Work Text:
Andrew was currently sitting on the couch, writing down stuff in his notebook, mostly plans on how to program another part of his game. Ivan mewile was walking around the living room picking up things and cleaning up before putting all his attention towards Andrew. He walked up closer to the back of the couch leaning towards his roommate. Andrew could feel his warm breath on his neck which lead to gentle blush apearing on his face.
- You are writing the plan still-? - Ivan asked leaning even closer to see what exactly is Andrew writing. His hand landed on his friend shoulders to stabilise himself from falling. Andrew was trying so hard to keep his breathing steady and heart beating quiet enought so Ivan won't hear it. This closeness is really making Andrew go crazy lately--- it's been going on for- over two moths now.
What has been going on exactly? Well...
It started a month after Andrew moved in. Andrew started to feel different than he did before, he liked Ivan before they shared an apartment but now it was- more in everyway. All those precious moments with Ivan happened so naturally that it's normal that Andrew fell for him so hard. How could he not? Ivan was gorgeus. His harsh skin, his nervous eyes, his short fluffy hair, his slim figure... Andrew adored all of that in secret, even the scars left on Ivan body, he wished he could kiss every part if it. And Ivan smelled so nice too, the herbal scent of his shampoo that was invading Andrew lungs each time Ivan got close... Gosh, it smelled so good. Ivan was just so handsome, so cute... And he was the person that helped Andrew get out of his toxic household. Ivan was there for him, Andrew is so glad for it. He wants to be there for him too no matter what. Ivan is the most important person in his life. He loves him so much.
Of course, not everything was perfect. Andrew doesn't want Ivan to be perfect. Ivan is amazing just the way he is. Yes, they do argue once in a while, but it's never anything serious. Andrew must agree that those misunderstanding feel more domestic than anything else. No yelling, no hitting. Just words and teasing. They could argue about breakfast or Andrew work habits and it always ends up with cuddling on the couch or with sweet, quiet apologies.
And well- there must be something more than just platonic love. Andrew feels it... After all they are way closer than a friend label would allow in Andrew mind. For example, they clearly forgot about each others personal space or rather it just stopped existing for them. Andrew could melt in a hug with Ivan, forgetting which body was whose. Sometimes they laid on the couch for something that felt like hours. They weren't a strangers to each others bodies. The touch of the other was familiar to them. Andrew remembered times when they shared a shower with no shame at all. Where the warm water was raining on their bodies as they just existed in this room, together. It all felt so right.
Andrew may be a game programmer that works on his own, but Ivan is the one who writes poems reaching his heart. He reads every single one with silent awe. Yes, he does decline to put them in his game but- it's because they should be recognized as their own thing. He wished his friend had a bit more bravery to share those words with the world. Andrew hoped that he would believe in himself eventually, maybe he could help him with that... He is surely hopelessly, very, very much in love. He may still be young but he already feels like he wants to spend his whole life with this men. Hold him, kiss him, marry him- okay Andrew mind is heading a bit too far.
He snapped back to reality when Ivan placed his chin on his forehead.
- Yeah- haha- /// - Andrew chuckled akwardly trying to focuss on the paper instead of the man behind him. - You know writing takes a lot of time silly //
- oh okay... - Ivan moved away from Andrew much to the other man silent disappointment. - Take your time I guess...
Andrew looked at the ceiling for a second before speaking up. He REALLY wanted to make his relationship with Ivan clear soon enought.
- Ivan! Hey! Wait a second actually--
Ivan stopped turning around towards Andrew. - yeah-?
- Well-- Would you like--- You know, hang out for a bit later- on the roof with some beer- it's been a while since we did that.
Ivan stared at him in silence for a second before returning a gentle smile.
- Sure, why not. - He turned around and walked towards his room.
Andrew heart turned 360° in his chest as soon as Ivan dissapeared from the view. He will confess everything today, Ivan feels the same, Andrew knows it. They both just to shy to tell each other that it is love, but Andrew won't be scared anymore. He loves Ivan more than anything in the world. As a friend, as one of his saviours, as a- lover, soon, he hoped. Andrew smiled feeling as if he was in highschool again, as if it was his first crush ever. No, this one was deeper, it was something real, he felt it. Well the overwhelming excited mixed with anxiety still was happening in his chest as he got up to prepare stuff for this evening. And well, gather the rest of his courage too. He would need a lot of it.
