspects of life in the Preservation Alliance. Cross-referencing points with the guides available for new refugees was taking up too much of my processing space to watch a serial at the same time.
The humans and augmented humans in the Preservation Alliance didn't consume animal products, which didn't really matter because food is always the last thing on my mind. I doubt a cake made by a construct whose sole purpose was destruction would be any good.
A hand-made gift was the preferred choice. Something that showed knowledge of the other person's personality and interests. It was supposed to show that you cared, and that you could connect with them.
It was really ugly. Made with imprecise hands that were only intended to be used to incapacitate, not to handle craft supplies. I'm sure an adolescent human could do better.
I really should just throw it in a recycler and try again.
Humans were still awful at estimating how much knowledge a person was supposed to have. There were no guides on the feed as to how to properly handle scissors, or how to use the adhesive stick in the most efficient way. In the end, I had to process multiple crafting guides where they made a variety of items - dolls, some strange fauna using the shape of a human hand, and foot protection made with recycled materials.
Sorting through my archive for the tagged footage took another few hours (7 hours, 28 minutes, 13 seconds, but who's counting?) at which point I was contemplating just buying a scarf from one of the vendors catered to the tourists to the Preservation Alliance in order to gift to Dr. Mensah.
She's going to hate this. I don't know what humans want. I barely know what I want other than to do nothing and watch media until my brain shuts down from my shitty build quality wearing down over time.
Would it be okay if I just showed up without a gift? They can't expect me to partake in human customs. Dr. Mensah would understand. I'm sure that no gift would be better than a shit one. Something about zero being better than negative-one.
Except, that's the thing. She would understand that I don't know what I'm doing. She always understands. She has been nothing but kind and open to me, before and after the PresAux Crew discovered that I was a rogue SecUnit. Dr. Mensah has put considerable care into giving me a suitable environment.
She also saved my life.
She risked her own life to save me. To her, I'm not disposable.
So yeah, the least I could do is at least try and show her my gratitude in a manner that follows the customs that she has grown up with.
I could kill Dr. Ratthi. One swift movement and I could snap his neck before any of the humans or augmented humans would even have time to blink. I was the strongest being on this station.
It would be so simple. Just do what I was built to do, then run and jump onto one of the many transport vessels that were leaving the station every minute. There wouldn't be any chance for them to sound the alarm and lock down the station before I was free in the vast emptiness of space.
But, I didn't. These humans weren't all that bad, and experiencing embarrassment wouldn't be the worse thing I have endured.
(Error: MemoryG4.file not found. Repeat attempt?)
I was built to withstand most forms of blunt-force trauma, and my cubicle could repair other damages in only the span of a few hours. My brain was in a constant state of emptiness and anxiety without the capability of experiencing anything else.
So yeah, I'm going to be perfectly fine, and I'm not going to murder any humans, no matter how annoying they are.
"Alright!" He emphasised that with a loose clap of his hands. It was loud. "Next up is from Seccy!"
Pin-Lee groaned at the use of Ratthi's nickname for me. I was very grateful that it didn't seem to be catching on. Obviously, I didn't say anything about it, I would just filter it out from my sensory inputs. Otherwise, he would just continue to find even more annoying ways of showing me that he was my 'friend'.
"It's beautifully wrapped SecUnit. Thank you."
It really wasn't. Preservation used 100% recycled and recyclable matter for disposable items, and this resulted in a different texture to some, such as wrapping paper. The tutorial I found on the feed was from the Corporation Rim, and I realised once I was sealing it that it looked completely different than it was supposed to.
Dr. Mensah was being way too polite to me. (Note to self: Learn more adjectives.)
She very gently removed the sealing tape from all ten places I had used it, taking great care to keep the paper in one piece - it took less energy to recycle that way.
She extracted my gift with both hands, bringing it closer to her chest. I could see how her eyes strained slightly as she attempted to read my sloppy writing - apparently using a pen is very different from using a spray canister.
"Oh SecUnit, this is lovely." She praised, beginning to carefully flip through the pages.
Was it too late to reconsider my 'murder all humans' plan?
Somehow, Pin-Lee and Dr. Bharadwaj had made their way to each of Dr. Mensah's sides and were watching as she admired each of my printed photographs and explanatory notes. Dr. Gurathin was looking at the wall behind them, but he was very clearly listening to all their comments.
It took over an hour of 'aww's and 'I remember that!'s from the humans (not including the augmented human; he was still busy pretending that he had no interest in it) before Dr. Mensah continued with opening her other gifts. Dr. Ratthi took that as an invitation to start looking through the memorybook himself, and would loudly exclaim whenever there was one that excited him.
So yeah, Dr. Mensah liked the memorybook. Humans liked to store information physically when it was important to them. Turns out that 'Why Dr. Mensah Is My Favourite Human' was a great gift idea. It was probably for the best that I left out why Dr. Gurathin was my least favourite.
It was 13 Preservation-Standard hours after Dr. Mensah's gift-giving ceremony, and 10 hours since all of the guests left for the night, when I met with Dr. Mensah in her office.
At that point, I already knew what I had to do when the station entered its night cycle. I just didn't know if I could face Dr. Mensah while keeping it from her.
I had expected to just stand there and watch media while she filled out paperwork or whatever planetary representatives do when they aren't in danger of being killed by corporations like GrayCris.
I didn't expect for her to sit me down and try to convince me of my validity as a person.
"You know, SecUnit, you can have a birthday as well. Pick a day that's important to you, or even just one at random. You're one of us." Dr. Mensah's hand rested on the table near my elbow, but there was still enough distance to show that she wasn't going to touch me.
"I'm not human. I wasn't born." I stared out the window towards the crowds of tourists and travellers passing through the corridors lined with food vendors.
I hated when they pretended I was like them; that watching media, responding to questions, and putting together hand-made gifts could erase the truth that was etched into every single one of my components.
"You're still a person, and a good one at that." She had that tone of voice again. The one that said she felt sorry for me. That she thought she saw something in me that I couldn't.
I wanted this conversation to be over before she started to talk to me about emotions. I think I'd switch back on my governor module then leave the accepted boundaries if she tried to do that.
How do you get a human to stop talking without snapping their neck?
"I'll think about it." Huh, that was actually acceptable. Good job Murderbot.
"You don't have to if you don't want to, but I would like to have a day to associate with you. You've done a lot for all of us, you've done so much for me." One of my drones showed that she gave a small smile at the end of that sentence. I still don't know why.
"Thank you, Dr. Mensah. Goodnight." I left my chair and began to walk back to my private room.
"Goodnight SecUnit." She called out softly.
I saved the drone footage from all five angles to my permanent storage, along with back-up files that I compressed and hid deeper in my code.
I don't want to forget her.
The hardest part about leaving the PresAux Crew was leaving Dr. Mensah. She had been very good to me throughout everything, and I still think she worries about my spinal column, despite it being fully repaired by my systems with no lasting damage.
Dr. Gurathin could care for her, as much as I hate him, and he would do it well. She had a family and a place to belong. She didn't need me trailing after her.
And I need answers before lying to myself and saying that she would be safe with me.