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By the end of the first week, Nishino had learned what it meant to lose someone she didn’t know was important to her. She didn’t even like Sasaki, she didn’t even know her long enough. ‘It doesn’t matter,” she told herself, but a lingering part of her always missed Sasaki yelling at them to be quiet or bickering constantly with Hiroaki.
By the end of the first week, Nishino had learned what it meant to lose someone she didn’t know was important to her. It wasn’t fair that Isono died, but it wasn’t Sasaki’s fault either, it was that damned rabbit’s fault. Isono was kind, energetic, and inclusive to everyone around her. She didn’t deserve that.
By the end of the second week, Nishino learned the rules of the game. She learned this wasn’t a fair fight. She had learned even the innocent were punished. Chiba and Harada’s death also weren’t fair, Chiba died trying to get the others out of here and Harada just wanted to support her. It wasn’t Sara’s fault either, she’s a tiger she was only acting on instinct. She felt horrible she didn’t take the investigation seriously, leading to multiple pieces of evidence being lost…poor Hama.
By the end of the third week, Nishino learned to not trust or rely on anyone but herself. She had learned that if she wanted to survive, she had to become independent and stronger. Tsuno’s and Kamimura’s death weren’t fair. They didn’t do anything to anyone. Tsuno was helpful and cheery, Kamimura was moody and snarky. But it didn’t mean they deserved death.
Okazaki deserved death. She deserved everything she has coming to her. She had killed people just because she wanted to, for her own sick entertainment. Nishino had thought Okazaki was quirky and harmless, but she was truly the opposite. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. Nishino hated her, she hated her so, so so much. But she still loves her all the same.
It’s not fair she feels this way. It’s not fair Okazaki makes her feel the happiest she’s ever been just to leave her to rot for no good reason. It’s not fair Okazaki touches her gently and kisses her softly like she’s something fragile, but then turns around and kicks Wada till his ribs are broken. It’s not fair Nishino wants to see her again, to talk to her again, to hold her hand one last time. It’s not fair.It’s not fair.It’s not fair. Itsnotfair.
Itsnotfairnotfairnotfairnostfairnot-
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By the fourth week, Nishino learned the art of disappearing.
She had learnt how to smile when someone looked at her, to laugh when a joke was made, to also butt in conversations to give her two cents.
It looked like Nishino was doing fine..because she is, right?
Nishino was disappearing, not physically but mentally she wasn’t there anymore. It was like..she’s just a fly on the wall, an observer. No one to love, no one to touch, no one to kiss, and no one to hold another’s hand. She imagined being a fox with Okazaki, the leaves tickling her red paws every time she crawled, she would hear a yowl and look up. Up there she’d find a fluffy white fox, identical to Okazaki.
Nishino curled up on her bed, the blanket wrapped around her, as she cried. She turned her toward the window only to find a dark pane bordered up by metal. She had failed, failed to protect everyone, she didn’t owe anyone anything nonetheless protection, but she had watched as all her friends died one by one, as the girl she loved died. Nishino didn’t want this. She didn’t want to feel like a failure. She just wanted to be free, free from expectations, free from her family, free from her body, free from reality.
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By the end of the fourth week Nishino had perfected the art of disappearing.
She yelp and shrieked as the fire licked and consumed her whole. The same fire she handled like a pro betraying her every time the flames grazed her skin. A part of her wanted to get out the surging heat, to just give up and drag herself to herself. But even then, she knew this was the only way she could be free. If she left this world knowing she did at least some good for someone, even if it was one person..she would be the happiest.
Hama deserves this. Hama is dorky, cool, and compassionate. He deserves to go home after all he’s been through here in this hell. Nishino knows he won’t be happy with this. She would only have to hope he would come to terms with it and accept it.
The most important thing in life is change. Even the smallest changes, they matter. And they come with consequences, some positive and some negative. What matters now is your life and how you choose to spend it. You can’t live forever so it’s best to live your life to the fullest. Love yourself and everyone you. Love those who hurt you, those who are unkind to you. Because you never know what’s going on in their life.
Alter.