Work Text:
They’ve Always Kept Our Secret (Boston Lily & Montreal Jane)
“Do you ever think about a future where we can have our own names in each other’s phones?” Shane asked.
It was a long weekend where neither Boston nor Montreal had any games scheduled. As soon as Ilya’s game against New York finished, he quickly showered, changed and took his long-awaited, pre-booked flight to Montreal, to spend as much time as he could with his boyfriend before hockey separated them once again.
In the meantime they wrapped themselves around each other on Shane’s couch. Ilya with his head resting against Shane’s chest and Shane’s arms curled firmly around him.
Ilya looked over at Shane and saw him staring intently at his phone. He didn’t need to check to know Shane was likely staring at their message thread.
“Sometimes, I think so. Yes. I think about.. if the world were kinder or more accepting. I think of the freedom of seeing ‘Shane’ appear on my phone when you message me, followed by a heart emoji… maybe an eggplant or peach emoji,” he winked. Shane huffed out a laugh but there was little weight behind it. “Why do you ask, моя любовь?”
“I don’t know,” Shane sighed, locking his phone. “It’s not like we can do anything about it. It’s just something I was thinking about. That maybe one day we can change the names from 'Jane and Lily' to 'Shane and Ilya.'"
Ilya nodded slowly, “We will have that one day, I promise.”
Shane nodded, “I know. One day.”
Ilya lifted his head and shifted their positions slightly so Shane’s head leant against Ilya’s chest, Ilya’s hand coming up to run gently through Shane’s hair.
“It is difficult, I think. It will become more difficult as time goes on also. But, when that day comes, I think I will probably miss Lily and Jane a little too,” Ilya admitted.
Shane looked up at Ilya, his eyebrows furrowed. “Why?” He asked.
Ilya took a deep breath to gather his thoughts. “I hate it,” Ilya said, quietly. “That we can’t just… be us. Anywhere.” He exhaled, gaze dropping somewhere between them. “But there’s league. Russia. People.” He shrugged lightly. “It’s.. a lot.” His thumb traced absent patterns against Shane’s arm. “I wish we could just be Shane and Ilya, always. Wherever we are in the world.” He said. “But we don’t live in that world. Not yet.. And I don’t know if we would have… started. If we would have been us without them. Without Lily and Jane.” He glanced up then, meeting Shane’s eyes. “Or maybe we would have. Just later.. When we were braver.”
“You know Jane and Lily aren’t real people, right?” Shane asked, frowning, like he was genuinely concerned Ilya had forgotten.
“Yes, I know. Shush, listen.” Ilya said, with a faint smile, gently placing a solitary finger over his boyfriend’s lips to silence him. He let out a deep sigh before continuing. “Jane and Lily… those names,” he said in a tone that let his boyfriend know his concerns were unfounded and stupid. “They protected us.” He said, all sarcasm drained from his voice. “They made it easier.. safer.. to talk, in a world which wouldn't even allow us to be friends.” Ilya turned to look his boyfriend in the eye, “I’m grateful to them.” He shrugged. “I hate that they have to exist, but if they have to exist for us to be able to be together right now.. then yes, I am grateful to them. And they’re part of our story so, I think part of me will miss them when they’re gone.” Ilya confessed. “Not enough not to not change our names,” he added, with a smirk. “But Lily and Jane.. they’ve always kept our secret - and they will for as long as we need them to.”
There was silence for a while as Shane absorbed this. Ilya continued to run his fingers through Shane’s hair, allowing him time.
Minutes passed before Shane shifted and raised his head, placing a firm kiss on Ilya’s cheek. Ilya looked down to see a faint smile on Shane’s. “I’m grateful for them too,” he said, finally. Then settled back down into Ilya’s chest, feeling something finally settle in his own.
He thinks he will always wish things could be different. If they could be open, maybe they wouldn’t have had to wait so long to admit to themselves, and each other, how they felt.
Falling in love with each other was easy. Feeling allowed to love each other? That was the hardest part.
Ilya was right. For years, Lily and Jane protected them. Allowed them to just be Shane and Ilya. For that, Shane thought, he was grateful for them too.