Work Text:
Dear Doppio,
I'm writing this because of a session I had with my therapist yesterday. He'd suggested I write a letter to the most important person that I haven't seen in years. I took up his advice, and I figured that the person that fit the most was you.
I remember when I first met you. You were energetic, running around with unmatched energy, patrolling the hallways. At first glance, you seemed like you were a giant. But you were sweet and caring. I always felt safe with you, for some reason. Back then, I'd dismissed it as just us being friends.
Slowly though, the thought entered my mind--what if it was love? The day you were absent, I paced around the school, trying to catch a glimpse of you to reassure me that you weren't in some terrible accident. Even after Meloco told me you had a doctor's appointment, I felt uneasy for the rest of the day. The school just felt so empty without you. For once, I felt that the building was far bigger than it actually was. As soon as I could, I called you, remember? I was so relieved when I heard your voice from the other side, like a thorn had been removed from my throat.
The next day, when you returned, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was so tempted to run up to you and just spill everything. But my crippling self-doubt wouldn't let me. The moment I thought of that, I was immediately terrified. So, like a coward, I simply walked up to you and said that I was happy to see you again.
Meloco cornered me that afternoon. She was straight to the point--she asked immediately if I liked you. At first, I tried to lie through my teeth, and I told her no. But she insisted on asking, her eyes in a perpetual squint at my face. Finally, I relented and told her. But I begged her not to tell you. I told her I should do that myself. She nodded and departed afterwards, but the conversation had given me the motivation I needed to tell you.
Then, the headmaster issued a new declaration: the students at Iluna would be visiting us. At first, I thought nothing of it. Sure, they were rivals of our school, but we had a lot to know about each other; after all, we rarely had any outside collaborations. It would be nice to find other people who we had common interests with.
But slowly, the event became unbearable. I saw you less. And more often than not, when I did find you, you were talking with that strawberry-haired girl. Her name, Maria, I'd learned from you talking about her during our hangouts. It irked me. I was jealous of her. But I kept quiet. I did not want the peace to be disturbed.
Soon, they left and went back to their school. At first, I thought that that would be the end of it. That we could go back to the state we were previously in. But I was wrong. I was very wrong.
You kept talking about her. And it seemed that every time you mentioned her, even in passing, your eyes sparkled with the brilliance of the stars. Gradually, I lost hope. You seemed so focused on her, so intent on her, that I felt ignored. I thought I'd squandered my chance to tell you how I felt. Graduation crept closer and closer, and I tried to distract myself from you by focusing on my exams.
Then, I heard whispers. That you liked me, too. I wasn't one to blindly believe in gossip, but I guess I was desperate. That my heart was clinging on to any hope that I was wrong. That my eyes were deceiving me--that you were just hiding your feelings just like I was.
I decided to tell you on graduation day. I figured I should be honest to you and to myself. After all, it was exceedingly unlikely that we'd meet again after that.
I asked you to come with me on that afternoon. It was a bright summer's day. A good omen, I thought.
I held your hand, and I told you that I had a crush on you. You seemed taken aback--I saw your eyes widen when I said it.
Gently but firmly, you shut me down. You told me you had taken a liking to someone else, and that it would be dishonest of you if you accepted me. You put your hand on my shoulder and asked to continue as friends. I just nodded. I couldn't say anything. My mind was clouded. I didn't even notice you leave.
Slowly, you slipped away. We stopped talking to each other. I checked on you from time to time, but every time I tried to message you, an invisible force held me back. I felt like I was intruding in your life. I didn't know what to say. We hadn't talked for quite a while, and I couldn't find the right way to start a conversation.
It certainly has been a long time since that day. It's been what, ten years?
I guess I should congratulate you on getting married. I found out from Meloco a few weeks ago. You and Maria had always seemed like you were a match made in heaven. You seemed perfect for each other. I'm happy for the two of you. Maybe I should visit you sometime. I'm curious on what you've been doing.
Your friend,
Ver Vermilion