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Heat. That's the first thing Suho's mind can focus on as he slowly rises from a deep sleep.
The room, the bed, Sieun. Everything is warm. It's his first summer since he was discharged from the hospital, and he forgot how nice it feels to wake up in the middle of the night when you're not restricted to a sterile, cold hospital room.
The side of Sieun's head is pressed snuggly against his ribcage, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the rise and fall of his chest with each breath. That had become their new normal. Even while Suho was still in the hospital he'd managed to persuade Sieun into a cuddle or two – every single time, Sieun would assume this position. Now it's the only way he can sleep.
Unfortunately for him, Suho didn't wake up for no reason. He desperately needs to use the bathroom, and he has to find some way out of the bed without waking Sieun up.
He starts by lifting the sheets away from his body, at a speed that tests his patience like no other. Then, he carefully grabs Sieun's wrist and unwraps his arm from around his waist, tucking it into his own chest, mirroring the other one he'd slept with tucked under his chin.
Once he's out of his arms, Suho slowly rises up from the bed. He leans over and hikes the sheets up Sieun's body. By some miracle, Sieun stays sound asleep.
With a relieved sigh, Suho makes his way out of the room, down the hallway and into the bathroom. When he's done with his business, he tiptoes back, quiet as a mouse. Sieun is in the exact same position he had left him in.
Getting back into bed suddenly feels like mission impossible. When the mattress dips with his weight and makes Sieun shift from his spot in the bed, Suho starts silently cursing himself. It takes a new found strength for Suho to not rush the process. It's the first time in weeks that Sieun has slept so peacefully, and he's not about to ruin it.
He properly situates himself in bed and slowly brings Sieun back into his arms. Sieun stirs, but only with a tiny exhale and a slight nudge of his cheek into Suho's sternum. His breathing returns to its normal steadiness immediately after.
Suho doesn't go back to sleep just yet. There's an eerie silence that comes with being the only one awake. He hasn't felt it in ages. Even when he woke up at the hospital there would be nurses doing their rounds just outside his door.
He remembers what Sieun once told him; how he'd sometimes spend hours just staring at Suho while he slept. He shamefully admitted it after spending the night at the hospital and being too tired to keep his eyes open in the morning. When he asked why, Sieun didn't know how to explain it.
He turns his head down, stretching his neck until he can see the bridge of Sieun's nose and his eyelashes. He cranes his neck further and he can now see his whole face, albeit from a weird, mildly uncomfortable angle.
His chest bounces lightly as he suppresses a chuckle. Sieun looks absolutely adorable in his sleep. His cheek is smushed into Suho's chest and he's pouting slightly. His face is dusted a deep pink, which is no surprise considering he runs hot like an oven in his sleep – but Suho never noticed it. He's never been awake to notice. Sieun lets out the tiniest snores when he inhales.
Suho wants to pinch his cheeks, shake him awake and shower him with kisses. It makes sense to him now – it's hypnotizing watching Sieun sleep. He's so far removed from reality, so comfortable being vulnerable in Suho's arms.
Sieun stirs again and it startles Suho enough to make him jump. His legs thrash against Suho's weakly and Suho pulls away to get a clear view of his face. He frowns.
Sieun's eyebrows are pinched together and there’s a prominent grimace spread across his face as his breathing becomes more labored with each passing second.
“Sieun-ah?”
Suho's voice only works to make Sieun more agitated. Sieun lets out various strained ‘ahh’s, attempting to scream but his body won't let him. He grabs the front of Suho's shirt with so much force that the fabric nearly rips.
Suho doesn't let go, running his hand across his back softly. He tries to comfort him. “Everything's okay, Sieun-ah. I'm right here.”
As Sieun shudders violently against him, Suho has to attempt to calm himself down too. Snapping him out of this clearly isn't working, is he just going to have to wait until Sieun wakes up on his own? This doesn't seem like a normal nightmare.
Sieun jolts awake with a trembling, guttural scream. He scrambles to hug Suho as tightly as possible before he can catch his breath. Suho soothes him with soft traces of his thumb along his back, drawing shapes to ground him to reality.
“Hey, hey. You're okay, it's okay,” Suho whispers against the crown of Sieun's head. He can hear him cry between heaving breaths.
“Suho-yah…” Sieun's voice is shaky and wet, muffled by the fabric of Suho's shirt that's becoming damp with his tears.
“I'm okay, you just had a bad dream.” Suho cups the back of Sieun's head and runs his fingers through his hair.
Sieun pulls his body closer until nearly every inch of them is flush to one another. He gradually catches his breath, though the tears won't stop spilling. His heart is beating against Suho's stomach at a mile a minute. He only tries to speak when he knows he won't stutter over his words, but when he opens his mouth, no sound comes out.
Suho can sense his unease. “You don't have to explain. Take your time.”
Sieun fears that saying it out loud will make it real. He knows that fear isn't rooted in any logic, but he's too rattled to fully rationalize that thought.
The words sting when they make it out of his throat. “You were back at the ring.”
Suho's heart sinks.
“And I couldn't do anything. No matter how fast I ran. You just kept getting further and further away. I found you when it was already too late, and… and—”
He's spiraling. Suho only clings to him tighter. It aches him that he doesn't know what to do to fix this, these are all new feelings for him too. He's had his fair share of nightmares where Sieun didn't make it out of that parking lot. Where it was Sieun instead of him.
It terrifies him, but he trusts him. He trusts Sieun to not do anything reckless again, after everything they've both been through. They can face whatever life puts in front of them together, no secrets. Sieun just has to trust him back.
Suho grabs Sieun's face with both hands and forces him to look up at him. “I won't let that happen again. Okay? Everything's fine now, you don't have to worry your pretty little head about a thing.”
Sieun moves Suho's hands away before burying his face in his chest again. Suho chuckles.
“Can you let me rest easy, baby? I need to know you trust me.”
He can tell Sieun is just embarrassed now. As relieved as he is, he still wants to lighten the mood. Sieun squishes his cheek against him begrudgingly at the pet name.
“Of course I do,” Sieun mumbles. He tries desperately to ignore how damp Suho's shirt is from his tears but he ends up drawing back, annoyed with himself as he wipes his eyes dry with the heels of his hands. “Your shirt is wet now.”
Suho fails to hold in his laugh. He sits up, peels the shirt off his back and throws it to the foot of the bed. He lays down and drags Sieun back, like wrestling a cat into a much needed bath. Contrary to all the fuss, once Sieun's head hits his chest, the tension in his body crumbles and dissolves.
“You had me worried sick. Good thing I was already awake.”
Sieun pauses. “Why?”
“I had to pee.” Suho snorts. “Maybe that's why you had a nightmare. I'll make sure to hold it until the morning next time.”
Sieun lets out a soft exhale. Suho can feel him smile against his skin. His hand finds its way back to Sieun's scalp and he starts scratching it absentmindedly.
“I get why you like watching me sleep.” Suho's voice gets softer.
“Hm?” The noise barely makes it out of Sieun's throat, already laced with sleep.
“You look so peaceful.” Suho yawns. “You're in your own little world. I wish I could go there with you to make sure nothing happened.”
“You are there with me,” Sieun mutters almost unintelligibly.
“Huh?” Suho questions before he can process the words.
Sieun doesn't repeat himself. When Suho looks down, Sieun is already fast asleep.