~~~
The night sky was quite a mess today- Andrew forgot to check the weather- It wasn't that bad, just a bit cloudy but- c'mon it would be way more romantic if they would have a beautiful clear dark blue night sky-
Andrew brushed it off joining Ivan on the chairs that he prepared earlier. He grabbed a drink waiting for Ivan to notice his presence before saying cheers to him with a smile. The other man smiled back as the sound of tapping cans filled the top of the roof. Andrew took a sip of his drink while taking a look at Ivan properly. He looked so gorgeus. The gentle wind was blowing on his hair making it floaty. His eyes closed slowly as he took a sip of his own cup. Gosh, how does a single man can look so innocent and just straight up majestic. He must have been blessed by Aphrodite herself. Maybe the windy weather was actually a blessing. Andrew looked away trying not to spill his drink as blush apeared on his face again.
- Alright, now or never... - Andrew whispered to himself before making an "akhem" sound to catch Ivan attention. It worked and Ivan imediatelly turned around to see whats up.
- Ivy-- - I know you probably came here just to hang out with me and all- But well I- actually have a question for you if you don't mind that- - Andrew said trying to keep his voice calm and steady, the opposite of the excited feeling he had in his chest.
- O- Yeah what is it? - Ivan asked with a nervous smile, the one that made him look so sinfully adorable.
- What do you think are we-? - Andrew asked looking at the cloudy sky.
- What do you mean... We- we are friends. You are my best friend Andrew. - Ivan said confuzed before his face turned into a terrified expression. - A-are you suggesting you don't see me as a friend...
- No- no- no- It's not what I meant I just--- - - Andrew sighed getting up from his chair and sitting or rather kneeling on the roof floor next to Ivan. Ivan looked at him confuzed about to ask what Andrew is doing but he got interrupted by Andrew grabbing his hands gently.
- Ivan I-... -Andrew took a deep breath leading one of Ivan hands towards his own face looking at Ivan with a warm expression. - I love you. Like- I love you more than you would love a friend.
Andrew closed his eyes and kissed Ivan hand amazed by the feeling of his fingers on his lips. He opened his eyes after a bit waiting for Ivan answer with longing.
Then he froze.
Ivan didn't reacted like Andrew hoped. No. No...
He went stiff. His face was hard to read as he stared at Andrew with wide open eyes. He looked conflicted, concerned, disgusted-? He moved his hand away which made Andrew flinch and let go of him imediatelly. He didn't said anything, there was just this akward silence between them. Andrew mind was blank trying to understand what this silence meant...
After another akward minute Ivan moved away and got up from the chair cleaning his hand on the sweater.
- I'll go... - Ivan said leaving the roof while avoiding Andrew eyes. Now the silence on the top of the building was even worse.
Of course Andrew had to ruin everything... Of course he had to misunderstood their relationship... Ivan looked so disgusted. This look was worse than when his parents looked at him with such disgust... Andrew wiped of his mouth. Why did he kissed Ivan hand like that??? Now Ivan won't look at him for a month or longer or never... Why Andrew had to try changing things, they were good before now he only made it akward as hell. Why was he so delusional... Why did he messed it all up...
Andrew didn't followed Ivan, instead he slowly got up from the floor and sat down on Ivan chair this time. He stared at the now fully covered sky. He stayed like this for a long time just laying down in the cold of the evening before quiet sob escaped his throat. He reached for the beer that was left from their short hangout. Andrew opened the can drinking it all up in only few seconds almost choking on it. He stared at the finished can on his hand feeling as if his eyes are about to burn. Then he reached for another beer feeling tears falling down on his cheeks. Andrew opened the can, again, this time drinking it slowly while the taste became bitter on his tongue and he started to feel dizzy, he wasn't sure if it was from the previous alcohol or his current situation of crying his eyes out.
He stopped drinking mid can before throwing it across the roof with anger. Was he angry at Ivan? No, he wasn't angry at him for that how could he... It's Andrew that was being a jerk in this situation, Ivan owns him nothing...
Andrew layed down on the chair sobbing into his hands. They had something beatiful together. Their relationship was perfect and now he made it all akward just because he wanted to be something more. Just because he let his heart wander around.
Andrew slowly started to calm down after letting out all of those emotions...
He will fix this...
He will come back to this apartment, appologize to Ivan for this incident and act as if it never happened.
They will come back to being whatever they were before.
At least Andrew hoped they would...