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The hotel bed is soft as you sit up in bed, laptop on your lap as you finish editing the footage from today’s adventures. It’s late at night, almost 11:30pm, and fatigue seeps into your bones after a long day of exploring the city (and with exploration of a new, unfamiliar, and large city came a lot of walking). The video clips swim off the screen at this point, but determination keeps you upright, waiting for the boys to get back from the show. You promised Mingi you would stay up for him so he could tell you who was chosen to be the boss tonight, since he usually fills you in on the evening’s events as he gets ready for bed.
You rub at your tired eyes. Having the cool job of filming their behind the scenes stuff is great for the most part, but these late nights of editing are sometimes strenuous. For a break before rewatching the video to spot anything you need to fix or change, you decide to edit a bunch of Hongjoong clips together to make him say, “I love Seonghwa but can’t tell him to his face.” That would serve as a double-whammy of cheering you up and keeping you awake.
Before you can find him saying Seonghwa’s name, however, several sets of footsteps echo from the hallway, indicating many people returning to the hotel. Hotel doors open and shut, and before long, you hear the sound of the lock opening your door. Mingi’s tall frame looms in the doorway for a brief moment, murmuring something to his silver-haired groupmate before closing the door with a soft click. He turns and sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose before shucking off his shoes and starting to put things down.
You temporarily abandon your project, placing your laptop to the side, and meet Mingi where he stands in the doorway. “Hi, love,” you say warmly as you place your hand on his arm and lean up to give him a kiss on the cheek, his dark hair tickling your forehead as he meets you halfway. A small, sad smile graces his lips before wrapping his arms around you, burying his face in your neck. You wrap one hand around the back of his head, stroking his hair softly and hugging him tightly back with your other arm. You can tell he is stressed out about something, but you patiently wait for him to be ready to tell you.
He pulls away and looks at you with affection, tired sadness still lingering in his eyes. Your thumb rubs his cheek soothingly as you ask, “Would you like to talk about it now, or get ready for bed and then talk about it?”
Another heavy sigh rips through Mingi’s lips, but this time, more prominent with relief than tension. He kisses your forehead and says in his deep baritone, scratchy from overuse, “Let me get ready for bed, and then I’ll tell you all about what happened.”
You nod and turn back to the bed, grabbing your laptop and sitting against the pillows to continue your Hongjoong project while Mingi grabs some pajamas and heads into the bathroom for a shower. A while later, he emerges from the now-steamy bathroom and looks more relaxed than he did when he entered. You throw back the covers on his side of the bed and he crawls in, wrapping his arms around your waist and putting his head on your chest.
“What are you working on?” Mingi asks, looking at your screen and seeing all the clips of Hongjoong.
“A little project I like to call ‘Joongie’s roundabout confession’,” you say with a laugh. He looks up at you with a curious gaze, but doesn’t say anything further as you slot the last clip into place. “Do you want to see it?”
Mingi nods, snuggling closer to you as you hit play. It works perfectly; Hongjoong says the phrase exactly how you wanted him to, with various clips from the day strung together to make the confession. The obviously fake video brings you both laughter, and you watch it a few times before hitting save and putting your now-closed laptop on the bedside table. With the device safely put away, you snuggle down into the sheets and pillows with Mingi, the hotel lamp on the nightstand the only light illuminating both your features.
“Alright, my darling. What is making THE Song Mingi feel so blue?” Your hand goes back to stroking his hair, and he sighs contentedly. His brows furrow in frustration as he seems to recall the events that led him to be in a bad mood.
“The show was going well, with Atiny’s energy at a high level the whole time. But, I started getting in my own head about how the show was really going.” Mingi sits up from your relaxed position against the pillow, fired up again. He puts his head in his hands, letting out a frustrated groan, palms rubbing against his eyes. You stroke his spine with slow, soothing movements in the hopes to calm him down again.
He pushes back his black hair and continues, “I kept looking at Atiny who held Mingi signs because tonight, I just wanted to be cheered for. I’ve been feeling a little stressed with the tour and with my back hurting more than usual. I just wanted to feel that little bit of extra... something.”
“A voice in my head started telling me that those Atiny didn’t really mean it; they were holding signs for me because they thought I was easy to please, so I was easy to give them attention. I was feeling undervalued, so I pulled back my energy ever so slightly. Hongjoong noticed, of course, and just gave me a look. I know he didn’t mean anything except to tell me to get it together and that we would talk later, but it still stung in the moment.” Mingi leans back against the headrest, now a full head taller than you, thanks to his long torso.
He leans down to rest his head on yours, sighing for what seems like the thousandth time tonight. You put your hand on his thigh and give him a comforting squeeze, and he slips his hand over yours, intertwining your fingers together.
