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The breeze of the ocean coming from the distant sea caresses Hoseok's face with a gentle reminder that not everyday does he have a chance to experience something as solemn as this. He lets the sand beneath him slip between his fingers, playing with the specks that would probably be washed by the waves later.
Only a few to none people are at the beach with him and he's happy with the silence that surrounds them; the sound of waves crashing by the shore soothes his soul and he wishes he had more times like this in the past years of his life. He's not young anymore, and he had his own share of regrets as to how he lived his life. Maybe if he pursued his dream of being a musician rather than serving the army, just like what his parents dictated to him the moment he entered school, he could've made more songs, more compositions, more writings that had yet to be seen by the world. If only he said sorry to a dear friend before he passed away, he wouldn't have lived in regret for the past few years of his life.
But-
Hyungwon. Chae Hyungwon.
His life wouldn't have been in color if it weren't for the man he met while serving in the army. His life wouldn't be as vibrant as it was if Hyungwon did not come to his life just years after his friend's remorseful death. His life wouldn't be as beautiful as it was if he never met Hyungwon and he wouldn't be sitting with him near the shore of the beach, his husband leaning on his shoulder with his thin and frail frame.
He brushes the bangs away from Hyungwon's forehead, careful not to wake up his husband from his light slumber. Hyungwon wished for Hoseok to bring him to the beach one last time before anything happens to the both of them and Hoseok quickly said yes, mumbling incoherent sentences while holding his husband's trembling hand.
Hoseok suddenly feels something light hitting his feet and when he takes a look at it, he's surprised to see a yellow ball against his feet, idly resting on the sand beneath him. He tries to kick it away as lightly as possible, still cautious of waking his husband up, but a kid runs up to him seconds later, smiling even with his front tooth missing.
"Excuse me, sir," the kid gently asks, "I'm sorry for hitting you with my ball. I was trying to play with it on my own but it slipped from my hands and it accidentally bounced here. I'm sorry again."
Hoseok mentally pats the boy's head when he bows ninety degrees in front of him, muttering more apologies. He distinctly sees the kid's crooked front teeth as he gives his biggest smile.
"What's your name, kid? Are you from somewhere near here?" Hoseok asks him, nudging the ball towards the boy's direction. The boy quickly bends down to pick it up, brushing the sand away from its surface.
"Minhyuk. My name is Lee Minhyuk. I'm six years old. Nice to meet you, sir." Minhyuk bows again. He reaches out a hand for Hoseok to take and Hoseok wraps his right hand around Hyungwon's frail shoulders to keep him close as he uses his left hand to shake hands with the small boy. He slowly leans back on the sand, settling Hyungwon's head closer to his broad shoulder.
"I'm Hoseok, and I'm sure I'm years older than you. Nice to meet you as well, kid." He replies. "Now, get going now, you don't want to make your mother worry because she thought she lost you, right?"
"Okay," Minhyuk bows for the third time. "I'm from Seoul and we just came for a one-week visit here in Gwangju for our vacation. I should get going now, sir. I do hope I'll be able to see you again sometime."
Little Minhyuk runs back to where his family is and Hoseok is left staring at the retreating boy who reminded him so much of the time he and Hyungwon first met, where there were many instances of running away and chasing back each others' arms.
Hyungwon stirs beside him, hands automatically reaching for the hem of Hoseok's shirt to keep him at bay. Hoseok makes sure he was comfortable enough before he pulled his husband upright, smiling at him.
"Hey, turtle."
Hyungwon gives him a small grin before reaching for his hand, wrapping his own frail ones around Hoseok's rough ones. "Hi."
"How was your sleep?" He brushes the bangs away again from his husband's forehead, staring back at his almond eyes which have lost their shine years ago.
"It was great. I didn't dream, like the usual, but the faint images of my past experiences and sights came back, making me feel overwhelmed to the point where there were already tears in my eyes." Hyungwon turns back to staring blankly at the horizon, tightening his hold on Hoseok's arms to make sure he was still there. "Pink, I'm sure I dreamt of pink again because I remember it being the color of your cheeks whenever I kiss you. It's also the color of the teddy bear you gave me on our third anniversary, if I remembered correctly."
