Archive of Our Own

What. What was this?

It was a simple message, written neatly on a piece of lined paper from one of their Kokuyo school notebooks, but the message had Kirigiri, nationally renowned master detective, positively stumped.

Kirigiri-san,

Something came up, and what we planned today would have to wait.

I'll make it up to you later, I promise.

But if you wish to find me, I'll be with the fishman, doing what they normally do. You of all people would know how they work.

Love, Naegi.

The bizarre message covered less than a quarter of the entire page, and she turned it around, looking for any signs of invisible ink. Nothing. Kirigiri looked through the words, searching for any signs that he'd written it under duress. Nothing. She tried calling him only to discover his number was unavailable.

A little worried now, she went back to his text the night before.

[Naegi - 20:30] Hey, Kirigiri-san, can we meet up after lunch tomorrow in class? I know after our morning classes we're free to work on our own talents as long as it's on campus, but before you go do your detective work, there's something I'd like to tell you.

She put a gloved hand to her chin, thinking about the entire day's events. Naegi, along with the other students, had arrived on time for class earlier this morning. He sat with the other boys during lunch, ate exceptionally quickly, and left without another word. They had not exchanged a single word since classes began, although she did notice Naegi being especially jumpy all day, smiling to himself when he imagined himself out of sight. Perhaps he was simply excited for their meeting that afternoon. But why would Naegi go out of his way to avoid her all morning? If he was excited for it, where was he now?

In the company of the fishman, the letter had said.

... but that simply doesn't make any sense.

Kirigiri took a moment to collect herself. Emotions would bring me nowhere in solving the case. Wherever he was, Naegi had left instructions on how to find him... even if the instructions were a little vague, but it couldn't be helped. For starters, there was the small matter of finding the fishman. From the way the letter was phrased, it clearly was a nickname for somebody. An odd one, that's for sure. And yet...

Kirigiri paused, staring at the letter again.

And yet Naegi never creates nicknames for others, Kirigiri remembered with a start. 'Fishman' must be a nickname, an inside joke, somebody within his circle of friends must have coined for somebody else, until even Naegi adopted it.

The problem was, Naegi had achieved the impressive feat of being friends with nearly everybody... her deduction had hardly narrowed down her list of potential suspects.

Which only left one option: she'd have to ask around.

At this point, Kirigiri almost lamented the fact she wasn't as close to the rest of class as Naegi would've liked her to be. Conversing with others was exhausting, mentally draining, and they'd only get in the way of her work.

Still, if it was for Naegi-kun...

Resigning herself to a long afternoon, Kirigiri exited the empty classroom, letter in hand.

-

Kirigiri found Maizono Sayaka in the music hall, practicing her new single. Knowing that Naegi and Sayaka spent a great deal of time together in their day-to-day activities, she reasoned that the ultimate idol must have some idea where Naegi had gone, or who the 'fishman' referred to.

"Maizono-san." Her voice cut through the air like a knife.

"Ah! Kirigiri-san!" Sayaka looked up from her song sheets, flashing a brilliant smile, one undoubtedly perfected from years of practice. "How may I help you?"

Kirigiri got straight to the point. "There's something I'd like to ask you about Naegi-kun, and I'd appreciate if you answer me frankly."

For the smallest fraction of a second Kirigiri thought she saw her smile droop slightly.

"N-Naegi-kun?" Sayaka recovered, "What about him?"

"Pardon me, but I've noticed you've been spending a lot of time with him everyday."

Sayaka did not bother hiding it this time, and looked guiltily away.

"I see... I expected this conversation sooner or later. But I won't back down," she adds, looking determined, "I'll answer you as I see fit."

Kirigiri nodded. As expected, her instincts were right that Sayaka must have something to do with it. Dropping all pretense, the detective cleared her throat.

"Are you the fishman?"

The idol blinked. "Pardon?"

"Are you the fishman?"

A little confused, she smiled politely, searching Kirigiri's face for any indication that it was a joke.

"N-no." She finally replies, nonplussed. "Why do you ask?"

"Do you know who the fishman is?"

"What is the fishman?"

"It's none of your business." The detective nods, satisfied by her answers. "You need not trouble yourself further."

"W-wait. I thought this was about Naegi-kun."

Kirigiri paused, a foot already out the door.

"I don't suppose you know where he is?" She finally asks.

"I'm sorry, but he never told me." The idol shrugged, "Naegi-kun simply said he was busy with something and left without another word."

"... I see."

And just like that, Kirigiri left the music hall, leaving the Ultimate Idol very much confused and a little unsettled.

-

Kirigiri found him with the ultimate cook, both chewing on pizza garnished with a large quantity of fresh herbs.

"Hagakure, are you the fishman?"

