Work Text:
There are some days where Jin Zixun is certain Su She is going to leave him.
The days like today where his good morning kisses aren’t met with the usual soft smile and return kiss. Where Su She doesn’t melt into him when he hugs him from behind. Su She makes them breakfast and eats silently. He tells Jin Zixun he has rice on his lip without thumbing or kissing it off of him.
It would make sense if it was the morning after an argument. Those mornings always leave them both on edge for a while, but last night (the entire week really) had been perfect. They woke up together and spent the day in, Su She working from home and Jin Zixun not really working at all. It had been quiet. Jin Zixun took pictures of Su She when he’d fallen asleep at his desk. Su She overcooked his dinner in retaliation for letting him sleep through the afternoon (“I thought you liked it a little charred,” he had said innocently). They made love in their bed. Then he fell asleep listening to Su She talk about nothing.
But now Su She is acting stiff. Barely looking at him and staring off into the distance. When Jin Zixun goes to touch him, he tenses and doesn’t exactly pull away, but doesn’t lean into it either. He spends the day locked in his office, when Jin Zixun orders food and brings it to him, he offers a soft “thank you” and eats with him in silence.
He’s tired of him, Jin Zixun can feel it. The day before had been a test to see if he still wanted this, if this relationship is even worth pursuing, and Jin Zixun failed, though he doesn’t know what he did wrong.
Zixun plagues himself with thoughts of what could have been. What he could have done differently. Maybe if he said ‘I love you’ more. If he didn’t pick as many fights in public. If his eyes didn’t wander like his uncle’s always have (never mind that he had never and will never do more than look).
He knows Su She is more sensitive than he lets people see. He can’t hide his careful, aim-to-please nature. It’s why he cooks even though Jin Zixun doesn’t mind (and can definitely afford) ordering food. He worries when Zixun comes home late and pretends he couldn’t care less. On days he comes back very late, Su She makes him sleep on the couch, but Zixun can see the bags under his eyes the next morning.
At around 4, he drags Su She from his office and pulls him to the living room to watch TV and take a break. Maybe it’s a last-ditch attempt to convince him to stay. Su She sighs and lays his head on his shoulder, “I want snacks.”
Zixun smiles, “Which?”
Su She hums and rattles off an extensive list, and Zixun lets out a breath of relief. If he’s still acting like this, he can’t be that close to leaving. He presses a kiss to the top of his head and stands from the couch.
“I’ll go to the store then. Don’t fall asleep again or you’ll blame me and burn my food.”
Su She rolls his eyes and mutters, “It was your own fault for letting me sleep through a meeting.”
Zixun just smiles at him and grabs his keys and wallet before heading out the door.
The store he’s going to is about three blocks away. On his walk, he tries to calm himself down from the stress from the rest of the day.
There’s no way his Su She would just up and leave him without saying a word. They were both too temperamental to allow that. They would get into an argument about nothing (maybe not nothing, but when it’s over and done with it always feels like nothing). They would both say some biting, too-harsh words to each other, then Zixun will dig too deep and that’ll be the final blow. Su She might not even bother to pack before leaving.
They almost never pulled punches in a real argument. Zixun once heard Jin Guangyao call it toxic, and that was almost the breaking point of their relationship early on. But, slowly, they got better. Su She wasn’t so insecure and quick to anger, and Jin Zixun learned not to go for the places that hurt the most.
When he reaches the store, Zixun grabs all of the snacks Su She asked for and pays. He feels better now, knowing that he knows his partner well enough to know he wouldn’t just leave like that.
He likes to think they’re too close for him to want to leave now. That Su She loves him too much for him to leave. He doesn’t like to think about how uncertain he is of that.
They’d built a good life together, all in all. Jin Zixun is a shareholder in his family’s business and in truth didn’t have much building to do. But, he’d supported Su She all throughout his journey of starting his own business, and it’s very successful. Almost successful enough for his family to accept his choice of partner. If there was one thing that could easily and instantly rip them apart, it was his family. He and Su She had fought over it so many times, they never had anything new to say anymore.
