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Leon stared blankly at the ceiling. He hated when he felt like this, when the whole world was moving without him. He felt stupid, because everybody else seemed to get along fine; he felt stupid, because they all forgave her so quickly and he couldn’t; he felt stupid, because he trusted her in the first place. God. He was stupid.
A stupid teenage boy with a stupid teenage crush. Barely a crush, more an acknowledgement that yes, she’s hot, and yes, it was a good thing when a hot girl invited you to her room. He thought maybe Makoto would feel the same way about living, working, and generally being around Sayaka— evidently, he hadn’t. Leon wasn’t sure what had happened in those months before he’d been shunted back into the real world, but Makoto barely seemed to even recognize why Leon would be uncomfortable being around Sayaka, and not the other way around. It was stupid. Guys don’t get tricked by girls, that’s not how it works. Guys can never be the victim.
Whatever. It was whatever. He’d just cram it into a hole somewhere in his heart and never let it out. It was fine.
“Oh! Mr. Kuwata, there you are.” He half-heard someone say. He scrunched his eyebrow.
Leon turned to look at the speaker. It was… Yamada? “Did somebody need something?”
“Oh… well, um, I suppose, yes indeed!” Yamada smiled nervously, awkwardly. “That is— I would quite like to speak with you.” He appended apologetically, “If that’s alright?”
Leon didn’t necessarily think it wasn’t alright for Yamada to speak with him, but he was a bit confused by it. Their previous interactions had been short and, Leon internally cringed, kinda not nice. Leon wasn’t a bully, not really, but sometimes… well, sometimes, your friends weren’t being cool to people, but in order to be cool with them, you had to join in. He’d always figured Yamada probably didn’t take that type of shit personally, anyway, since he got it all the time. But, that stuff… It was kinda starting to feel like an excuse. Leon didn’t hate Yamada. He didn’t really care much about the guy one way or another. So really, he shouldn’t’ve bothered him. He sat up. “What’s up?”
“I…” Yamada fidgeted. “Pardon me for bringing such a dower subject to your doorstep, but… Have you been made aware of the events of the killing game, after your death?”
“Bits and pieces,” Leon shrugged. Makoto filled him in some, but most people were pretty hush hush about it. He never had it in him to ask for the details.
“I see…” Yamada adjusted his glasses. “This might not mean much to you then, but… Ms. Ludenberg wakes up tomorrow, and I felt compelled to seek you out.”
Leon scrunched his eyebrows. Damn cryptic. “She, uh… she killed you and Taka, right?” It made some sense for him to be feeling some type of way about that, but why come to Leon?
“Well, not quite.” Yamada looked nervously at him, then gestured to the bed. “May I sit?”
“Whatever,” Leon replied, starting to get anxious.
Yamada sat. He looked away from Leon’s eyes. “You see… I killed Mr. Ishimaru. Ms. Ludenberg… she tricked me into killing him.”
Well, that hit Leon like a ton of fucking bricks. Jesus, Makoto, way to leave out all the fucking details. Leon blinked. “How?”
“She claimed to be a victim of violence…” Yamada sighed, pushing his glasses off of his face to rub his eyes. “She was scared, and she wanted to run away together. She kept whispering lies into my ear, saying that the others wouldn’t ever believe people like us over people like Mr. Ishimaru. And then, she hit me over the head with a mallet.”
“Ouch,” Leon said, because he didn’t really know what to say to that. It’s not the worst way to go, Leon knew that pretty first hand, but it didn’t sound fun.
“Indeed,” Yamada sighed.
They sat awkwardly and silently for a while.
“So… Why are you here?” Leon finally asked. Might as well rip the bandaid off. “I mean, no offense, but, we’re not exactly best buds.”
“I guess… I just wanted to see if there was someone who could understand.” Yamada finally glanced back at him. “That feeling of being had, or used, or…”
“Yeah, I get it.” Leon frowned.
“I just wanted… I just wanted somebody to like me so bad. And she knew that. She used that as her weapon.” He let out a bitter chuckle. “It hurt worse than death, that blade. I just feel so… so stupid.”
“I’m…” Leon shook his head. This was too much. Too many emotions being said out loud, instead of being holed away where they needed to be. “I’m sorry, Yamada. I don’t think I can… I don’t think I’m the guy you need.”
“Mr. Kuwata—”
Leon attempted to get up. “Really, I can’t help. I—”
Yamada caught his hand. “Mr. Kuwata… Leon,” Yamada said his first name as though it was foreign on his tongue. “You’ve already helped. Just by letting me speak. Thank you.”
Leon looked back at Hifumi, who had a genuine expression of gratitude on his face.
Leon sat back down without input from his brain. He put his head in his hands, and he began to sob.