"Fish?" The fortune teller was in a daze, sipping lazily from a tea cup. "Fishes are in the sea, Kirigiri-chi. There's one right there! Look!"

Hanamura cackled, rolling around in his seat as he helped himself to another slice.

"Do you know who or what the fishman is?"

"Fishman!" Hanamura stood up suddenly. "Fishman's a great source of Omega-3."

The two burst into laughter, and any further questions from the detective were similarly ignored or not answered at all. Her eyes fell to the bag of herbs Hagakure kept in his lap.

"...I see."

The detective left the kitchen, making a mental note to tipoff Kizakura sometime in the foreseeable future.

-

"Togami, a word."

"Really? From you?" The heir scoffed, offering her the seat in front of him. "I will admit, I am intrigued. To what do I owe you this rare pleasure?"

Without hesitation, she asked "Are you the fishman?"

"Fish-" Togami's eyes twitched. "Excuse me?"

Kirigiri sighed. "Apparently not. Sorry for disturbing you-"

"Just a minute," Togami interrupted, "what exactly do you mean by asking me that?"

"... well if you must know, it's a nickname Naegi-kun uses to refer to somebody."

"Naegi?" Togami sputtered. "And why would you think he would refer to me?"

Kirigiri considered his question.

"Well, in the first place, I think you'd agree that 'fishman' isn't a very nice name to deign somebody with."

"Get to the point."

"And yet Naegi seems to use it to refer to... somebody."

"And just why would you think he might be referring to me, may I ask?"

Kirigiri pursed his lips.

"Maybe you're not as well-liked as you think you are."

Togami's eyes widened.

"Are you suggesting Naegi holds me in contempt?" He spat.

"Maybe, but I don't think he referred to you. You haven't, by any chance, seen him this afternoon, have you?"

"No. I would have told him to do something for me if I did... but who is this... fishman he referred to, if not me?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out. But why the sudden interest?"

"Nothing at all." Togami stood up, hurriedly finishing the rest of his coffee. "I am merely curious of the identity of this unfortunate soul who merited such a name from Naegi of all people."

"... you really are worried it's you, aren't you?"

"Shut. Up."

-

"Fukawa-san, are you the fishman?"

"WHAT did you j-just call me?!"

"Do you know who the fishman is?"

Evidently not. Kirigiri hurriedly exited her study before the author could yell at her further.

-

"Aniki," Ishimaru whispered conspiratorially, bending over so he could hear him, "are you the fishman?"

"What?" Oowada whirled around, wrench in hand, "What's all this about fishmen?"

"Well don't spread this around," Ishimaru scanned the room nervously, "but apparently Naegi is with somebody he calls the 'fishman'. From what Togami described, apparently it's somebody he doesn't like."

A vein started pulsing in the biker's temple.

"That little shit called me a fishman?" His voice went deathly quiet.

"W-well, nothing's for sure as of yet, Oowada-Kun!" The moral compass stammered, waving his hands wildly. "That's why I've been trying to find him, to sort out this little misunderstanding before it blows out of proportion, and have him tell us who the fishman is-"

"So that little bugger doesn't like me?" Oowada tapped the wrench threateningly, "After I told him all about myself?"

"N-Nobody said that!" Ishimaru squeaked. "We don't know WHO he's talking about, everything is just assumptions as of now-"

"I'm going to have a word with that little shit!"

"Oowada-Kun, WAIT!"

-

"Of course I know who the fishman is."

Kirigiri blinked. "You do?"

Hiyoko Saionji gave a smug little smile. "Yep! I'll tell you if you get me a packet of gummy bears."

The ultimate detective wasn't amused in the slightest. "I don't have a packet of gummy bears."

"Well that's too bad." She laughed. "Fishman~ Fishman~ it's so obvious once you give it a little thought. There's only one person he could possibly refer to in this school as a fishman! But I'm not telling, suck it!"

"... you're bluffing." She decided after a moment. "Naegi isn't the kind of person that would consort with you on a daily basis."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Saionji stomped her foot angrily. "Naegi would talk to a Christmas tree if they could listen to him prattle on and on about hope and friendship."

"... I would have suspected that you're the fishman, given the way you act," Kirigiri muttered, "but you haven't seen him all day... pity."

And she left the traditional dancer to her own devices, shrieking in rage.

-

"Togami!" Asahina looked surprised, removing her goggles as she got to the ledge of the pool, "Care for a swim?"

"I have my own pool," Togami sneered, "why would I swim in this one plebeians muck around in?"

"Well maybe you suddenly decided you'd like to make friends," she replied testily, "but that doesn't seem the case. Go away."

"Just a minute. I have something to ask." He pushed his glasses further up, frowning. "Are you the fishman?"

