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You’re not sure how long you’ve been there but it’s been long enough that the warmth of the day has shifted into the cold of night. Yet, it is like time hasn’t moved at all, it’s just you and him again. There’s no words, how can there be when sometimes silence speaks louder than words. The sounds of waves crashing on the shore and the birds calling above are the only noises. It’s quiet here and you know he’d like that. It’s peaceful and he had never known a day of peace in his life, he didn’t know how loved he was until the end.
Maybe that’s why you’re here at his grave, just to keep showing up, to let him know you still love him. He deserves that, doesn't he? He never believed it, couldn’t bring himself to believe it honestly when you’d tell him and now…
All you want is to just hear his laugh again, that warm and free one that always filled you with happiness and to see his smile, the one that was as bright as the sun, as warm as the fire he treasured so much. He had no idea how much of a light he was. He had no idea how much you had loved the man and how much he was the best part of your life.
Tears slipped down your cheeks as you traced his name on the stone. His hat was still there and his knife. It was everything and yet it wasn’t enough. Nothing would ever compare to the feeling of his arms around you, nothing would ever compare to his voice in your ear, nothing…
You didn’t wipe the tears as they fell, instead, you let them. You hadn’t really cried since you’d watched him die and his brother… Gods, his brother. You heard his scream in your dreams still and you heard his final words.
“Thank you for loving me….”
Sometimes, it was hard to get through the night with those nightmares coming back up and they were nightmares, there was no denying it. How could there be? That entire day had been a horrible nightmare.
“I…” You start off but your voice is filled with tears as you try to smile as you remember his smile, the way he lit up a room, the way he made people feel like they were truly important, the way he loved you too.
“Ace.” You whispered softly as you leaned in, your hair whipping in the wind as the warm breeze brushed against your skin like it was his hands holding you instead, brushing your lips against his name and you smiled softly as the words finally slipped out, the ones you’d been trying so hard to say all day.
“Thank you for loving me too.”