The situation was simple really. Jin Zixun is from a very rich, influential family who would prefer for their members to marry other rich, influential people. Specifically of the opposite sex. However, Su She, the light of Jin Zixun’s life, is neither rich nor influential nor a member of the opposite sex. Had Jin Zixun not already been a personal shareholder of the company, he’s sure his parents would have cut him off as a threat to break up with his boyfriend. As it was, they simply had to suffer through his presence at every family gathering.
It made Su She feel like trash at the bottom of the bag. He tried to leave over that so many times, Jin Zixun isn’t sure if it really makes him panic anymore.
“Why the hell should I stay where I’m not wanted? Why would I put up with a family who treats me like I’m gum stuck at the bottom of their shoe?”
“Because I love you.”
He reaches the front door of their home and breathes a deep breath. He needs to calm down. Su She wasn’t going anywhere, and they would continue to be together happily for many, many years to come.
When he opens the door he finds that hope is the most foolish thing a person could have and he should’ve known things this good don’t last.
Su She is sitting on the couch, fully dressed. With a packed suitcase next to him.
Jin Zixun can barely find the words to speak.
“You’re leaving?”
Su She nods, tense and forlorn, “In a little bit. I’m waiting for my ride.”
Jin Zixun wonders if he ordered an Uber or if it’s one of their friends. Or maybe someone else has finally captured his love’s heart. But he quickly dismisses the idea. Su She would rather stay miserable for the rest of his life than cheat on someone. He’s too loyal for his own good sometimes.
He stares at Su She as Su She stares out the window. It’s almost late evening and the setting sun makes his face glow. The brown of his irises is molten gold and his eyelashes cast a shadow of black lines. He’s dressed in jeans and a white sweater that Jin Zixun knows for a fact is plush to the touch because he’s held him in that sweater before, kissed him, taken it off of him. His lips are downturned and Jin Zixun wonders if it would really be so bad if he stole just one last kiss.
“Do you have to leave?” The words are out before he even knows he’s breathed.
Su She turns back to him in surprise. His brow furrows in confusion, “Yes. You know I do.”
“I know but-”
He sits on his knees in front of Su She, feeling pathetically cliche as he says, “Can’t we just talk about it? We can work it out, right? You don’t have to leave.”
The crease in between Su She’s eyes deepens before it disappears in clarity.
“You-”
An amused smile forms on his face, and Jin Zixun thinks his love must really resent him now if seeing this pitiful sight entertains him.
“You ridiculous man!”
Su She grabs his face gently and kisses his nose. Zixun blinks in surprise.
“I’m not leaving you. I’m leaving the city.” At Jin Zixun’s still-heartbroken face he adds, “For a few days.”
“Huh?”
Su She sighs and leans back on the couch, pulling Jin Zixun to sit beside him, “I’m going to Beijing for a few days to work out a deal with the Zhaos. I thought I told you last night, but you must’ve fallen asleep.”
Jin Zixun blinks again, “What?”
Su She’s phone pings and he checks his notifications, “Oh! My ride’s here!”
He gives Jin Zixun one last peck before grabbing his suitcase and the bag of snacks Jin Zixun brought and putting on his shoes. Before he can walk out the door (but not out of his life), Jin Zixun grabs his arm.
“But you’ve been sad all day!”
Su She frowns again, “Well, yeah, you know I don’t like flying, especially at night. I’ve been worrying about it all day.” He looks back down at his phone and rushes out the door with an “I’ll be home on Tuesday, and I want flowers when I get back!”
Jin Zixun looks at the closed door of their empty apartment, feeling stupid. After a minute or two, his phone pings.
From: A-Shan❤💝🥵
I want roses
Jin Zixun smiles down at his screen before pulling open his browser and going to their local florist’s website.
To: A-Shan❤💝🥵
What color
From: A-Shan❤💝🥵
Red of course
A dozen
Jin Zixun sends a quick affirmative before ordering the bouquet (fresh and in a very expensive vase) and collapsing on the couch. As silly as he felt, at least Su She wasn’t leaving him. He stares at the ceiling.
