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Lloyd woke up, panting and sweating. Ever since the trials, he’d been getting nightmares unlike the usual ones. Instead of visions, his dreams were filled with paths. Paths of what he could’ve been.
To be honest, most of them scared him.
Night after night Lloyd began to slowly realize that he hadn’t seen a single other path of him being good. Well, in the traditional sense, at least. He began to believe the only timeline he managed to keep himself under Master Wu’s teachings was his own.
Naturally, that should’ve comforted him. But it only made him doubt his willpower.
Lloyd wasn’t even sure if he succeeded in the trials. He was sure he failed, but then woke up with a surge of energy and elemental powers. He knew that wasn’t a win. He just didn’t know what caused it.
And if Lloyd couldn’t beat a physical battle against himself, who’s to say he’ll survive a mental one.
It wasn’t like there was something to punch or throw around. It was just in his head. Sitting. Waiting. Taunting.
After every battle he heard it. And it grew louder and louder and louder until Lloyd had to finally admit to himself that the trials messed him up in some way.
Physically, he was stronger than ever.
Mentally- he was breaking apart.
Lloyd crawled out of bed and padded quietly to the restroom down the hall.
It was scary- knowing you didn’t survive a fight against the physical form of all your doubts.
Lloyd was too scared to tell anyone, too.
He stared in the mirror for what felt like forever, until his image was disoriented to his own eyes.
He only snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a soft knock on the door.
It was Arin. The kid was still so naive, still concerned. No one knew what the trials were like for Lloyd. And with the way he acted whenever they brought it up only made them guess it was tough.
“Lloyd?” Arin called out, not caring to hide the fact he was very much awake and likely stayed up the whole night. “Are you in there? It’s pretty late.
Lloyd blinked at his reflection one last time. It slowly started to fade into the background behind him. Lloyd felt like he was going insane.
“I’m fine, Arin.” He responded in the most confident voice he could. He didn’t realize it was shaky.
After that, Lloyd couldn't hear a single thing. Maybe Arin left him alone? Maybe he didn’t.
He always knew he had a duty, a purpose, but ever so recently the weight of that became all too real.
Lloyd was stuck in his own head, and this time he wasn’t sure if he could pull himself out of it. Not when he saw that his doubts were stronger than any fake confidence he could offer.
He blinked again. The mirror was gone, the bathroom was gone, and he wasn’t standing anymore.
He turned to see Zane sitting beside his bed, a worried expression on his face. Lloyd felt the cold, metal hands touching his face and trying to get him to come back to the present.
The sensory difference helped, and Lloyd suddenly came to. FSM, he never had that big of a zoning out problem.
He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes- which felt heavy.
“Zane-?”
Before Lloyd could say anymore, Zane gently pushed him back down and sighed in relief.
“Lloyd. Do not try to move, you’re disoriented.”
The nindroid’s voice was calm and gentle. Lloyd barely processed Cole walking in and crossing his arms.
“Can you tell me what happened? Arin said he found you in the restroom, awake but unresponsive.”
Lloyd frowned. “Huh… just deep in thought.”
“Hm.” Zane hummed, curiously.
He’d noticed the difference as well- they all did. After the battle with Beatrix and after Lloyd returned from his dragon form, he’d been zoning out continuously. It started with small thing like at breakfast or during training, then amped up to not listening during conversations. Zane never thought it would become this bad, though.
Cole, from the doorway, looked at Lloyd, then at Zane. They exchanged a glance before the earth ninja left the room. Probably to inform the others.
Zane turned his focus back to Lloyd once more, trying to catch his attention again.
“Can you tell me what time it is?” Zane asked, softly.
Lloyd thought for a moment before responding. “Well, it was the middle of the night. But.. I’m assuming it’s not anymore.”
Zane nodded slowly leaning closer where he sat to get a better look at the green ninja.
“Lloyd, it’s noon.” Zane said this cautiously, he didn’t want to show his concern or spook Lloyd.
Lloyd’s eyes widened. Yeah, he was spooked.
“What- really?” Lloyd suddenly sat up again, this time out of sheer shock. Had he really been gone that long? Hours? It only felt like a couple minutes to him.
Zane stood up with a frown on his face. He pushed Lloyd down against the mattress, once more, then pulled the covers over the blond.
“You should get some rest.” Zane made it very clear he didn’t want Lloyd choosing the altar. “I will be back.”
Zane didn’t say where he was going or when he would be back. All he did was offer one final glance at Lloyd as he walked out the room, expression holding concern.
Lloyd didn’t really like the idea of sleeping again. But the reminder of his heavy eyes and not wanting to stress anyone else with unnecessary drama from his condition led him to close his eyes once more.
He sighed and rolled around in the bed before finding a comfortable position.
Lloyd wanted out of this nightmare in his head. But he was so unsure of himself that he couldn’t even tell if he wanted to get better anymore.
It was a cruel trick his mind was playing. Like some sort of icehouse effect in his head.
Lloyd focused on sleeping- some sort of escape from consciousness.