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cole shouldnt have waited
he knows that like he knows the vile taste of the cheap bitter whiskey hes drinking. its a truth that he feels he shouldve accepted by now, but hes has never been particularly good at accepting.
since joining blackwatch, hes had his eyes on genji. it hadnt started as anything worth pointing out. genji was distant and cold, dealing with his own stuff. he was like a dog with bared teeth.
cole had noticed it early.
hes good at reading people, he always has been. comes from a lifetime of violence. he hasnt had much peace before, he cant remember days he hadnt had to carry his revolver around.
genji was all edges. of course, cassidy hadnt known why, but he did what he could to help. it was funny to be close with someone in the way he was with genji. the ninja didnt do alot of talking, so naturally cole took it upon himself to talk enough for the both of them.
“y’ever take that mask off?”
genji had paused and turned his head just enough to glare at cole with those beautiful piercing red eyes.
“i remove it when necessary.”
“that so?” cole has leant back in his chair, his brown eyes meeting the crimson ones
“feels like im missin’ out on a real handsome face under there.”
theres a beat of silence where genjis eyes soften so subtly. “you assume much, cassidy.”
that couldve been it, cole thinks.
just another ally. someone he can trust, someone he can work with. that shouldve been it. it shouldve stayed like that forever.
it started blooming in small, awkward ways. genji would start waiting for cole to finish shooting, he would sit nearer him given the chance, and he started talking more.
cole could listen to him talk for hours, god his voice. on the rare occasions that he dod speak, there was a gentle cybernetic modulation in every word he uttered and he had the nicest japanese accent. cole couldnt get enough of it.
“i wish to thank you” the ninja says, slow and oh so soft
“oh? whatd i do this time?” cole chuckles,
“you have showed me kindness and hospitality, even at times i feel undeserving.”
theres a comfortable silence and cole just smiles
“well.” he looks up at him “y’ deserve it all partner, its great t’ have ya here” he smiles
that couldve also been it. it was more than enough for cole, but he couldnt help but wish for something more.
there was one night, he remembers, it was late, long after it had gone quiet and dark had bled across the sky to reveal the beautiful bright stars in the night.
cole had woken up for a glass of water and found genji silently sat outside.
“y’ever sleep?” cole croaks, voice hoarse from lack of use.
genji hadnt taken his eyes off the sky. “less than i should”
cole is quiet for a minute “that makes sense.” another pause “mind if i join ya?”
genji doesnt respond with anything but i quick hum and a nod, and as cole circles around to genjis side he catches sight on something he wasnt ready for
genji isnt wearing his faceplate.
the realisation hits a little too late for cole to correct his expression. he tries, honestly he does, he just cant help the way his eyes widen slightly.
because hell, cole was right, he truly was a gorgeous sight, soft scarred skin and chapped lips that cole wishes more than anything to press his own against.
up this close, genji is an angelic sight, theres nothing imperfect about him. he is right there, close enough to touch, and he is gorgeous. it feels sinful that someone like cole is granted the opportunity to lay his eyes on a sight like genji.
that was the moment he realised, he loved this man like breathing.
after cole had come to terms with this feeling he has for genji, hed been happier. such a delicate thing. the quiet moments they always used to have now felt different because cole knows what they are.
what he is.
theres another night, cole remembers.
theyre sat at the table together, drinking. or atleast, cole is.
genjis head tilted up at the orange evening sky out the window. he admires the beautiful view, and cole has his own beautiful view to admire.
but his eyes are not fixed on the outside, they are fixed on the man sat next to him.
and a dangerous thought runs through his head
i could get used to this.
theres another time, genji laughs. its not that quiet exhale that cassidys grown used to, its an actual laugh.
the sound comes from genjis chest after reyes tells a funny story about morrison, and god genjis laugh, his real laugh.
its beautiful. it catches cole so off guard that everything he previously thought worth living for was completely forgotten, replaced with that sound.
hes never heard anything so perfect.
he stares, an accident. he doesnt mean for genji to take notice but he does.
“is everything okay?” he asks
cole nods nice and slow, eyes still fixed on genji “mhm” he hums “everythings perfect.”
he started to imagine things, imagined spending his life with genji, imagined growing old with him, imagined these feelings being reciprocated.
but cole isnt that lucky.
“ive wished to speak with you about something” genji speaks, voice cutting through the quiet, pulling cole out of his thoughts.
“yeah?”
genji hesitates, lips drawn in a thin smile. “ive come to understand my feelings more clearly”
the blood rushes to coles ears, he hears his pulse and he desperately tries to stop his heart from hammering so loudly so he can hear the other man speak. “that so?”
genji nods, smiles at cole, and theres no uncertainty in his voice when he speaks
“im in love with angela.”
he can physically feel his heart drop so fast it makes him nauseous. thats it, isnt it? angela. she is perfect for him. its so simple.
cole shouldnt have gotten his hopes up, because sitting here now its so obvious. hes seen the way genji looks at her with such cherish
it was always obvious.
and thats how hes managed to end up here, in his room. alone with a half-empty bottle of cheap whiskey and too much time to sit and think. he stares at the ceiling, tears threatening to drip down his cheeks.
cole shouldnt have gotten his hopes up
but he did
and maybe thats the real problem, because now when he catches glances of genji, hes looking at angela and smiling like shes the most important thing in the world.
and he knows deep in his aching heart that it was always going to turn out this way.