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He was sitting on the ground, resting his head against the bed frame and trying not to fall asleep. He had to keep watch. Anything might happen.
Gi-hun didn't trust anybody in this game, and the mastermind behind it. He didn't want anybody harmed again, he didn't want to watch more people die...
"Ajeossi, I want to go home..."
He hoped everyone would come to their senses and decide to leave the next day. Just one more game, right? Then everyone would be okay.
He didn't know if they were right about leaving, but something in his mind told him that it wasn't true... Even Jung-bae pressed O, how can you expect the others to do the opposite?
He felt betrayed when Jung-bae went against his wishes. His only true friend in the world, against him. His eyes would turn downcast every time he thought about it.
Speaking of him...
"Gi-hun, I'm up. You should get some sleep. I’ll take over." Jung-bae was next to him now, groggy with sleep.
"I'm not that tired. Get some more sleep." Gi-hun answered, even though his eyes were drooping. He would guard them all night if he could.
"I'm sorry."
Why was he apologizing? They would be outvoted even if he pressed X instead. It wasn't his fault that they have to spend one more night here.
"Let’s not talk about it. I know it wasn’t your fault."
Jung-bae turned to him with a sorry expression. "No, it’s not about that. I’m sorry I didn’t lend you money when you came to my pub before. If I had found some way to help you, your mom might still be alive now."
He looked especially guilty now, it was breaking Gi-hun's heart. "Man, but I really didn’t have any money then."
"I know." Gi-hun told him, slightly choking up with tears at the mention of his mother. "I've never resented you for that."
And it was true. He knew Jung-bae wasn't a reliable source back then, he was still running a business, even if it was just a pub. He still had so many things to pay and do. Pay rent, buy things for his wife and kid and take care of pub's expenses, not help his useless friend who was a failure at life-
"Is that why you came here before? To pay for your mom’s treatment?" Jung-bae asked, freeing him of his own thoughts.
"Yes. But it didn't help anything." He muttered, ashamed of himself.
Jung-bae looked at him for a moment. He remembered being shocked when he learned his mother's death. He couldn't even imagine what he would've felt if it was his own mother dying.
But he knew Gi-hun wouldn't have left him all alone by himself like he did to him.
He should've searched for him day and night, not let him drown in his guilt and grief. He should've helped him in some way...
He decided to break the tension, even if he wondered why he came back. "Hey, do you remember when we went on strike? We were occupying the factory, and management told us to come out. They said anyone who came out voluntarily would be let off the hook and receive more severance pay."
Gi-hun flinched in a way that made Jung-bae feel guilty all over again, but he spoke quietly. "How could I forget? It was... an unforgettable time."
The sound of yelling coworkers, the warmth of the fire that was both a friend and an enemy to them, and the metal clashing, surrounding them in a threatening way...
Him dying right in front of his eyes...
"Gi-hun!"
He flinched again at the imaginary gunshot, seemingly out of his trance.
Jung-bae continued with a worried gaze. "When I was on night watch, I wanted to go out. Guess why I didn’t."
"Why?" Gi-hun asked. Not because Jung-bae told him to, but because he genuinely couldn't grasp why this man didn't leave him when he easily could.
"You were sleeping beside me, and you were talking in your sleep. “Mom, I’m hungry. Give me some food.” “Mom, I’m hungry. Give me some food.” You were sobbing in your sleep."
Jung-bae looked away as he told the story. It seemed stupid when he told him this way, but his cries still echoed in his ears. He didn't know why it affected him so much at the time, it was just his best friend crying.
He didn't realize it hurt him deeply because he loved him.
When their coworker died he was the one who hugged his sobbing friend tightly and hushed him, telling him to not look in that direction, because the bloody corpse of their friend was still lying there, his glassy eyes looking nowhere at all.
"I cried in my sleep?" Gi-hun asked, clearly not believing.
"Yes."
"Asking for food?"
"Yeah."
"So you stayed for me?" Gi-hun asked again.
"Yeah. I was watching you, and I thought..."
I thought that I couldn't live with knowing that you died because I decided to leave. I couldn't bear the thought of you dying and not being able to say a word to you.
I was terrified that you would die.
"...“Man, look at this poor little wuss. If he wakes up and sees that I’m gone, he’ll start crying and won’t even be able to go the bathroom.” Then I knew I couldn’t fucking leave you."
Gi-hun scoffed at him. "You're so full of shit."
"No, I swear on your mom." Jung-bae said, trying to prove that the story was real.
"Why on my mom? Swear on your own." Gi-hun told him angrily.