“I’m just frustrated with myself more than anything. Just because I’m having a bad time doesn’t mean I should take it out on Atiny.” The gentle giant squeezes your hand in frustration, but not hard enough to hurt.
You sit there for a moment, collecting your thoughts on everything Mingi said, but mainly about how he said he kept looking at Atiny who held signs with his name. The reason he gave, that he just wanted to be cheered for because he’s been stressed out, made sense. But to you, it felt like it went deeper than that. You didn’t feel insecure that you weren’t giving Mingi enough attention, because he typically communicates if he feels neglected. So, maybe he felt like he wasn’t being loved by Atiny? Some have been leaving mean comments about your boyfriend on the main social media pages, you noticed, and if you did, then it was likely Mingi did as well. You were sure those comments are what sparked the resurgence of self-doubt surrounding his job in the group, and what draw he has to fans.
“Do you have some energy left, or are you pretty beat up from the day?” you ask, an idea starting to form in your mind.
Mingi lifts his head to look down at you, curiosity once again crossing his features. “I feel okay, but I’d like to sleep soon. Why?”
Reaching for your phone, you shoot a quick text, then wait for the reply you need before hopping out of bed and throwing a sweatshirt and some slippers on. You beckon with your hand for him to do the same, leading him out into the hallway after grabbing the keycard. The sound of soft footsteps are absorbed by the plush carpet while you two make your way to Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s room, only a few doors down from yours. When you step inside, everyone else is waiting patiently for your arrival.
They’ve all found perches in various places, Seonghwa and Wooyoung on one of the beds with Yeosang and Jongho on the other, Yunho and San taking up the couch on the far side of the room and Hongjoong at the desk chair. That leaves the two of you standing in the doorway, before Seonghwa and Wooyoung open their arms for Mingi to crawl in between while you lean on the couch’s armrest next to Yunho.
After Mingi settles in between two of the more cuddly members of the group, he turns to look at you with grateful confusion now. “Not that I don’t love hanging out with you guys, but what’s going on?”
San’s eyes dart over to you before answering the question, “Well, we’ve noticed that you’ve been super stressed out lately, and we know that today wasn’t the best, so we wanted to ask if there was anything we could do for you.”
The rest all nod their agreement, with Yunho adding, “You know you can always come to any one of us if you ever have a problem, Mingi.”
“Literally any time, man. We all have stuff going on, but if we can’t feel comfortable enough to share when the moment comes, then what’s the point of loving each other as much as we do?” Wooyoung pipes up.
Jongho says from the other bed, “And we do, Mingi-hyung. We all love you a lot.”
Hongjoong’s voice carries from the chair to add, “So whatever you’re going through, Mingi, we’re here for you. Don’t ever forget that.”
You all look at the tall man snuggling up to Hwa and Woo, and he suddenly looks so small and tired, as if the weight of the world is finally catching up to him. He takes off his glasses and Wooyoung puts them on the nightstand next to the bed for safe-keeping. Quiet sobs start to break out of the middle of the pile of men on the bed, and it seems everyone’s hearts break at that moment as they hear Mingi let all of his stress out. Many hands find their ways to comfort him, whether that’s a hand on his arm or one of his legs stretched out on the end of the bed. At this point, you all hold him or comfort him in some way, and you all sit like that for a while before Mingi’s sobs slowly start to subside.
He sniffles and sits up a little, and Yeosang hands him a tissue. Mingi looks at him as if his hyung placed all the stars in the sky just for him. He gratefully accepts and blows his nose before saying, “Thank you, everyone. I really needed a reminder of that. I know you all love me, and are here for me, and I feel the same way about you. It’s just hard sometimes because I know we all have our own stuff going on, so I don’t want to be a burden. But I know that’s not healthy.”
Mingi sighs shakily, continuing on after taking another deep breath, “I just have been feeling like Atiny haven’t really cared about me, and I wanted a reminder of Atiny’s affection, so I focused a lot of my energy on people with Mingi signs. But, that backfired. The voice filled with self-hatred came back, and that’s why I pulled back on my energy a bit. I’m sorry. I got so frustrated with myself, but I shouldn’t take that out on you or on our Atiny.”
“Sometimes, when Atiny don’t seem as interested in me, it makes me feel like I’m not doing enough. I’m not good enough or impressive enough, or attractive enough. I need to be dancing harder, making more videos, signing more deals and writing more music. I need to get back on track. I know I shouldn’t tie my self-worth to them, but after being in this industry for so long, sometimes it’s hard to get out of that mindset.” Mingi blinks and breathes slowly before continuing, “You all help with that every day, and I really appreciate everything you do for me. This is definitely a me thing that I will take care of, but I promise to ask for help if I need it.”
