Chapter Text
a lesson Atsushi once learned was..
No matter how determined you are to forget your past, you may not be able to. It's a memory that can't be erased, no matter how much you try to ignore it. Painful, yes, but it opens your eyes to appreciate what you have and what's right in front of you right now. Atsushi always considered his past —his entire life, even— Unfortunate. Every aspect of his life he turned to was unwelcoming, even destructive.
Despite this, he is deeply grateful for his surroundings, for every little thing, cherishing it like a precious memory—and indeed it is, a memory of his continued existence. But... memories don't last, do they?
Neither do people.
Thunder roared, The sky was dotted with faint stars due to the heavy rain. It had been relatively cool in the morning, but the temperature had gradually dropped.
Atsushi sat back, watching the window with a relaxed expression; he saw children running around, falling, and laughing at eachother as they attacked with snowballs. Atsushi scoffed softly as he noticed a kid getting hit straight in the face, stumbling then falling back, his parents helped him land on his feet, he had a deeply-pouty expression, eyes gleaming with playful revenge.
Atsushi sighed, smiling at the heartwarming scene of the family.
Ah.. yes.
Family.
He closed his eyes, before any negative thoughts could creep on his mind- chaos filled the room. He almost jumped when he heard thunder; that sound never fails to make him flinch. despite the external chaos of the weather, inside of the agency was as chaotic, It made a stupid grin plaster on his face at the familiar sound of yelling and shouting.
Calling them 'family' sounds so wrong, even in the back of his mind, like a curse he shouldn't spell, That single word is so foreign to him. But again, they were the closest thing he had to a family, he looks up at them as actual family; they filled a void that was always present within him.
He noticed kyouka sitting alone, enjoying her boiled tofu, or should i be specific.. her 6th bowl of boiled tofu. Atsushi stood up and walked to the couch, slid to sit beside her with a warm smile that was returned.
"Kyouka chan, Are you sure its okay to eat.. this much tofu?"
At his question, kyouka paused then continued eating nonetheless "Meh.." she answered, clearly she doesn't give a damn whenever it was healthy or not, satisfying her cravings came first, always. Atsushi chuckled to himself as kyouka turned, sitting fully in front of him. Ah, yes. the usual. Kyouka apparently really enjoys listening to Atsushi rant about nothings as she devour her tofu bowls, so he does, the little girl always had been great company.
Across the room, Kenji sat comfortably on the sofa with a small potted plant cradled in his arms like a cherished pet, observing it with the same contented patience he might give a living creature.
"But kunikida-san, im so tired!! Do something about this depressing weather!" Dazai whined loudly as he leaned on kunikida who grabbed his notebook and smacked him on the face as soon as his hands could move "you think i can control the weather?! what did YOU do to feel tired while everyone else was working hard? lazing around and slacking!" Dazai backed off as he clutched his head and lowered his knees as if in genuine pain "Ah! kunikida-san, i didn't expect such violence and betrayal from you!" Kunikida's eyes narrowed and decided the guy needed another smack
Yosano stepped back with a quiet sigh, putting a safe distance between herself and the unfolding chaos.
“These two are going to give me a migraine,” she muttered under her breath.
Turning away from the spectacle, she settled into the seat beside Ranpo.
Her prediction proved accurate almost immediately. Ranpo sat there completely unconcerned, leisurely devouring a pile of sweet pastries.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up with diabetes someday, Ranpo-san,” Yosano remarked with a light laugh, half teasing and half sincere.
Ranpo responded with an indignant noise that came out hopelessly muffled by the food stuffed in his mouth.
“Hnn—hnn!” He gestured animatedly in protest, crumbs nearly escaping with each attempt at speech.
Atsushi had launched into one of his rambling conversations about nothing in particular, the kind of harmless chatter that seemed to relax her.
When he noticed the small smile tugging at her lips, his own expression softened. His mismatched eyes warmed, and a quiet chuckle slipped from him before he could stop it.
For a moment, the agency felt peaceful. if we ignore the fact that dazai was getting beaten up by kunikida, of course.
Everything shattered within seconds, as a scream was heard from the president's office. Shizune's screaming
Dazai lurched to his feet first, stumbling slightly as he fell on his face. Papers scattered as Kunikida dropped the files in his hands and rushed ahead. Yosano followed close behind, the sharp clicks of her heels echoing down the hallway, with Atsushi not far behind.
Kunikida burst into the room.
“kirako-san?!"
Kirako had backed herself into the corner, staring in horror at the tiny intruder that had forced its way in through the open window.
A small white kitten stood near the center of the room, fur puffed and tail rigid as it hissed defensively. Judging by the fresh scratches bleeding across kirako’s arm, the animal had made its displeasure known the moment it entered.