So he wouldn’t have to return that ring after all.
When Su She gets back (around noon, three days later), Jin Zixun, along with the flowers, takes him on a date to a Western restaurant they’ve been going to for years. The staff knows them well enough to take them to a dark, secluded booth that’s not very visible. Their waiter, however, is a new hire. He looks nervous to be working at such an upscale place, bowing awkwardly to them before walking away to get them glasses of water.
Jin Zixun looks at Su She, who’s looking at the menu for the restaurant even though they’ve been there a thousand times and he orders the same thing every single time.
He could do it now, he thinks. He has the ring on him. He could get Su She for the rest of their lives and beyond if he just asks now.
Su She puts the menu down and sighs absently. He notices Jin Zixun looking and cocks his head, “Is something wrong?” He pushes his glasses up with his knuckle, scrunching his nose as he does, and Jin Zixun almost breaks. Almost.
He shakes his head, “No.”
Su She hums and looks at the cocktail menu even though he’s never been a big drinker. Jin Zixun wants him. He settles for reaching across the booth and running his thumb over Su She’s fingers where they hold the plastic covering.
Su She looks at him over the menu and squints, “Why are you being so sweet? Did you do something?”
Jin Zixun pretends to be offended, “What do you mean? I’m always this sweet.”
Su She rolls his eyes, but lets him hold his hand over the table. Zixun grins at his victory. He could wait until they got home. He could. Su She would never forgive him for making such a big scene if he proposed here.
“They added a new wine,” Su She comments lightly.
Jin Zixun hums in response.
When the waiter comes to refill their water, Su She orders the new wine and they order their food. As the waiter’s collecting their menus, he notices their interlocked hands and blushes, hurriedly moving away.
Su She gets the same self-conscious look he always does when they get stares in public. Zixun squeezes his hand tighter, afraid he might pull away.
“Hey,” he says in a low voice, “I love you.”
Su She looks at him from across the table, wide-eyed and vulnerable. Jin Zixun smiles reassuringly, and Su She frowns and huffs.
“Sweet talker. You did do something. What is it?”
“Nothing. I just wanted to tell you I love you.”
The waiter comes back and pours their wine, eyes still darting to their entwined hands repeatedly. Jin Zixun glares at him and his wandering eyes until he scurries off again, telling them their food will be out in a few minutes.
Su She sips his wine and makes a face. He’d never been a good drinker but refused to let that ever stop him from trying. Jin Zixun once made a comment about that, mentioning the name ‘Lan’ and Su She had gotten so angry he drank to the point he could barely speak.
“How is it?”
Su She shrugs, “It tastes like wine. Nothing special.”
Jin Zixun smiles softly and drinks his own glass. There’s a peaceful silence for a few minutes until their food arrives.
While Su She always ordered the same thing, Jin Zixun had decided to try something different this time. Su She looks at his plate curiously, “What is that?”
Jin Zixun hums and tries to remember the exact name, something French. “It’s scallops.”
Su She ‘oohs’ and offers up some of his pasta in exchange. Jin Zixun opens his mouth and Su She rolls his eyes but leans forward to feed him anyway. Jin Zixun chews happily and passes him a scallop.
The rest of their dinner passes as the perfect setup for his proposal and Jin Zixun feels jittery as he pays the bill and they gather their things to leave. On the drive back to their apartment, he feels his hands shake slightly on the steering wheel and wills his boyfriend not to notice.
“A-Xun, are you okay? You’re shaking.” Damn his boyfriend and his observation skills. He smiles at him briefly before turning back to the road, “I’m fine.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t have ordered that wine.”
Jin Zixun laughs, “I’m not you, A-She. A glass of wine or two won’t mess up my driving.”
Su She huffs and sits back in the passenger’s seat, “Fine, just don’t get me killed.”