"... You mean, am I good at swimming? Of course I am!" She beamed. "I don't know whether you've noticed, spending all those days in that pavilion of yours drinking coffee, but I happen to be the Ultimate Swimmer-"

"I know that, dolt!" Togami gritted his teeth, "But has Naegi ever referred to you as a fishman because of it?"

"Fishman?" Asahina looked rather crestfallen, resting her head on the ledge. "Isn't that rather crude? If he did call me that, tell him I'd rather be a mermaid! Like Ariel with her pretty red hair..."

"I don't have time for this." The heir shook his head, "it seems you're useless. I don't know why I bothered finding you in the first place. Goodbye."

SPLASH

Togami sputtered, suddenly soaking wet.

"That's for calling me useless." Asahina muttered, arms poised to drench him again.

"Y-You dolt!" The heir screeched, "This is Savile Row!" He kicked the puddle of water towards her face in retaliation, doing it twice before realizing that she was already wet.

"Charming." Asahina stuck out her tongue. "If you'd like, you can try jumping in, but you'd never catch me."

"... I'll remember this, Fishman." Seething, sopping wet, Togami stalked out of the poolside area.

Shrugging, she returned to the pool, making a mental note to tell Naegi to refer to her as a mermaid should the opportunity arises.

-

"Do I know who the fishman is?" Celestia Ludenberg sipped her tea, smiling coyly. "What an odd question. What if I did?"

Kirigiri rubbed her temple, feeling a headache beginning to bloom.

"Celestia, I simply do not have time for mind games." She told her bluntly. "Do you know who the fishman is or not?"

"How would I know?" Celestia dropped all pretense, setting down her tea cup with a gentle clatter. "Although, if I may make a suggestion, that rotund pig that occasionally serves me does remind me from time to time as an oversized mola-mola fish."

... Yamada, Kirigiri considered it. Well, why not? Kirigiri found it unlikely Naegi would give him such a moniker for that alone; he wasn't so insensitive, was he? Still, it was worth looking into, and thanking Celestia politely, she set off in search of the manga artist.

"OI! Kirigiri!"

She turned around, facing Oowada and Ishimaru both. "Yes?"

"Do you know where's that little shit-"

"Aniki!"

"Do you know where's Naegi?"

Kirigiri studied the biker, taking note of the wrench he gripped tightly in one hand.

"... I'm afraid I'm trying to answer that question myself, with fruitless results."

"Tch." Oowada growled, rolling up his sleeves further. "Do you know who's the fishman he's referring to?"

"... apparently Saionji of the 77th class knows, ask her."

"With pleasure!" Smiling maliciously, the biker set off, ultimate moral compass trailing behind nervously. She watched the video two leave blankly.

Too bad, Saionji-san, I don't think those two would have any gummy bears.

Nodding to herself, Kirigiri made her way to the artist's studio.

-

"Tanaka-san, are you the fishman?"

The animal breeder laughed. "Of course I am."

"Ehhh?" Sonia Nevermind's eyes grew to the size of saucers. "You are?"

"I am beyond a mere fishman, Sonia-san." Gundam gestured dramatically. "People have given me many names in the centuries I've roamed this hellish land: Beast Tamer, the human falcon, Batman, I am bound to no single species of animal, and that includes the peons living under Poseidon's rule! Yes, I admit it, I am the Fishman."

"As expected of Tanaka-san!" Sonia Nevermind beamed. "I see now, Naegi-kun never meant any ill will at all!"

"Naegi?" Tanaka frowned, "He bore me ill will?"

"I'm sure Togami must have misunderstood," Sonia reasoned, "Naegi-kun isn't the type of person to call people names... evidently, he was referring to you! The misunderstanding's solved!"

"I-I see..." Tanaka muttered, slightly put off. "But of all my monikers, why the fishman?"

"Tanaka-san?"

"I have long declared only to be called Gundam Tanaka, all other names do not recognize my true ability!" He shrieked. "Naegi Makoto, upon this blood I swear, you shall learn the significance of my name once and for all!"

-

"Unhand me, you rotten batch of fish sticks! What the hell do you want?"

"Answers." Oowada snarled. "Kirigiri told us you were bragging about knowing who the fishman was. Talk."

"Why should I?" Saionji pouted, looking for a way out of this situation, "if you're going to hit me, I'll tell Koizumi!"

"She won't make it hurt any less."

The traditional dancer glanced metronomically from Ishimaru to Oowada, whimpering.

"F-fine! I'll tell you! It's that pig bitch, Tsumiki!"

"The nurse?" Oowada frowned, confused. "Why would it be her of all people?"

"I've always told her her breath stinks like rotting fish." She sneered. "Maybe Naegi finally saw the light!"

There was but a beat of silence.

"That Bastard!!!" Oowada screamed. "It's one thing to insult a man, it's a whole different ball sack to insult a woman!"