The kitten was fluffy, barely bigger than a handful. And extremely angry.
For a split second, the room remained silent.
Then several of them burst into laughter at once. The tension drained from the air.
Kunikida crouched and attempted to shoo the kitten away with a stern wave of his hand. It retreated a few cautious steps but refused to flee entirely.
Yosano, still suppressing laughter, gently took kirako’s injured arm.
“Come here,” she said, guiding her toward a chair. “Let’s get you patched up.” kirako groaned, cheeks flushed in embarrassment.
“It actually hurts!” she complained while Yosano began disinfecting the wounds.
Kunikida straightened with a weary sigh, adjusting his glasses once more.
“That was an unnecessary adrenaline rush.”
His gaze shifted toward the kitten now standing boldly in the middle of the office.
“What a mess you made, little thing,” Dazai remarked with a playful grin.
The kitten answered with an immediate, furious hiss.
“Ouch,” Dazai laughed, raising both hands in exaggerated surrender. “Alright, calm down.”
The kitten’s tail lashed in warning.
“Oo, feisty.”
Ranpo appeared in the doorway at that moment, crunching lazily on a bag of chips as he surveyed the scene.
“So what now?” he mumbled between bites. “We can’t keep some dirty, aggressive stray wandering around the office. Even if it is cute.”
Kunikida attempted a more authoritative tactic.
He stomped his foot sharply against the floor directly in front of the kitten.
Instead of running away, the animal lunged at his shoe with impressive determination. Kunikida jerked his foot back immediately.
“…Apparently it isn’t afraid of anyone.”
Atsushi, who had watched the entire exchange in silence, finally stepped forward.
"Um.. ill try to get it out"
Moving slowly, Atsushi approached the kitten and lowered himself to his knees so he wouldn’t tower over it. His posture remained deliberately calm, hands open in a clear show that he meant no harm.
“Poor little thing,” he murmured.
The kitten’s hissing gradually faded, he extended his hand slowly.
“It’s okay,” he coaxed softly.
The kitten’s tail twitched, but it didn’t retreat. Instead, it crept closer and cautiously placed its tiny paws against his palm, sharp little claws pricking the skin.
Despite the scratches, Atsushi barely reacted, or he tried to.
After a moment of cautious sniffing, the kitten leaned forward and pressed its head into his hand.
Atsushi’s expression brightened with quiet delight.
“See? You’re alright,” he murmured.
With gentle patience, he continued soothing the kitten until it allowed him to lift it into his arms.
“It’s okay,” he whispered, rocking it carefully.
From behind him, Dazai’s voice drifted in.
“Seems like you’ve had plenty of experience dealing with stubborn creatures.” The smirk in his voice was unmistakable.
Atsushi shot him a sharp sideways glare that clearly translated to "shut the #### up before you scare her."
Lowering his voice again, he added quietly, “I’ll take her home for the night.”
The kitten blinked slowly from his arms, completely relaxed now.
Holding the tiny animal as though it were something fragile and precious, Atsushi began walking toward the exit.
Kyouka stood from the couch and gathered her belongings.
“Should we go home?” she asked quietly. “The rain stopped.”
Atsushi nodded, looking down at the cat with a smile
“Yeah. Looks like we have a visitor tonight.”
Kyouka’s lips curved faintly. watching as the kitten settled comfortably under Atsushi's coat in his arms
“I thought we were going to throw her out. She was very aggressive earlier.”
Kyouka opened the door for him, since his hands were occupied with the cat.
-“That little thing almost bit me. I’m still wondering how Atsushi-kun managed to carry it without losing a hand.”
-“He’s basically a cat himself.”
-“…If he heard you say that, he’d argue for hours that he’s a tiger, not a cat.”
…
Atsushi walked beside Kyouka through the quiet street, the kitten tucked safely inside his coat.
The little creature squirmed and let out soft meows, clearly unhappy with staying still.
“Shhh,” Atsushi whispered.
Energetic didn’t begin to describe this cat, just how much energy does this creature have?
His gaze drifted down the empty road as they walked, his thoughts wandering somewhere far away.
He still wasn’t fully used to the new apartment he and Kyouka had moved into. It was much farther from the agency than their previous place, and the surrounding streets were far quieter.
Almost depressingly so
Still, he was the one who insisted on the move for a... reason..
When the memory of why surfaced in his mind, Atsushi shut his eyes tightly for a moment, as if the gesture alone could force the thought back into whatever corner of his mind it came from.
…
The apartment door unlocked with a soft click.
Footsteps echoed faintly through the small space.
