Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Three months.

Three months had passed since their last meeting, the meeting that had put an end to everything they had built up over the course of a year, and of which only they were aware.

Footsteps echoed through the night, then silence once more.

The blonde stopped to admire the girl standing before her,

As soon as she saw her, she felt those familiar shivers run through her body once more, shivers she now knew by heart and which took her back to moments that, however pleasant, she would have liked to banish from her mind immediately.

Sam shook her head quickly.
My God, some things were hard to forget; even that gaze seemed to keep probing her soul, no matter how much time passed.

She looked at her, letting out a sigh, whilst two dark irises watched with satisfaction as her breathing grew heavy and her cheeks turned red.

But despite everything, she’d managed it; she’d ended their relationship.
Sam sat down beside her, resting her hands on her legs, feeling the other girl’s gaze upon her, seemingly devoid of any emotion.

"She'd always been good at hiding them, no doubt about it" Sam thought.

“If you want to hurt me again, just go.”
It was the first thing Deena said, in an icy tone, refusing to give in to her emotions.
After all, she’d already done it, and she was paying the price.

“I know why you’re here; you want to revel in my shattered state of mind, which you destroyed. Now you can act normally around others, you can pretend to be someone else, you can keep wearing your stupid mask and make everyone believe you’re the perfect girl your mother wants.”

It was a blow to Sam’s heart to hear those words come from 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒔.
Yes, she’d expected her to be angry, but she wasn’t a monster. At least not entirely.

“I’m not like that,” Sam retorted in the calmest tone she could manage.

Sam knew her.
She knew her well enough to understand what deena was feeling at that moment, and she couldn’t deny that if she’d been in her shoes, she’d most likely have agreed with her; but she isn’t the monster she believes her to be.

Every reason, however immensely painful, is underpinned by a valid reason... isn’t it?

Right? Wrong? It depends on your perspective.
That’s what the blonde kept telling herself ad nauseam.

And she’d chosen the cruelest one.

Deena didn’t look away for a single moment; she had no intention of showing the slightest sign of submission

𝙎𝙝𝙚 𝙪𝙣𝙗𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙩, 𝙨𝙤 𝙨𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙡𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙖 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙣’𝙩.
𝘼𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙜𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚, 𝙎𝙖𝙢’𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙙 𝙖 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙩
𝘿𝙚𝙚𝙣𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙤𝙛 𝙝𝙚𝙧, 𝙨𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙨𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣.
𝘽𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙣 𝙗𝙮 𝙗𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙣, 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙚𝙣𝙙, 𝙨𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙡𝙮 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙗𝙧𝙖

In an instant, Deena stands up and Sam flinches at the unpredictability of the gesture.

“You talk so much about duty, but, Sam, you and I aren’t any different. We both have people we need to make proud, to please, and lies to tell—lots of lies. But you like playing the part of the spotless knight, don’t you?” This time, it is the brunette who adopts a tone of superiority.

Sam also stood up and positioned herself in front of her. “I’m not some phoney do-gooder, stop it,” she raised her voice slightly, beginning to feel a sense of unease spreading through her stomach.

𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙢 𝙤𝙛 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜.
𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙧𝙪𝙣𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙙𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙧, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙣𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙤𝙪𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙙, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙨𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙙, 𝙖𝙡𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙮

“Ah, right…” Deena whispered contemptuously. “You’re right,” she smiled ironically. “I was wrong… you’re just a traitor, a hypocritical traitor.”
Behind that seemingly neutral expression, there was a deeply hurted girl.

“Stop it, you’re not special” retorted the blonde.

Deena felt used.
She clenched her fists, hoping not to give in or let herself go; she mustn’t show weakness, she couldn’t.

𝙎𝙖𝙢 𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙣’𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙣𝙪𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙮, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙.
𝙎𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣 𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙚, 𝙬𝙧𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙣𝙚𝙘𝙠.
𝙉𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙧, 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩.

“Have you forgotten how we used to stay up late into the night joking and laughing as if we were two little girls? Have you forgotten all the times I was there for YOU? You’ve forgotten everything, haven’t you? Whether you like it or not, we had a relationship, and that,” she pointed to the stadium, where Peter was playing with his team, “is your way of getting out of it scot-free.”

Of course she remembers: a web of lies spun to protect herself from everything and everyone.

“It was a mistake,” Sam muttered.
“You didn’t think so when you were in my arms,” Deena retorted.

Her heart skipped a beat.
She felt her eyes well up and her vision blur.

“I shouldn’t have done it, I was wrong,’ Sam blurted out.
“Is that what you tell yourself in the morning in front of the mirror to clear your conscience?’ Deena snapped back.
“A mistake...’

A whisper.
It was just a whisper, and Deena began to wonder if she had ever really cared about her; all certainty had vanished, nothing was worthy of her trust anymore.

“You got away with it for as long as you wanted, Sam.’

𝑇𝑒𝑙𝑙 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑛’𝑡 𝑎 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒, 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑛’𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑎 ℎ𝑢𝑔𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑒, 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑛’𝑡 𝑚𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑎 𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑙𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡, 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢’𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ ℎ𝑒𝑟

The blonde took a deep breath: that voice shouldn’t have emerged; she should have buried it in the deepest corner of her heart; she should have kept lying.

“This conversation is over; I don’t want to see you anymore,” and so she did; she lied again.

Deena didn’t reply; she stood there motionless as she watched the girl she was madly in love with turn and walk out of her life for good.

Sam knows deena hates her now, and she can’t blame her; she hate herself too.
But there’s nothing she can do about it; the two of them could never have truly lived happily together, not in this life at least, not in these years.

It had been a beautiful chapter, but she chose the most painful option and brought it to a close.

After that meeting, their lives parted ways for good, even though neither of them truly moved on.