"Calm down, Aniki, I'm finding this very hard to believe-"

"I'm having a word or two with that misogynistic piece of shit!"

-

The headache was getting worse.

"I don't suppose you know who the fishman is?"

Daisuke looked up from the crop of potatoes he was harvesting.

"A man with red fish needs no seasoning!"

Kirigiri didn't bother asking him anything else.

-

"Hey, Sakura-Chan, are you the fishman?"

The ultimate martial artist looked at Asahina quizzically. "Fishman?"

"Well, Togami was being himself as usual, and he mentioned Naegi calling somebody a fishman. He thought it was me, for some reason that I'm good at swimming. Has Naegi ever called you that in person?"

Oogami frowned, the set of weights lifted up to her waist. "No... I don't think he ever called me Ogre, to be honest. He's much too polite to call anybody names."

"As expected of Naegi-kun!" Asahina exhaled, relieved as she plopped down from the pull up machine. "But Togami was pretty adamant Naegi called somebody that, though..."

"Togami reads too much into things." She grunts, setting the weights down with a clunk. "'Tis not good to mindlessly spread rumors about one another. Give the matter a rest."

"... That's right!" Asahina pumped her fists. "Now that that's settled, let's go for some donuts, shall we?"

"Perhaps after a few more sets, Asahina-san." Grunting with effort, she lifted the weights towards her neck once more.

Fishman... Oogami mused, Even 'Ogre' sounds better in comparison.

Perhaps I should have a word with him after this.

-

"Naegi-kun is going around calling someone a fishman?"

"That's right!" Enoshima opened her tote bag, picking out a variety of sunglasses. "And everyone's going crazy finding out who he's referring to! Maizono even asked me whether I knew who the fishman was. It's so funny I think I'm going to cry... not! Why can't they figure these things out themselves?"

Ikusaba watched as her sister open box after box of shades. "So..." she murmured tentatively, "Junko-chan, you do know who he's referring to?"

"Is that a question? GOD!" She slammed her shades on, grinning wildly. "Enoshima Junko, part-time terrorist, part-time model, full-time gossip queen! It's so obvious who it is, onee-chan!"

"Alright..." Ikusaba feigned disinterest. "Who?"

"You, of course!"

Mukuro Ikusaba froze.

"R-really..."

"Like Hell I'd know!" Junko screamed, "why would I care about what that man with a broken boner for a hairstyle's thinking anyway? Could be you, could be that gaylord of a boxer, could be Sandara Park for all I care! And I don't! So there!"

As her sister ranted, Ikusaba couldn't help but feel a twinge of curiosity. Despite what her sister said, it was true that calling others names was something Naegi generally didn't do. So for him to describe someone... as a fish man...

Am I the fishman?

"Junko-chan, I could investigate-"

"So you can find out whether it's your fishy ass Naegi-Chan's referring to?" She muttered dryly.

"... yes."

"Go on then!" Junko waved her off, grinning. "It's not like I'm your mom or anything, God forbid! And don't come back until you find out who's the fishman!"

-

"So you also want to know where that little shit is, huh?"

"That's right." Kuzuryuu nodded, a permanent scowl etched on his face. "I've been hearing all sorts of rumors about fishmen, and it's starting to seriously get on my nerves."

"Join the club, buddy." Oowada nodded, wrench still in hand. "Come on, let's find that bugger and have him apologize to the fishman."

"Sounds like a plan." Together the two walked down the hallway in quick strides, much to the curiosity of the students around him.

"I gotta say," Oowada cracked his knuckles, "I'm looking forward to making him apologize to Tsumiki."

"Tsumiki?" Kuzuryuu stopped in his track. "What's Tsumiki to do with this?"

"She's the fishman, of course!"

"Wait, that can't be true." The gangster shook his head. "I've asked an inside source, apparently the fishman referred to Peko- I mean, Pekoyama."

Oowada squinted his eyes. "And who is this... inside source you have?"

"The gambler, Celestia Ludenberg."

"Dude, were you born yesterday or something? She's the queen of liars, dipshit!"

"Well excuse me for not knowing what goes on in that little class of yours." Kuzuryuu snapped. "I haven't heard your reason for thinking it's Tsumiki-san."

"Saionji told us Naegi thought her breath stank like rotting fish."

"Now that's bullshit!" Kuzuryuu screamed. "The only person who treats Tsumiki like crap as far as I know is Saionji, I haven't ever seen anyone else try."

"Well then, now what?" Oowada crossed his arms. "Who the fuck's the fishman?"