Jin Zixun smiles at him again and it’s only a few more minutes until they’re home. As soon as his keys unlock the door, he feels his stomach jump with anxiety. Su She doesn’t act any different, hanging up his jacket and heading for their bedroom. Jin Zixun takes a deep breath, checks the ring in his pocket, and follows him.
Su She is unbuttoning his shirt, glasses sliding down his nose, on the edge of their bed. Now was the time.
Jin Zixun sits on the foot of the bed, heart in his throat.
“A-She, I want to talk to you.”
Su She’s hands freeze on the last button, leaving his shirt just barely hanging off his shoulders. He turns to Jin Zixun with wide, scared eyes, “You want to talk?”
Jin Zixun nods, and pulls Su She to sit beside him. Hands wrapped around the little box in his pocket, he begins the speech he’d practiced in the mirror a thousand times.
“A-She, we’ve been together for so long now-”
“Don’t.”
Jin Zixun’s heart stops temporarily. He turns to look at Su She, who is glaring at him. “Don’t?” he repeats.
Su She shakes his head, “Don’t give me some stupid speech. If you’re going to dump me then just do it. Don’t try to make it seem like you care.”
The words take a moment to process in Jin Zixun’s mind, “What?”
“What, did your family finally convince you I’m trash? Do you just not love me anymore? Am I just-am I just not enough?”
Jin Zixun reaches for his hand, only for it to be snatched away as his boyfriend stands, “You think I’m breaking up with you?”
“If you don’t want me anymore, why would you take me out tonight? You acted so hurt when you thought I was leaving before, were you just upset that you thought I was doing it before you? Or did that make you realize it wouldn’t be so bad if we weren’t together?”
“A-She-”
“D-Did you find someone else? Because I can understand that. I mean, anyone has to be better than me.”
“A-She-”
“But, if you’re trying to break up with me, can you please not give me a stupid speech we both know you don’t mean? Just tell me I couldn’t be enough so you can save your energy.”
“I’m not trying to dump you, I’m trying to marry you!” Jin Zixun finally shouts.
Su She pauses in his rambling and his pacing to stare at him.
“What?”
Jin Zixun pulls him to sit on the bed and gets on one knee in front of him.
‘Maybe I should’ve just done it like this in the first place.’
“A-She, we’ve been together for a really long time now. Even when we’d only been dating a few months, I knew you were the one I wanted to spend my life with. When I thought you were going to leave, it almost killed me. I thought I’d finally pushed you past what you were willing to put up with, and that was it for us.”
He wants to continue the speech the way he practiced, but something else is bothering him too much, “I don’t care what my family thinks of you, you know that. I don’t care if my family doesn’t even show up to our wedding. There’s no one else. There’s never been anyone else. I’ve only ever loved you like this.”
He pulls the ring box out of his pocket and opens it. Su She can’t contain his muffled sobs anymore and curls in on himself slightly. There’s a lot left to his speech, but all Jin Zixun can say next is-
“Please marry me.”
Su She continues staring at the ring, pushing up his glasses to wipe his eyes, sniffling. He’s so silent for a minute Jin Zixun feels his heart ache and begins to close it, “Ah, okay.”
Su She grabs his hand, “No! I mean, yes! I will. I just- Are you sure?”
Jin Zixun hurriedly pushes the ring on his finger, as if Su She will change his mind if he takes too long, “Yes, yes, I’m sure. Oh my god. Can I kiss you?”
Su She nods and Jin Zixun practically tackles him to the bed, kissing him fiercely. He pulls at his fiance’s(!) clothes, popping off the last undone button, and practically tears off his own shirt. Su She giggles at his haste and helps him unbutton it. When their bare skin finally meets, he moans and kisses him again.
Su She grabs his waist and pulls him close, hands traveling up and down his back. Jin Zixun breaks the kiss and pants, “I love you.”
Su She smiles up at him, “I love you, too.”
Jin Zixun presses their foreheads together, “I’m gonna rail you.”
Su She rolls his eyes and relaxes into the bed, “Go ahead.” He wraps his legs around his fiance’s waist and pulls him impossibly closer, “I don’t want to be able to walk tomorrow.”