"Check and check. I'm glad you're still good at this colors things, Chae." Hoseok replies, listening back to the gentle breeze of the ocean waves.
"Do you remember how the world looked like before you met me?" Hyungwon quietly asks, looking anxious with his own question, yet Hoseok doesn't seem to mind it at all.
"It was dull, of course. Black and white weren't really my favorite colors so I'm really glad I met you, Chae Hyungwon."
Hyungwon reaches up to caress his husband's face, tracing his forehead to his nose, to the small scar on his cheek, up to Hoseok's quivering lips. "You're so cheesy, Shin Hoseok. Too cheesy for an oldie."
"As if you aren't as old as I am." Hoseok retorts. Hyungwon slowly leans upwards to kiss Hoseok and the latter gladly meets him halfway. Their kisses have never lost its spark and for some reason, Hyungwon feels more alive than ever.
"I love you, Shin Hoseok." Hyungwon mumbles before leaning back to his husband's chest, wrapping an arm around his waist just in case he falls back. "Tell me a story, Hoseokkie."
"You haven't called me Hoseokkie in years, Chae."
Hyungwon subtly smiles with his head hung low. "That's because calling you 'my husband' sounded better."
"You got that right." Hoseok replies, kissing the crown of Hyungwon's head to make sure his husband always remembered how much he loved him. "Now, what story do you want?"
"Anything."
"How about our first ever meeting, huh? Want to remember that?" Hoseok asks.
"I want to, but at the same time, I don't. Remembering how I had seen everything in black and white before I met you is a nightmare." Hyungwon replies sadly, scratching his arm. "It was a world of sadness for me. The artist in me hated the dullnes back then, so I'm really glad I met you, Hoseok."
Hyungwon suddenly coughs louder than he used to and Hoseok wraps his arms tighter around his thin and shaky frame, patting his back to soothe his husband's coughing. "Are you okay? Shall we go home now, Chae?"
"No, no." Hyungwon waves his hand to disapprove. "Stay. Let's stay."
"But you-"
"I'm just... not used to speaking for longer intervals anymore. Don't mind me." He tries to assure his husband he's okay but Hoseok is not buying it.
"You sounded really bad, Chae. I really think we need to-"
"Tell me of the time your world splashed with color." He disrupts Hoseok's sentence halfway, silencing him with his finger. "Tell me about what you felt and what exactly happened because I really couldn't quite... remember." Hyungwon playfully teases his husband, reaching his hand out to trace his husband's cheek to pinch it lightly.
"But aren't you the one who remembers it more vividly between the two of us?" Hoseok replies with a small pout.
"Please, Hoseok?"
Hoseok can never say no to Hyungwon, just like how he immediately said yes when Hyungwon asked if he could move in with him.
"Okay, okay. You know how much I love you, huh." Hoseok presses his lips against Hyungwon's nose, letting it linger for a few more seconds.
"I do, Hoseok. I do."
Hyungwon closes his eyes, listening intently to Hoseok's heartbeat along with the small sounds of waves crashing by the shore. He wishes he had more time.
"It was a sunny September, Chae. It was a day before my discharge as the chief officer of the army. Do you remember me wearing camouflaged pants, paired with a white shirt and a face that looked like trouble? Wasn't I the hottest during my time?"
Hyungwon lightly punches his husband's chest, giggling. "Oh, shut up."
Hoseok stares at the sunset along the never-ending horizon in front of them, with the sky painted in hues of orange and blue and a hint of pink. The world should always stay this way.
"Everything was a blur afterwards, but I remember how the world suddenly popped with color the moment I saw you on the other side of the field, saluting towards the other chief.
"God, that unexplainable feeling when the black trees turned green, same as the color of my pants that time, and the stage wasn't white anymore, and the people around me had color and vibrance. And you- you, Hyungwon, you stood out from the crowd. In the midst of the rush and the buzzing sounds everywhere, time stopped when I laid my eyes on you. I knew, Chae. I just knew."
"Knew what?"
"That you would be the person I'd be spending the rest of my life with."
"Cheesy oldie." Hyungwon says again, snuggling to his husband's warmth. "But I remember running away from you because I was frightened."