"Me, that's who!" A voice boomed across the hall. As the two turned, very much confused, Tanaka strode towards them with an air of supreme confidence. "I was called many names before, yes, I admit it, even by those mortals that grouped together by the playground, the name was mine for a period of time, but no longer!" Tanaka clutched his scarf imperiously. "For now, after crossing the many vicissitudes of fate, I am reborn as Gundam Tanaka! No other moniker is adequate, it shall be known!"

Silence, thy wretched whore, descended over the three men.

"... So," Oowada addressed Kuzuryuu again, "who else haven't we considered?"

"We could always approach it from another angle." Kuzuryuu scratched his head, "Fishes are good at swimming, right? Isn't there an ultimate swimmer in your class we could ask-"

"Fools! You are mistaken!" Tanaka growled, forcing the two to pay attention again, "Despite what the name implies, I do not care for entering Poseidon's realm-"

"Fuck's sake, Tanaka," Kuzuryuu groaned, "you're not the fishman!"

"Prove that I am not!"

"How the fuck do I even-" the Yakuza head took several deep breaths, calming himself, "we can't prove it without Naegi around."

"Then where the fuck is that little bugger?"

"Pardon me," a new voice entered the fray, "but have you seen Tsumiki-san? Somebody told me she's the fishman-"

"Hanamura, I don't know where you've been all day, but that's yesterday's news, and yesterday's news is wrong! Have you seen Naegi, by the way?"

"N-no..." the cook flushed scarlet, "but if it's a boy you want, I suppose I could-"

"Shut it." He snapped, turning back to Oowada. "When's the last time you saw him?"

"Lunchtime, I guess?"

"He never said where he's going? Where does he normally go?"

"With Sayaka, of course." Oowada nods. "They're best buds."

There was but a ping of silence ricocheting throughout the corridor.

"Why the fuck didn't you say that sooner, then?! Let's go!"

"Sayaka's the fishman?" Hanamura wolf-whistled. "How unexpected..."

"W-wait, just because the two are together doesn't mean she's the fishman-"

"Sayaka-chan and Naegi-chan are together?" Asahina barreled into the conversation eagerly. "Well I'll be, always thought they were just friends!"

"No no no," Flustered, Oowada raised his voice, "I don't know whether they're together or not, I just said they hang out often, that's all."

"I wonder what's the bigger scandal," Hanamura mused, "the ultimate idol in preferred company of another boy, or the ultimate idol being the fishman."

"Sayaka-chan's the fishman? No, no," Asahina piped up, "Sakura-chan was just saying Naegi-chan might have called her that, thinking it's better than her 'ogre' nickname."

...

"Pity..." Tanaka finally rejoined the conversation, "'Ogre' is a fearsome moniker to possess."

"Far better than fishman." Oowada agreed.

"I see you all are in agreement."

Oogami towered over the four, frowning. "Have any of you seen Naegi-kun?"

"W-well," Kuzuryuu dropped his voice to a respectable volume, "we were just saying that normally he'd be with Maizono-"

"He's not." Kuwata sidled in, baseball bat in hand. "I asked Sayaka already."

"Why are you here?!"

"Togami implied Naegi might have called me a fishman, whatever that means."

"You too?!" They chorused.

"How many fishmen are there in the first place?" Oogami wondered.

"Too many to count." Celestia had joined the fray, smiling coyly. "All sorts of people are calling themselves fishmen these days."

"I don't even want to know," Oowada ran a hand over his face, grimacing, "why are you here?"

"This fishman matter has intrigued me." She giggled, covering her face with a powdered hand. "I also would like to know who he or she is."

"You imbeciles," Togami scoffed, to the bewilderment of all that had gathered, "there is only one fishman, the rest are attention-seeking, insecure bashi-bazouks who have nothing better to do in life!"

"Do you know who the fishman is?"

"Well, I've just returned from a delightful conversation with Chiaki Nanami, who managed to convince me she knew what the fishman was, returning with a Dreamcast game made in the early 2000s, called 'Seaman'." He pinched the area between his eyes in annoyance. "The amount of distractions in this case is STAGGERING."

"I don't know about Seaman, but I do know about fishman island!" Yamada waddled over, clearly wanting to get in on a part of the action. "Naegi-dono might have been watching too many episodes of One Piece lately."

"And how is this relevant at all?" Asahina frowned.

"I don't know," Yamada admitted, deflating slightly, "all of you were talking about fishmen and I wanted to chip in."

"I don't know about Fishman," Hagakure arrived, looking slightly bleary-eyed, "but I know for a fact that everyone around here calls me W-"

"Silence." Tanaka boomed. "This is getting nowhere!"

"Really?" Celestia smirked. "I find this all rather amusing, to be honest."

"S-so..." Tsumiki nervously looked around, wringing her hands, "Am I the f-fishman or not?"

"NO!" Oowada screamed, losing his temper. "Go away!"

Bursting into tears and endless apologies, Tsumiki shuffled off.