“I can’t even keep my eyes open anymore,” Kyouka muttered, her voice already heavy with sleep.
“Goodnight.” She barely finished the word before disappearing into her room.
Atsushi heard the dull thud of her bag hitting the floor, followed by the unmistakable sound of someone collapsing face-first onto a bed, He laughed quietly.
Inside his coat, the kitten began squirming again, letting out impatient meows that clearly demanded freedom.
“Alright, alright.”
Atsushi crouched down and gently placed her on the floor. The kitten immediately burst into motion, bouncing around the room and sniffing every corner with endless curiosity.
Atsushi watched the energetic display with quiet amusement.
“Make yourself at home,”
He had barely taken a step toward his room when something tugged at his ankle. Looking down, he found the kitten fiercely attacking his socks after loud motorcycle roared somewhere outside, making her flinch
“Oh… so now you’re scared.” he giggled, bent down and scooped her up again, gently stroking behind her ears until the trembling stopped.
Keeping a cat might actually be… nice. He hadn’t expected that from a stray cat
But he was definitely keeping her, that's for sure.
Later that night, Atsushi lay back against the mattress, exhaustion finally beginning to settle into his bones. The small apartment had grown quiet, the earlier bustle of the agency now nothing more than a distant memory, replaced by the steady hush of falling snow outside the window. Curled beside him, the kitten had long since abandoned her restless exploration and instead nestled comfortably into the blanket, her soft purring filling the room with a low, soothing rhythm.
The sound was gentle, repetitive, almost hypnotic.
Gradually, the tension that had clung to Atsushi throughout the day began to loosen its grip, his thoughts growing slower, heavier, as if the quiet warmth of the room were lulling him toward sleep. For a moment, he allowed himself to believe the calm was real. That perhaps tonight would pass without interruption.
The illusion shattered.
A faint sound reached him from somewhere behind his back.
It was subtle at first, little more than a quiet disturbance in the silence, yet unmistakably wrong. Atsushi’s eyes snapped open, his body reacting before his mind could catch up. He pushed himself upright in a sudden motion, breath hitching as his gaze swept across the dimly lit room.
Shadows clung to the corners. The furniture remained exactly where it should have been. Nothing moved.
Nothing stood there.
For several long seconds he remained frozen in place, shoulders tense, every sense straining against the silence as though expecting the darkness itself to shift. When nothing happened, a slow breath escaped him, thin and unsteady.
“Just leave me alone… please.”
The words barely existed beyond a whisper, fragile enough to disappear into the quiet the moment they left his lips.
The sound returned.
Except it was no longer merely a sound.
It slid beneath his awareness like a splinter beneath skin, too close, as though the voice did not belong to the room at all but had instead taken shape somewhere inside his own skull. Atsushi squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in trembling hands, trying to force the sensation away, trying to ground himself in something real before the familiar dread could tighten fully around his chest.
It didn’t work.
When he finally lifted his head again, the figure was already standing there.
Watching.
A slow, cruel smile stretched across the man’s face, the same expression Atsushi had seen far too many times before.
His throat tightened painfully.
“What do you want from me?” The question came out unsteady despite the effort he made to keep his voice quiet. Kyouka was asleep in the next room. The last thing he wanted was to wake her. “Just leave me alone.”
The man’s smile deepened, amusement flickering across his expression as though Atsushi’s plea had been nothing more than a mildly entertaining joke.
“Oh.Why don’t you look behind you?”
The words were spoken almost lightly, but the mockery within them struck deeper than any raised voice could have. Atsushi felt his breath falter, something cold tightening around his throat as the old, familiar dread began creeping up his spine.
“I won’t do it again,” he whispered hoarsely.
The promise sounded hollow even to his own ears.
His body moved anyway.
“....”
The thought never finished forming.
“Huh..?"
Atsushi jerked violently as a sharp, frantic sound tore through the room, dragging him back to awareness and consciousness with brutal suddenness. Loud, desperate meowing echoed beside him, the kitten’s small body pressing anxiously against his side as though trying to force him awake.
For a moment his mind refused to cooperate. The room swam in and out of focus while his breathing struggled to steady itself, each inhale heavy, his eyelids sluggish as if lifting them required far more effort than it should have.
Then the pain registered.
A sharp sting ran across his arms.
His gaze dropped instinctively.
…Shit.
The metal bar slipped from his grip the moment he became aware of it, clattering loudly against the floor as though the sudden contact had burned him.
“Ouch…”
The word escaped in a quiet exhale while his hands continued trembling uncontrollably. His skin felt cold despite the warmth of the room, the lingering haze of the hallucination refusing to fully release its hold on his senses.