"Whoever's mom it is, it's true. I got fired and ended up like this because I stayed."
"You always blame me for everything that goes wrong in your life!" Gi-hun finally raised his voice. "Losing money on the horses and for your failed chicken shop. What else? Getting married?"
"No, I got married because I wanted to. I got divorced because of you."
"How is it my fault that you got divorced? If anything, I got divorced because of you. Because you’d always invite me out for drinks. And you’re the one who got me into horse racing... " Gi-hun was escalating, but Jung-bae hushed him quietly, laughing.
"Alright, alright. Quiet down..." He smiled bittersweetly. "You're finally acting like the Seong Gi-hun I know. You've been acting like a different person."
Gi-hun looked at him for a while, then turned away. He was acting like a different person, wasn't he?
That man from three years ago vanished without a trace, leaving nothing but a shell behind. At least I was happy, he thought.
He wished he could turn back to those times again.
Jung-bae spoke up hesitantly. "You never told me what happened or why you came back. Why did you?"
Gi-hun looked at him, multiple emotions flashing in his eyes. How could he tell him what happened? What if he looked at him differently?
Would things ever be the same?
He sighed. "A lot of things happened when I first came. People were trying to kill each other at night. That's why we're awake right now. To be alert."
He continued with a solemn voice. "I had a team, just like we have now. There was Ali and Sae-byeok. Sae-byeok looked so much like Jun-hee..."
"There was Sang-woo too." He finally told him.
"Wait. The Sang-woo that you always talked about? What was he doing here?" Jung-bae asked, not understanding.
"I don't know too. We were a good team, we were never separated, then... Ali died in a game. Sang-woo had to win against him because they teamed up." He looked away.
"Sang-woo also killed someone in the 5th game, and I couldn't understand what was he turning into. I couldn't recognize him anymore."
"And Sae-byeok... oh, Sae-byeok... She was already bleeding when we finished the game. She was in pain and she didn't even tell me."
"I tried to kill Sang-woo before the last game. She stopped me. Told me I was not that kind of person. She believed in me. And what did I do? I couldn't even do anything as she bled out in my arms..."
His breath hitched, eyes filling with tears. "Sang-woo killed her while I turned my back. I just wanted to get her help. But she died because of me..."
Jung-bae looked at Gi-hun in a way that showed he was grieving as well. He didn't talk, letting him have his moment.
"I was so mad, I actually tried to kill him in the last game. I couldn't grasp how he could kill a person so ruthlessly, how could he be so cruel. We left a lot of scars on each other that night."
He rubbed the tiny scar in the middle of his palm. "He stabbed me in the hand. I bit him in the ankle. He never stopped. He was still ambitious like in our childhood."
"But I finally overpowered him. I didn't want to kill him. I wanted to end it there. I could find some money one way or another. I didn't want to end a life to save another. Because despite everything, he was still my friend..."
"He didn't let me do it. And in the end, he stabbed himself in the neck just so I could leave."
That was the moment the dam broke.
He let out a guttural sob that crushed Jung-bae's heart.
"He died in my arms... He wouldn't respond, he just wanted me to help his mom... he called me hyung like he always did..."
"Hyung... I'm sorry."
"Hyung... my mother...you have to help her..."
"Sang-woo-ya..." He broke down, all his bottled up feelings and despair spilled out in a minute.
He covered his mouth, trying to muffle the sounds of despair.
"I realized... Sang-woo... was still the kid who used to follow me around and cling to me, who was kind and sweet, and it wasn't him who was problematic, it was the system."
He choked on tears. "He didn't kill himself. They killed him. They murdered him."
"I was numb when they dropped me back to our neighborhood. I couldn't feel anything at all."
"I found eomma dead on the ground."
Jung-bae could feel Gi-hun regressing, calling his mom eomma like a child who couldn't grasp the concept of death.
He sobbed, "I buried her with my own hands. Sang-woo's mom was there. She gave her condolences, stayed with me the whole day... I would've been dead if she wasn't by my side, because I couldn't even get up."
"She asked me if I saw Sang-woo lately... She said he didn't..."
He sniffled, trying not to look more pathetic than he already was. "... She said he wasn't answering her calls. I told her I didn't know where he was. How could I tell her that her son died in my arms?"
He couldn't speak anymore as his throat closed up with tears. He continued to wail, trying to calm down.
Jung-bae looked at the man he loved in tears.
He should've been there for him. He should've supported him and taken care of him, he should've done everything to convince him to not participate in the games again.
