Chapter Text
A knock on his door breaks this hall’s silence. After everything I didn’t expect him to open it for me. Only a month has passed since the Cataclysm, a week when the sky broke and every reality threatened to fall into each other. Things have started to return to normal. But my mind just continues to turn back to then, to when we became one for a split second; when I saw how it all started with you, Jun…. As I dozed off, the door creaked open revealing a dark room. I walk in, making sure of where I step. “Jun…? Where are you? I-I want to talk to you.”
“I know…”
I looked around the dark room only to not see anyone, but I knew he was here. “Uh, where exactly are you…?” My eyes land on the vaguely familiar lump under blankets; too still, too neat to be the body of someone who had gotten up not too long ago.
“That’s… not me, only my body.”
Astral projection… “Right, right, I forget you can do that...” I finally close the door behind me and let myself be engulfed by the shadows. “But you still are here, a-and that's all that matters! Even like this…”
Jun scoffed, I could only imagine the look of annoyance and vague pity on his soft face. I'm sure he knows why I’m here, or has an idea. The harshness in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed and I’m sure he hopes I won’t pry. “Get to the point. Why do you want to… talk to me? E-Even after every lie I told came to light? Even after I caused the Cataclysm? Surely you’re here to c-cuss me out, berate me like a-any sensible person would!” just the shake in his voice gave it all away. My heart ached, even now, it hurt to hear how he truly spoke about himself. All the words of praise he used to sing about himself were just an act for the public to see, I wish it would go back to that… not this. Not these sharp words that intended to only cut himself. His voice came from what now seems like endless darkness, moonlight turning her back on this small corner of the vast world. Even if his body lay on the bed, I knew how his body would have moved.
How his arms would curl around his thin body, hair cascading down like a blanket made from himself, turned away for all hands and eyes to look away from what should have been his. “No! Don’t put words into my mouth like that!” I ran my hand through my hair. Talking to him like this wasn’t going to be easy, but there might never be another chance. Before he could continue spiraling my voice cut through the thick silence.”I saw your memories, all of them! …when I held your soul then… I saw it.”
He let out a huff only for silence to follow. I… I really didn’t want to overwhelm him, with how fragile he is— especially now— doing so would cause him to completely shut down. “…what are your questions…?”
Huh? …he was willing to listen to me, even if it was begrudgingly, it was better than being rejected! “Why did you keep everything about yourself hidden from me? I-I thought we were close… I don’t want to stress you any more than you probably are now, but I need to know why!” My voice raised higher than I anticipated, becoming harsher than I wanted it to be but I just couldn’t help it.
Betrayal was a sticky thing. No matter how hard I wanted it gone it stayed and ruined everything it touched. “Because I needed you. You were an unaccounted for variable… something I knew could change the course of this world. So I needed you to want to be around me and not just beg me to take you back home…”
My eyes widened and my breath hitched. Deep down I knew he would say something like this, but it was difficult hearing it. “So you always knew I was from another universe…” How could I not feel a little mad? Years spent in this world, wondering how my friend and family were back at home. Telling Jun how much I missed them, how badly I wanted to celebrate events and go hanging out with them, even just once more!! “So I was just a pawn to you?”
“…a-at first. Yes.” I heard him sigh, a slight breeze passing by me. I could only assume that was his soul. “But as time passed I grew attached… I-I didn’t want s-someone else I cared about to leave me…” Jun’s voice grew quieter, more timid and shaky. Far from the confident and charismatic personality he showed before. “I-It’s stupid I k-know!! I-I’m how many thousands of years old?? And I c-can’t even be normal about l-losing someone??” His voice wavered with every word, growing in volume as he continued to talk. This was a far cry from the man I had come to know.
Charming, bubbly, always attentive; that was the Jun I knew. The one everyone did, and yet we never really knew you, did we… Keiichi? And I hate calling you Keiichi, and you hate it too, don’t you? I saw how you looked at me when I first did it. The look of shame, hatred, disgust, and sorrow. Like you were a fraud, maybe that was true… but it was deeper wasn’t it? It wasn’t just because of this life, or any of the others you have lived. Jun, I hate you so deeply. I hate how deeply you’ve made me love you, how you’ve made me wish to meet Keiichi. To meet you, your true self. Whoever that may be.
“Jun… you’re only human.” I took a step closer and reached my hand out in hopes to grab whatever I could of him, even if I don’t know where he was. Even if his body laid apart from his soul, I wanted to hold him.
His voice came out like something fragile. If only I could see him now, touch him, comfort him like I should have instead of yelling and hurting him. “…human? I’m a god! W-What humanity is there left in me!?” I take a step back at the raw disgust in his voice. “Whoever you saw then in those memories isn’t here anymore, not body or soul!!!” Uncomfortable silence falls between us, the only thing breaking it is his shaky breath. “ I’m not human… I can never be that…”
The sound of blankets rustling from where his bed should be. I feel my way towards him, moonlight didn’t even dare to peek through the window to lend a guiding hand. I push through the darkness with my outstretched hands. “Quit it with that! Just look at yourself!” My hands grasp onto a curtain, pulling it away from the window and letting moonlight in.
“Look at myself!? Look at what!? You saw it, I know you did!!! This isn’t my body, it’ll never be my body!!! It’s not the one I crave a-and have held, cried, hurt— it’s not the one I was born with!!!” I looked at him, the moonlight softly embracing his frame, deep indigo hair cascading down his body, far more imperfect than he would ever want it to be seen. “Gods… we were made for nothing more than to play a role. And yet… we were given life. Wants, dreams… It's cruel.” His hands gripped into his arms. Even with his face turned away from me I just knew the look on it. A long, trembling breath broke the silence that lingered. “Life doesn’t get humans; it creates without thought or care, it throws away whatever at a glance is deemed worthless. I’ve seen it over and over again… souls, bodies, lives thrown away like trash. It claims to love, but when has life not caused death?”
I stood still, not sure if I should take a step closer or keep my distance. “I-I don’t know… everything dies, doesn’t it?” Jun stood up, letting his arms fall to his sides and turns to look at me. He opens his mouth for a second before closing it and looking away, finally finding those words. “Well you’re looking at it.”
“What?”
He turns away more, toying with the tips of his hair. “I doubt it surprises you to know I should be dead for many reasons. Age… injuries self inflicted or not; the only real reason I’m still here is life.”
“So… l-life is an actual person? I-I thought the others were just exaggerating o-or something…”
“Unfortunately so. It seems to favor me most; maybe because I was some sick experiment that it just grew attached to. Who knows? I know I sure don’t…” His gaze falls down onto the floor, eyes glazing over. “I don’t know how many copies of my original body have been discarded. I stopped counting along time ago… b-but there was always this itch under m-my skin that made me just want to rip it off. L-Like some sort of plastic film or thick makeup thrown on. Ahh S-Sometimes it feels as if my bones ache without reason, like their h-hollow. Sometimes I just want to rip it all off to see if there’s even anything underneath still…”
My breath can’t help but stagger for a moment as I hesitantly take a step closer. Then another, and another until my hands reached out towards his face. “You don’t seem hollow to me…?”
“Was that supposed to be comforting?” Jun’s eyes widens and narrows as a sigh leaves his mouth, turning his face away from mine, an embarrassed look on his face. “You’re really bad at this…”
I let out an awkward laugh. What else could I do? How would you even comfort someone with such a unique problem? “I-I’m trying…?” I kept my hands on his face even as he looked away. I tried to keep a smile, almost forced, barely noticeable in the darkness. But if he could see me, I want him to know I could never hate him.