Hoseok chuckles with the statement; he remembers how he had to chase Hyungwon again and again after the ceremony just so they could have a decent conversation. Hyungwon back then reasoned that he wasn't ready for his soulmate but Hoseok swooped him into his arms and carried him around like a baby.
"Put me down!" Hyungwon thrashes around while hitting Hoseok's back. "Put me down, I tell you!"
"Why? You're gonna keep hitting me with those lanky arms and hands of yours?"
"Excuse me, these hands are capable of combat and I swear if you don't put me down I-"
Hoseok immediately puts Hyungwon down and without warning, he kisses him square on the lips, cupping Hyungwon's chin to tilt him downward because their height difference was no joke.
Hyungwon didn't say anything afterwards, feeling dazed with the kiss that blew him away. Literally.
"So soulmate, what's your name?" Hoseok nudges the smaller boy's shoulder, waggling his eyebrows up and down.
"Name's Chae Hyungwon, how about you?"
"Nope, you're not a Chae." Hoseok answers back and Hyungwon raises his eyebrow.
"Uh, I'm pretty sure that's what's written on my birth certificate." Hyungwon retorts.
"Yeah sure, but now I'm pretty sure your last name would be Shin after this. Shin Hyungwon." Hoseok replies, "Based on our soon-to-be marriage certificate, that is."
Hyungwon buries his face in his palms.
"Oh God, you were cheesy back then as well." Tears are prickling Hyungwon's eyes but he doesn't let Hoseok see them. Today should only be full of happiness and reminiscing and the beach is the perfect place to be together because the waves and the skies and the sand around them are witnesses of the love that defies every single law in the world. Hyungwon's love for Hoseok exceeds eternity itself and Hoseok will love Hyungwon until the end of time and beyond, just like how he promised years ago.
"Only cheesy for you, Chae." Hoseok grabs his hand and intertwines it with his own, making sure Hyungwon was comfortable with their position.
"Every single memory I have with you is just too memorable. There are so many memories now." Hyungwon says under his breath, "but one of the best would be our wedding day."
"When you almost puked while walking down the aisle because you couldn't handle my handsomeness?"
"Oh please, we're already way past our prime and you still keep on pushing your looks." Hyungwon heaves a huge breath and it makes Hoseok worry even more but the smile on his husband's face washes every single one of his worried. "But no, not that."
Hoseok looks at him as if he's telling him to continue. "Well?"
"It was the vows, I guess."
The taller man fishes out his wallet from his pocket and he shows Hyungwon the small wallet-sized photo of the two of them wearing suits, standing in front of each other while as they recited their vows.
"The vow where I promised to stay by your side even if you always forget to close the toothpaste tube's cap?" Hoseok recalls and Hyungwon rolls his eyes.
"I guess that's memorable enough." He replies with a cough and Hyungwon could already feel his breathing getting slower by the minute, feeling tired as he closes his eyes.
"Or the part where I promised to be with you until the end?"
Hyungwon nods and he lets Hoseok do the talking.
"I like that memory, Chae. It's a great one. Well, everything with you is great but just- remembering that day when you said 'I do' is probably one of the best." Hoseok confesses while kissing the crown of his husband's head. It takes all of Hyungwon's power not to sob and he keeps his tears at bay, distracting himself from the sadness eating his heart.
"It is a great memory." Hyungwon replies minutes later, after he has managed to subtly wipe the tears from his eyes. "And a memory worth remembering over and over again."
"Yeah, it is." Hoseok kisses his husband's forehead for the last time, treasuring the unspoken vow between the two of them. It's a love that time can never erase, even until their last breaths. Hyungwon heaves a sigh and he knows he needed it for one more push, just one more push.
"Hoseokkie, always smile, okay? I like you smiling," Hyungwon closes his eyes. "Whatever happens, wherever I may be, you will always be here in my mind and my heart. The time we spent together and the memories I have with you will always keep me alive. If I had the chance to redo my life, I swear, I'd do this all over again. There are no regrets with you, my husband."
Hyungwon whispers the last sentence and Hoseok holds his hand dearly, "No regrets."
It isn't nighttime yet, the stars are nowhere to be found above. But the sky is dark, as dark as the night, a frightening kind of dark andㅡ
And Hoseok knows.