There is a heavy silence in the room before several members burst out with words of affirmation and assurances, all blending together to create one beautiful, affectionate harmony. He looks back and forth at the members, whom he loves so much, and who have deeply assured him he is loved in return, and starts to laugh. The harmony abruptly stops, before some members join him in laughter, while others just look on with affection shining in their eyes. You join in the quiet onlooking, enjoying the moment, grateful the members could help comfort Mingi.
Someone busts out their Switch and a quick Mario Kart tournament commences for a little while, before yawns and half-closed eyes threaten the promise of sleep soon to come. They all say their goodbyes and see-you-tomorrows, everyone taking extra care to hug or touch Mingi in some comforting way before parting ways with him. He looks at all of them as if they are the greatest gift, and when he looks at you, your breath is almost stolen away. Your partner, your ride-or-die, the love of your life, is looking at you with tears again, but this time the tears are accompanied by the most tender and loving gaze you have ever seen. He grabs your hand and walks you back to your room.
As soon as the door is shut, Mingi sweeps you up into a hug and spins you around the small room. You give a quiet but joyful laugh, not wanting to wake others nearby. He sets you down and pulls your face up to his, kissing you with such ferocity that it nearly knocks you down. You both pull back slightly, and he gently caresses your cheeks. “How did you know that's what I needed? Are you a mind-reader? A witch or wizard, perhaps?” Mingi brushes his lips against yours again, gives you one quick kiss, before you are pulling back all the way and grabbing his hands to guide him to the bed.
His eyebrows wiggle up and down, “Well I’m not very tired anymore, darling.” You laugh again, but shake your head, indicating that’s not what you had in mind.
“Take off your shirt and lay down for me, Mingi, but please lay on your stomach.” You say, looking around for your lotion. Mingi immediately goes to the bed and does as you say, excited with the knowledge of what’s to come.
You push your hair back with a hairband so it won’t get in your eyes as you look down at the man who gave you everything he could, and then some. Feelings of love, joy, and gratitude threaten to overwhelm you, but you ride the wave back down and a smile forms in its wake. Spreading some lotion onto your hands, you start to work your fingers and palms into Mingi’s muscles. The effect is immediate, muffled groans of appreciation erupting from his mouth as the tension slowly releases. It seems like all of those recent massage classes you’ve been taking are showing their worth.
As you work from his neck and shoulders down to his middle and lower back, you start to kiss the places you’ve already been, massaging them well and then kissing the soreness away. You know this is his favorite part of the massage, because it makes him feel the most loved, so you never skip it.
“You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, inside and out, Song Mingi,” the words flow from your lips with ease. “I love how strong, yet vulnerable you are. You are emotionally intelligent, and your care for others' well-being is admirable.”
Your hands work a particularly knotted spot in his lower back and he groans again, but this time, the sound is rough with emotion. You pause to kiss up and down his spine, stopping back at the spot giving him trouble. Trembles wrack his body as he tries to hold back his tears, but the next thing you say is what opens the floodgates back up.
“You are enough, Mingi. Don’t ever stop believing that. And if your belief falters, I’ll believe it strong enough for the both of us until you can join me again.”
You finally get the knot out and kiss the spot as his body spasms with more quiet sobs. Your hands stroke up and down his back soothingly, whispering “I love you”, “you’re enough”, “so strong”, over and over as he slowly starts to settle back down.
Mingi repositions himself onto his back and signals for you to lay on his chest, but you softly shake your head and instead straddle his thighs. You grab his arm and start to pepper kisses up and down, from wrist to shoulder and back down. Placing it carefully down, you repeat the same motion on the other arm, this time moving off his shoulder and kissing down his chest. His content hums rumble through his chest, sending vibrations through your lips as you continue to place kisses across his body.
You don’t move any lower than his belly button, not wanting to set that kind of mood and to just show him comfort. As you work back up his chest and move to his cheeks, Mingi’s arms wrap around your back, trapping you to his chest. He moves his face to meet yours in a warm kiss, showing his gratitude through that small action. He rolls you both onto your side and snuggles you into his chest.
“Thank you, sunshine,” Mingi whispers into your hair, one hand softly caressing the back of your head as the other strokes your lower back. “I love you so much.”
You squeeze him in response, then whisper, “Anything for you, my love. Are you ready for sleep? We can sleep in a little since it’s an off-day tomorrow.”
Mingi sighs happily. “Yes, I’m absolutely exhausted.”
“Want to be little spoon or big spoon?”
“Little spoon.”
You laugh quietly as your giant of a boyfriend flips over and tucks your arm under his, pulling it close to his chest. Your other arm goes under the pillow as you two snuggle and drift off to sleep, feeling content in each other’s arms.