He thought about how this place is probably like a nightmare to Gi-hun, how he saw memories here instead of new experiences.
The memory of the strike returned to him, shaking him to his core.
They were hiding in a corner, trying to hide from the bullets the forces could fire at them.
He thought about if staying was the right choice after all, he didn't feel like it was, but for Gi-hun it was worth it.
They saw Woo-jin run up to them, trying to escape the fire, but the metal made it impossible to reach the security of the corner they were hiding in.
"Gi-hun!"
He suddenly collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut.
"...Woo-jin?" Gi-hun asked, trembling with fear.
Jung-bae took a closer look and immediately started screaming as soon as he saw his eyes.
He was dead.
"He..." Jung-bae stuttered. Gi-hun didn't understand, and he looked at corpse that was his friend.
"Woo-jin!" He bawled, his fear reaching the top.
"Woo-jin..."
Jung-bae looked at him mumbling his name repeatedly. He knew he wasn't good at handling losses, he was always sensitive and would stay like that.
He hugged him, not letting him see the corpse again. "Shh... Don't look at him. Look at me. I'm here. We'll be okay. We'll be..."
His eyes filled with tears as he looked at the body again.
He wept, still hugging Gi-hun like his whole life depended on it.
"Jung-bae..."
He looked at his teary eyes. He tried to give an ounce of comfort, desperate to calm him down to stay hidden.
He knew he made the right decision, right then and there.
Gi-hun was still crying next to him, unable to control himself. He mumbled something incoherent, and that's when Jung-bae knew he needed to step up.
He hugged him tightly, just like before, wiping his tears that came constantly. He noticed how he was trembling uncontrollably, shaken by his emotions.
"Shh... Let it out. I'm here. You're not alone anymore."
Gi-hun tears came harder now, for he knew the truth.
He wasn't alone anymore.
His only company was his thoughts for three years. He didn't have anyone else to talk to except Mr. Kim.
But now he had Jung-bae, who was still by his side even if he changed drastically. Even if he wasn't the same guy who used to talk too loud.
He didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve his pure heart.
"I..." He muttered. "I was so alone..."
"Well, you have us now. You won't have to hide what you feel any longer. You can tell everything to me." Jung-bae said. He will never leave him alone again. Not when he's broken so badly.
Gi-hun sobbed in his chest, clinging to Jung-bae like a little kid.
"Why does everyone leave me..? Sae-byeok left... Sang-woo left... everyone leaves me..."
His breath hitched again. "I don't want to be alone, Jung-bae..."
"You won't be. You'll be okay. I won't leave you alone." He cradled the back of his head.
"What did I do...? Why did they leave?" Gi-hun mumbled. "If I had protected them better, they wouldn't have..."
"Don't say that. It's not your fault. It was never your fault." Jung-bae's voice shook as he came close tears at his grief.
"I gambled our money, if I didn't eomma wouldn't have died, I should've been there..." Gi-hun got closer to him, "I couldn't even talk to her for the last time..."
Jung-bae didn't have any words to say. He just tightened his grip, closing his eyes and stroking his head.
He shushed him, just letting him cry to his shoulder.
As much as it broke his heart to see him like that, he also knew that he needed this.
He needed to break down the walls he put up.
Gi-hun was weakened from his meltdown, resting against him. "No one... wants me. I think I understand why now."
He was ashamed of his situation, he thought he got over the meltdowns and panic attacks two years ago, but he clearly wasn't over it.
"Why do you think that?" Jung-bae asked.
"Because... I'm weak. I'm sensitive. People think I'm stupid." He sniffled.
"I'm not bothered if you're weak or not. I still love you." Jung-bae told him. "And you're not stupid. You're empathetic. You're kind. It's sometimes better than being smart, you know. I'd rather be stupid than being a ruthless jerk."
A smile showed up on his face as soon as he heard his small chuckle. "Hey, I made you laugh! You laughed..."
He laughed at the thought of that. Bringing a smile to his face, making him chuckle was the happiest moment of his life.
Because out of everyone, he was the one who deserved happiness the most.
He broke out of his thoughts when he heard light snoring coming from his shoulder. He was asleep.
He looked at his sleeping face and smiled to himself. He looked at peace for once, after all the pain he went through, he finally got what he deserved.
A proper rest.
Jung-bae wiped his dried tear tracks from his face, trying not to wake him up.
"Rest well. I'll take over." He repeated the words he said when he'd first woken up, and laid him down in one of the beds under the bunks.
He watched the dormitory in silence, as he wished that this would be the last night they would spend in here.