"Aniki!" Ishimaru popped up out of nowhere. "Apologize to her at once!"

"It was an accident! Plus it's not like I said she was the fishman."

"Tsumiki-san's the fishman?" Asahina gaped.

"No," Kuzuryuu's head was spinning, "that's just-"

"What's all this about fishmen?" Komaeda asked politely.

"I can't-"

"I still haven't gotten my gummy bears!"

"I still think I'm the fishman-"

"SHUT UP, TANAKA, FISHMAN MY FOOT!"

And thus the crowd descended into a cacophonous argument, one that started and ended neither here nor there, an argument without reason or sense with threats and endless claims of being the fishmen.

From the end of the hallway, Kirigiri took one look at the crowd and hurried away, shaking her head.

After, when all was said and done, there was a shared exhausted silence between them all.

"If I may interject..." a new voice murmured.

"Who is it this time?!" Kuwata groaned, looking around for the new challenger that entered the ring. "Don't be shy, we've heard from lots of fishmen today..."

From where she hung in the ceiling, Mukuro Ikusaba cleared her throat. In unison, everyone turned to look up, varying degrees of shock on their faces. "I have a suggestion."

"First of all," Kuzuryuu interrupted, eyes twitching, "how long were you up there?"

"Since you and Oowada-kun said you knew who the fishman was." She replied nonchalantly. "I was planning to follow you two, until..." Ikusaba gestured with a free hand to the crowd that had gathered.

"Your strength is impressive as always." Oogami mused.

"So she's a girl that likes to be on top, huh." Hanamura nodded. "I like her already."

"Did Junko-chan send you?" Asahina asked.

"No. I'm doing this out of my own interest."

Tanaka cleared his throat. "And what is your suggestion?"

Ikusaba's plan was simple. "We find Naegi-kun."

"We're trying to, can't you see?" Hagakure yawned.

"It seems to me as if all of you are just talking, though. If you want answers, find him."

"Tch." Togami nodded. "She's right. Let's split up. Find Naegi and then we'll find out who the fishman is once and for all."

And with that, the crowd parted.

-

Kirigiri walked into an empty classroom and sank into the nearest seat, completely, utterly, mentally drained.

The investigation was getting nowhere.

What had started as a simple enquiry had, over the course of 3 hours, turned into a massive rumor mill, with students junior and senior alike asking each other who was the fishman, pointing fingers until the entire thing became a hot mess. Kuzuryuu, flanked by the impassive swordsman, demanded to know where Naegi was so he could give him a piece of his mind. Oowada was flinging open every door in sight, screaming for Naegi to show himself and admit his guilt. And as if it wasn't enough, multiple candidates had stepped forward, claiming to be the fishman Naegi mentioned: Tanaka, Tsumiki, Komaeda, but all of them for various reasons simply did not fit the mark; none had seen Naegi for the entire afternoon. It was as if Naegi had pulled a Houdini and vanished without a trace.

Calm down, she told herself, surely he's here somewhere. Surely he would have noticed the school in something akin to an uproar due to his comments about fishmen.

In spite of herself, Kirigiri had to smile. If the situation wasn't so serious, she had to hand it to Naegi, he was doing an exceptionally good job at hiding himself. A look at the window outside was enough to notify the detective that Togami had summoned his own footmen to find Naegi and the fishman.

But the entire thing was becoming a wild goose chase...

Kirigiri frowned.

A wild goose chase...

Heart racing, she looked at the letter again.

Kirigiri-san,

Something came up, and what we planned today would have to wait.

I'll make it up to you later, I promise.

But if you wish to find me, I'll be with the fishman, doing what they normally do. You of all people would know how they work.

Love, Naegi.

You of all people would know how they work.

Kirigiri brought her hand to her chin, studying the words closely. What on earth did fish and detective work have in common?

A wild goose chase, a wild goose chase, a wild fishman chase, geese ate fish, fishermen catch fish, "A man with red fish needs no seasoning!", seasoning, weed- Kirigiri was getting lost - red fish, fishermen with red fish, detectives with red fishes, detectives with red fishes that needed no seasoning, detectives with red fishes on a wild goose chase-

Kirigiri's eyes widened. Like a clap of thunder, the truth had dawned on her.

It was so simple. So simple. The answer was there all along.

She knew who the fishman was, and where Naegi would be.

-

Naegi peered at his watch nervously.

It had been 3 hours since he left the card on her table he was sitting at, and he was beginning to get worried now. He could hear shouting and clamoring outside, all asking who exactly was the fishman.

This little surprise had gone out of hand.

He sighed, looking at the card he prepared, looking at their home room he decorated with streamers and balloons, wondering if he'd have to take them down without them seeing the light of day.