Outside the window, snow continued to fall peacefully.
Atsushi swallowed hard as reality settled into place around him.
His bed was stained with blood. **
A tired, almost disbelieving sigh escaped him.
Cleaning this was going to be incredibly annoying.
More than that, the familiar heaviness pressed down on his chest again, a quiet frustration that had begun appearing far too often lately.
When would this stop?
When would he finally be able to keep himself under control?
When would—
The shrill ringing of his phone shattered the silence.
Atsushi flinched hard enough that the kitten startled beside him.
“Where—?”
Still disoriented, he reached blindly across the mattress until his fingers finally brushed against the device. When he turned it over, the name glowing on the screen made him pause completely.
Ryuunosuke. **
“…Seriously?” he muttered under his breath, exhaustion mixing with disbelief. “This is the worst timing you’ve ever had, Akutagawa.”
His blood-slick fingers betrayed him before he could answer properly. The phone slipped from his grasp, striking the mattress and immediately ending the call.
Atsushi stared at it for a second.
“Of course,” he sighed quietly. “Everything is being difficult tonight.”
He grabbed a handful of tissues from the nearby table and wiped the blood from his hands as quickly as he could. The phone began ringing again before he finished.
This time he answered immediately.
“Akutagawa?” Atsushi forced a mild irritation into his tone, pressing the phone to his ear. “Why are you calling this late?”
“I could ask why you rejected the call.”
Akutagawa’s voice carried its usual cool composure, the faint sharpness of suspicion barely hidden beneath it.
“I was asleep,” Atsushi replied, shifting the phone slightly as he leaned back against the bed frame. “It slipped. What do you need?”
“Dazai-san asked me to check on you,” Akutagawa said. “You were not responding to his calls.”
Atsushi stiffened instantly.
“Eh?! He called me?”
His eyes darted toward the clock.
The realization hit almost immediately.
Two and a half hours.
That was how long he had been in that stupid episode.
"uhm.."
“…Tell him I’m fine,” Atsushi said quickly, trying to keep his voice steady. “I was sleeping deeply.” The kitten stretched across his lap at that exact moment, letting out a soft meow before placing one tiny paw against his arm as though inspecting the earlier blood.
“What was that?” Akutagawa asked.
“A cat,” Atsushi replied with a quiet sigh, absently running his fingers through the small creature’s fur.
-“You bring home every stray you encounter?”
Despite everything, a faint smile tugged at the corner of Atsushi’s mouth.
-“Of course not. She broke into the agency and scratched the president’s assistant, so I decided to bring her with me.”
-“You treat cats like valuable possessions.”
-“They are."
The line fell quiet for a moment.
Then Akutagawa spoke again.
“…Your voice sounds unusual.”
Atsushi froze, only for a second.
“What do you mean?” he replied quickly. “I just woke up. Of course I sound different.”
Silence lingered between them.
Finally, Akutagawa exhaled quietly.
“Hm. Then return to sleep. I will inform Dazai-san.”
“…Okay.”
Another brief pause passed between them.
“…Good night.”
Atsushi ended the call before the conversation could stretch any further.
He let the phone fall carelessly onto the nearby cushion before slowly standing up. The kitten followed him with quiet curiosity, watching each movement with wide eyes.
“Sorry,” he murmured softly, crouching down beside her. “I pet you while my hands were dirty. I’ll clean you properly.” he smiled weakly at the creature, such a small, harmless little kitten.
After washing the blood away beneath warm water and dealing with the shallow cuts on his arms, Atsushi eventually returned to the bedroom, pausing briefly when another quiet meow echoed from the hallway.
“…Right,” he said quietly. “I forgot about you.”
When he called for her, the kitten trotted toward him without hesitation.
Atsushi’s expression softened.
“You need a name,” he murmured thoughtfully while lifting her into his arms. he carried her back to the bathroom, carefully cleaning the faint stain from her fur. Rather than exposing her immediately to running water, he dampened his hands first and slowly brushed them over her paws and head, allowing her to grow accustomed to the sensation.
Minute by minute, she relaxed.
Eventually, the fear faded completely, allowing him to wash her properly.
By the time he returned to bed, the apartment had grown quiet again. Lying back against the mattress, he stared up at the ceiling while the kitten lied down comfortably beside him.
His thoughts drifted back to the phone call.
Akutagawa’s voice had always carried a strange steadiness.
And sometimes, much to Atsushi’s annoyance, he found himself wishing the conversation had lasted just a little longer.
He wrapped the blankets around him, curling in his bed as a sense of comfort washed over his muscles, His eyelashes feels heavy, he closed his eyes, giving up to sleep.