But she's a detective, Naegi hoped, surely she'd see it through-

CLICK CLACK

Naegi flinched; someone was attempting to enter the locked door. Heart in his mouth, Naegi crept to the door, listening closely.

And then he heard it:

"Naegi-kun, I know you're in there. The game is up."

Naegi could hardly suppress a smile.

She did it!

Sheepishly, Naegi unlocked the door, beaming as he watched Kirigiri walk in.

"Could you lock the door please?"

Kirigiri took one long look at Naegi, at the streamers, at the balloons, at the little box on the table.

Finally, she takes two quick strides and locks the door in place.

She looked at him quizzically. "... Explain."

"W-well, I guess you could call it," Naegi lifted the box, revealing a lovely square cut of tiramisu, "your BIRTHDAY SURPRISE! Happy Birthday!"

Kirigiri stared and stared. The footfalls of students could be heard clearly outside.

Naegi's hands trembled slightly. He had expected a little more surprise, even in Kirigiri's standards.

"...I don't recall ever telling you when's my birthday." She finally murmured.

"A-ah." Naegi looked away guiltily. "I had to ask Kizakura-sensei. Sorry."

For the first time that day, she laughs, and Naegi's heart lifted ever so slightly.

"... I am very touched, Naegi-kun." A smile, the largest he'd ever seen on Kirigiri, was blooming without restraint.

"So..." Naegi stammered, "You like it?"

"Well..." the smile vanished, "I'd like it a lot more if you didn't send me off on a wild goose chase... there is no fishman, is there?"

"Actually," a trace of a mischievous smile is on his lips, "the fishman does exist. I've been reading those detective novels you've lent me, and there were so many fishmen!"

Kirigiri frowned, thinking hard.

"Is the fishman... a red herring?"

Naegi beamed with pride. "That's it! Kirigiri-san, you've solved it! You've solved my mystery!"

"... it was less of a mystery and more of a brain teaser." She mutters, though she can't resist a smile. "A real mystery would have more clues lying about."

"I did leave one, though." Naegi offered. "Bandai Daisuke, the farmer. Red fishes don't need seasoning-"

"...because they don't exist." She finished. "I admit, I thought it was nonsense when he first told me... but after a while some things started falling in place too well." Kirigiri took out the letter, holding it up. "In detective novels, red herrings exist to confuse the reader, offering more than one possibility as to who the murderer was. Oftentimes, the prime suspect turns out to be a red herring, and the real murderer is someone you didn't expect until a new clue reveals itself."

Naegi nodded, motioning for her to continue.

"So when I was in here reading your letter, you were hiding in..."

"The supply closet!"

Kirigiri blinked. "I'm surprised you managed to fit in with all the cleaning materials inside."

"Well, I won't deny it was a tight fit." He laughed nervously.

"And of course, I wouldn't think of checking the closet... and set off looking for a fish that doesn't exist. Meanwhile, you set up these..." Kirigiri plucked a purple balloon from the ceiling, "...decorations, locking the door hoping I'd come back-"

"And you did!" Naegi grinned from ear to ear. "Congratulations! You solved my birthday mystery."

"It wasn't much..." Kirigiri sighed. His enthusiasm was as infectious as ever. Nevertheless, she forced herself to glare at him. "Truth be told, I'm surprised I took this long." She said accusingly. "If I didn't trust you, I might have searched the room for where you were hiding. I might not even have bothered looking for you at all."

"T-that's..." the conversation had unexpectedly taken a dark turn, and he flinched under her piercing gaze. "I-I'm sorry, I just thought you would like a mystery to solve on your birthday. I shouldn't have assumed-"

"Makoto. It's alright."

He looked up, surprised.

"Of course I trust you." She muttered matter-of-factly. "And so long as you don't give me reason not to, I always will."

Naegi was keenly aware his face was as red as the sunset in the distance.

"Never. I will never."

The gaze of her lavender irises softened. "Yes... I know you won't."

She took the cake box and set it on the table. "Why tiramisu, by the way?"

"Well, after a few disastrous experiences with cakes," Naegi pulled a chair over, sitting next to her, "I needed a recipe where ideally, no baking is needed. Tiramisu came to mind. It even has your favorite coffee in it."

"Luwak?"

He nodded. "It's what you always order from the cafeteria."

"... I see." She smiled crookedly, watching as Naegi stuck a single purple candle into the very middle of the dessert. Taking a matchbox, a single strike, the smell of sulphur, and the candle was lit, the little flame dancing here and there. Quietly, he sang her 'Happy Birthday', and told Kirigiri to make a wish. Thinking hard, she blew a gentle breeze, and the flame is extinguished. Naegi clapped wildly, and in spite of herself, she smiles back.

"So..." Kirigiri cut the tiramisu into two equal halves, "what are you going to do when all of this is over?"

"Over?" Naegi blinked.

"Everyone outside is looking for you, demanding to know who the fishman is. Oowada for one, is particularly incensed thinking that you might have been referring to either him or Tsumiki-san, and wouldn't rest until he finds you."

Even in the darkness of the classroom, Kirigiri noticed him blanch.

"Oh no..."

"Oh no indeed." She tore a flap of the cake box, using it as a makeshift plate, and slid his portion towards him. "While you eat, I'd suggest you think of a good explanation, one that doesn't begin with 'it was a simple misunderstanding'."

"K-Kirigiri-san!" Naegi pouted, "It was a misunderstanding."

"Yes, but I doubt at this point it would satisfy them." Kirigiri dips a plastic fork into the creamy mass, examining it. "Incidentally, why didn't you include them on your little plan?"

Naegi hesitated. Kirigiri drummed her fingertips on the tabletop, patiently waiting for his answer.

"... It might be a little selfish, I guess, but I wanted to spend it alone with you."

The directness of his answer surprised her, and she felt her cheeks burn slightly in response.

"... You're too honest, Naegi-kun."

She brings a bite of cake to her mouth. Mascarpone. Marsala. Sponge cake. Lemon zest. A good helping of Luwak coffee. Vanilla essence. Cocoa Powder. All melded into one glorious morsel.

Kirigiri chewed slowly, watching Naegi gaze expectantly for her verdict. She lets him squirm for a little while longer, before smiling and nodding her head in satisfaction. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Don't worry Naegi-kun." She took another bite, munching slowly. "I'll vouch for you should it come to pass. They won't stay angry for long."

"Thank you." He visibly relaxes, helping himself to a bit of the cake. And then Naegi frowned, staring at something on Kirigiri's face.

"Kirigiri-san..."

"What is it?"

Naegi pointed to the right of his lips. "You've got a little bit of cream... there."

"Do I?" She looked unconcerned, gazing at him expectantly. "Won't you help me get it off, please?"

"Of course!" As if it was the most natural thing in the world, Naegi took out a serviette and gently dabbed her chin until the mark vanished. "There, all done."

Kirigiri watched silently as Naegi returned to his cake.

She pursed her lips.

And then, when she was sure he wasn't looking, she took her fork and smeared a dollop of cream next to her lips. And then, coughing once or twice, Kirigiri took another forkful of cake.

"Kirigiri-san," Naegi interrupted, "you've got cream over there again!"

"Did I?" She feigned surprise. "I never realized. Won't you..." As if it wasn't obvious enough, she tilted her face ever so slightly towards his direction, her lips in full view.

"You're just like Komaru." Naegi laughed, taking another serviette and gently dabbing her chin.

Kirigiri's lips curled. There had to be a limit on how oblivious one could be, but Naegi had ignored every single opportunity she gave him.

Disappointed, she watched impassively as Naegi divided a large morsel of tiramisu.

She made up her mind.

"Naegi-kun."

He looked up questioningly.

"You've got crumbs all around your mouth."

"Eh?" His eyes widened, licking his lips. "Ah, damn, sorry-"

He hardly had time to finish before Kirigiri impatiently pulled him close and kissed him.

The fork fell with a tinkling clatter onto the wooden floor. 

Naegi's eyebrows went up. WAY up. Her lips were sticky with remnants of cream, tasting of coffee and vanilla (and no, that wasn't a romantic exaggeration), and Naegi suspected his must taste the same, giving in completely as he tenderly cupped her cheeks.

Nice... he thought numbly, she smells nice...

Finally, they pulled apart, a thin strand of saliva connecting the two, reluctant to break apart.

"It's gone, now." Kirigiri murmurs.

"... Absolutely certain?"

The hopefulness in his voice made her laugh out loud.

"Hey... Naegi-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for going through all this trouble for me." She whispers, smiling contentedly back. "I won't ever forget this."

"You're very welcome." He grins, face flushed. "I'll get you a better mystery next year."

"I'll be prepared by then."

"... We'll see, Kirigiri-san." Naegi promised. "We'll see."

-

private chat with JinKirigiri

KoichiKizakura: Jin.

KoichiKizakura: Jin.

KoichiKizakura: JIN! URGENT, PLZ REPLY.

JinKirigiri: sorry, I was working and didn't see your messages.

JinKirigiri: what is it?

KoichiKizakura: are you the fishman? •.•

JinKirigiri:

JinKirigiri: what.

JinKirigiri: gdi Koichi even for you it's too early to be drinking.

KoichiKizakura: everybody's asking this to one another.

KoichiKizakura: Kyouko-chan included!

KoichiKizakura: do you know who the fishman is? O,o

JinKirigiri is now away

KoichiKizakura: damn it. -.-